SHIVER

by Tiffinie Helmer

  “No.” Fox was her son. She needed to talk to him. Alone. Raven tore out of the bedroom, ignoring Aidan swearing behind her.

  “Damn it, Raven.” Aidan grabbed her arm and swung her around as she reached for her coat. He hadn’t stopped to dress, standing there in all his glorious nakedness. “You aren’t keeping me out of this.” His eyes burned with intent. “He’s my son too.”

  She didn’t want to share Fox. How did she deal with this? She needed more time.

  Aidan gripped her shoulders. “Quit fighting it, Raven. You’re caught in a snare with no way out.”

  Oh God, he was right. She was trapped like an animal left to struggle until someone came along and ended it. Suddenly everything was all too much. Her shoulders sagged, and her legs gave out as a sob escaped her.

  Aidan helped her to a chair and lowered her onto the torn cushion. “Let me get dressed. Stay right there.”

  Raven wiped at the tears trailing down her cheeks, taking rapid breaths, hoping to get herself under control before he returned. With what seemed like mere seconds, Aidan was back fully dressed and slipping into his coat. She watched his movements, noticing the beauty in which he moved. Maybe if she focused on him everything else would fade away.

  What was she doing? She wasn’t some weak female. Where was her backbone? Her life had taken a hit, unquestionably, but she’d taken hits before. Granted this one involved her son, and all that she presumed to know about him, but she was his mother. She’d raised him. She could handle this.

  What other choice did she have?

  “Ready?” Aidan asked.

  Raven nodded, stood, and walked out of Earl Harte’s cabin with Aidan at her side, his hand on her elbow as though loaning her strength or staying close in case she crumbled. He guided her to her Suburban and opened the passenger door.

  “Get in.”

  She didn’t move. “If you have to come, you’ll drive yourself.”

  “You’re in no condition to drive.” He tightened his jaw in a no-nonsense action.

  “Like you are?” She indicated his head, seeing the lingering pain in his eyes. “You’ve been bashed in the head. I bet it’s pounding like a jackhammer.”

  “Yeah, and the longer we stand out here and argue about something you are going to lose, the more it pounds.” He picked her up and tossed her onto the seat as though she weighed nothing. “Put on your seatbelt.” He slammed the door and walked around the front of the vehicle.

  The surprise of his actions left her speechless until he got in the driver’s seat and held out his hand for the keys. “How are you going to get back?” She wasn’t driving him back out here. He had another thing coming if he thought he could stay at her place just because they’d had sex.

  “Let me worry about that. Now, hand over the keys.”

  She stared into his eyes and realized she was being an idiot. Her fear and hurt had transferred itself into anger as a way of surviving. The pain of knowing Fox had been aware of his paternity all this time, and had never talked with her about it, broke her heart. She reached into her coat pocket, pulled out the keys, and dropped them into his hand.

  “Thank you,” he said graciously, and started the engine.

  She didn’t need him being polite and gentlemanly. Where had his mad gone? An afternoon rolling around in bed couldn’t have snuffed out the anger she knew he still harbored over her lies.

  This was getting her nowhere. She needed to concentrate on what she was going to say to Fox, not her situation with Aidan. Nothing mattered right now except her son.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Aidan glanced over at Raven. She sat like a block of ice, gazing out her window as he drove them to her house. She wasn’t seeing the frozen landscape—at least what little could be seen in the darkness. The news about Fox had hit her like a sucker punch to the gut. He doubted she’d caught her breath yet.

  Much the way she’d stolen his this afternoon.

  He was still angry, yet torn with the need to hold her, tell her everything would be okay, that together they could fix this. But how did he do that when she didn’t want his help and he didn’t know if he could forgive her lies? She didn’t want him in her life even after the incredible lovemaking they’d experienced this afternoon.

  He tightened his jaw and then tried to relax the muscles as the action caused his head to pound harder. After they talked to Fox, he needed to find Pike. See if he’d noticed any suspicious characters around town. Someone had upped the ante this afternoon when they’d taken a swing at his head.

  Aidan parked the suburban in Raven’s driveway and turned off the engine. He glanced at her and realized that at some point in their journey, she’d pulled it together. No longer did she look as though she’d collapse if another snag presented itself. He couldn’t help wonder, and envy, how she’d done it.

  She turned to him, her eyes brimming with hurt, which had his gut clenching. “Since you’re insisting on being here, we need to agree on a plan of action,” she said.

  Damn, but she was formidable. He never would have guessed that the teenager she’d been would have grown into such a capable, confident, independent woman. “Okay, how do you want to play it?”

  She seemed taken aback at his easy agreement. Hell, she’d been a parent for almost twelve years. He’d only been one for a few days.

  “Well…I’m not quite sure.” She worried her bottom lip.

  “Raven.” He reached for her hand, surprised at how cold it was. “Regardless of his secrets, Fox loves you.”

  She glanced down at their clasped hands, and he thought she blinked back tears. “Thanks for that.”

  He tilted her face up and gazed into eyes swimming with tears. He couldn’t help himself from leaning over and lightly kissing her lips. “I’ll follow your lead, okay?”

  She gave him a jerky nod. “Okay.” Taking a deep breath, she opened her door and stepped out.

  They entered the cabin through an arctic entry where they shed their coats and hung them on hooks. From there they crossed into a great open room with the kitchen off to the left, and a living and dining room area with a cathedral ceiling, all covered with tongue and groove pine. A dramatic wall of windows with a pair of French doors leading to a large deck overlooked the frozen Chatanika River and glacial-topped mountain range beyond.

  “Fox?” Raven hollered when they found the room empty.

  “Up here,” he answered from above.

  Aidan glanced up to see a loft over the kitchen area. Fox leaned over the railing and froze when he caught sight of both his parents.

  “Uh…hi,” he said, obviously knowing the gig was up.

  “Could you come down here, please,” Raven said.

  “Sure. Just give me a minute to save my game.” He disappeared from the railing.

  Aidan glanced at Raven, caught her taking another deep breath. She met his eyes for a moment and then walked into the kitchen, reached into a cabinet for a bottle of Tylenol, and shook out a few pills. Next, she filled a glass of water and returned to where he’d stayed standing. “Take these.”

  He took them, speechless that with all the turmoil she was going through, she remembered his head bashing and thought to help relieve the pain drumming his skull. He swallowed the pills and downed the water, handing the empty glass back to her, where she set it on the kitchen counter just as Fox came down the stairs.

  “Am I in trouble?” Fox asked, stopping midway, his hand tightening on the log railing.

  Aidan couldn’t help twitching his lips. Nothing got by this kid. His kid.

  “No.” Raven motioned to the sofa. “Have a seat, Fox.”

  “Sounds like I’m in trouble.” He finished the trek down the stairs and sat down on a leather loveseat that had seen some use. Not so much that it was in need of being replaced, but comfortable, broken in. Raven’s house reflected the same. This was a home where you could kick off your shoes and be at ease. Except that now, none of them felt at ease. The tension in the room wa
s rising faster than snowpack levels during a blizzard.

  Raven took a seat on the opposite sofa, and Aidan joined her. She glanced at him when he sat but didn’t say anything, though Aidan knew she wished he wasn’t there. Another deep breath and she began. “I know you’re aware that Aidan is your father.”

  Fox paled. “Mom—”

  Raven held up her hand. “Let me speak first. Okay?”

  Fox nodded, swallowing, his eyes huge in his young face.

  “I’m sorry, Fox.” Her voice broke, and she stopped for a moment before continuing. “Keeping your father from you was not to punish you. I love you. You’re the most important person in my life. I should have told you a long time ago that Aidan was your father. But things were…are…complicated.”

  “That didn’t make it right,” Fox said, his initial surprise gone, and years of resentment hardening his face.

  “I know.” She sighed. “Someday, I hope you’ll understand why I did what I did and be able to forgive me.”

  Fox glanced at Aidan and then back to Raven. “You kept me from my father, how do I forgive that?”

  Raven sucked in her breath, and Aidan found himself coming to her defense even though he felt the same anger that Fox did over the choices Raven had made. “Fox, a lot of things happened when your mother found out she was pregnant.”

  He snorted. “Yeah, but what kept her from telling me about you when you showed up? Or admitting to you that I was your son?” He turned back to Raven. “Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”

  She clasped her fingers together, the knuckles white. “Honestly? I don’t know,” she said softly.

  “This is messed up.” Fox curled his lip into a sneer and fell back against the back of the loveseat.

  “I was young, Fox. Scared.” Raven glanced between the two of them. “Still scared.”

  “You’re scared of him?” Fox asked with a raise of his brow.

  “Yes.” Raven leaned forward, anchored her arms on her knees. “Fox, I’m scared of losing you. I kept your parentage a secret for reasons that I truly believed, at the time—” she flicked a glance at Aidan “—were in your best interest. I did it to protect you. It was a different time, there were circumstances I couldn’t control, and I was very young.” She took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew? Why didn’t you come and talk to me? I thought we could always talk about everything.”

  It was Fox’s turn to look down. “He made me promise.”

  “Earl?” Raven asked.

  Fox nodded then rushed to say, “I wanted so bad to know who my father was, and Mr. Harte was the only one talking.”

  “What…what kind of relationship did you have with him?” Raven asked.

  Fox shrugged his shoulder, not meeting her gaze, rather he seemed fascinated with the invisible pattern his finger drew on the leather of the couch. “Mr. Harte liked to talk and show me stuff.”

  “What kind of stuff?”

  He glanced up at her tone. “It’s not what you’re thinking. He was lonely.”

  The hell he was, Aidan thought. Earl had an agenda. He liked being alone, chose to live his life as far from civilization as he could comfortably get. He hadn’t been lonely. He’d either been using Fox, or maybe he enjoyed the kid’s company. Could the old man have mellowed as he’d gotten older and liked the idea of being a grandfather? The thought was hard to swallow, but it was easier to take than knowing Earl had befriended Fox, and kept his relationship from Aidan for the pure evil enjoyment of it. The bastard was probably laughing his ass off from whatever Hell he’d ended up in.

  “What kind of…things…did you do with him?” Raven asked.

  “Mr. Harte talked, mostly. But he showed me how to do things.” He looked down as though he didn’t want to admit what kind of things.

  “Weapons?” Aidan prompted, his guts twisted.

  “Uh…yeah.” Fox quickly tried to explain, “He thought it was best that I knew how to protect myself.”

  “What kind of weapons, Fox?” Raven asked, her voice trembling.

  “Uhm, target shooting, traps, how to blow up stuff.”

  “You were playing with explosives?” Raven jumped to her feet. “I have always told you to stay away from that monster. You knew that he killed my dad, your grandfather, by setting off a bomb!”

  “Raven.” Aidan rose and placed a hand on Raven’s shoulder, hoping to lend her support and also calm her down. Fox wasn’t reacting to Raven’s anger in a positive way. His lips had tightened, and his breathing came in hard pants.

  Turning, she shrugged off Aidan’s hand. “This is why I didn’t want Fox to know about you. I didn’t want him anywhere around that sadistic bastard.”

  “He wasn’t like that!” Fox yelled, getting to his feet too. “I liked him. He treated me decent. He told me that Grandpa Fox’s death had been an accident, but nobody would believe him. They just blamed him. And you would have kept me away from him.” Fox pointed an accusing finger at Raven. “Just like you kept me away from my father!” He turned and ran out of the cabin.

  “Fox!” Raven rushed to follow. “Fox, come back here.”

  Aidan grabbed her arm. “Let him go.”

  Raven turned on him. “Don’t tell me how to handle my son.”

  Aidan felt like she’d slapped him. He released her and took a step back. “Our son.” He left her standing there, knowing if he didn’t get away he’d do or say something he couldn’t recover from. In the arctic entry, he grabbed his coat and noticed Fox’s smaller one still hanging on the hook. He grabbed it and slammed the door on his way out. Hearing the sound of the door crashing in its frame soothed the snarling beast inside him.

  He found Fox with his dogs. It was where Aidan had always gone as a boy, until Earl had killed Nugget. Fox was on his knees, his face buried in the thick fur of Lucien’s neck, the Husky taking the kid’s weight and grief like a champ. There was a reason a dog was considered man’s best friend. No other being on earth loved unconditionally like a dog.

  “Hey,” Aidan said as he approached, giving Fox time to wipe his tears, pretending that he didn’t notice his son had been crying, though the thought of the troubles wracking Fox, caused pain to tighten his belly. “You forgot this.” He handed Fox his coat. “It’s more than chilly out here.” By his calculations, and the white plumes of air his words produced, it had dropped to twenty below.

  “Thanks,” Fox muttered, standing, taking the coat and shrugging it on. He didn’t meet Aidan’s eyes.

  Aidan inched closer, petting Lucien behind the ears, who continued to lend support. “You should cut your mom a break.”

  That had Fox raising his head and meeting Aidan’s eyes head on. “Are you serious? She lied to me.”

  He almost laughed at the repeat of his own words to Raven earlier that day. Had that been only this morning? “Yes, she did. So, she isn’t perfect.”

  “Yeah, but her lie was a whopper.”

  Aidan couldn’t help the laugh. “I agree, but technically, so was yours.”

  “Huh?”

  “Think about how she’s feeling right now. She just found out that you knew I was your father, since you were seven, and that you had a relationship with a man she hated and feared.” Aidan gave that a moment to sink in. “Tell me something. How would you classify your relationship with your mother?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you fight, butt heads, or is she one you can talk to, the kind of mom who listens, always there for you?”

  Fox twisted his lips. “The last part,” he said reluctantly.

  “So, you have a good relationship then.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah.”

  “Listen, Fox, I’m not excusing her for what she did. Hell, I’m still upset about all this too. But it wouldn’t hurt to try and see things from her point of view.”

  “I guess so,” he muttered.

  Aidan snorted. “That’s some pretty damn good advice I just gave you. I should take it myself
.”

  Fox gave him a half smile. “Yeah, but it’s easier to be mad.”

  That sobered him fast. He didn’t want Fox struggling with temper like he did. “Not in the long run.” Aidan sighed and looked around. The dogs had lost interest in them, some settling down inside their houses, while a few were curled up on straw in front of the openings. Lucien yawned, stretched his legs out in front of him and laid his head on his paws. “People say and do things when they are mad that are sometimes impossible to come back from.”

  Damn, this father-son stuff was tough. He rubbed a hand through his hair, wincing when he connected with the bump on the back of his head. “I know you’re hurting. That’s where most anger comes from. Your mom’s hurting too.”

  “Are you…hurting?”

  He found himself having to swallow before answering. “Yeah.”

  “Are you going to leave? Go back to Seattle?”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He cracked a smile. “I just found out I have a son. I’d like to get to know him.”

  A full smile spilt across Fox’s face.

  Aidan reached out and ruffled the boy’s hair. Suddenly Fox threw himself into his arms and hugged him. Emotion swamped Aidan. He reached around and hugged his son back in return. They separated before Aidan lost his hold on the tears threatening to drown his eyes.

  They stood there both trying to man up.

  Aidan cleared his throat, knowing he had to address one more thing before he left.

  “Fox.” Aidan waited until Fox looked up at him. “No matter what Earl told you, he was responsible for killing Raven’s dad. She’s justified in her feelings. He might have treated you good, but he wasn’t a good man.” Fox furrowed his brow, and Aidan knew he wanted to argue. “Just think about what I said, okay. And when you’ve calmed down, talk to your mom. I know she’s sick over all of this. Can you do that?”

  Fox’s chest swelled. “Yes, I can do that.”

  Aidan smiled. “You are one fine young man, and you owe that to your mother.”