by Jaci Burton
“So you said. What about the emotional connection?”
“I don’t know, Tess. I’m trying not to do that.”
“Do what? Get involved? Care about someone? Fall in love?”
Fall in love. The words alone caused her heart to clench, and then sent shivers down her spine. “I don’t know.”
“Tell me what bothers you about it.”
She stared at her salad that lay untouched. She’d planned to eat, finish her review of reports and then walk out on the floor for the afternoon. Now she’d lost her appetite and her motivation.
“I had such a wonderful time with Rafe. He’s kind and considerate and fun and sexy, but you know, I was in love once, and love turned on me. I’m not sure I can ever trust it again.”
Tess wrinkled up the paper from her sandwich and stuffed it in the bag. “Okay, I totally understand where you’re coming from. But is it fair to lump all men—Rafe, especially—in with your ex-husband and what he did to you?”
“Of course not. But I can’t help how I feel.” She paused, letting that emotion wash over her. Real feelings surfaced, and they were the ones she wanted to avoid the most. “I’m scared, Tess.”
Tess gave her a nod of sympathy. “I know you are, honey. But denying yourself a chance to experience love again is only letting your ex win. Do you want him to keep screwing you over for the rest of your life? If you end up alone and lonely, then he wins. Again and again.”
She hadn’t thought of it like that, but what Tess said made a lot of sense. She’d cocooned herself after her divorce, wrapping herself up in her hurt and anger and misery, refusing to open herself up to the possibility of ever falling in love again because she might get hurt.
But what would happen if she did give love a chance? She might get hurt again? What would happen if she didn’t get hurt? She might end up happy. Which would be the biggest screw-you to her ex. And that would totally be worth it.
“You know what? You’re right. I haven’t been giving myself a chance. It’s time to end that. Things with Rafe might wind up going nowhere at all, but I should at least open myself up to the possibility.”
Tess nodded and stood. “That’s right. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”
Carmen got up and came around her desk, then pulled Tess into her arms. “Thank you for always forcing me to see my truth.”
Tess grinned and squeezed her hand. “Well, you know me. Pushy, pushy, pushy.”
“That’s why I love you. Now get your ass back to work.”
“Yes, ma’am. You coming out onto the floor later?”
“As soon as I finish reading through the reports. You did great while I was gone, by the way.”
Tess’s eyes shined with happiness. “Thanks, boss. I’ll see you out there.”
After Tess left, Carmen went back to her desk and checked her phone. There was a text message from her grandpa. He told her he had a date with Felice tonight, and she’d be picking him up at six for dinner, so he wouldn’t be home when she got there.
A date, huh? Carmen smiled at that. Good for you, Grandpa.
He’d done great while she was gone, and he’d had no issues at all. She’d been worried about him for nothing. And he’d obviously fixed things with Felice, since the two of them were going out tonight.
She had another text message, this one from Rafe.
BBQ and swim party at our place tonight. Can you come over after work?
Her lips curved and she sent a reply.
I’ll be there.
She checked her watch. She still had five hours on shift, but she knew those hours would go fast. And then she’d get to see Rafe.
Now that she eliminated hesitation over her emotions, she had a new plan to put into action.
She couldn’t wait.
RAFE HAD GONE TO WORK OUT A LITTLE LATER THAN usual today, then had stopped at the community center to work with the kids this afternoon. Having the extra days off shift always gave him time to catch up on things in his life he hadn’t had time to attend to, and this was one of them.
He’d shot hoops with several of the twelve-and thirteen-year-olds, remarking to them how tall they were getting. Jamal had long, lanky legs and a good stride, making it hard to keep up with him on the court. By the time they’d played for an hour, Rafe was ready to drop.
“What’s the matter, old man?” Jamal asked, looking as if he could do this all day. “Trouble keepin’ up?”
The kid had barely even broken a sweat, while Rafe leaned over, bracing his hands on his knees, sucking wind. “Okay everyone. Water break.”
Jamal smirked.
Luisa Rodgers, the manager of the community center, walked over to him while he guzzled down what felt like a gallon of water. “They love when you visit.”
“Right now they love kicking my butt.”
She laughed. “That, too.”
He noticed the kids had carried on without him. “How are they all doing?”
“Good. They like coming here, and it gives them something to do, especially now, during the summer months when school is out.”
“It looks like you have a lot more kids this summer than usual.”
Luisa nodded. “It seems that way. Which is a good thing. We want the kids to feel comfortable coming here, to know they have a place to hang out with other kids their age, and still have adult supervision.”
“Which is a lot better than being on the streets and getting into trouble.”
“So true. And since it’s free for all the kids, it doesn’t matter who they are. No one has to fill out paperwork, so they can just walk in and have a good time.”
That’s what was so important to Rafe. He wished he and his brothers had a place like this when they were homeless. He knew some of the kids here had no other place to go. And while the community center didn’t provide food or shelter, it was air-conditioned, and gave the kids an avenue to learn social skills, to read, to watch TV and play video games. Anything to keep them from feeling isolated or alone.
“You provide a great service here, Luisa.”
She smiled. “It’s the community that provides the service, along with people like you who are interested enough to dive in and engage with the kids. They know people care about them, and that’s vital.”
“I definitely care what happens to them. All of them.”
“And it shows.” She looked down at her phone, then back up at Rafe. “I’m sorry to leave you, but I have a meeting coming up, if you’ll excuse me.”
“Go ahead.”
He followed Luisa inside the main room. Some of the kids sat in the lobby hanging out, typing on their phones. He wandered into the library to see a group on computers. Computer activity was monitored so that kids couldn’t go places they shouldn’t, but they still had access to explore and learn. And then there were all the books. He saw several kids sitting and lying on the floor reading. One of the things he loved about the center was that anyone could grab a book, lie on the floor and just read. No one was going to yell at them about it. There were bean bag chairs and rugs and comfortable chairs spread throughout the library. There were workstations with computers, and netbooks they could check out, too. There were gaming consoles as well, and, along with the gym, there was no reason for any kid to ever get bored here.
Plus, they offered water and juice to drink. Other than needing to eat, a kid could spend an entire day here.
Rafe wondered what it would take to provide food for the kids during the summer months when school wasn’t in session.
It might help kids who wandered aimlessly without parental guidance in the summer. If they could provide low-cost meals to the kids—even sandwiches for lunch—they might be able to keep the kids here, and out of trouble, for the day.
He checked his phone and realized he needed to hightail it out of there.
He hit the gym on his way out to say goodbye to the kids he’d played basketball with, promising to stop in on his next day off.
�
��Try to work on your endurance,” Jamal said. “Maybe you can keep up with me.”
Rafe laughed. “Yeah, I’ll see what I can do.”
After he got into his truck, he made a few calls to some of the members of the community, and some people who knew other people that were higher-ups in the community, to see what they could do about providing summer lunches for the kids. Several were on board with the idea, and they agreed to meet with him next week to talk about it. He’d get Becks and his brothers involved, too, because he knew they’d get shit done.
Now that he had that plan rolling, he stopped at the store to buy supplies for the barbecue tonight. He’d already talked to Jackson and Kal, who were picking stuff up as well, so he grabbed chicken breasts and thighs along with the ingredients to make his sauce.
All the brothers made their own versions of their favorite barbecue sauce, which usually worked out great when they had parties, because then everyone got to try something different. Of course, Rafe thought his was the best—a little spicier than what his brothers made. He couldn’t wait to try it out on Carmen to see what she thought about it.
He drove home. Jackson and Kal were already there, crowding up the kitchen with their shit.
“I see you’re already making sauce and rub,” he said as he unpacked his groceries.
Jackson shrugged. “You’re late. You snooze, you lose, man.”
“Yeah,” Kal said. “Where’ve you been?”
“I worked out and then I spent some time at the community center.”
“How’s it going over there?” Kal was chopping onions but stopped to look up at him.
“Good. What do you guys think about offering lunch there? Like sandwiches in the summer for the kids.”
Jackson looked at him and nodded. “It’s a great idea. It would keep the kids there for the day who wanted to stay. How would you get funding?”
“I made some calls today, and there are several organizations interested in helping out. I’ll have to talk to Luisa about it first, see if maybe she could apply for grants or find if there’s any money for it. But you know how it is with kids. They’re constantly hungry. And if there’s a way to keep them occupied all day, at least in the summer months, it would go a long way toward keeping them out of trouble.”
Kal waved his cutting knife at Rafe. “I think it’s a kick-ass idea.”
He was glad his brothers agreed with him and didn’t think it was a stupid suggestion.
Now he just had to shove them out of the way so he could find some room to make his barbecue sauce.
He put a saucepan on the range and added oil and sautéed onions and garlic. Then he tossed in the rest of the ingredients, including his secret spicy ingredient, and let it all simmer for a while. He took a taste and grinned. “Oh yeah, perfect.”
“You’d like to think so,” Jackson said, looking over his shoulder. “But, sadly, it’s not as good as mine.”
“Or mine,” Kal said, not even bothering to look at them.
“I guess we’ll find out later.”
“We should do a blind taste test and see which sauce everyone likes the most,” Rafe suggested.
Jackson nodded. “I’m down with it.”
“Same,” Kal said, coming over with a spoon to dip it in Rafe’s sauce. “It’s good. But I’m afraid it’s not gonna be good enough to win.”
Rafe wasn’t the least bit affected by the shit-talking from his brothers. He knew the games they played, trying to get into his head. His sauce was the best and he’d win the taste test tonight. “You’re both losers. And I’m gonna prove it.”
Bring on the party.
CHAPTER 23
CARMEN ENDED UP HAVING TO STAY AN EXTRA HOUR AT work to finish up with a patient, so she hustled home to shower and get dressed and make a dish for the barbecue.
There were already cars parked in the driveway, and she heard music and the sound of people laughing coming from the backyard. But she went in through the front door, which was unlocked.
Becks was in the kitchen with Jackson, the two of them working side by side at the island. Becks smiled when she saw her.
“Hey, Carmen.”
“Hi. I know I’m late.”
“No one’s ever late,” Jackson said. “We’re glad you made it.”
“I hope you haven’t already eaten.”
“Things move pretty slowly around here,” Becks said. “We’ve just been drinking, and the guys are grilling. I made margaritas and there’s beer and wine. What would you like?”
Happy to hear that she hadn’t missed dinner, she slipped the salad she’d made into the fridge. “A margarita sounds awesome.”
Jackson took a plate outside, leaving her in the kitchen with Becks.
“I had to work past the end of my shift at the hospital, then come home and shower and dry my hair and . . . well, you know.”
Becks laughed as she poured ice into a glass. “I do know. I actually closed the shop early today, but I still had to come home and shower and do the hair thing, and then I wanted to make a side dish. I mean, it’s not like we can get out of the shower and, voilà, we’re ready like guys are. It takes us some time.”
“Right? It’s so annoying. I should just buzz all my hair off and save myself an hour every day.”
Becks handed Carmen her margarita. “Yeah? You’d look hot that way.”
Carmen laughed. “I was joking. Mostly. Except on days I’d like to sleep in.”
“I can relate.”
Rafe came through the back door with an empty plate and smiled when he saw Carmen. “Hey. I didn’t know you were here.”
“I just got here. Becks fixed me a margarita, so we’ve been chatting.”
“Oh, good.” He went to the sink to wash the empty plate.
Becks leaned over and whispered to her. “Watch this.”
Carmen had no idea what was about to happen.
“Hey, Rafe,” Becks said, “Carmen told me she’s thinking about buzzing all her hair off and going bald.”
Rafe dried the plate, then walked over to her. “Yeah? If that’s what you want to do, you’d look hot that way. And think of all the time you’d save getting ready for work.”
Carmen gave him a shocked stare.
Becks arched her shoulders and smiled.
“I’ve gotta go check the chicken. Come on outside when you’re ready.” He gave her a quick kiss on the lips, then left.
Carmen laughed. “He says that now, until I come home bald someday.”
“He’s got it bad for you.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he’s telling you that he’s going to like you no matter how you look. A lot of guys wouldn’t do that.”
“You think?”
“Please. You know how superficial men can be. Women, too. We value ourselves based upon our partner’s looks.” Becks climbed up on the chair on the island to sit next to Carmen. “It might not be right, but it’s how it often is.”
Carmen took a sip of the margarita Becks had made for her. It was salty and delicious. “True. Our attraction to someone is based on their looks, at least at first, until you form a deeper connection.”
“Exactly. Which is why I’m telling you that Rafe cares about you. His feelings for you have gone beyond the ‘Hey, I’m dating a beautiful hot woman’ to ‘I care about this woman and I’d proudly walk beside her, bald or not.’”
She hadn’t thought about that. She took another sip of her drink. “That’s sweet. But I’m not shaving my head.”
Becks laughed. “Good call. You have amazing hair. I mean, you’d look hot as hell without it, too, but unless it’s a fashion statement you want to make, you should keep it.”
Carmen got up and grabbed the pitcher from the fridge to refill both their glasses. “I think it’s settled, then. What else should we decide on now? World peace? The next presidential election?”
“Oh, funny. How about this weird battle the guys have going on about barbecue sauc
es?”
“Barbecue sauces? I haven’t heard about this. Fill me in.”
Becks told her about the contest the brothers had concocted.
“Seriously.” Carmen teased her fingertip around the condensation on the glass. “And then what happens? Does the winner get anything?”
Becks shrugged one shoulder. “Bragging rights, I guess. Brothers. Who knows what goes on in their heads?”
Carmen rolled her eyes. “You know, sometimes I’m sad that I didn’t grow up with siblings. Other times—not so much.”
Becks raised her glass and tilted it toward Carmen. “You said it.”
Carmen toasted with her.
The door opened, and Jackson popped his head in. “You two hiding in here?”
“Maybe,” Becks said. “Or maybe we’re just having girl time.”
Jackson paused. “Oh. Okay. Well, do whatever makes you happy, but just know that I miss you.”
“Okay, babe. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
He closed the door, and Carmen turned to Becks. “He wasn’t about to demand your presence out there, was he?”
“No. He’s sweet that way.” Becks laughed. “Come on. We don’t want to deny the boys our awesomeness. Let’s go outside before they start crying.”
Carmen grinned. Considering they didn’t have the best start to their friendship after Becks had moved into the house with the guys a few months back—which had been entirely Carmen’s fault—she really liked Becks a lot. She was outgoing and friendly and had a wicked sense of humor. It was no wonder Jackson had fallen in love with her.
They took their drinks and walked outside. The wind had picked up, and Carmen noticed the cloud cover. She smelled rain in the air and hoped the guys would be able to finish the barbecuing before it started to storm.
No one seemed to mind the wind. There were people in the pool playing volleyball, and a few folks sitting by the water. Carmen recognized Miguel and Adrienne. Adrienne spotted her and waved, so Carmen waved back.
Rafe was over by the grill along with Jackson and Kal. The three of them appeared to be concentrating on what they were doing, so instead of bothering him, Carmen followed Becks out to the pool area. They took seats by a couple who Becks introduced as Callie Vassar and her husband, Aaron, both firefighters. She also met firefighter Ethan Pressman and his wife, Penny, who she was surprised to learn was also a nurse, albeit at a different hospital.