Jake sat back with a thump. “Okay, let me see if I've got this straight. The murderer is a guy wearing a yellow raincoat that looks like something out of a children's book, who runs around making pig noises. Is that about right?"
Susan started laughing, but this time without bitterness. “And you asked why I didn't want to tell you."
Jake ran a hand through his hair. “It does sound a bit far fetched."
“Fine, don't believe me.” Susan was ready to take the easy way out.
“You could have told me before. I would have listened."
“Yeah, sure. You would have thought I needed to be locked up in a mental ward. I don't talk about my so-called gift to anyone."
Jake gazed around the room with a lost look in his eyes. “Ever?"
“What?"
“You've never talked about it?"
“I've only told my mother and grandmother."
Jake's gaze met hers. “This is why you aren't having children?"
Susan was startled by the change of subject. “Of course. Surely you understand now?"
“No, I don't. What's wrong with what you just told me?"
Susan leaned into him. “Jake, I'm stealing people's memories. Stealing!"
“Is it stealing, if they're dead?"
“It doesn't only happen with dead people."
Jake went still as the implications hit him. “Have you done it with me?"
Here it comes, she thought. She prepared herself for his rejection. “Yes.” She met his stare without flinching.
“How many times?"
“Once."
“The first night. When you left so abruptly. I thought you looked like you had seen a ghost.” His eyes hardened. “What ghost of mine did you see?"
Susan was reluctant to tell him. His hands snaked around her wrists and he gave her a little shake. “What was it you said, ‘My God, how could you have survived it'? I was so sidetracked I'd forgotten until now. What did you see that you wondered how I could survive, Susan?” He gave her a harder shake. “Tell me."
“Jake..."
“Tell me,” he ground out. But Susan was sure he knew what she had seen.
She closed her eyes to shut out his fury. “Your mother, kneeling over your father. She is wearing a blue housedress. Your father is still and you don't know what's wrong with him. She turns towards you, his blood down the front of her dress and a gun in her hand. She tells you to leave the room.” Susan kept her voice emotionless during the recital. She opened her eyes to see him, his face still with shock, his biggest secret revealed.
“God,” he said, struggling to swallow, the hands holding her wrists gone slack. “I don't think I really believed you but now..."
“Now do you see, Jake? Now do you see?” Susan pushed up from the wall, shaking his hands off easily, walking several steps away. “And you were ready to blow it off, weren't you? As if it was no big deal?” She swung towards him. “But now that I stole one of your memories, one of your secrets, it's more than a big deal, isn't it, Jake?"
* * * *
Jake turned toward her, resting against the wall that was still warm from when she had been sitting there. He was struggling to think, to understand what she'd told him. Concentrate on the case—think about the rest later. So what does all this mean to the case? “So let me get all this straight. You saw the murderer?"
“Jake, please. Let's talk about this."
“We are talking about this, Susan."
“You know what I mean."
He did, or thought he did, but he wasn't going there right now. He couldn't. “Can you do it now?"
“What?"
“Steal a memory?"
“I don't do it on purpose.” Susan continued pacing across the room and back. “I don't do it because I want to. Why does everyone always assume I'm doing it because I want to? It just comes over me."
“When? How?” Jake wanted all the details. He had to understand what he was dealing with. He recognized that part of him still didn't believe that she could do what she said she could do. Maybe she had found out about his parents another way. But his mother had been wearing a blue housedress that night. And she had told him to get out. Those things hadn't been in the newspapers or in the police reports. They had stayed trapped in his own mind.
“I told you before."
“Tell me again."
“It has to be something upsetting or highly emotional. It's almost like the memory is so big, so supercharged that it's hovering around, and by standing in it I set the movie clip to play."
“Is that how it feels to you? Like a movie?"
“It's the easiest way I can explain it. Like a movie clip, but more. There are emotions, too, and I seem to be able to feel how the person is feeling."
“How was Robb Connors feeling?” She flinched at the question and Jake wondered why he had deliberately hurt her, even as he felt satisfaction that he had.
Susan looked at the horse head painting. “He was confused. He was wondering why the guy in the raincoat was laughing. He didn't feel pain yet. He didn't think about the fact that he was dying."
“What about Jim Daugherty?” Jake wanted to push her, to find out all the data.
Susan walked to the picture and began to trace to horse again. “I don't know."
“No?"
“Feelings aren't as clear if I'm not touching you."
Jake stood up and stalked to her. Placing his hands on her shoulders to turn her around, he said, “Can you have a vision now?"
“You have to be thinking about something that creates a very emotional response in you.” Susan's voice was clipped and clinical as his had been with her.
Jake thought about the time as a rookie, when he went to his first murder. A mother had drowned her two kids in the bathtub and hacked at them with a knife. He never allowed himself to think about it because the memory upset him still to this day. “I'm thinking about something. Can you See it?"
“I have to drop my shields to do it."
“Shields?” His hands clinched tight on her arms. Susan made a movement that told him he was hurting her and he relaxed his hold.
“I have managed to build shielding to protect myself from stealing people's memories. I only Saw your memories because I was so overwhelmed by what had happened between us that I accidentally dropped them. I didn't drop them on purpose, I was just...” She didn't finish the sentence.
Jake knew what she'd felt because he'd felt that way too. He tightened his hands again on her arms. “Drop your shielding Susan."
“No. Jake, this is a bad idea.” Susan shook her head, back and forth, back and forth.
“Do it."
“No,” she whispered, their gazes locked in some sort of battle of the wills.
“Please."
That seemed to work. She closed her eyes and went stock still in his hands. Jake kept thinking about the woman and her kids, over and over, thinking about the first glimpse he'd caught of them. Susan opened her eyes and looked around, confused and vulnerable and upset. Hollows seemed to have formed in her cheeks and tears dropped from her eyelashes.
Jake suddenly felt fiercely protective of her, pulling her into his arms. He kicked himself for making her have a vision. It had been a stupid idea and he hated himself for what he'd done. She'd told him she'd spent her life running from this, then he'd made her do it on command. Jake couldn't even fathom what had made him want to punish her. He sat down abruptly, taking Susan with him, her body weak from her vision. Arranging her in his lap, Jake asked, “Are you okay?"
“God, Jake, what that woman did.” Susan looked up at him, pulling back to sit before him on the floor. “Do you have nightmares about it?"
“What did you See?” Jake wasn't sure he really wanted to know but he'd made her do it, the least he could do is listen. And part of him really did want to know what she Saw. Part of his mind still didn't quite believe her.
“You are looking at another cop putting the cuffs on a woman. There
are two children, dead, on the floor. There is blood everywhere. You run outside and throw up in the bushes. Other cops are outside and they laugh at you."
“Susan, that's not what I was thinking about."
“It isn't?” Susan's eyes went big.
“It was but it wasn't. I only thought about walking into the room. It's almost as if you Saw what was next in the sequence. I didn't particularly want you to see me throwing up in the bushes.” Jake couldn't help but be amused. He had subconsciously chosen the first part so that she wouldn't see him acting like the complete rookie he'd been.
“I bet you didn't but maybe that was the most upsetting part for you.” Susan's face was serious. “You realize this is the first time I've deliberately done this. I don't know if I should be angry with you for wanting me to or if I should thank you. It's been educational, to say the least."
Jake sighed and dropped his forehead to hers. “I'm struggling to believe this, Susan."
“I'm sure you are. It's unbelievable.” Susan pulled back to look at him, still interested in what they'd done. “I think I Saw what you wanted me to See, but maybe not exactly as you thought I would. Maybe I Saw the part that was most charged with your emotions. More important, though, is I can drop my shielding on purpose. I guess it makes sense that since I put them up, I should be able to take them down at will. But I've spent so much time with my shields constantly up that I've always wondered if I could just drop them."
Jake blew out a breath. “All right. So there's no doubt about your ability. First the scene with my mother, now this.” He rubbed his eyes. “I think it means you can do what you say you can.” Jake looked at Susan for a minute and decided to give her an explanation he'd never given anyone. “My mother killed my father because he was going to leave her."
“You don't have to tell me this."
“No, I want to.” He grabbed her hand. “I would have told you all this eventually, you know. It's something that I would have needed to share with you. My mother served thirteen years in prison for killing him. I haven't seen her since then."
“Don't you want to?"
“No.” Jake's voice was final. “I have no desire to see her or have a relationship with her. She ruined three people's lives that day and I don't ever want to talk to her again. She calls me once a month and I hang up on her when I hear her voice on the phone."
“Don't you want to forgive her?” Her green eyes held sadness and worry.
“Forgive her? What she did was unforgivable. I won't help her sleep at night by giving her the absolution she's looking for."
Susan was silent for a long moment and Jake wished he knew what she was thinking. “You're right, I guess. But if I had a mother who cared enough to call me every month, I would be ecstatic."
“You're mother doesn't call you?"
“She hasn't talked to me since my college graduation, which she didn't attend. She called afterwards to tell me she had done her duty by me and adios."
“Why?"
Susan leaned over to him to make her point. “Because I'm a thief, Jake. Because I steal people's memories. Because I'm a freak, a little witch, and she doesn't want a damned thing to do with me. She hasn't touched me since I was fifteen years old."
“Why not?” Jake could hear the pain and bitterness in her words. He fought down the desire to pull her back into his lap and comfort her.
“Because she had warned me before not to steal her memories, but I made the mistake of telling her that I'd Seen them again."
“She believed you had visions?"
“Of course. You tell your mother these kinds of things when you're young and stupid. Gran warned me I shouldn't tell her about them, that I should keep my mouth shut after the first time. But I was too stupid to listen. I was mad at her when she didn't allow me to go to Pam Hardell's birthday sleepover. I wanted to get my mother back, so I opened my big mouth and told her I knew she had slept with my soccer coach. I don't know why I always Saw her sexual encounters. That's what we argued over the first time. She'd slept with my choir teacher. Now that I'm older, I think it's because she felt such massive guilt about what she'd done. She was devastated when my father left her. I should have felt sorry for her. Instead, I slapped her in the face with it."
Susan was silent for a full minute and Jake groped for something to say. But then she continued, “She never physically touched me again."
Jake's shock was instantaneous. “God, Susan. I can't believe it. What a bitch."
“Come on Jake, admit it! You don't want to touch me either."
Jake laughed but not as if he thought it was funny. “You're wrong, Susan. I do want to touch you.” He locked his hand around hers to prove it. “I was surprised at first, that's all."
Susan looked at him as if he'd grown two heads. “Why aren't you running away from me?"
Jake didn't know why it didn't matter when on one level, he knew it would to other people. He struggled to give her an answer that made sense but then settled for truth. “You're going to have to give me some time to think about this. I'm not sure I can work this out tonight. Two bodies in less than a week means that I need to concentrate on solving these crimes.” He dropped her hand and stood up. “Give me some time, then we can talk about this again.” He picked up her phone and dialed a number. “Gordon, it's Jake. I'm at Susan Rivers’ apartment. Can you come here? Fine.” Jake hung up the phone with a snap.
“Wait a second. I'm not going through this again tonight, Jake."
“It won't be as painful, Susan, but we need to catch up Gordon.” Jake met her stare and steeled himself for her anger. “I made the mistake of telling him I thought you were withholding something from your statement."
Susan's mouth dropped open. “Thanks a lot, Jake."
He walked over to her. “This is a murder investigation, Susan, not a tea party. The more time that passes, the less likely we are to catch whoever did this. We need all the leads we can get right now, at least for the first and third murders."
“You've got leads for the second?” At his nod, she asked another question, “You still don't think the same person did all three?"
“Nope. First and third were done by a different guy. I can feel it. But there are plenty of people who think that we are looking for one person, not two."
“I'm not sure how much what I've told you will help you find who did this."
“We can use anything we can get at this point. Two bodies doesn't mean we have a serial killer on our hands but there is always a chance that we do, which means the clock is ticking.” He started for the kitchen. “Let's get some coffee brewing. We're going to need it."
Chapter Eleven
Susan shut the door on Jake and Gordon, glad to be by herself. It was past one in the morning and she wanted to go to bed. Watching the two men work together had been an education, though. Gordon was the senior of the two. But when Jake told him to accept that she could See, he had asked no questions. Jake had stepped in several times so she wouldn't have to go back into another lengthy explanation of True Seeing. She knew the two men would have a long talk about what they had learned here and Gordon would probably have doubts about her ability but at this point, she didn't care what they said. She was too tired to worry about it.
Her week had been overwhelming. Two dead bodies and the beginnings of a relationship/thing with Jake had put her emotions in a tailspin. On top of it all, she'd had more True Seeing episodes this week than she'd had in the last year. They were tiring for her. Strangely, making love with Jake seemed to restore her energy but she had Seen Robb's murder, then had Seen Jake as a rookie tonight. She felt like the walking dead.
A loud banging made her jump. Again. She was jumping at everything lately. If that was Jake, he was going to get an earful. He should know her nerves were strung tight tonight. Tomorrow, she was declaring a scare-free day. She went over to the door and stopped herself right before she opened it. She looked through the peephole and groaned. Could her night get any wo
rse?
When she opened the door, Briles breezed by her, obviously fully recovered from her earlier episode with Benny. Courtney came in on her heels and stood in the doorway with two bottles of champagne. “Darling!” she said, her mouth set in a dramatic line. “We have come to save you from a life of boredom!"
Courtney struck a pose, looking like the St. Paulie's girl with champagne bottles instead of steins. She was dressed in her standard all black going-out clothes. This time she wore a long black skirt split up to the top of her thigh and a black tank top with the word Angel written in white across her breasts. For some reason Susan couldn't fathom, men couldn't help but comment on the shirt. It was an instant conversation starter.
“I can assure you I have not been bored tonight.” Susan heard Briles rummaging around in her kitchen cabinets. “Hey, you in there! Don't do anything, because you're both leaving!"
Courtney sauntered by her. “Of course we're not leaving. What an absurd notion.” Courtney went into the kitchen, leaving Susan to close and lock the door. She ran in after them.
“Look, I've had a hard day. You two don't know how badly I want to go to sleep right now.” Susan knew her voice sounded desperate. She was desperate.
Briles poured the champagne into the three flutes she'd washed. Next to Courtney, she was a splash of color in a red dress that hit her mid-thigh. A small slash of skin showed before her boots took over, hiding the rest of her leg. “How long has it been since you used these glasses, girl? There had to have been an inch of dust in them.” She handed Susan and Courtney a glass each. “To the three of us. May we find true love this month.” It was Briles’ standard toast.
“Or at least someone who's good in bed,” Courtney added with a snicker. That was Courtney's standard toast.
Susan sighed and raised her glass. “Or at least someone who can carry on an intelligent conversation,” she said, completing the ritual with a clink of glasses. They all sank down into the chairs around the kitchen table to take a long sip.
Courtney cleared her voice dramatically and said, “I'll get the Idiot of the Month Award for October."
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