by Vivian Arend
Gabe said Ben had “issues”.
Whatever. Rafe thought his dad was a jerk, and he should grow up and act like a dad again.
Thinking about girls was far more interesting than analyzing the tension at home.
He poked Laurel in the side, and she shot upright, covering her mouth with a hand to stop from shrieking.
“What’s so funny?” he demanded.
She made a big fuss over straightening the things in front of them, and didn’t answer. Uh-oh. Avoidance, which meant she was trying not to have to lie. She was a truly shitty liar.
He rapped his knuckles on her head. “Earth to Laurel…what is your twisted sense of humour doing in there?”
“Mr. Coleman. Please keep your hands to yourself and leave your study partner alone.”
The aide directed a warning look at both of them, and Laurel had a coughing fit as Rafe smiled politely. “Yes, sir.”
They waited until the TA was on the far side of the room before leaning toward each other. “You sure all you did was give her a kiss?” she asked.
“Duh. You’d think I’d know.” He pulled back, slightly worried now. “Why? What’d you hear?”
“Third base.”
“Hell, no,” Rafe shouted in surprise.
Their classmates, including the young lady he’d been playing tonsil hockey with the night before, twisted on the spot to watch as the aide bore down on them double-quick.
“Oops,” Laurel muttered, gathering their books into two piles. “Your fault, again.”
Rafe bit the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing out loud as the TA snapped up a hand and pointed toward the door. “I assume you two remember the route to the principal’s office?”
Laurel waited until they were out the door and on the stairwell landing before turning to him, and wearing her most innocent expression, sweetly asking, “Shall we go straight there, or take the more scenic road to hell?”
She smiled from ear to ear then let her laughter loose. Rafe joined in, because the fact they had names for the trip to the office was beyond stupidly funny. He had to prop himself up with one hand on the wall to keep vertical as they both laughed until they were gasping, stomachs hurting, in spite of being in trouble.
Or maybe because of it—best friends who did everything together.
June, three years ago
Lights sparkled off the shiny disco balls hanging over the school gymnasium floor, sending twinkling flashes over fancy dresses and borrowed suits and tuxes. Stars spun overhead, hung from long threads, and the entire room looked like a throwback to some cheesy eighties movie.
Rafe leaned on the nearest wall and watched with amusement.
Graduation night—small-town style. As the youngest in the Coleman clan, he’d heard stories from his cousins who’d experienced it before, some many years before him. He’d compared their memories to what he’d seen on TV and in the movies, and come up with a pretty realistic set of expectations.
Grad in Rocky didn’t run to rented limos or extravagant hotel banquet halls at an expensive hotel. There was no sneaking off to check into hotels with prom dates to have sex…
Heck, their classmates who wanted to have sex were already having it, and the holdouts wouldn’t bother trying tonight when everyone would be on the lookout for anyone going wild.
His amusement lingered as he searched out one feminine figure, making sure she was having fun and didn’t want to leave.
Pastor Dave’s ban on dating still stood, but for once Laurel’s argument that they were just friends had made a difference. Rafe had gotten permission to pick her up and bring her home, and he was not going to do anything to mess up at this point. Not with Laurel going away at the end of the summer.
She was off to school, and he would stay in Rocky to help his brother, Gabe, with his new fiancée, Allison, hopefully turn around the Angel Coleman ranch troubles by going organic.
A whole lot of years of friendship were about to come to an end, and there was a knot in his belly as he considered it. A sense of sadness.
She was spinning in a circle, holding her friends’ hands, the girls a tangle of laughter and joy. Heads thrown back, bright happiness pouring off them.
Rafe stepped forward, unable to resist being a part of it.
Bad timing on his part, or maybe it was brilliant. The music changed as he took her hand, pulling her close for a dance. A slow ballad filled the air—something that called for their bodies to be pressed together as they swayed under the flickering lights.
It wasn’t unexpected for his body to react. Especially when Laurel looked up at him, nibbling on her bottom lip, eyes full of trust.
Rafe went hot everywhere.
“Stop wiggling like that,” he ordered. “You’re turning me on.”
She snickered. “Stupid man hormones. You get turned on in a high breeze, Coleman.”
He wondered if it was more than just stupid man hormones. At this point, thinking about her turned him on, but he knew better than to push it. He eased away, trying to create some room so his cock didn’t rub up against her. She didn’t cooperate. Instead, she stepped closer with that determined expression in her eyes.
“Devil woman,” he warned, forcing her to a safer distance as they danced. She gave in to his superior strength, finally going back to the modest clutch that he found just as tempting without being deliberately seductive.
Even him getting a hard-on around her on a regular basis hadn’t messed up their friendship. It’s not as if they were fooling around. Laurel could be pretty blunt when it came to talking about sex—like she was blunt about everything. And he appreciated it, he really did, although sometimes he wished…
He didn’t even know what he wished.
They were in his truck, and he was driving her home when she dropped the bomb.
“I’m going to Bible College in September.”
“Knew that,” Rafe said, taking the long route. The one that took them all the way around Rocky, because he wasn’t ready for the night to end.
She sighed. “You don’t know I’m going on a mission trip first.”
He tightened his grip on the wheel. “Where?”
“Belize. They had a last-minute opening, and I was on the wait list. I’ll be doing volunteer work in an orphanage for two months.”
He did the math and ended up with an aching pit in his stomach. “When do you leave?”
She laid a hand on his arm. “End of next week I head to boot camp.”
“Fuck.”
“Rafe…” Laurel chastised.
“Damn?”
She laughed, but her heart wasn’t in it. “I know. Me too.”
Rafe had known it was coming, but he’d kept hoping it wouldn’t really happen. “Will you be at home at all before you start school?”
“No.”
Such a simple word. Such a damning, horrible, heart-and-soul-killing word.
Impulsively, he pulled into the parking lot at the wilderness center, stopping the engine so they could sit in silence and watch the sunset paint the nearby Rocky Mountains with gold and red as he tried to deal with reality.
His angel was flying away. It had to happen. She’d leave, he’d stay—friends knew the world went on. Friends didn’t expect forever.
Rafe turned to face her. “Going to miss you.”
She nodded as if unable to speak, her pale blue eyes filling with tears.
Damn it. They’d talked about this, but now that it was real, he couldn’t accept it. He caught her in his arms and pulled her close, hugging her as if that could change anything.
She clung back, fingers on his shoulders, the soft scent of her filling him more and more with every breath he took. Warmth and connection growing.
Changing…
As they cuddled together in the growing darkness, he found himself playing with her hair. His fingers teased her fancy up-do until it came apart in his hands, and silky seduction draped over his fingers. A shiver took him as he imag
ined the long strands sliding over his naked skin.
Rafe went cold, then flaming, wickedly hot.
She lifted her chin and stared at him with wonder in her eyes.
It was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong, but everything right between them until now had led to this moment.
“I’m going to kiss you,” he warned.
She opened her mouth slightly, and the soft sound of longing that escaped ricocheted through his system, hitting all his on buttons and shoving them to high.
They both leaned in, and their lips met.
Sweet.
Brief.
A brush together, then apart. Yet with one taste, he was lost. He curled his fingers into the hair at the back of her neck and gripped tighter.
He went in for another kiss, this one deeper. Longer. Totally and utterly blown away by the fact that everything they’d ever joked about while watching their friends fall in love—like seeing stars and feeling the earth shake—all of those hokey clichés were true.
They fumbled in the dark, kissing harder, moving together until she was straddling his lap and he had his hands sliding up her bare legs, under her skirt. He cupped the soft fabric covering her butt and dragged her closer, putting heat and pressure over his fully engaged cock.
She’d untucked his dress shirt and was frantically undoing the buttons, her bare palms bumping his abdomen as she worked, and he was going to die because they couldn’t do this—
And there was nothing he wanted more.
He caught her wrists, trapping them beside their hips. It forced him to stop groping her as well, and they shifted their torsos far enough apart they could catch their breaths. Chests heaving as they struggled for control.
“We shouldn’t,” he whispered, “but I have never wanted anyone the way I want you right now.”
“Me too.” She took a deep breath and blew it out in a long, steady stream. “So, what do we do?”
For some stupid reason his brother Gabe’s words rolled in. “Sometimes what we want to do and what we need to do are two different things.”
Laurel wiggled her wrists and he released her. She caught the front of his open shirt, tugging until she could smooth the fabric over his chest.
Even with a layer of material between them, her touch scalded him.
“I bet what we need to do is cool off with a walk by the river before you take me home,” she offered.
“Cool off with a jump in the river, you mean.”
Rafe groaned as she lifted herself up and settled on the seat beside him, their hands brushing lightly. His body was a burning mass of need and guilt.
Walking together beside the water in the moonlight was all kinds of perfect and terrible. Rafe held her hand and wished for a way to go back to what he’d felt before, even as he never wanted to give up what was churning inside.
They turned in unison toward the old tree hanging over the water, the surface of the curved trunk worn smooth by time. Laurel crawled up and sat demurely, arranging her skirt carefully before lifting her face toward him.
“When you leave, you live every day to the fullest. Don’t wait for me, you hear?” Rafe ordered.
Laurel’s eyes were shining pools of moonlight, a thin line folding between them as confusion drifted in.
“I mean it. You’re going away, and you get to date for the first time—heck, you might fall in love. If that’s what’s waiting out there for you, you’ve got to take the chance. Life’s too short to be put on hold, but…” he caught her by the chin and poured every bit of himself into the words, “…but if you come back, and we’re both single, I’m warning you right now, you will never get away from me again.”
“What if I want to wait?” she asked.
Even though her words gave him a thrill, he shook his head. “That’s not living. You’re my best friend, Laurel. How could I want you to put everything on hold for years when we don’t know what might happen tomorrow?”
The lesson he’d learned from Mike’s death. Don’t wait, don’t waste a minute.
She nodded before pressing a hand to his cheek. “You’re right. We don’t know—so when I leave, you need to live too. You need to date, and maybe fall in love.” A burst of laughter escaped her. “Hey, don’t make that face. Not after you finished trying to boss me around.”
“That’s different,” he attempted, only to have her cover his mouth briefly with her palm as she leaned in close and glared.
“Don’t push it, Coleman. I have it on the best authority I’m the devil to deal with when I want to make a point. No, you will do all those things that mean you’re living, including not letting your father make you bitter.”
“He’s a jackass—”
“Yes, I know, but that doesn’t mean you get to—” Laurel interrupted herself, eyes flashing. “Not having that conversation. Not here. Not now. Now is for us.”
He leaned their foreheads together. “For us.”
They stared at each other for the longest time. Rafe stood between her legs, the warm summer breeze tangling around them as they silently said goodbye, thank you, and everything else words couldn’t say.
Then between one breath and the next, she took his world and changed it forever.
“You’re right, Rafe. There are no guarantees, and we don’t know what might happen tomorrow. So if you promise to live, then so will I.” Laurel stroked a hand down his cheek, “But if all we’ve got for sure is today, I want everything.”
She wrapped her arms around him and pulled their bodies together…
Chapter Two
June, current day, Rocky Mountain House
Shhhhh
Lies, Deception and Why We Keep Secrets
Laurel stared for a moment before rolling her eyes then moving the library cart toward the nonfiction section. Books were wonderful. Books were amazing, and some of them had double the entertainment value the author intended.
An entire book on why people keep secrets. Umm, duh? Because it was no one else’s business? Try that one on for size.
“Laurel, when you’re done, I’m going on break. Man the desk?” Wendy Tomes—unfortunate name for a librarian—stood beside her, pressing a hand to her baby-full belly. “I need to get off my feet for a minute.”
“Go now. I can finish this later,” Laurel offered, pushing the rolling cart back toward the front desk of the Rocky Mountain House Public Library. “Did you ever consider keeping your maiden name?” she asked suddenly.
Her supervisor snickered. “I don’t think so. Tomes is an improvement over Ripper.”
“Ouch. Yeah.” She pushed the swinging gate aside for Wendy. “Good decision.”
The other woman grimaced as she pressed a hand to her back and stretched her baby bump forward. “Dawn is starting the Reading in PJs program in a few minutes, so you’re on crowd control as well, okay?”
“No prob.”
Laurel resisted the urge to hum happily as she surveyed her almost brand-new kingdom. Returning to Rocky Mountain House after three years away was an exercise in joy and sorrow.
Joy, because this was home. Sorrow, because not everything that had happened while she was gone had been perfect, and there were deep hurts inside she had to learn to deal with.
The front door opened and a familiar face marched forward, and for one breathless moment, she thought Rafe had walked through the door. Then the man took off his cowboy hat, revealing hair that was far too dark, and she forced herself to take a few slow breaths and dig for calm.
Helping one of the Coleman cousins find a book brought her back to here and now instead of drifting into daydreams about her friend who she hadn’t seen or heard from in a long, long time. They hadn’t kept in touch through texts, or emails, or anything.
Rafe had suggested a clean break would make it easier to do that “live life to the fullest” stuff. She’d teased him it was more because he was too lazy, but she had to agree it’d been the right decision. The total cutoff from him had been hard. Real
hard, but she’d gotten on with her life, and now…
Now she was back in Rocky.
The temptation was strong to ask Trevor Coleman if he’d seen Rafe recently. The words were nearly out of her mouth before she restrained herself. It was too dangerous to ask that personal of a question in case the answer made her sad.
Rafe could have moved away. He could be in a relationship—they’d said they weren’t going to wait around for each other.
Passing over a copy of the children’s book Trevor wanted, she slipped away for a moment, waiting for her racing heart to settle to a normal pace. She replaced books on the shelves automatically as her thoughts turned to the real question.
What if Rafe was with someone?
What if—?
No. She wouldn’t do that to herself. If he was with someone, she’d be fine. And if he wasn’t, maybe they’d be able to pick up their friendship.
She refused to let her brain go to the section labeled “more than friendship” for all sorts of reasons, the strongest of which—she wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted.
On the other side of the stacks, someone spoke sharply, followed by an even louder hushing noise. Little children thinking they’re being quiet.
Laurel moved quickly toward the children’s area where moms and their toddlers were gathered on pillows on the floor, listening to Dawn read out loud, the oversized book twisted toward the group to show off the pictures.
Her gaze drifted past what looked to be an unusually well-behaved gathering of little people toward the magazine section. Trevor was there, but he wasn’t alone. He was talking with a blond-haired Coleman, and this time there was no mistaking who it was.
Rafe spoke loudly. “Shut. Up. Not here.”
The entire group of toddlers turned and pressed a finger to their lips. “Shhhhhhhhh.”
He glanced up, and his gaze met hers, and for a split second she thought she saw hunger before his face twisted into a familiar expression. The same one she’d seen far too many times before—his sweet who? innocent me? fake-o one he’d whip out in the hopes whatever trouble they’d gotten into, the punishment would be reduced because they’d meant well.