by M. D. Cooper
The pirates closed in like a lioness on her prey. The other ship crept up on the starboard side, metallic tendrils jutting away from its hull and clamping onto the Shistain with electromagnets. Ben could only watch as the monitor revealed what was happening outside of his ship. A robotic arm stretched out from the pirate ship, bringing with it the clamps to dock to the airlock leading into the cargo hold. It was not a fast process and the slowly ticking clock droned on in Ben’s ears only further perpetuated his anxiety. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. It was his mantra now as the sealed ducting closed onto the Shistain and pumped in artificial atmosphere so the pirates could board his ship. Everything happened in silence, no radio transmission, no control by Ben’s own hand. When the airlock cycled, it was done by whatever the docked ship used to control the Shistain’s computer system.
He heard the footsteps before the first voice broke the silence. Even knowing they were on board, the booming voice startled Ben, making him wish he could curl up and hide.
“I have only one lifeform on board, Eddy,” a nasally voice said from the dark cargo hold.
A tuft of darkness moved just out of view from where Ben sat shivering in fear. The darkness returned and with it brought the hulking form of a man ten years older than Ben, his hair thinning on top, but his eyes showing all that the aging process did nothing to diminish his ability to take what he wanted. The man—Eddy Ben presumed—stepped forward. “And what have we here? Shorty, I found our friend hunkering in the corner.” He looked down at Ben, a sneer on his face as if he was fighting back the urge to laugh in Ben’s face. “I’m assuming this is your first time, but even the real amateurs know that it’s best to actually try and hide. This whole sitting out in the open thing takes some of the fun out of it for me.”
Another person stepped from behind the towering man. This new individual was no more than half the height of Eddy. He must be Shorty, Ben thought, but the maniacal gaze of the man’s eyes didn’t make his accurately descriptive name as humorous as Ben would have hoped. At first, Eddy seemed like the most likely suspect to kill him, but Shorty seemed to contain all the crazy that was evident in Eddy’s eyes, but in only half the size. I bet he has a Napoleon complex too, Ben thought, but all it did was send shivers down his spine.
The nasal voiced, kid-sized, crazy person spoke next. “Here’s the thing: we are behind schedule and were expecting something a little more profound. If you can just point us towards the shit that might be worth something, then we’ll take it and let you go.” He turned around and gazed at the messy cabin, “Though, it looks like you don’t really have shit worthwhile. Your computer system is about twenty years obsolete and your furniture isn’t even structurally sound. Maybe we should let him rob us, huh?”
Eddy smiled, looking down at Shorty. “We can let him try.”
Ben gulped nervously. “I’m not trying to rob anybody. I’m just trying to go make a new life for myself somewhere else.”
The two pirates snickered. “You don’t find new life out here, kid,” Shorty said. “All you find is more bad days than you can count. Now, point us to the good stuff so we can be on our way.”
Ben lifted a reluctant finger towards the cargo hold. “Everything I brought with me is in there,” he said, barely louder than a whisper. “It’s just food and stuff.”
Shorty looked up at Eddy and nodded his head towards the hold. “Go check it out. And you,”—he pulled a ray gun from behind his back— “follow him so I can keep an eye on you. If you pull some silly shit, I’ll put a hole in your head so big it’ll take mine and Eddy’s dick to fill it. You got me?”
Ben’s eyes widened. He’d heard a lot of shit-talk in the Army, but the homoerotic sociopath version made him feel more uncomfortable about his future than ever before. What kind of person would get off on something like that? “I got you,” he said meekly, following the large man out into the cargo hold while Shorty pressed the tip of the ray gun into the small of his back. All it would take is a hairbreadth pull of the trigger and a beam of light one-tenth the heat of the sun would burn through my body in less than a second. Death would be quick, but now wasn’t a good time for dying, not in Ben’s mind.
Eddy whistled as he looked around. The cargo hold started out semi-organized, but over the course of a month it became a disheveled mess. Ben hardly knew exactly where anything was, and he was the one responsible for putting it wherever the hell it was. “Hot damn, you need a housekeeper, boy.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Ben replied.
“You know, how much pride a person puts in the appearance of their ship says a lot about a man. For instance, I know I’m a crook, but I’m a crook who takes pride in what’s his. Every day, me and Shorty go through our ship and keep it clean. We might not be the best role-model for the youth of this generation, but at least no one could ever say we didn’t give a shit. You? I have no idea what you have going for you. Hell, we might be doing the world a favor if we off you.” A cryptic smirk spread across his face as he looked back and winked at Ben.
Ben went to take a step back nervously, but the ray gun sticking into the soft flesh under his t-shirt reminded him that Shorty was stalking behind him.
“Are you looking for shit to take or are you running your mouth?” Shorty said sardonically.
Eddy just grinned and went back to work. Ben had a hard time figuring out who was in charge, Eddy was the more imposing figure, but Shorty seemed to be more in control, dishing out orders that the much larger man took without complaint. “What have we here?” Eddy moved over to a large crate which Ben recognized immediately as the shipping container that Chip arrived in. “This doesn’t look like a food container to me.”
“It’s nothing, really,” Ben started to say, but the sharp point of the ray gun reminded him to keep his mouth shut. Besides, what harm is it if these guys find Chip? They’ll laugh, think I like man-love, and hopefully get out of here.
“Oh, shit, I’ve seen crates like this before,” Eddy said as he moved closer to it. “Those pink pellets are specifically made for sex-bots!” He turned to face Shorty with a wide, hungry grin on his face. “Maybe we can find something to do during the long downtime we’ve been having lately.”
Shorty smirked and moved out from behind Ben to get a closer look. Ben looked down at the short, stubby little man and noticed a scar behind his ear, probably born deaf and needed the surgery to hear.
Eddy knelt next to the crate and turned once more, as excited as a kid about to open a present on his birthday. “I hope she’s got a British accent, you know how I like the foreign girls,” he said as he reached his hands into the crate.
“I could give a shit less about the accent,” Shorty replied. “You know what I like.”
That comment struck Ben as odd and slightly more of an innuendo than the man probably intended.
“Yeah, yeah. Just so long as I get some then I’m good,” Eddy said, reaching his long arms into the crate to grab the sex-bot and bring it out into the open. Ben watched as the man strained slightly under the cumbersome weight of Chip’s robotic body. He knew what it felt like to haul the sex-bot out of that crate, and he envied Eddy none at all. “This thing is heavy as fark,” Eddy said through a strained, heavy gulp of air. He rose from the deck, Chip’s arms and legs dangling as it came out of the pink pellet abyss.
“What the hell?” Shorty said, the disgust in his voice bringing a smile to Ben’s face.
Now’s my chance, he thought as he grabbed Shorty by the collar and hurled him into a stack of boxes along the bulkhead. The man groaned as his head and shoulders struck the hard containers. Ben had hoped the man would drop his ray gun, but it still sat in his trembling hand as Shorty rubbed at the knot forming on his head.
“Seriously, you pussy-ass-bitch!”
Ben drew his own ray gun from under the front of his shirt and aimed it as the diminutive little man. “I have to protect my ship,” Ben said, trying as hard as he could to sound to
ugh despite the distinct feeling that he would defecate himself at a moment’s notice.
“What the—” Eddy tried to say, but Chip came to life as the man held him in the air, looking back at the commotion Ben and Shorty was causing. Chip grabbed Eddy’s throat and squeezed.
With Eddy out of commission and an impasse between Ben and Shorty, the tides seemed to have turned. That was when Chip spoke.
“I’m afraid there are too many members of this sex party, Ben, and the dimensions of that one could pose a problem.”
Ben had no idea if that was an attempt at humor, but he laughed anyway. “Yeah, well the party’s over, Chip. I think we need to teach these boys a lesson, though.”
Chip stepped forward, carrying Eddy with him as the man struggled to break free. “I love portraying the disciplinarian.”
Ben, still aiming the ray gun in Shorty’s direction, looked at Chip. “I don’t think you get what I’m talking about.”
Chip canted his head towards Shorty and back at Ben. “Of course I do. We are going to stick it to them.”
chap+er eigh+
Shorty seethed as he glared at Ben. “You think you have us, but all it takes is a single press of this switch and the rest of my crew will storm onto your ship and blast your farking head off.”
The threat seemed real enough, but with the pirate ship docked to the Shistain, Ben scanned the vessel and concluded it could only support three personnel. He could give away the fact he knew Shorty was bluffing, but he’d never been in this type of situation before. “You sure do talk a lot despite the fact you have a weapon pointed towards your face.”
Shorty smirked. “I highly doubt you’ll shoot me.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
Shorty lifted his ray gun, leveling it in Ben’s direction. Ben could see the reflection of the shiny red blaster in the little man’s glistening eyes. It was a newer model, capable of welding steel within a nanosecond at maximum power. What it would do to Ben’s body if Shorty fired would be devastatingly quick. At least Ben hoped it would be.
Ben kept his blaster pointed at Shorty. He knew better than to withdraw. At least if I’m pointing it in his direction then he will assume I’m threatening.
Shorty shrugged. “I’m glad you seem to have found your balls, but this isn’t going to work out as well as you would like.”
“Why is that?”
A shit-eating grin spread on Shorty’s face. “Because, you idiot, you brought an uncharged blaster to a gun fight.”
Ben averted his gaze from Shorty and looked at the power meter running along the side of the weapon. All he saw was a flashing red light depicting the ray gun had no charge. “Well, shit,” Ben muttered.
“Well, shit, indeed,” Shorty remarked. “Die well.” He took a step forward to lean into his shot, his eyes afire with the impending kill that would lead to his victory.
Inside, Ben was about to release a load in his pants, and not in a good way, but outside he looked as if he already had. This is it, he thought, I’m going to farking die.
“Ben,” Chip said, drawing Shorty’s attention for a brief moment, but it was long enough. Chip hurled the hulking figure that was Eddy towards the short man, his large frame creaming Shorty, pinning him between the bulkhead and Eddy’s heavy, unconscious body.
“Holy shit!” Ben looked down at the mayhem and then back up at Chip. “That was awesome.”
Chip looked back at Ben and said, “I am not aware of how that could be considered awe inspiring, but thank you.”
“Dude, you kicked their asses.”
“I merely used one as a means to counteract the other. I believe the lowly man was going to shoot you within three heartbeats, based on his stats I was reading. I thought it would be unfortunate for me to not intervene in some kind of way. I hope my actions do not paint me in a negative light. After all, I am a lover and not a fighter.”
Ben shook his head. “Well, nice way to ruin the moment there, buddy. Anyway, can you grab some tape and ties so we can bind them up?”
“Affirmative,” Chip said, stepping back into the cabin, leaving Ben poised over the unconscious men. Ben had never been in a real fight before, and the thrill of it was exhilarating. Unfortunately, he was all too aware of the fact the fighting was done primarily by a sex-bot. I would be embarrassed if it wasn’t so funny, he thought as he reached down for Shorty’s ray gun. It felt warm and heavy in his hand, much more threatening than the bright red paint job made it look.
Below him, Shorty moved an arm, trying to turn over. Ben, full of trepidation and fear, swiftly kicked the man in the face, knocking him out again. “You can never be too careful.”
Chip returned moments later. “We only have a few ties and a quarter roll of tape, Ben. I hope this is sufficient.”
Ben took the ties from Chip and started by binding Eddy. “I’ll have to make it work. Do me a favor and keep an eye on Shorty. The tough little shit woke up while you were gone.”
“He looks unconscious to me,” Chip replied.
Ben looked up grinning. “Yeah, that’s what a steel-toed boot to the face will get you.”
Chip looked back down, watching Shorty intently.
Ben bound Eddy’s hands behind him and then tied his feet together. I was a crude way of restraining him, but it would have to work. “Can you grab that pipe over there?”
Chip stepped towards the pipe leaning against the bulkhead, never taking his eyes away from Shorty. He grabbed the pipe and moved back towards Ben. “Here you are.”
“Thanks,” Ben said, taking the pipe in his hands and laying it on Shorty’s back and taping his hands to either end like a crucifix before taping his feet together.
“Is that necessary?”
Ben smirked. “Not really, but it’s making me feel better about the situation.”
“I suppose that must account for something.”
“Yeah,” Ben said, standing up and looking at his work as Shorty slowly came to.
“He’s waking up now, should I do something?” Chip asked.
“Nah, I think we’re good,” Ben replied.
Ben stood over Shorty and Eddy, feeling as if his luck was finally changing. The thing about growing up under the assumption of being condemned by Hearn's Law is that bad luck always escalates, never getting better. All my life I’ve been afflicted with terrible luck but maybe Hearn’s Law is not a universal thing, Ben thought as he looked down on them. Eddy was bound with his hands behind his back, while Shorty was taped to a pole. It was a rudimentary way to restrain someone, but Ben hadn't departed Earth with any ideas for dealing with pirates. In fact, he was noticing several things he was not prepared for.
"What are you going to do with us?" Shorty asked, defiance dripping from his every word.
"I'm not sure," Ben replied. He wasn't lying. It was an unfortunate circumstance that he didn't tend to think that far in advance
"You better kill us if you know what's good for you, because heaven help you if we find you."
Ben swallowed hard. I'm in way over my head. Even after all the training he received in the Army, Ben was not confident he could defend himself against people like this. In fact, if not for Chip, Ben probably would have been spaced as soon as the pirates took what they wanted.
Ben stepped forward. "Chip, can you access their ship's computer system?"
"I can, but there is a significant firewall in place that prevents me from controlling anything."
"Can you interrupt electrical power to their anchoring system?"
Chip paused a moment before replying as Shorty gazed up at Ben. Eddy lay silent and still on the deck, still unconscious. "I can."
“Will you?”
“And risk rupturing our hull in the process? It could result in your death, Ben.”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“But who will keep me company?”
Ben looked at Shorty. “If he doesn’t fly out into space once the breach is m
ade, then use the short one to your mechanical heart’s content. Just do what I asked.”
Shorty glared at Ben. “You think you’re tough shit, huh?”
“Not really, but I’m willing to do what it takes to get you the fark off my ship. Chip.”
At that exact moment, the cargo door opened as the ducting tore away from the Shistain, opening the void to the dark vacuum of space. Ben watched as Shorty and Eddy were flung against the bulkhead, each of them holding on for dear life, suffocating with their silent screams as all sound evaporated from the room. Ben expected to be pulled out as well, but when he turned around he saw Chip holding onto him while grasping the ledge of an angle-iron on the bulkhead. Ben couldn’t breathe, but neither could the pirates. Instead, he watched with bleary eyes as his lungs hungered for air and the other men stopped moving. Eventually, as his vision blurred to nothingness, the bodies of the two pirates slipped closer to the opening and were caught in the rush of exiting atmosphere and tossed from the craft. Ben was unconscious when the door finally closed, but he was safe.
chap+er nine
The world returned with a crushing weight as Ben lay on the couch with his hands folded over his chest. Even the dim light shining in his eyes hurt at first, and there was a peculiar smell wafting around his nose. “What?”