by Tanya Burr
4. KURT COBAIN
I was in love with him as a teenager and his music was a huge part of those years. I loved the fact that he was so cool and seemed to view the world so differently to other people.
4. AUDREY HEPBURN
As I’ve said before, she is my ultimate beauty icon and I think she would bring some real glamour to our cake eating.
5. ROBIN WILLIAMS
He was so kind-hearted and hilarious and his smile just makes me want to laugh. I loved his films – some of my favourites are Hook, Mrs Doubtfire and Aladdin.
6. JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT
As well as being hot, he seems so sweet. As well as acting in loads of Hollywood films like (500) Days of Summer, The Dark Knight Rises and Looper, he makes YouTube videos, so we would have that in common and could natter on for hours.
8. DRAKE
He is the coolest artist and his album, Take Care, is one of my favourites. Jim and I always sing along to his tracks as loudly as possible, so I’d be able to show him that I know all the lyrics to ‘Headlines’!
9. OLIVIA PALERMO
Olivia is so stylish and I would be able to spend the whole evening quizzing her about her amazing clothes.
10. MAYA ANGELOU
I was so inspired by her work when I was younger. I read I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings when I was a teenager and it really affected me.
List the recipes you want to try …
List your top ten favourite things to eat …
I am so passionate that everyone should feel confident with who they are. Being confident in yourself and your abilities is one of those things that makes life better. It goes a long way, whether you’re facing a difficult decision, adapting to a new situation or standing up against peer pressure, but I know it’s not always that easy and it takes time.
When I was younger and at high school, I found it really tough. I was so daunted by the older children and I hated it when people asked me questions or the teacher picked on me. I was really quiet and would go bright red and freeze up. Even if the rest of the class looked at me for any reason, I would feel my whole face go beetroot red from my neck upwards. It was also accompanied by this really horrible hot feeling and as soon as I knew it was happening, I just couldn’t stop it. It was one of the worst things about being at school. Even in my friendship group I would hate it when all the attention was on me, like if someone told a story about me or I was put on the spot about something. It wasn’t until I was about seventeen that I got over feeling like that. I think confidence can come and go depending on the situation you’re in. You might be really outgoing when you’re with your family and best friends but very shy at school like I was and I now realise that is completely normal.
As well as feeling confident, it is so important to feel good about your body and the way you look. As a teenager, I wanted bigger boobs like some of my friends, I hated my hair and there were some days when I hated everything about the way I looked. I also thought I was fat, which seems ridiculous looking back because I was never anything outside of completely normal. It was when I got into make-up for the first time when I was about fifteen that I started to feel better about the way I looked and this in turn made me feel more confident and happier. It meant I could experiment with my appearance and style myself like someone else. I remember that one day I was really inspired by Avril Lavigne, who seemed so confident and fierce. I applied loads of black eye make-up and wore black cords, a black top and sweatbands and it made me feel really powerful and kick-ass. By doing my make-up and styling my hair in a different way, I felt so much better. I think everyone can get inspiration from someone who is confident and form an image of the person they want to be, and this really helps.
Everyone is different and confidence grows with age. Enjoy your body, your looks and your shape but remember that it’s normal to feel bad sometimes, so if you don’t feel great, don’t give yourself a hard time. There was a time when I hated not wearing make-up and now I vlog completely barefaced, without a scrap of make-up, in front of thousands of people. Just know you are worthy and deserve to feel great.
MY TOP 10
WAYS TO FEEL MORE CONFIDENT
1. WALK THE WALK
Behave as if you were someone with loads of confidence by standing tall, carrying your head high and dressing well. By doing this, you will send the signal to both yourself and others that you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to.
2. TALK TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS
If you’re feeling down about yourself, get your family and friends to tell you all the things they love about you. If you are worried about something specific and it is getting you down, talking to a good friend can help simplify things and put them into perspective.
3. FIND YOUR FASHION INSPIRATION
Whether it’s a friend, someone you go to school or work with, or a celebrity, styling yourself on a more confident person, will make you feel more optimistic. I used to always admire girls in the years above me at school and study their every move!
4. FACE YOUR FEARS
By trying new things that you would normally avoid, you are stepping out of your comfort zone and making a fresh start. The rush from making these changes will boost your self-esteem. I remember being really worried about travelling to London on my own and thought I would get lost but when I finally did it, not only did I survive (of course!), but I also felt brilliant afterwards.
5. TAKE COMPLIMENTS
Don’t brush off compliments but learn to accept them. By doing this you will help to counterbalance negative thought patterns and build confidence.
6. DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
Remember you are unique and your talents and successes are entirely your own. It might seem like other people have wonderful lives but we never truly know what journey other people are on and everyone develops at different times. One of the sayings I like is, ‘Don’t overestimate everyone else and underestimate yourself.’
7. DON’T ALWAYS SEEK APPROVAL
Not everyone is going to think you’re great all the time so try not to worry what other people think. The only approval you really need is from inside yourself.
8. EAT, EXERCISE, PAMPER
A good way to start feeling more confident about who you are and what you can do is looking after yourself physically – by eating well and exercising. Also treat yourself to a well-deserved pamper session at least once a week and do whatever makes you feel good, be it having a long bubble bath, putting on a face mask or painting your toenails.
9. REDEFINE FAILURE
Don’t ponder over your mistakes or areas in your life when you haven’t achieved what you wanted to. Look at every experience as a learning one and you can’t go wrong. A good example of this is if you don’t get a job you want – use the interview as a learning experience, ask for feedback and move on. You never know what’s around the corner!
10. CELEBRATE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS
Reward yourself for the things you do well. Everyone has accomplished something in their lives, no matter whether it’s something huge or something tiny. Confidence will come naturally if you recognise and enjoy your successes.
List the things you aspire to be fearless at …
MY TOP 10
THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
1. BAKING
As you know, baking makes me feel really calm, relaxed and happy.
2. LUSH BUBBLE BATHS
I love baths and would have one every day if I could. Some of my favourite bath products come from Lush, because they smell delicious. I enjoy the whole experience of choosing what bubbles I’m going to have, lighting candles and placing them all around the edge of the bath and just lying back with a book feeling completely chilled.
3. PLAYING THE PIANO
I played piano up until grade six but I eventually gave up. Basically I lost interest because I was too busy being a teenager. This is one of my biggest regrets but, recently, Jim and I bought a piano for our flat and I hav
e started playing again. If I’m learning something really difficult, I can completely lose myself in it for an hour or two.
4. THE SEA
There is something so calming and tranquil about the sea. Just sitting and watching the waves crash against the shore can be so hypnotic and relaxing.
5. BLUE SKIES AND SUNNY DAYS
Nothing beats the feeling of being outside if the sun is shining and the skies are blue. Even if it’s freezing, I will wrap up warm and it always lifts my mood. Sometimes I feel anxious when it’s cloudy, but once someone told me to imagine that clear, blue sky is just above the clouds, to visualise you are on a plane and break through the clouds and picture the beautiful blue sky above it. Now if it is grey outside, I like to imagine it is a crystal-clear day.
6. REALLY COSY PJS
I have lots and lots of pyjamas, all of which are very cosy with cute prints on them. One of my most recent buys was an incredible fluffy white dressing gown with bear ears from Topshop. It is so soft and has made me very happy.
7. SINGING ALONG
Whether it’s to Disney or Beyoncé, singing along to my favourite tracks is a guaranteed way of making me feel cheerful.
8. FIREWORKS
I think everything about Guy Fawkes night is magical. I love being wrapped up warm with a sparkler in my hand and watching the sky in anticipation as the pretty fireworks illuminate the sky.
9. HAVING A CUP OF TEA AND WATCHING THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
If I have time, I like to take an hour’s break in the day to have a cup of tea in one of my favourite mugs and watch The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. It’s one of my guilty pleasures. I often do it in between filming and editing and when I come back to work, I feel relaxed and content.
10. CHARBONNEL ET WALKER CHOCOLATES
There is something really special about a beautiful box of chocolates and I love the packaging of Charbonnel et Walker goodies. I always keep the boxes for their sentimental value.
List the things that make you happy …
ANXIETY AND STRESS
Since I was a teenager I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. Some people say to me, ‘How can you have anxiety when you have such a great life and go to premieres and stuff like that?’ But for me, doing these kind of things doesn’t change the fact that I might have days where I feel really stressed and overwhelmed. Many people suffer from anxiety and different mental health conditions on loads of different levels and it is a huge topic, but some of my viewers have said that knowing I have suffered with anxiety has helped them. If you are one of these people, I hope that by talking about it and telling you how I stay positive and knowing that you’re not alone, comforts you in some way.
Everyone suffers from some level of anxiety and worries over things like school exams or problems at work because it’s a normal emotional state, but once the difficult situation is over, they feel calmer. Some people have an abnormal amount of anxiety and feel fearful when there’s nothing to be anxious about and this is when it becomes a problem and can affect their everyday lives. Panic can sometimes be like a bit of a vicious cycle because the fear of your life spinning out of control often leads to you feeling even more anxious.
According to research, it is said that one in four people will suffer from some form of mental health problem within their lives, and a large percentage of these problems will be related to anxiety or depression. So even if someone seems perfectly happy on the outside, you never know what’s going on inside their head. Each person’s struggle is totally unique to them. For example, although my friend Zoe and I can relate to each other a lot as she also experiences anxiety, the things that make us panic are totally different. I’ve never liked talking about it but I’ve actually found it easier to open up and speak about my experiences with anxiety as I’ve become older because I have realised that so many people suffer with it in some shape or form. A handful of people I work with do, and even members of my family and good friends have struggled with it on occasion. I think it’s important to talk, yet not focus on the bad times, and to look forward to how you can make things better.
For me I find my anxiety easiest to describe as feeling unsettled and a horrible feeling of dread. Sometimes the unsettled feeling can lead to a panic attack, caused by a sudden rush of adrenaline and an uncontrollable level of anxiety; my heart starts hammering and I feel sick and faint. This is a side of me that is very different to the one that most people see in my videos, when I am very happy and smiley. Of course I’m not really anxious all the time. On the whole I am a really positive, bubbly, happy person, but I have my ups and downs just like everyone else and my downs are usually related to the fact that I sometimes struggle with anxiety. The scariest part for me was when I was younger, as I didn’t speak to anyone about it properly and I felt totally isolated and thought I was going crazy. It totally ruined my self-esteem. When I was about fourteen I couldn’t sleep or eat properly for months. My parents tried to help and a therapist came to the house but I wasn’t ready to speak about it. I was so confused and thought I was crazy, so I just blocked her out. I remember coming down from upstairs in my house where I had been having a bath and I sat on the sofa and didn’t listen to a word she said. Since then I have learned more about myself and how to manage my anxiety. I have come to accept that when I feel anxious, sometimes it lasts for days and sometimes for weeks. Most of the time I feel so great and happy that when it happens it knocks me sideways, but it comes and goes and I’ve learned to deal with it better.
Talking to a therapist I was recommended to see has been life-changing for me. It had got to a point where I felt trapped in most situations and it was making my everyday life very difficult because I was making decisions based on my anxiety. Not only has she helped me to work on my fears and worries but she’s also made me become aware and mindful of the influence that my day-to-day thoughts have on my life and has taught me lots of different coping mechanisms; she’s also taught me to work with my thoughts rather than resist them. We have done some hypnosis, which is a pleasant state of deep relaxation and enhanced awareness.
Just a few months after I started working with her, I started feeling much better. She also says things to me like, ‘Be kinder to yourself, it starts with you.’ The change in me didn’t happen overnight. When I first started seeing my therapist it took me three months to feel better and get on top of my feelings. She has helped me see that I need balance in my life. When I am crazily busy and I don’t sleep enough or give myself time for just me, I am more prone to feeling anxious. There was a time when I had something on every hour of every day, but I don’t pack my diary so full any more. I know many people work long hours but my work also keeps going, so I always try to give myself a quiet day once a week where I can work on my blog or catch up on personal stuff.
However, too much time off and nothing to do can also make me feel anxious. My life has been very hectic for a few years but when I left school and was working part time, sometimes I felt a bit directionless and would feel anxious. I think everyone should apply this idea about balance to their lives; keep busy, have fun, work hard and go out as much as you like but don’t overdo it. If you’re between jobs or have a long period of time with nothing planned, make a plan to make the most of your time. I like to treat myself like one of those characters from The Sims, where players must fulfil their need to sleep, eat, acquire knowledge and so on, just like real human beings, and you can tell because they have these bars that show the different areas in their lives. There was one time when my sister and I were playing and we left our characters to go off and have dinner or something. When we came back, they were going mental and crying because their bars were low. Now I like to think of myself and other people like that and I think that being happy is all about balance. I like to keep the levels in different areas of my life well balanced, and as well as making sure I eat well and sleep enough, I spend time with my family and friends and keep stimulated intellectually.
Another thing I f
ind helps me when I’m feeling anxious is being distracted and having something else to focus on. Recently Jim and I were in a taxi and I started to feel bad, so we made up this whole story, using loads of different characters from various ages throughout history – it was a bit bonkers but it stopped me from thinking too much about how I was feeling and my anxiety really subsided.
Sometimes I struggle to sleep at night because I have so many thoughts whizzing around my head, but I’ve learned ways of making myself relax. For a start I make sure I switch off all my electronic devices, like my phone and my laptop, and take them out of the room because the light affects the body’s natural rhythms by releasing a hormone called cortisol, which makes us feel more awake. This hormone is also released in response to stress. I make sure I start to wind down at least an hour before bedtime and I tidy and potter around my bedroom, turn on my fairy lights, spray some This Works Deep Sleep Pillow spray onto my pillow and relax with a book. I find that reading really helps to focus my mind and switch off other worries and that after reading for a while, my eyelids will feel tired and heavy.
Now, I feel like I can handle so many situations I wouldn’t have been able to manage a couple of years ago. I’m also feeling anxious a lot less, which is so great. I have seen therapists on and off since I was about thirteen, but had never stuck with one before; I would just do the odd session and expect it to work first time. All I can say is that if you suffer from anxiety try to stick with working on it. I am so, so happy that I did and I wish you the best of luck. Obviously my therapist has helped me massively, so if you are struggling with anxiety please tell someone, whether it’s a doctor, friend or parent, and make sure you find someone who can really help you, even if that means trying a couple of different therapists – just please don’t feel alone.