by Vivi Holt
“Is that all you said?”
“I didn’t tell him you’re pregnant, if that’s what you mean.”
Katie blushed. “And what did he say?”
“I received this letter from him today. He’d like for you to write to him. He says he trusts my judgment, and that you might just be the answer to his prayers.”
“He said that?”
“He did. What do you think?”
“I don’t know. It’s so soon.”
“It is very quick. I know that. But I also know that you’ll be showing soon, and your options will change very quickly after that. I want the best for you, Katie, you know that, dear. And I think that Kristoff would be the very best for you. He’s the kindest, gentlest, most handsome man I’ve ever known. If he wasn’t my cousin and childhood friend, I’d have married him years ago. I don’t want you to leave. You’re a dear friend. But I honestly do believe that he’d make you happy. I know you may not be able to love him right away, because your heart still aches for Nicholas, but I also believe with everything that’s in me – that you will grow to love him, given time.”
Katie listened quietly to Hannah’s words. She turned the coffee cup around in her hands and watched the fire in the stove cracking through the open door. Walking to the stove, she closed the cast iron door quickly, and then turned to face Hannah.
“You’re right. I don’t have many options. It may be that I will have to re-marry, but I can’t think about it yet. I’m going to do my best to find some work. Maybe I can do this on my own. Or, maybe I’m being naïve to think that I can do it. But either way, I can’t imagine loving again. Not yet.”
Hannah nodded silently. “I thought you might feel that way. Will you consider writing to him anyway? I know he will enjoy having someone to share letters with, at the very least.”
“I would be happy to,” said Katie, taking Hannah’s hand in hers. “You’re so kind to me, Hannah Petersen.” She smiled. “And who knows, maybe one day I’ll be ready to love again.”
“If not, at least we have each other,” grinned Hannah.
Chapter Eight
The weeks passed by slowly, and Katie spent every waking moment walking the streets of Boston looking for work. She called at every house that she knew employed a staff; she applied at restaurants, and she even asked at a garment factory. But everywhere she went, she received the same response: they didn’t have any current openings and would keep her in mind if something came up. It didn’t help that she looked thin and pale, and often had to run from the interview to throw up. Within not much more than a few weeks, she would no longer be able to hide her swelling abdomen under full skirts, and then job hunting would become impossible.
After a full day of job searching, Katie was on her way home when she spotted Hannah standing with Fred Tundrell in the park. The light about them was growing dim as the sun set behind the Boston skyline. Street lamps from the surrounding park cast a dim glow over the green grasses, dormant flower beds and steel benches. The remnants of a thin snow lay about them on the ground. Dressed in her long, brown coat with the fur-trimmed collar, Hannah was standing with her back to Fred. Her mahogany hair was caught up in the front with pins, and then flowed down her back in the modern style. She was laughing at something he’d said and throwing pieces of bread to a few squirrels that darted about her feet, their tails twitching back and forth as they begged for food. Then, Katie saw him grab her by the arm, spin her about and kiss her full on the mouth.
Katie gasped in surprise. She knew that Fred had been courting Hannah recently, but the kiss between then took her breath away. She turned her back on them, her face flushing with warmth. Hurrying home, she couldn’t get that kiss out of her mind. The impulsiveness, the tenderness, the urgency – and most of all, the love behind that kiss reminded her so much of Nick that her stomach twisted into knots. She was certain of one thing, that kiss signaled the end of her stay with Hannah. There was only one place where a kiss like that led, and it was directly to the altar. She ran toward the apartment, choking back tears. Tears of grief, jealousy, joy, and fear over the unknown future that lay stretched out before her.
Hannah had offered to let her stay even after the baby was born, but that wouldn’t be practical if Hannah was to be married. A newlywed couple wouldn’t want a widow and her newborn living with them. Suddenly everything in Katie’s world was shrouded in uncertainty again. Where would she go now? She had to take matters into her own hands. She had to do what was best for the baby, no matter how badly it made her feel. She didn’t have the luxury of doing what she wanted to do anymore. The unborn child within her deserved more than that, and she would do whatever it took to ensure that the baby was born into a safe, secure and loving world.
***
Katie sat at the table, a blank sheet of paper in front of her. Then, holding the pen steady in her hand, she dabbed the nib into an ink pot, and blotted it on a scrap of envelope near her elbow. What should she write to a man she’d never met? Where could she even begin? She’d been trying so hard to find work, but nothing had panned out yet. She knew that given time she’d be able to find some kind of employment, but time was something she didn’t have much of. It was possible she could court a gentleman in Boston, but that too would take time. She’d never be able to hide her pregnancy throughout a courtship, and who would want a pregnant fiancée? Since the Civil War ended, there was a shortage of men in the east anyway. Those who had survived the war and returned to Boston could take their pick of eligible wives – they weren’t likely to choose a pregnant widow.
Every corner she turned in Boston, something reminded her of Nick and their life together. Every way she spun it, the idea of marrying a handsome and kind gentleman from California made rational sense. It scared her half to death, but it appealed to her desire for security at the same time. She needed a change of scenery, and the excitement of an adventure in the west sent a throb of adrenalin pumping through her veins. A marriage of convenience could be undertaken quickly without raising suspicions, and she’d have plenty of time after the wedding to share her condition with Kristoff. No doubt he’d be displeased with her secrecy, but he couldn’t turn her away once she was his wife, could he?
Katie hated to be dishonest with anyone, and the idea of hurting Kristoff, even though she’d never met him, sent a pang of anxiety through her chest and into her stomach.
What really matters is the child growing inside of me. I’ll do anything to keep it safe and secure. If wounding someone or being untruthful protects my child, I’ll do it. I’ll even marry a stranger if it means that I won’t have to give up my baby to be raised by strangers, and I’ll be able to provide a roof over my child’s head and food in its stomach. I will do what I have to in order to look after my child, and Kristoff may just be the answer to all my problems.
Katie lowered her pen to the paper, and began to write.
Dear Mr. Petersen,
I’m delighted to be able to write to you. Hannah has told me so much about you. She sings your praises all day long. I must admit that I’m intrigued to find out more about California and your life there. Tell me, do you attend a church?
Hannah and I attend the local Baptist church. It’s a small gathering, but we enjoy it and also attend Bible Study on Wednesday evenings at the pastor’s house.
I have lived in Boston my whole life, and I love it here. Losing my husband recently, though, has given me reason to desire a change.
I was working for a family nearby until a few weeks ago, but they have since moved to New York, so I am currently searching for a new position.
I hope that we can correspond and be friends. Hannah has convinced me that you are one of the very best of men.
Yours sincerely,
Katie Pearson
Katie closed the envelope then dripped hot wax from her candle onto the back of it. She reached for her seal, and pressed it into the wax. After sealing the envelope she held it to her chest, her eyes closed. She felt s
o unsure about this courtship, but at the same time she couldn’t see any other way forward. Hannah was such a trusted friend and Katie was certain that she wouldn’t lead her astray. As confusion overwhelmed her, she clung to that fact. She stood and grabbed her shawl, wrapped it around her shoulders and carried the letter to the Post Office. She’d just have to trust God with her situation. There was nothing more she could do.
***
Kristoff stared at the letter in his hands. The writing on the front of the envelope was neat and simple, the lettering clean and perfectly formed. It was the writing of a woman, and his heart raced as he read the return address. Katie Pearson. He knew so little about her, yet every little piece of information his cousin revealed about her made him want to know more. She sounded kind, funny, compassionate, and tender. Everything he wanted in a wife. And according to Hannah, she was quite beautiful as well. He found it hard to believe that a woman could be all of those things at once, and yet he found himself excited at the prospect of reading her letter.
He opened it quickly and pulled out the single sheet of paper. He drew in a deep breath, taking in its scent. It smelled of rose water and something else, perhaps lavender. He read the letter and then dropped it onto his desk. The note was sweet but not particularly revealing. He felt as though he knew little more about the author of the letter than he did before reading it. Yet still, there was something about Katie Pearson that niggled at him. He wanted to meet her, he wanted to know more about her, but how could he? They lived on opposite sides of the country.
The only way to meet her was to send for her, since he couldn’t leave the shop for the time it would take him to get to Boston and back. And, if he sent for her – a single woman, travelling alone to meet him – he’d have to make a commitment. Was he ready for that? Could he trust his cousin’s word enough to take on a wife? What if they didn’t get along? What if she was completely unappealing in every way? Surely Hannah wouldn’t recommend someone like that – she knew him so well. No, he trusted her judgment. He knew that she wouldn’t have given such a glowing appraisal of anyone unworthy of it. Katie Pearson must be everything Hannah said she was, and if that were so, then he just had to meet her. He’d send a train ticket with the next letter, and a proposal along with it.
Kristoff shivered at the prospect. He was a man of common sense. He always carefully considered every decision he ever made. He dwelt upon life changing decisions for the length of time that befit the situation. How could he marry someone he’d never met on the recommendation of a cousin he hadn’t seen in years? He shook his head and rested his arms on the desk, his heart pounding. What was he about to do?
Whatever the outcome, one thing was certain – his life would never be the same. But whether or not that would be a good thing remained to be seen. He lifted his hand from the desk, and pulled a clean sheet of paper from the stack in the drawer. It was time to write a proposal, and then what happened next would in God’s hands.
Chapter Nine
Katie’s hands shook as she held the letter from Kristoff. A train ticket had fallen to the table beneath the letter when she pulled it from the envelope, and she knew what it meant the moment the gold lettering caught her eye.
Boston to Sacramento – One Way
The ticket was clear. Kristoff wanted her to come to California, with no prospect of returning. That meant one thing – marriage.
She opened the letter and read its contents. It was a gentle, loving, and romantic proposal, and her heart thumped in her chest as she read the words.
I would be honored if you would come to California and be my wife.
Be his wife. Be someone’s wife other than Nicholas’s. Katie shivered, and dropped the letter to the table where it covered the ticket. What would her answer be? She’d been working toward this outcome with their correspondence, yet now that it had arrived she wasn’t sure what she should do – what she wanted to do. It had happened faster than she’d expected it to, she’d only written to him once. But considering her expanding waistline, faster was better than slower. And really, did she have any other choice? There was really no other option that made sense. Not if she wanted to keep her baby and raise it herself. And in her mind, that wasn’t a question. She’d sooner die than let her child be raised by anyone else. She picked up the ticket and held it close to read it over again.
Boston to Sacramento. No return date.
Just then, Hannah pushed open the apartment door and tramped in from the cold, stamping her feet as she wiped them enthusiastically on the door mat.
“Hi Katie,” she said, brushing snowflakes from her coat onto the floor about her. “Brrr it’s frosty out there. It’s started snowing again, and I do believe it will be a white Christmas. I love it when the ground is covered in a carpet of white for the Christmas holiday, don’t you? Although, I do have to say that when it begins to melt and the entire ground beneath starts to show through and becomes muddy, I always wish it hadn’t snowed after all.”
She stopped when she saw Katie’s pale face. “What is it?”
“Kristoff has proposed.” Katie held the ticket up for her to see. Hannah rushed over and grabbed it into her still-gloved hands. She squealed with delight, holding it under the candle to read the words inked in black across the page.
“Oh Katie, I’m so pleased. You will tell him about the baby now, won’t you?”
“Oh yes, of course,” said Katie, feeling a flush of warmth travel across her features. “Do you really think I should marry him?” she asked, her voice betraying her anxiety.
Hannah knelt beside Katie and took her hands in her own, the wetness of the melted snow on the gloves coating Katie’s hands. “I really think you should. I promise you that I believe you will be a good match – the best match. The two of you are suited to each other in so many ways. He is handsome, kind, hard-working, and good. You are pretty, sweet, compassionate, and good. And together, you’ll be perfect. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t truly believe it.”
Katie looked deep into Hannah’s earnest brown eyes, and knew what her decision would be. “OK, I’ll do it. I guess this means I’m moving to Sacramento. Although I’ll miss you, my dear Hannah.”
The two women jumped to their feet and embraced. Both crying tears of joy, and also tears of grief over parting. Katie wondered what it would be like to leave behind everything and everyone she knew and loved in the world, and move to the other side of the country – to the frontier of civilization. Even though it made her heart quicken at the prospect, it didn’t sadden her the way she’d expected it to. Perhaps she was more ready for this change than she had realized. Either way, she was certain it was going to be an adventure she’d never forget.
Chapter Ten
Katie stood in front of the stove, her apron snug about her waist, and stirred a bubbling pot of pea and ham soup. Her eyes were dreamy, and as she secured a loose strand of hair into a hair pin, she soaked in memories of Nicholas. The day they met on the school playground, when he ran past her trundling a hoop with a short stick. The hoop had knocked against her foot, and landed on the ground before her. Nicholas bent down to retrieve it, and glanced up at her with a smile before going on his way. His green eyes flashed with mischief, and she was smitten.
If only they’d been able to grow old together, like they planned. It didn’t seem fair to have him taken from her when they were still so young, and with a baby on the way. A baby he didn’t even get a chance to find out about, let alone know. Katie felt the warmth of a tear trickling down her cheek, and used her apron to wipe it away. The sound of a key in the lock startled her, and she pinched her cheeks with her fingers to draw some color into them, pasting a smile on her face.
Hannah rushed into the room, her hair in disarray, her eyes shining with joy.
“Well, look at you,” said Katie, taking the soup from the stove and placing it on the countertop. “You look like you’ve got something exciting to share.”
“You’ll never guess what’s
happened.”
“No, I won’t, so go ahead and tell me.”
“Fred proposed! We’re getting married in the Spring!”
Katie stood still for a single moment and grief flitted across her face. She banished it with a grin and walked to Hannah with wide open arms. As she threw her arms around Hannah’s tall frame, she whispered in her ear, “That is such great news, my dear. I’m so happy for you.”
Hannah bounded away, spinning about the room.
“I’m so excited, I just can’t contain myself. I mean, I’m getting on in years you know, I’ll be eight and twenty this year. And for some reason, I thought that perhaps it was never going to happen for me. That maybe I’d never find that special person. But Fred is – well, he’s so very special and so wonderful. I can’t quite believe I’m going to be his wife. He chose me!”
“Well, I can.” Katie returned to the soup, ladling it into two enamel bowls. “You are warm, and beautiful, and generous – what man wouldn’t love to call you his wife. Fred is a lucky fellow.”
Katie carried the bowls of soup to the table, and returned to the kitchen to fetch spoons.
“I’m sure the two of you will be ridiculously happy together, and I can’t wait to hear all about the wedding.”
Hannah’s face dropped. “You won’t be coming?”
Katie sighed. “I just don’t know. Will Kristoff want me to return to Boston so soon after we’re married?”
“I don’t think he’d mind. Although, I know it is a long journey for you to take twice in such a short space of time, especially in your condition. I will understand if you can’t make it – although I hadn’t really considered that when we agreed to a Spring wedding. Perhaps we should get married before you leave, or we could do it after the baby comes.”