“Big Mama?” It was all he could get out.
“Of course she knew. Your mother called her after she called me. She said we were being too hard on you. ‘He’s a good boy and he works hard!’ That’s what she said every time you needed punishing. Brantley, this is nothing. Please, for the love of God, Son, let this go. I should have talked to you about it at the time, I guess, but I never knew you were feeling guilty. And I was half crazy myself.”
It couldn’t be this simple—free absolution that he didn’t deserve. “Still, if I had gone—”
Charles shook his head. “Brantley, it was an accident. An accident. Do you think I haven’t wished a million times that I had told Eva to stop and get me, that I’d ride with her to pick up Alden? Or to let me go instead? The fact is, a semi blew a tire on the interstate and landed in your mother’s lane. It seems outrageous to say, considering what it did to our lives, but what happened isn’t complicated. And we’ve got some life left. We need to live it.”
He would not have welcomed relief even if it had come. “Still. The last thing I ever said to her was mean. Nothing will change that. And you know she told Papa, so the last thing he knew was that I wouldn’t come get him like he asked.”
Charles nodded. “We don’t know that she told your papa, but you’re right—she probably did. We’ll never know what they said, but I know this. There has never been a man who loved a grandchild more than Alden Brantley loved you. Besides that, he liked you. He liked your company. And I promise you this like I’ve never promised anything before: a silly teenage tantrum is nothing compared to a love like that.”
Charles got up and retrieved a package from the shopping bag he’d brought in. He’d certainly picked an odd time to give out Christmas presents.
“I haven’t seen this but I’ve heard about it. Lucy sent it to you. I want you to open it and have a look.”
Perplexed, Brantley unwrapped the package. Inside was a leather photo album with his initials embossed on the corner. This wasn’t an album with plastic sheets inside to slip pictures in. She had gone to some trouble to get this. The pages were high quality cotton rag and on the first page, she had written in calligraphy, “Brantley Charles Kincaid . . . The Beginning.”
The first picture was of his mother sitting in a hospital bed with him in her arms, and his father and grandparents looking on. Underneath she had written simply the date—but around the photograph, she had drawn the most wonderful fanciful pictures of the sandman, Humpty Dumpty, puppies, Peter Pan, and smiling moons. There was no connection between the little pictures. It was as if she sat and thought about a baby boy and drew what came to mind. And it was perfect.
As was the rest of the book. It told the story of his baby years, childhood, and teen years with photographs and her wonderful drawings. Birthdays, first day of school, Halloween, Little League, with Santa Claus, first communion, proms, in football uniforms and letter jackets. She had not used a lot of photographs—just her little drawings and one perfect picture per event showing one perfect love between a boy and his family.
It must have taken her hours and hours.
The last picture was of his mother and him right before his high school graduation. It was a candid shot that he had never seen, taken, it seemed, between the many pictures he’d posed for. Mama was coming for him with a hairbrush in her hand and he had his hands up, warding her off. He remembered now how she had not been satisfied with how his hair looked under his cap, and kept fussing with it. In the picture, they were laughing and she was looking at him like he was the only thing in the world that truly mattered.
He wasn’t sure how long it had taken him to go through the book—it seemed a lifetime.
“Now, Brantley,” Charles said, “look at that book and try to tell me that those thirty seconds seventeen years ago defined your relationship with you mother and your grandfather. With any of us.”
And he turned back to the first page. This time he and his dad looked at the book together. They laughed and told stories. There were even a few tears, something neither man would ever admit.
When they got to the end, Charles flipped past that last picture.
“Looks like there are some blank pages in this book, Son. What are you going to fill them with?”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Walking into Christ Episcopal at five minutes before midnight wasn’t as hard as Lucy expected, maybe because she was numb. And she needed numb because she had thought she’d be here with Brantley tonight. That had been the plan, then on to Miss Caroline’s house for eggnog and opening one gift. Instead, she would spend the night in Missy’s guest room.
She slipped into the pew beside Missy and gave a little wave down the line to Luke, Lanie, Tolly, Nathan, and Kirby. Harris was in the choir and everyone’s kids were with grandparents.
Louisa Bennet turned from two rows ahead and gave Lucy a sweet, sympathetic smile. It was only then that it occurred to her that this was her first journey into polite company since the night of the proposal. No one seemed to be pointing and whispering. Not that it mattered. What mattered was that Brantley was alone and hurting.
Only not really alone. Charles and Miss Caroline were with him. But she imagined that he felt as alone as she would feel at Missy’s tomorrow amid all the kids, noise, and extended families.
But she was glad she came tonight. It was soothing—the carols, the candlelight, communion, and the Christmas story. She knew the service by rote and that was comforting. Some things remained the same. That might not always be good, but it was predictable.
When the service was over, there were hugs and Merry Christmases all around but not a word about Brantley or what had happened.
Missy took her hand. “Okay, I’m going to ride with you to your house. Harris will pick us up and we’ll leave your car.”
Missy was still afraid she was going to opt out and spend Christmas alone. Not a bad idea, but not possible.
“I can’t. I’ve got flower guild duty. I’ll be along soon.” Missy looked doubtful and a little anxious. The others were frowning too. Lucy forced a little laugh. “Go home! All of you. Make Christmas happen.” Then she turned to Missy. “I have my bag in the car. I’ll come straight over. Any chance for some of that homemade hot chocolate of yours with the coffee liquor while we wait for Santa?”
“You bet!” Missy smiled and it was clear that she would have walked to Antarctica to get Lucy an icicle if she thought it would make her happy. Unfortunately, the only thing that Lucy wanted, Missy couldn’t get for her. No one could.
“Lucy, do you need help with the flowers?” Lanie asked.
“Sure!” Tolly said. “We’ll all help.”
Lucy smiled at their eagerness. “No. Anna Beth Benson is helping me.” She looked toward the altar. “There she is. She’s already brought the cart from the flower room.”
They all looked at her with expressions that meant they wanted to help her but they didn’t know how.
She laughed again and started passing out a second round of hugs. “Go! And Merry Christmas.”
It took two trips to move the potted poinsettias and the three flower arrangements to the flower room. The poinsettias would be delivered to the hospital as they were, but the three arrangements had to be reworked into ten smaller bouquets. Anna Beth pulled the vases from the cabinet as Lucy began to sort the roses, narcissus, holly berries, and evergreens.
“This won’t take long,” Lucy said.
“I hope not.” Anna Beth began to fill the vases with water and for the first time Lucy noticed she was a little tense.
“What’s wrong, Anna Beth?”
“Everything!” she burst out and looked like she might cry. “You know my kids have gotten to the age where every toy they get needs batteries. They were in bed by ten. Dale’s parents are here and they were asleep even before that. Anyway, the kids’ gifts were hidden in the garage. Our plan was to get batteries in everything, come to church, and then all we’d have to do is put everything under the
tree after we got home.” She refilled her pitcher. Her hands were shaking. “So I had the batteries. I counted up how many and what kind we needed, Lucy. I did. I made a list.”
“I believe you,” Lucy said.
“They were in a sack and I put them in the laundry room on top of the drier. But when I went to get them, they weren’t there. We tore the house apart. I told Dale they weren’t in my car, but he looked there anyway. The only thing I can think of is that in the chaos, they got thrown away. Anyway, by then everything was closed. We went everywhere. We didn’t even come to church. I just came in time to do this. Now Dale is driving around to friends’ houses, seeing who might have batteries left after putting together their kids’ stuff.” She teared up a little. “I just hope we can get enough so that some of their things will work and they won’t be completely disappointed. I guess we can switch batteries from toy to toy in the morning but what are they going to think about that? What kind of Santa Claus wouldn’t bring enough batteries?”
Anna Beth’s phone rang. “Excuse me,” she said and answered it.
Another person in Lucy’s position might have been frustrated with Anna Beth, thinking that missing batteries was nothing in the scheme of things. But Lucy’s heart warmed. She longed for a time when she might be upset at the possibility of her children being disappointed.
“No, Dale,” Anna Beth was saying. “Not C. D cell. And four won’t do any good. It has to be eight. Okay. Tell Patsy thank you and take them. We might happen on more.”
Lucy couldn’t help Brantley. She couldn’t heal her own broken heart, but this she could solve.
“Anna Beth,” she said once the other woman had hung up the phone. “The big gas stations out by the interstate—they have batteries. You can’t get any yogurt, but they have batteries, all you want. And they don’t close.”
Anna Beth’s mouth formed a perfect O. “We didn’t think. Oh! We are so stupid.”
Lucy stepped around and took the water pitcher from her. “Go, Anna Beth. I’ve got this.”
She hesitated. “I can’t leave you with all this. And alone in the church.”
“I’ll have it done in no time. And I’m not alone. Franklin is vacuuming the sanctuary. He won’t leave until I do.” Anna Beth looked hopeful. Lucy laughed. She seemed to be laughing a lot tonight for other people’s comfort. “Go, Anna Beth. Make Christmas happen for your children.”
“Really, Lucy? You don’t mind? I won’t forget this.” And she was gone, calling Dale as she went.
“Merry Christmas,” Lucy said to the empty air and began to arrange flowers and greenery methodically. Maybe she would deliver the flowers to the hospital herself. She could even do it tomorrow, on Christmas Day, instead of the day after. Those sick people would need a little extra cheer. And come to think of it, she might need to get away from Missy’s for a little while.
She had signed up for hot chocolate and sofa time with Missy, something they both usually loved. But not tonight. Whatever Missy’s tact turned out to be would feel wrong—whether she tried to console, motivate, or even ignore. Though ignoring wasn’t likely. Not Missy’s style at all.
She tucked one final piece of holly into the last arrangement. All done. She wiped down the counters and locked the door of the flower room. Franklin was polishing the altar with lemon oil when she went into the sanctuary.
“I hope I haven’t held you up, Franklin,” she said.
“No.” He paused and smiled at her. “I like to leave everything clean before I go. Besides, I left one big rambunctious mess at my house. Grandkids everywhere. My wife chopping and cooking ninety to nothing. Grown kids playing cards and arguing like they’re five years old. They all think they’ve got to spend the night with us on Christmas Eve. You can’t walk for the sleeping bags.”
“It sounds wonderful,” Lucy said.
He laughed and went back to his polishing. “It is at that. I just wish it could be a quieter kind of wonderful. Wrap up good, Lucy. It smells like snow out there. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas,” she said as she walked to the vestibule.
And though she wouldn’t have believed it, when she opened the church door, it didn’t just smell like snow, there was snow—beautiful magical snow falling for a Christmas Eve night.
Except there was no magic—not for her. The only magic she’d ever known, the only magic she’d ever wanted, was in Nashville, Tennessee.
She pulled her coat tight around her and started down the steps.
And, to her amazement, magic stepped out of the shadows.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lucy held her breath as Brantley mounted the bottom step and held his hands out to her. There was no power on earth that could have stopped her from walking toward him, though she questioned the wisdom in that. But there were snowflakes on his eyelashes, in his hair, all around him. How could she not go to him?
When she was two steps above him, he dropped to his knees.
Her heart sank. Not again. “What are you doing?” she asked.
He smiled but it wasn’t his dazzling golden boy smile. This smile was a little sad but maybe a little hopeful too.
“I got us into this mess on my knees and I’m going to get us out on my knees. I mean that, Lucy Mead.” He took her hands in his. “I am asking you not to marry me. I am acknowledging my fears and my demons. But I am willing to fight those demons so that the next time I come to you on bended knee, your answer can be yes.” He squeezed her hands and gave them a little shake. “You said a lot of things to my dad that made a lot of sense. I do want to hide in you.”
Maybe there was some magic to be had after all, if he truly meant what he said. Still, she had to hear more. “I accept your proposal to not marry you,” she said.
“I am not going to promise I will ever be completely over what happened to my family. I can’t promise that I won’t always want to hide in you just a little. But I do promise this: I will not ask you to marry me again until I am completely sure that I can stand on my own. And wise though you may be, Lucy Mead, there was one thing you told my dad that was dead on wrong. You said I didn’t love you. I do, Lucy. With everything I’ve got, I love you. But I will not ask you to be my wife again until I am absolutely sure the need for you has diminished until the love outweighs it.”
Maybe there was some magic to be had and they had a chance. Maybe was a scary place to live, even scarier than probably. But not nearly as bad as never.
He rose but he didn’t take her in his arms or kiss her like she thought he might. Instead, he took her hand and they sat down together on the steps. “I won’t lie to you Lucy; I’m a mess. But I guess you knew that. I had a long talk with my dad today and we both learned some things we didn’t know. Then we got Big Mama in on the sad fest. I’ll tell you all about it later. It’s not everything, but it’s a start.”
“Sometimes a start is much more than just the beginning,” she said. It all sounded good, but there had to be a plan. You just didn’t get up one morning and think I’m going to lose weight and expect results if you didn’t do anything differently. “Where do we go from here?”
“First, I’m not going to run anymore.” He looked to her for approval and she squeezed his hand. “I’m going to talk more to my family. Big Mama says there’s a grief counselor at the church and I might try that. Or who knows, I might go to a full-fledged shrink, lay myself out on the couch and talk till I’m hoarse, if that’s what it takes. I’ll figure that part out.” He gave her a sidelong look and dropped his eyelids. “And I hope I’m going to be able to talk to you.”
“You can always count on that,” she promised.
“I’m going to put a building to rights. And I’m going to live in this town. If you’ll let me, I’m going to be with you and love you because I want to, not because you have to keep me in one piece. I have to do that myself.” He laughed. “I sound like some kind of a self-help book, don’t I?”
“You sound like a man,” she said sl
owly, “who has decided that he’s going to work hard until he’s all right.”
He smiled and this time it was that golden boy smile. “I hate to appear any needier than I already have but I’ve laid my heart at your feet and I haven’t heard a word about getting any of that back.”
She was astounded. She hadn’t said it, had she? “Do I love you? Brantley, loving you is the story of my life, the only story I know. And that’s a story that’s never going to end.”
She laughed, and this time it wasn’t for anyone’s comfort, but because a little edge of happy took hold and began to spread.
“Never?” He closed in like he was going to deliver up a Christmas kiss. “I usually don’t like that word, but in that context, I’ll take never. But I’m going to be looking for some forever too.”
And she got her magical Christmas kiss with the snow doing a joyful dance around them.
Epilogue
June weddings were overrated. They had to be. Lucy was sure there had never been a more perfect wedding than hers and it was almost September.
And she hadn’t even had to do very much to make her wedding happen. For the first time in their professional lives, Lucy’s parents had not left the country for the summer but had, instead, come to Merritt to be with Lucy and get to know Brantley. Michelle Meade, Aunt Annelle, Miss Caroline, and the book club girls had insisted that Lucy just tell them how she wanted her wedding and they would make it happen.
“After all,” Tolly had said, “it’s your turn. You practically slaved over all of our weddings.”
“It’s not our fault that she’s the one with flair,” Missy said. “When we get done with this wedding, it’s liable to look like a barn dance.”
“It will not,” Lanie said. “She’ll tell us what to do. And you never mind Missy, Lucy. We’ll take care of everything.”
And that had been fine with Lucy—more than fine. She’d had the interior of a building to finish restoring. Now, the Alden Fairfax Brantley Cultural Center was complete and the first function to be held in the Eva Brantley Kincaid Ballroom was Lucy’s wedding reception.
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