Zoe is waiting for me when I get inside. “If you’ve got a moment, Will wants to talk to you.” Zoe looks back and forth between Jared and I slightly narrowing her eyes like she’s trying to figure something out.
I blush wondering if she can tell that he and I just made out, and on top of my parents graves, no less. I feel kind of bad about that part. I smile sheepishly as I head up the stairs to find Will sitting on the edge of my bed with his shirt off, wiping away the last bit of green goo on his very well defined muscles. His wound is completely healed now, his skin once again smooth and untarnished with the exception of a faint white scar.
“Their weapons are the only things that leave scars on us,” he says catching me staring. Instinctively my hand goes to my own scar where I too had been stabbed. Of course, I’d stabbed myself and he was attacked, so there’s that.
“I’m so glad that you’re okay.” I walk across the room where I hug him tightly before pulling back to double check.
He laughs. “Hanna, you can stop. Really, I’m okay.”
“Yeah, now, but you didn’t see what I saw.” Memories of him being attacked and me not being fast enough to save him run through my mind. “I was getting really scared that you weren’t going to make it and if I hadn’t found that shard in your wound you might not have.”
“What did you do with it by the way?”
“I put in on the nightstand over there. Why? It’s not still dangerous is it?” I need to know if I should start panicking again.
“No, but I want to keep it.”
“Why would you want to keep it? It almost killed you.”
“Exactly.” At my look of confusion he elaborates. “It’ll remind me that I need to be stronger because any moment could be my last.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him before he stabbed you. If I was in better control maybe I could have prevented it, but I have no idea what I’m doing half the time.”
Will slips his shirt over his head pushing his arms through the sleeves. “You saved my life twice tonight Hanna. You have nothing to be sorry for. And even if you were in better control, who’s to say the outcome wouldn’t have been the same. No matter how much we try, or how in control we think we are, we can’t always control what happens. I don’t blame you and you shouldn’t blame you either.”
“But it’s my fault that you got hurt in the first place. Blondie was there for me and you suffered for it.”
“And I’d suffer again if I had too.” He shifts angling himself to face me. “I care for you Hanna, I won’t deny that, but it’s also my job as a Guardian to protect you and I take that seriously. I won’t let Blondie hurt you.”
***
“Ready?” Jared asks coming around to stand beside me.
I spent all day yesterday dreading this very moment. And at the end of it I thought I’d convinced myself that I could do it, that I’d be okay, but now that Lake Haven High is looming up in front of me, well, I’m not so sure anymore. What if everyone in there stares at me or asks me questions about what happened at The Iron Knife a week ago? Questions I can’t answer. Questions I don’t want to answer.
Jared takes my hand smiling at me encouragingly. “Come on. It won’t be that bad. I promise.” He leads me up the steps, through the front doors, and then stops to pull me in front of him. Keeping my hand in his, only inches separate our bodies. “If you’re worried that everyone is going to be asking you about The Iron Knife we could always give them something else to talk about.” He smiles seductively then kisses me in front of the whole school. And not just a small peck on the lips either. It’s the kind of kiss that leaves your heart pounding in your chest, your lungs void of all breath, and your skin flush. The kind of kiss where time stands still and the outside world no longer exists and it’s just you and this person in one perfect moment that you hope never ends.
His lips leave mine and I slowly open my eyes. My heart flutters with the way he looks at me and I’m no longer afraid of unasked questions or unwanted stares. As long as I have him, I can handle anything. He smiles and together we face the crowded hallway. Everyone stares, but now I don’t know if it’s because of what happened at The Iron Knife or because of the way Jared just kissed me. There’s freedom in not knowing and I relax a little.
We walk hand in hand down the hall heading for my locker when I spot Kat. Our eyes meet and for a second she smiles. She takes a step toward me and then she notices my hand in Jared’s, and if that wasn’t bad enough, Will and Zoe pick that exact moment to appear at my side. Whatever friendly look we momentarily shared is gone and her big brown eyes now stare at me cold and angry. Kat slams her locker, turns on her heels, and then storms off down the hall.
“Kat, wait.” I call after her. Either she doesn’t hear me or she’s choosing to ignore me. My guess is on the latter.
“Guess she’s still mad,” Zoe says giving me a look of apology. “Sorry again for getting you in trouble with Kat. If I’d known she was so into my brother I wouldn’t have said what I said at Frank’s.”
“All girls are into me,” Will states like its fact. Meeting my eye he winks.
“Not this girl.” Jared takes my hand, twirling me around until my back is against his chest and his arms are wrapped around my waist. “This one’s all mine.” He plants a big kiss on my cheek. Hurt flickers in Will’s eyes at the realization that Jared and I are together together, but he buries it so fast, I’m not really sure if I’d actually seen it there or not.
“Maybe for now, but soon even Hanna will be captivated by my charming good looks,” Will jokes as he poses with his back held straight, his chest puffed out, his hands on his hips, and his chin tilted upward.
Jared laughs. “Like I said the other night.” He clasps a hand on Will shoulder. “No competition.”
“So anyway.” Zoe maneuvers us away from the guys and their displays of masculinity. “After school there’s this place just outside of Belbridge that Will and I want to take you to, to work on,” she drops her voice down to a whisper, “controlling your abilities.” Her blue eyes, a shade lighter than Will’s gloss over, her thoughts taking her someplace far from here. “It’s long been abandoned by the world, but I like to imagine it was amazing once. Will and I used to hang out with Sam there. It was like our little get away place to escape everything.”
“The church,” I mutter.
Her eyes come back into focus as she looks at me. “What did you say?”
“The church,” I repeat. “I found it one day when I was out driving around. I think Sam wanted me to find it. I saw you and Will there in his memories. You had long hair then. Sam liked your hair long.”
Her hand goes to her hair smoothing it down. “I know.” She wipes at her eyes though I’m not sure there are actual tears there. “It’s hard when you lose a best friend.” She turns away from me, hiding her face.
I know it’s not the same kind of loss that Zoe’s feeling, but suddenly I miss Kat so much it hurts. She and I have been friends for as long as I can remember and I can’t imagine my life without her in it. I have to do whatever I can to make things right between us. Maybe I can talk to her in class or at lunch, if she’ll listen to me, that is. And once everything gets hashed out, I’m sure we can put our fight behind us and go back to being friends. Resolved to do just that, I head to class.
I don’t see Kat for the first half of the day and by the time lunch rolls around I’m starting to get nervous. Normally Kat, Jared, and I sit together, but now I wonder what I’ll be walking into. Will I find her at our table or will I not? Will she speak to me or will she blow me off? Being in a fight with her is making me sick to my stomach and even though she said some pretty mean things along with accusing me of stuff I didn’t do, i.e. stealing potential boyfriends from her, I’m still willing to forgive her. We’ve been through too much together and been friends for too long to let some boy come between us. Surely, she’ll realize that too. Right?
I brace myself before entering the cafeter
ia where I find only Jared sitting alone at our usual table. No Kat. Maybe she decided to sit with Jessica and Ryan and the rest of the cheerleader/football team. I glance toward the left side of the cafeteria where all the jocks congregate, no Kat there either; in fact, I don’t see her anywhere. My hopes of us making up slowly fade as I scan the room. Is she skipping to avoid me?
“Hey,” Zoe says as she comes up beside me.
“Hey.”
Temporarily giving up on looking for Kat, I get in line behind Zoe, each of us grabbing a tray. The lunch lady slaps on some mashed potatoes, carrots, an apple, and some kind of mystery meat that Zoe wrinkles her nose at. At the end of the line I grab my silverware and chocolate milk. “Have you seen Kat around?” I ask hopeful.
“Nope. Sorry.” Zoe follows me to the table where I sit beside Jared and she sits in Kat’s usual seat. It feels wrong. Resisting the urge to tell her to move I go back to scanning the cafeteria for Kat. I don’t see her, but I do spot Will a few tables away flirting with some sophomore girls. He has them completely enthralled, practically drooling on the table.
“So how’s your first day back been treating you?” Jared asks with a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
“Not too bad. Only occasional stares and questions about what happened at The Iron Knife. Most people seemed to be more interested in our very public display of affection this morning.” My face reddens a little. Slightly embarrassed, I look down at my tray of food. This whole public dating thing is new to me. Yes, I’ve had a boyfriend before, but that was back in 9th grade and the only exciting thing we ever did was go to a movie—once—where we held hands. A week later he dumped me for Suzie Prescott.
“Glad I could help.” Jared smiles all cute like with his little dimple and I can’t help but smile back. He nudges my knee with his under the table. “Should you require any additional help, my services are at your disposal.” My stomach does a summersault while my face; I’m guessing, takes on the color of a very ripe tomato. Watching me squirm he laughs.
“Hey look, I think I see Kat over there,” Zoe says pointing across the cafeteria.
I look in the direction she’s pointing to see Kat sitting with Amber Bradford. To say that I’m confused is an understatement. Kat has never been friends with Amber so why is she sitting with her now? Kat catches me staring. With a smirk she glares back in defiance. Breaking eye contact first, she leans into Amber, whispering something into her ear. A moment later they both gaze back at me giggling. This time, I look away.
I poke at my mystery meat pushing it around my plate. I’m not very hungry anymore and the food doesn’t quite look edible anyway. I stab the chunk of meat holding it up. It could be turkey or it could be last week’s science experiment. It’s hard to tell.
“I wouldn’t eat that if I were you,” Will says as he takes a seat across the table from me. “I’m pretty sure I saw one grow legs and walk off a tray back there.” He points over his shoulder with his thumb. I let the meat drop back onto my tray with a gloopy splash.
After lunch the rest of the afternoon passes by in a daze. I only hear half of what anyone says to me because all I can think about is Kat and Amber. Why were they sitting together? Were they talking about me? Did they bond because they both like Jared, but he likes me, so now they’re going to form an ‘I hate Hanna club’?
By the time I’m heading to art class my stomach is in knots over whether I should be hurt over my broken friendship with Kat, or angry because of the stupid cause of it.
Both. I think maybe I’m both.
I’m hurt and I’m angry and I hate it. I hate feeling like this, and I hate fighting with her, and I hate that this is the last class of the day making this my last chance to try and talk to her, because once schools out for the day, she’ll be gone. I’m running out of time. Taking a deep breath, I push open the door with prepared words at the tip of my tongue that all fall away when I see her chair sitting empty.
As stupid and irrational as it is anger flares inside of me burning through my veins like acid because she’s not in class, because she’s probably skipping to avoid me. It’s so stupid that she’s mad at me because I didn’t do anything wrong. Granted, I maybe should have told her that Will took me home and that he was at my house for a while, but I doubt it would have mattered anyway. She would have still gotten pissed off and she still would have jumped to conclusions. Because that’s what she always does.
I slam my books down generating some stares that I ignore while I grab a paintbrush, some paints, and a blank canvas. Miss Willow drones on at the head of the class explaining the assignment. Her words go in one ear and out the other without ever really being heard. I can’t focus on anything other than my anger at Kat for avoiding me.
I squeeze first some blood red paint and then some shiny black onto my palette before dipping my brush into them to smear the colors together. The brush in my hand moves over the canvas with mad strokes, but it’s not enough so I use my hands instead to smear the colors over the harsh whiteness. Wiping my hands on my smock, I grab the brush adding more colors and shapes without really paying attention to what it is I’m actually painting because I’m too angry to care.
“Wow.” Rain Rivers comes up to stand beside me, a look of amazement on her pale white face. “It’s so raw.”
“What?”
“Your painting.” She points her finger forward giving me a ‘duh what else would I be talking about’ look.
I turn back to my painting really seeing it for the first time. My paintbrush falls from my hand, clattering against the floor. Painted on the canvas before me is an angel in chains. He’s surrounded by swirls and streaks of red and black crisscrossing and overlapping one another. On his knees with his head bent forward, dark curls obscure his features. Thick metal cuffs wrap around his wrists chaining him to the floor and from his bare back black feathered wings arch outward.
Miss Willow places her bony hand on my shoulder. “Very nice Hanna, but the assignment was to paint a bowl of fruit. You’ll need to redo it if you want a passing grade.”
I glance at the paintings near me. All of them bowls of fruit. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I painted this.” And honestly, I don’t. I don’t even really remember doing it. I mean I knew I was painting, but I was so focused on my anger that I didn’t know what I was painting. Slightly scared, I look at my paint stained hands as though they weren’t mine, but some possessed parts that took on a life of their own.
The bell rings startling me as the students around me begin shuffling out.
“Why don’t you come down tomorrow during your free period Hanna,” Miss Willow suggests. “You can redo it then.” She pats me on the shoulder then leaves me to clean up my mess.
By the time I get everything put away the hall is mostly clear aside from a few students finishing up at their lockers. Two girls I recognize from history class quickly glance at me then at each other giggling as they pass. I’m in a bad, angry, confused, I don’t even know what kind of mood, and I’m about to ask them what their problem is when I see my locker. Scrawled across the front and painted in shiny pink is the word ‘whore’.
Turning around, the two giggling girls are gone and I’m left standing alone in a now empty hallway with nobody to question, or more likely lash out at. Who would do this? The paint, I swipe a finger through it, correction nail polish, is still wet leaving little pink trails down my locker.
“Very fitting don’t you think?” I turn to see Amber Bradford standing in the middle of the hall behind me. Her arms are crossed, a condescending look etched onto her face.
“Did you do this?” I glance at her fingernails. Sky blue.
“No. But maybe I know who did.” She smiles in an unfriendly way. Before I can ask who, she struts down the hall flipping her hair over her shoulder.
My eyes start to burn with the threat of tears. I can’t leave this on my locker for everyone in the school to see. If they haven’t already, I think bitterly to myself.
&nb
sp; Across the hall in the bathroom, I wet a paper towel, adding some soap. Fingernail polish remover would be better, but sometimes you just have to work with what you have. The hall is deserted when I return from the bathroom and I start to wonder if it really was Amber who did it. Because if it wasn’t her then the only other person I can come up with is Kat, and I really don’t want to go there.
I scrub my locker smearing the nail polish into a pink mess taking what comfort I can in the fact that it’s a little harder to read now. But what I want is for it to be gone. What I want is for it to have never been there at all. I scrub harder as I think back to the way Kat and Amber kept whispering to each other at lunch. Could they have done this together?
A hole rips in the center of the paper towel under the pressure of my scrubbing showing the smeared pink letters beneath. It’s not coming off. No matter how hard I scrub those stupid pink letters just won’t go away.
In a fit, I heave the wad of paper towels. Anger, hurt, betrayal, all of it rushes out of me. And as soon as the paper towels smack the floor, all the lockers in the hall burst open slamming against each other. The sound is deafening. Covering my ears, I drop to my knees.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Hanna.” Warm hands cover mine pulling them away from my ears. “Are you okay?” Jared glances at all of the opened lockers then back to me. “Did you do all this?” His green eyes peer into mine and I can’t help but notice how beautiful they are outlined in a darker deeper green with little yellow and brown flecks in them. “Hanna?”
“Huh?”
A small grin tugs at the corner of his mouth, the dimple in his cheek emerging. My heart flutters. I love when he smiles like that. “Come on.” He helps me to my feet. “We’ll help you close all the lockers.”
“We?” I look past him noticing for the first time that Will and Zoe are with him, both of them already closing lockers at the far end of the hall.
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