“I want to ride you,” she pants and doesn’t give me a chance to deny her.
Not that I would.
Before I can even move my hand from her sweet spot, she’s flipping on my lap and straddling my groin. I scoot down from the headboard, bringing her right along with me, until I’m lying flat and she’s sitting on me with her legs spread wide.
I take a moment just to look at her nakedness and the fact that sometimes she can be painfully shy in her nudity, but other times she’ll just open right up for me.
This is one of those times.
We had a “talk” earlier this week about safe sex, and after mutual assurances and praise be to birth control pills, we decided to do away with condoms. It’s something that is sacred to me as I’ve never not used a condom. Never been with a woman long enough or cared about one enough to even have that conversation. While I’ve been with many, I’ve always been protected and was up to date on my health screenings. In all her sweetness, Joslyn told me she’d only been with one other guy when she lost her virginity and they used a condom then. It was enough for me to do away with the damn things and let me just say... fucking my girl bare is probably the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life.
Joslyn shifts and presses her knees into the mattress, rising up. I use the opportunity to push my briefs down and free myself. She bats my hand away to take my length in her tiny palm. I groan as she squeezes but keep my eyes open so I can watch how she feeds me into her body.
Christ, I see stars in my eyes as she takes me in and swallows me into heat and wetness, and I want to thrust up into her so bad, but I also want her to fuck me.
I grit my teeth and raise my hands up to tuck them beneath my head. I clasp them hard and tell myself to leave them there so I don’t take the control away from Joslyn.
She stares down at me with hazy eyes, as if she doesn’t know what to do for a moment. But I know she does because she’s ridden me before. In fact, there’s not a position we haven’t tried.
Pressing her hands onto my abs, she gains her center and rotates her hips a little.
“Mmm,” she purrs and licks her bottom lip.
Fuck, that’s sexy.
Joslyn rises like a siren moving from ocean to air, letting me slide free almost to the tip before she pushes back down onto me.
Fuck yes, that’s how I like it.
Now digging her teeth down into her bottom lip and a fierce look of determination, Joslyn starts to fuck me. Slowly at first, but as her own need builds, she picks up the pace. I love watching her chase an orgasm. The other night I made her masturbate while I watched and it may have been the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Touch yourself,” I tell her through gritted teeth.
She does, using one hand to rub her clit and the other to pinch her nipple. It’s so damn erotic I can feel myself starting to crest.
“Come on, baby,” I urge and her hand moves faster between her legs. I know it feels damn good to her because she starts to falter on her rhythm.
Fuck it. My hands go to her hips and I help her along. I force her to move faster on me, using my strength to guide her up and down. She works at her slippery core and when she cries out, tightening all around me in release, I lose my shit and start to come right along with her. I bark out a cry of satisfaction, using my hands to keep her pressed onto me tight even as my hips buck upward. She shudders and I pulse inside her, and I’ve never felt closer to another human before as our orgasms ripple, then mingle together.
Joslyn collapses onto my chest and I rub my hands along her sweaty back, giving her whispers of praise for rocking my world.
Goddamn, she rocks my world.
I’m going to be crushed when she leaves.
Chapter 18
Joslyn
I put forth every ounce of effort into pretending Justin Voss is my Kynan as we engage in the scene-ending kiss. Amazingly, my stomach doesn’t churn and for even a brief moment, I’m lost in thinking about Kynan. He drove me and Mom to the airport early this morning for our flight to Los Angeles, giving me a hard hug at the terminal.
“Try your best, babe,” he told me. “That’s all you can do. But no matter what happens, I’m so damn proud of you.”
That has stuck with me all day. Through the flight and car ride over to the same conference room where I had my first audition. It bolstered me when Justin made some disparaging remarks about my abilities to the casting director, not even caring that I could hear him. It pushed me right through my fear when it was time to perform.
Justin pulls away from me and leers. “Damn, Joslyn. You clearly learned how to kiss these past few weeks.”
“I just pretended you were my boyfriend,” I reply sweetly but in a low tone only he could hear. He gives me a smirk to indicate he doesn’t believe me or perhaps it’s that he doesn’t care.
“You nailed it,” Marshall says with a huge grin on his face. He stands up from the chair and gives me a slow clap of appreciation, which embarrasses the hell out of me. Ian and my mom are smiling even more widely than Marshall, and I can see at least their dreams are probably coming true. “You really worked hard these past few weeks, Joslyn. I’m so impressed.”
Marshall then turns to Ian. “I want her. The proposed terms we discussed before the first audition still stand if you want the part.”
It’s disconcerting the way they are talking about me as if I’m a piece of meat at auction. None of it is addressed to me. It’s “I want her” and he says to Ian “if you want the part.” I want to say, Hey... wait a minute. Maybe someone should ask me.
But I don’t.
Because why bother? They wouldn’t listen to me anyway.
Marshall and Ian shake on the deal. Justin leaves without a word. Marshall walks out without even acknowledging me, only calling out to Ian, “I’m calling my assistant right now to email you the contract ASAP.”
When the conference room door closes, Ian holds his arms out with a shit-eating grin on his face directed solely at my mother. “What did I tell you, Maddie? I knew she could do it.”
“So did I,” she replies back with smug confidence. And then as an afterthought, she turns to me. “You did great, honey.”
Gee, thanks.
“Let’s sit down and talk about some minor details that we could probably get added to the contract when he sends the first draft over.” Ian pulls out a chair for my mom, and then gives me a sideways glance. “Joslyn... if you want to run out for a coffee or something while we work, there’s a little shop just down the block.”
“That’s a great idea,” my mom says as she beams at me. “Bring us all back some coffee.”
My return smile is over-exaggerated. “Sure. Be glad to.”
But I’m already forgotten as Ian and my mom huddle together with dollar signs in their eyes. I turn and walk out of the conference room, down the hallway, and straight into the bathroom, which is miraculously empty.
I pull out my phone and call Kynan.
He answers almost immediately. “Well?” he asks in a hesitant tone.
“Looks like I’ve got the part,” I say glumly.
Rather than a burst of congratulations, Kynan adjusts his tone to react accordingly to mine. “What’s wrong, Jos? You should be happy right now.”
“Then tell me why I’m not,” I say softly.
He’s silent and I wait.
More silence.
“Kynan?” I say tentatively.
“You accomplished your goal,” he finally says neutrally. “Now you have to ask yourself, do you want to accomplish the next one? You got the part, now do you want to push forward and make the movie? My advice stands the same, Joslyn. Make sure that whatever you do, you do it without regret.”
“What do you think I should do?” I ask him, because it’s clear he’s not willing to stake a contrary position just now.
“I want you to do what makes you happiest,” he says without hesitation but it’s still a hedge. “You do what’s best fo
r you. Not me, not your mom, not Ian. Figure out what is best for you, and you take control of your life. The only thing I will say with complete surety is that if you want this movie, then you have my full support. I’ll wait for you no matter how long you’re gone from me.”
If I thought his words would help push me in one direction or another, I’d be wrong. He’s telling me nothing he hadn’t already reiterated this past week as he helped me practice.
And I get it. Kynan is giving me the room to control my destiny. He, more than anyone, recognizes how little control I’ve had in my life, and if there’s a time to take it back, it’s now.
“I’ve got to go,” I say, almost absently, to Kynan.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Yeah... I’ve got to go get some coffees for everyone. I’ll call you a bit later.”
“Okay,” he says and I hear the worry in his voice. It’s the sweetest sound, knowing he has my back.
“I miss you,” I tell him.
“Miss you more,” he reassures me and then disconnects.
I take my time walking out of the office building. I purposely turn the wrong way from the coffee shop, taking a walk around the entire block to give myself time to think. I eventually get a latte for me and two black coffees for my mom and Ian, not knowing what he likes.
Not caring either, as I’ve got more important things on my mind.
When I push the door of the conference room open, Mom and Ian are in the same spot except they have his laptop open in front of them. She glances up and smiles. “Oh, honey... I’m glad you’re here. We have to decide on some extras we want built into the contract. They’re going to arrange for a place for you to stay near filming but we believe it’s better to ask for a per diem amount so we can choose where we want to stay. And Ian feels the royalty—”
“I need to talk with you privately,” I tell my mother, raising my voice enough to catch her attention.
She goes mute and just blinks at me.
I move my attention to Ian. “If you don’t mind excusing us.”
Ian doesn’t respond but turns to look at my mother for permission. She in turn looks back to me. “Can’t this wait? We have important things to work on.”
My reply is simple. “No. It can’t wait.”
Mom’s lips press into a flat grimace and her voice is tight. “Ian... if you don’t mind excusing us for just a moment. I’m sure this won’t take long.”
Ian is slow to rise, as if he’s waiting for me to change my mind and just give up on my desire to speak my mind. I stare resolutely at him as he makes his exit.
When the door closes, I take the seat he vacated and angle it to face my mother. “I’m having major doubts about taking this offer.”
My mom laughs. “That’s my girl, always wanting the best deal. But Ian assures me what they’re offering is fair for the industry.”
I take a breath and shake my head. “No. I am having doubts about accepting at all. I don’t think I want to do this.”
I get no validation back. Instead, my mother scoffs with an impatient wave of her hand—it’s her trademark move to indicate what I’ve said has no merit to her. “Don’t be ridiculous, Joslyn. This is the offer of a lifetime. You’d be stupid not to take it. Now, we need to decide—”
“Mother,” I snap in a brittle voice to get her attention.
She goes rigid and her eyes go wide with shock.
“I need to have a mother/daughter talk with you,” I say in a gentler tone. “I need you to put aside being my business manager and I need you to listen to my worries only as my mother.”
Her face registers nothing back to me. It’s as if I just spoke to her in a foreign language. Has she forgotten completely how to be my mom?
And why did I not do something to change this earlier?
“Mom, please,” I beg her.
Another moment of blank indifference before she sighs, setting back in her chair. “Okay. I’m listening.”
While I doubt she’s listening the way I need her to, I use the opportunity to tell her my concerns. “You know I appreciate everything you do for me, but doing this movie is just not feeling right to me. I mean... when I step out on stage to sing, I might be sick with nerves, yet I feel like I’m supposed to be there. The joy I get is indescribable. It’s what I’m supposed to do with my life.”
I find not an ounce of empathy in her expression, but still, I push forward. “While this opportunity is a once in a lifetime thing—which I truly understand and appreciate—it’s not an opportunity that excites me. It feels...wrong to me.”
“How can you know that?” she asks as she leans forward. “You haven’t even tried it yet. You could get on that movie set and just love it.”
“Or I could be committing myself to months of misery,” I counter.
My mother seems to consider this. She scoots her chair closer to mine and takes my hands. It’s the first motherly move she’s made and it bolsters me.
“Tell me truthfully,” she says in a gentle tone. “How much of this is because you don’t want to leave Kynan?”
I shake my head in frustration that she is so easily dismissing my concerns. “It’s not about him. Yes, I’ll miss him but he’s going to wait for me. He’s been supportive of me doing this.”
My mom cocks a skeptical eyebrow.
I squeeze her hands. “He’s only ever pushed me to go for this. He doesn’t want me to have regrets.”
Pulling her hands from mine, my mom seizes on the Kynan bandwagon. “Then I think you should listen to him. It sounds like wise advice indeed.”
I growl in frustration, curling my hands into fists. “You’re not even listening to me. I am telling you I don’t want this. I know you want it, but I don’t. I don’t want to be an actress. I just want to sing.”
“But when you sing, you are being an actress,” my mom counters, her eyes shining bright. “Every time you step out on that stage, you are acting a role. Sure, you’re singing and your voice is a natural talent, but you are selling yourself to that audience. And fine... you don’t want to be an actress. I accept that. But why not do this one movie, which will undoubtedly lead you to sign with a record label much faster than we can get you there on your Vegas laurels?”
Ugh, I hate that that makes sense. I hate that she actually just validated my feelings like I wanted her to but provided me with a reasonable solution. Take this job, suffer the short term, and have the career of my dreams after.
“Trust me,” my mother murmurs, putting her hands on my shoulders. “I only ever want what’s best for you, and I think this will get you to where you want to be.”
I really, really want to believe her. She’s my mother and there’s no reason not to.
Chapter 19
Kynan
I feel only slightly guilty that I’m playing Solitaire on my phone rather than reviewing the packet of materials Jerico handed me earlier today. He’s taking on our first government contract and while it’s not high-speed black ops type of work, it does involve some sneaky-ass human intelligence gathering in a foreign country filled with sand.
It’s way more exciting than working casino security, but that job is almost wrapped up. We have some sub-contractors in now doing installation on new surveillance equipment. When that’s done, we’ll do staff training with implementation of new security procedures our company formulated, and when that’s done... well, we’re done.
Jerico has been busy drumming up new work. He’s got several private residences under contract for new security systems, and when I say residences, I mean mega-mansions from Texas westward. He’s also set up some private bodyguard work for some politicians in DC and one country music singer in Nashville.
All in all, it seems that his company is going to be a huge success if evidenced by the rate at which he is bringing legitimate business into the fold.
I glance at the binder sitting on my desk, knowing I should quit procrastinating and read it. Jerico says it provides the mis
sion objectives as well as his plan to accomplish them. He wants me to review, tear it up if necessary, and make it better.
And I will.
As soon as I hear from Joslyn.
She did not sound good when I talked to her after the audition this morning. That was several hours ago and I’ve not heard anything since. I only can assume that she, her mother, and Ian might be out celebrating. Or maybe they’re still ironing out details.
There’s a knock on my door which I closed so I could play Solitaire without anyone noticing. My office is about the size of a broom closet but I told Jerico that I didn’t want one. He insisted, so I told him to give me the smallest one as I wouldn’t be in it much. I much preferred being out in the field.
I place my phone upside down on my desk and say, “Come in.”
Jerico peeks his head inside and smiles at me. His gaze goes to the binder then back to me. “So... what did you think?”
“Haven’t read it yet,” I tell him.
He appraises me and his smile turns into a smirk. He steps into my office, walks up to my desk, and takes my phone. Turning it over, he sees the half-finished game of Solitaire.
His eyes flash with mischief. “Knew it. You always played games on your phone when you were troubled.”
I should be irritated that he knows me so well but, in all actuality, I’m grateful I don’t have to explain my lackadaisical attitude toward a project he asked me to review.
So I just shrug in response.
“Have you heard anything more?” he asks me. He stopped by earlier after I’d talked to Joslyn, and I told him she’d been offered the part.
I shake my head. “I guess they’re ironing out details or something.”
“Why don’t you call her?” he suggests.
I glare at him. “And what... look like a pussy?”
“You are a pussy,” he says with a laugh. “This girl has you twisted up. Never thought I’d see the mighty Kynan McGrath fall to a wisp of a girl.”
Woman, but not going to argue with him.
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