Goose

by Dawn O'Porter

  This is where I crumble. Dad should be here to shut my suitcase and carry it to the car. I sit on it and drop my head as tears fall onto my legs. ‘He should be here,’ I say, looking up.

  ‘Yes, he should. Come here,’ says Mum. ‘Come to me.’ I go over to the bed to sit next to her, and we cuddle for the first time in about thirteen years.

  Having picked up Renée, the two of us sit in the back with Abi in between us. Mum is driving and Arthur is in the passenger seat. We arrive at the airport and no one is saying anything.

  ‘This is it,’ says Arthur, breaking the silence.

  We all get out of the car. Arthur goes to the boot to get my case. It’s what Dad would have done.

  ‘Let’s say goodbye here,’ says Mum. ‘I can’t stand farewells at airports.’

  She is actually crying. I go to her and hug her and she kisses my face and then she pushes me away, but I know she doesn’t mean to be cruel.

  I kneel down to Abi.

  ‘I’ll miss you,’ I say, kissing her head. ‘You’re the best little sister in the world and I’ll be back soon. We can talk on the phone every day, OK? I’m not far away.’

  She hugs me. She’ll change so much by the time I see her next. I try not to think about that.

  ‘I love you,’ she tells me gently in my ear. I kiss her cheeks that are wet with tears.

  ‘Bye, Arthur,’ I say, kissing his cheek. ‘Look after Mum for me, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course,’ he says, and I know he will. He’s the only man that’s made her happy in years.

  ‘You take her in, Renée,’ says Mum. ‘We’ll wait for you and take you home when you’re done.’

  After checking in, Renée and I stand at the start of departures and laugh at how much we’re crying.

  ‘This is ridiculous,’ she says. ‘I can come and see you anytime.’

  ‘Exactly. And I’ll come to Spain. I can sit at the end of the bar you work in and you can sneak me drinks.’

  ‘Yes, yes, we can do that.’

  But although we know this isn’t the end, it’s scary.

  ‘You’re not to make any friends, OK, Flo? No one. You must be on your own at all times.’

  ‘Got it. Just me and Jesus.’

  ‘Yup, Jesus and me. We’re your only friends. If someone tries to make conversation with you, you say no, I have enough friends. Go away. OK?’

  We laugh and cry all at once.

  ‘Will you be all right?’ I ask her.

  ‘I’ll be fine. I’ll go to Spain, get myself a hot Spanish boyfriend. I’ll write restaurant reviews and work on my tan. It will be great.’

  ‘It will.’

  A voice comes over the Tannoy. ‘This is the last call for flight FB 4653 to East Midlands.’

  ‘I’ll miss you every day,’ I say. ‘You’re my best friend in the world.’

  She thinks for a second, then says,‘I’m your goose.’

  ‘My goose?’

  ‘Yeah, the one person you can always rely on – your goose.’

  I don’t know what she’s talking about, but that’s nothing new.

  ‘I’d better go,’ I say as we squeeze each other so hard my arm hurts. ‘I love you.’

  ‘I love you too. Don’t go, Flo.’

  ‘I have to. We have to live our lives, remember?’

  I start to walk away. We’re crying like we’re never going to see each other ever again. As I get to the electric doors that take me through, I turn back and wave. As much as I tell myself I will see her soon, I can’t help but doubt it as the doors close behind me.

  No matter what happens from here, our lives will never be the same again.

  Thanks to …

  Everyone at Hot Key Books. Thank you for being brilliant to work with, for the encouragement and the support. You are the best bunch of people and you make me feel like I can write anything. It’s a pleasure working with you.

  Thanks to Adrian Sington for answering my calls, and Buzz for coping with me being a Moody Myrtle after long days and deadline panic sessions.

  Thank you to Andrew Anthonio for being my constant security blanket and dear friend.

  John de Garis for the cover photo, and my very own Renée and Flo, Elise and Kerry, for modelling for me again.

  Thanks to Kate Earl, Louise Fletcher, Janet Unit and Sinead Wheadon for reminding me of how appalling my behaviour was during our A-levels and helping remember how it was to be an eighteen-year-old girl on Guernsey. Drunk, basically.

  Thanks to my aunt and uncle for having geese and a beautiful home that I could call upon for inspiration. Thanks to my dad for letting me moan about my workload on the phone and my sister for doing the same.

  Thanks to Eleanor Bergstein for the brilliant chats and best advice.

  Thanks to everyone who read Paper Aeroplanes, and for all the feedback, good and bad.

  Thanks to my husband for coping with my procrastinations and laughing at my jokes, and my BFFs Louise and Carrie for the constant inspiration. Both of you will see your influence in this book; I hope it makes you laugh.

  And even though I have never met him, I should probably thank God.

  Dawn O’Porter

  Dawn O’Porter is a broadcaster, novelist and print journalist who lives in Los Angeles with her husband Chris, cat Lilu and dog Potato. She has made numerous documentaries about all sorts of things, including polygamy, childbirth, geisha, body image, breast cancer and even the movie Dirty Dancing. Dawn is currently the columnist for Glamour magazine in the UK, and writes regularly for many other publications. Her first novel, PAPER AEROPLANES, was published by Hot Key Books in 2013, to critical acclaim. GOOSE is the sequel and there are another two in the series yet to be written. She is also a highly prolific Tweeter (@hotpatooties) and manages her own website www.dawnoporter.co.uk.

  Dawn is obsessed with vintage clothing and can be seen in This Old Thing on Channel 4, trying to convert high streetaholics to the way of old threads. Dawn also has her own clothing label called BOB (she also has a bob).

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  First published in Great Britain in 2014 by Hot Key Books

  Northburgh House, 10 Northburgh Street, London EC1V 0AT

  Copyright © 2014 Dawn O’Porter

  The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  ISBN: 978-1-4714-0064-3

  This eBook was produced using Atomik ePublisher

  www.hotkeybooks.com

  Hot Key Books is part of the Bonnier Publishing Group

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