“I don’t buy that. I’m not being negative, I’m making an observation.” Stephanie places her hands on her hips as we start to climb the wooden steps that are embedded in the hill. “Right now, it’s a pain in the ass. Maybe next week it’ll be fantastic.”
“Words have power. People have no idea how important their words are.”
Here we go.
“God, it’s hot. Are you guys hot?” I unzip my hoodie and tie it around my waist.
“It’s gorgeous. Do you want some water?” Nancy reaches into her pack.
“Yes.” All I can manage is one word. The path seems to be getting steeper by the second.
“I don’t believe that Secret bullshit,” Stephanie says as she adjusts her sunglasses.
“It’s not The Secret, it’s the law of attraction,” Nancy says matter-of-factly as she wraps her hair in a ponytail. “I’ve been living positive long before The Secret. But regardless of the title, the message is still important. You are what you say. If you say, ‘I’m broke, I can’t pay my bills,’ the universe gets the message that you are broke and can’t pay the bills. So then that’s what will happen.”
“So you have to police your thoughts all the time? You can’t talk about your problems or else you’ll get more?” I ask, getting in the game.
“Complaining never accomplishes anything. Of course, you don’t stifle your feelings, but you have to think about what you will have, instead of what you don’t have now. Don’t live in the lack. It’s a vicious cycle.”
“But I like to complain,” says Stephanie.
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m capable of a complaint-free existence,” I add, pausing between words for air.
“Well, everyone complains a little. But then you have to snap back and change your thoughts. It may not always work, who knows why the universe works the way it does, but you have to always have a positive intention. Here’s my intention—Today, I will meet a gorgeous, sweet, spiritual man.”
“Okay. Today, I will make a million dollars,” Stephanie announces.
I’d like to chime in on that million dollars thing, but I can’t speak without fear of passing out. I look over at Leo. He looks a little droopy, too. A few minutes ago he was dragging Nancy up the hill, now he’s keeping pace with her.
“Make fun, but I challenge you to a positive day. One day without negative thoughts—it will be an incredible learning experience for you both.”
“Pass. I like my negativity. Hmm, not a hot guy in sight,” Stephanie says.
“When we get to the top, there will be plenty of choices, I promise you.”
As Stephanie and Nancy bicker back and forth about the lack of hot guys, I drain the rest of my water. There’s not a trashcan around so I stick the bottle back in Nancy’s pack. Leo is now trailing about five steps behind Nancy, in line with me.
“How much longer?” I heave. The hike is so steep that my knees are practically touching my stomach.
“Yeah, this is pretty extreme,” Stephanie puffs.
“We’re almost to the top. Don’t you feel wonderful?”
“Mmm.” Must not speak, must preserve strength. My legs feel abnormally heavy. Every step is an effort.
As we pass a sign that reads Caution Rattlesnakes, I decide I’ve had enough. “Need a break.” I stop walking and collapse by a bush, basking in the shade.
“Would you like an energy bar?” Nancy asks.
I shake my head no, making a loud “oomph” as Leo flops down next to me. He’s panting in my ear, trying to get as much shade as possible.
“Wow, Leo needs to get in shape,” Nancy says.
I glare over at her. “Shouldn’t you say Leo will get in shape?”
Stephanie laughs.
“Let’s rest a few more minutes and then keep going.”
“Or we could turn around now and go to breakfast,” I say hopefully.
“Believe me, it will all be worth it when we get to the top. Come on.”
Stephanie looks at me and shakes her head. “I don’t know, Nancy, who are we going to have to carry out first? The dog or Abby?”
I look over at Leo, who is panting uncontrollably. Maybe he was better off at the shelter. I take a deep breath and stand up. “I’m coming.” I’d crawl, if it wouldn’t look so undignified.
We finally reach the top. Nancy was right on two counts: the view is pretty cool (regardless of the smog), and there are a lot of cute guys around. Unfortunately, I can’t enjoy either as I suspect I may be having a stroke.
“I’m going to see if Leo will poop,” Nancy says as she pulls out a baggie from her pack.
“I’ll be here.”
“Me too,” says Stephanie.
“I thought you wanted to mingle with the hot guys?” I ask as I stretch out my legs.
“Well, I’m not up for mingling. I smell like a gym sock. Why did we ever listen to Nancy?”
“I don’t know. I think ’cause she makes everything sound so promising. We’re suckers.”
“Yes we are. So what’s up with Zoë? Is she still on that action movie?” Stephanie asks, stretching her arms above her head.
“Yeah, for a couple more weeks.”
“Any news on the Jeff front?”
“Other than the fact that it’s completely over? No news.”
Only sadness. I called him two weeks ago to let him know I was thinking about him. It was a mistake. Emotionally, he was still in the same place as the box day. He kept asking about her, if she missed him, if I thought there was any chance she would come back…and by the end of the conversation, he was pissed all over again, accusing her of only caring about money. I guess it’s true; friendships really can’t survive a breakup. You always end up picking sides.
“Things have been weird between me and Zoë lately. We actually had a fight the other day,” I say, kicking at a chunk of dirt under my shoe.
“What about?”
“Oh God, she’s dating this older guy, and kept it a secret from me.” And she probably cheated on Jeff. But I won’t be sharing that little nugget of information.
“How much older is he?”
“He’s fifty-eight.”
“So how rich is he?”
I laugh. Leave it to Stephanie to ferret out the most important factor here. “Very rich. Very cheesy. Did I mention he’s rich?”
“Doesn’t surprise me. So how long before she stops working?”
“She’s not going to stop working. She’s worked too hard to get where she is. This is just a phase, a bad reaction to Jeff. No way she’s attracted to this guy. I give it a few more weeks.”
“We’ll see.” Stephanie pauses for a second. “So, I know this is violating your whole denial zone, but I have to ask. How are you doing with the movie?”
“It’s hard,” I say, lowering my voice. “You know, I haven’t thought about Matt in any serious way in over two years, but now I think about him all the time. And it’s not that I miss him. I envy him. It’s so fucked up.”
“It’s totally understandable. But you can’t let it get to you. So he wrote a screenplay. He’s still an asshole. And, just because he made this one movie doesn’t mean he’ll make another.”
“That’s just it. Why should I resent his success? It’s so petty. I’ve never been a jealous person, but I am now. Bitterness, not an attractive trait.”
“Take it from someone who knows bitter, you’re not bitter. This is a rough patch, it will pass. You’re doing really well at work now. Granted, you’re kind of on a road to nowhere, but for now you’re doing well…”
“Not helping,” I say. But I’m laughing.
“And the movie will be out of theaters soon, you won’t have to think about it. Well, until it comes out on DVD…”
“Nancy,” I whisper jokingly. “Come back, I need you.”
“Then there’s cable. That thing will be on twelve times a week.”
“I should get rid of HBO now.” I grab Stephanie’s sleeve. “You don’t think I’m an
awful person?”
“You’re one of the least awful people I know. Hey, would you look at that.” Stephanie points to Nancy. A hot guy is chatting her up. Leo and the guy’s dog stand by, sniffing each other’s butts politely.
“Wow. Maybe today you will get a million dollars.”
“Doubtful,” Stephanie chuckles. “Maybe I should try a positive day after all.”
“Couldn’t hurt. Although, that would mean no complaining.”
“No gossiping.”
“Yikes, is that even possible?”
“I don’t know. It sounds pretty boring,” Stephanie says.
“Yeah, but you get a hot guy out of the deal.”
“Ha. Let’s try it. Pick a day next week.”
“Really? Okay. How ’bout tomorrow?”
“Okay. But don’t tell Nancy.”
“Yes, that would make her entirely too happy,” I say, laughing.
Nancy comes bounding over, her face lit up with a giant smile. “Did you see? He is gorgeous! And did you see he had a Labradoodle too? We’re meeting at Café Des Artistes tomorrow night for dinner.” She looks furtively over her shoulder, making sure he’s not overhearing our conversation.
“Oh, we saw. He is a fine specimen,” Stephanie says, tilting her sunglasses down.
“And do you remember my intention today? See, it works.”
“Yes, yes, we remember. Let’s go I’m starving,” I say. I dread the walk, but at least it’s all downhill.
“We should really head to Indian Rock. It’s just magnificent,” Nancy says as she puts on her backpack.
“Is it a longer walk?” I ask.
“Hmm, maybe by ten or twenty minutes.”
“Hell no.”
“I need food,” Stephanie adds.
“Fine, fine. Next time.”
The one thing I’m positive about: There will not be a next time for me.
I groggily hit the snooze on my alarm clock and stretch. Sweet Jesus, I’m sore. Why did I agree to that walk from hell yesterday?
After what feels like only thirty seconds, the alarm goes off again. I squint over at the angry red display. It reads 6:48 a.m. Shit. I have to be at the preschool by 8:00 a.m. to prep for today’s shoot.
Last week, Will cornered me in the house and asked me to fix Lisa’s boring picnic idea. Well, okay, he didn’t call the picnic boring exactly; he just said the idea needed some sprucing up. I agreed to help on the condition that he keeps my involvement a secret. He didn’t ask why (and I didn’t volunteer it) but I think he understood that Lisa would serve me a Clorox cocktail if she knew I was the one responsible for changing her date.
So I decided to make the picnic the reward in a competition. Basically, the guys have to build dollhouses for a bunch of four-year-olds. Then Katie and the kids will pick the best dollhouse, and the winning team gets to go on a picnic with Katie. It will be a good chance to see the guys interact with each other (and a gaggle of screaming kids).
The guys have been divided into three “randomly picked teams.” And by random, I mean we’ve made sure that the Christian guy ends up on the team with the atheist, the two bully jocks are together, and the creepy Katie-obsessed freaks are on the same team, as well.
I jump in the shower and quickly wash my hair. Ugh. I really don’t want to go to work today. I would love to go back to bed and sleep until 10:00, maybe catch a movie, go book shopping. Instead, I’m going to be babysitting a bunch of bratty idiots (not to mention a bunch of four-year-olds).
Oh crap. Isn’t today positive day? I’ve already screwed up positive day. Way to go. Well, no one is perfect. Positive day officially starts now.
I get dressed and think positive thoughts. Today is going to be a great day. I eat breakfast and think positive thoughts. The shoot will be a breeze. I grab my keys and purse and think positive thoughts. I will actually have fun today.
Once I leave the house, I find that positive day becomes a little more challenging. The key is to look at these little experiences through Nancy’s eyes, as a blessing. Yes, perhaps I could have filled my gas tank yesterday, on my day off, rather than today, when I’m rushed. But no matter, it’s an opportunity to take a break from the busy rush-hour traffic. Oh, and instead of getting angry, I’d like to give thanks to the lovely BMW douche for cutting me off and making me spill coffee on my shirt. There is nothing I enjoy more than the smell of stale coffee on fabric.
What’s freaky about positive day is that it makes you realize how many negative thoughts you have. It’s sort of terrifying.
I arrive at the preschool five minutes early and head inside. I haven’t been inside of a preschool, well, since I attended preschool, but it’s a familiar sight. The mats, chairs and tables are an aggressive mixture of bright green, red, yellow and orange. The colors are almost blinding in their intensity. The walls are covered with construction-paper artistry, and the place smells of glue, Play-Doh and sticky fingers.
I meet Miss Tina, who seems very pleasant and comforting with her oval face, braided brown hair and wide-set brown eyes.
“Abby, it’s so nice to put a face to the voice,” she says as she shakes my hand.
Oh, Miss Tina. She can’t be much older than me, but I want her to read me a story and give me chocolate milk. “Nice to meet you, too. Thank you so much for arranging this on such short notice.”
“No problem. So, we have twelve students who can participate today.” Miss Tina hands me a clipboard with the parents’ signed release forms. “The rest of the children will stay inside during recess.”
“Got it,” I say, glancing out the window to the back playground. The PAs better have delivered the wood already or they are dead.
Damn it, it’s positive day. Rephrase. The wood has been delivered. This day is going to be great.
“As our guests, we ask that you respect our rules. You are not allowed to shoot inside the classrooms, only outside in the back area. And we will need noise to be kept to a minimum during naptime.”
Jeez, all right, Grandma. “Of course. Naptime is later in the afternoon, right? We better be finished by then, or I’m in trouble.” I give a little fake laugh. “Thank you again for letting us shoot here today. It’s going to be very cute.”
“We’re happy to oblige. So the children have recess at 11:30, right before lunch. You’ll have forty-five minutes to get what you need,” Miss Tina says, tapping at her watch.
A sense of panic creeps in. I try to keep my voice steady. “Didn’t we discuss having two recesses? We actually need the kids to come out twice. Once during the building and then, of course, for the final judging.”
“We discussed it, but I stressed that the children must keep to their schedules.”
This Miss Tina is turning out to be a real pain in the ass. “I completely understand, but is there any way we could get them for another forty-five minutes at around 2:00? We really need them there for the judging. It won’t have the same impact without them.”
Please, lady, please.
“It’s too disruptive. We’d have to split up the teachers and it would be very upsetting to the children inside who are missing out on not just one outdoor recess, but two.”
Bah! “But they have to be here for the judging. That is the whole point of coming here.” Staying calm. “If we have to stick to the one recess rule, is there any way you could make it at 2:00, rather than 11:30?”
“We really don’t like to disrupt their schedules…”
“I’ll throw in another $500 for the location fee,” I add quickly.
Miss Tina considers it for a moment. “Well, we could use some updated art supplies. I suppose I could make an exception just this once.”
“Thank you so much,” I say with a tight smile. I’ve officially broken up with Miss Tina.
“Now that that’s settled, let me show you the back area. Some of your coworkers are already here setting up.”
Well, thank God for that.
As we walk outside, I notice t
he PAs have already laid down tarp in three areas of the yard and are loading them with wood, tools and paint for the dollhouse construction. The camera crew is also circling the area, setting up the shots.
I’m producing the dollhouse building scenes alone since they’re fairly self-contained, and then once Katie arrives, Grant will come to oversee everything. Lisa and Will feel like they need to give Katie some face time, so they’ll show up too at some point to make sure she’s okay. Which means today will be much more stressful than it needs to be. Added to that is the fact the kids won’t be around during the building phase, but everyone will just have to deal.
Miss Tina takes me inside and introduces me to the twelve kids who are participating. Most are normal, a little tousled but cute, and a few look like they are here to audition for Annie with their perfect hair and bizarrely coordinated outfits.
I give the kids my spiel about the day’s events and explain how they are going to help Katie pick the winning house. In response, I get some vacant nods, a few nose picks and a lot of feet shuffling. Well, let’s hope they know how to turn it on for the cameras.
Two white production vans pull up to the front of the school, carrying the remaining ten suitors. Unfortunately, none of them look that thrilled with their challenge, but tough. It’s not like we’re asking them to eat bugs, or walk a plank suspended between two hot air balloons.
After I give the guys their instructions, the building starts and filming begins. Christine and I stand off to the side and watch as they get going. I flinch at the cacophony of hammering and sawing.
“Wow,” I say, wincing. “That hammering is sure loud.”
“Yeah, ya didn’t think of that,” says Christine.
“Eh, the editors will just montage the building part, it’ll be fine.” I hope. “I guess we should wait about five minutes then start the OTFs.”
“Great, the guys have been soooo cooperative with the interviews,” Christine says sarcastically.
There has been a little mini-revolt happening with our on-the-fly interviews lately. It all started a couple of days ago when a few of the guys wanted to watch some big basketball game. It was a shoot day, so production offered to tape it and play it for them later that night. That apparently wasn’t good enough and the big babies have been pouting ever since. There’s no TV, no music, no phone calls home. I know it must suck, but they signed up for it.
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