by Joy Argento
“How ya doing, sweetie? Ready for a girls’ night out?”
“Yeah. We gonna do a girls’ night out.” Mindy seemed over the moon to be spending time with her newest best friend. “I have to get my s-s-suitcase.” Mindy ran back into the living room, followed closely by Andi.
“Hey, hot stuff, are you ready for your evening?” Andi said, when she saw Emily.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” She smiled and leaned in to give Andi a hug.
“Need any advice?” Andi whispered, close to her ear. Her breath was warm on Emily’s skin and the warmth traveled down Emily’s body.
“Nothing is going to happen,” Emily whispered back. She looked directly into Andi’s brown eyes. “Nothing is going to happen,” she repeated. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Andi or herself.
“Okay,” Andi said to Emily. She turned to Mindy. “Are you ready?”
Mindy held tight to her duffel bag and pillow. “Yep.”
“Okay, tell your sister goodbye, and let’s get going.” Mindy gave Emily a hug and linked her arm in Andi’s. At the door, Andi handed her the keys. “Press this button right here.” Andi pointed. “And it’ll unlock the doors. Put your stuff in the back seat and I’ll be out in a second.”
Once Mindy left Andi turned her attention back to Emily. “Are you all set? Are you all right?” She rubbed Emily’s arm and left a trail of goose bumps.
“I am so nervous, but I’m okay. Everything will be fine. Thank you so much. I mean that. Thank you.” She gave Andi a kiss on the cheek.
“Call me if you need anything.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know…anything.”
“Thank you.”
“You got it. Have a wonderful evening. I’ll see you sometime late tomorrow afternoon.”
Emily closed the door behind her and leaned her head against it. I hope I’m doing the right thing here. She wondered why, all of a sudden, these doubts were springing up. Well, doubts or not, she had company coming in an hour and she wanted to be ready. She thought about what still needed to be done. The house was clean, the wine was chilling and dinner was put together. She would put it in the oven after Sarah arrived. She was ready. What am I ready for? Am I jumping into this too fast? Am I ready for this relationship? Is it a relationship? No, it was too early for that. But it could be, someday. She was ready to find out where this led. Maybe.
Emily decided to change out of her work clothes into something a little more casual. She chose a pair of black jeans and coral cotton shirt. Barefooted, she trotted to the bathroom, washed her face, brushed her hair and teeth. She applied a thin layer of foundation, mascara, and blush, checked herself one more time in the mirror, and nodded her approval.
***
Emily checked the wall clock for the fifteenth time. She brushed her teeth again, straightened the couch cushions, adjusted a picture on the wall. She was running out of things to fuss with. At seven fifteen she heard a knock on the door and jumped.
Calm down, calm down, calm down. Okay, I’m calm. Who am I kidding? Just be yourself. But not your normal scaredy-cat, chickenshit self. Okay, stop it.
Emily opened the door. “Hello,” she said to Sarah. “Welcome to my humble abode.”
“Hi,” Sarah said. She looked Emily up and down. “You look great.”
Emily liked the attention and at the same time felt a little exposed the way Sarah looked at her. It made her nervous.
“So do you,” Emily said, looking directly at her eyes, avoiding the full body scan Sarah had done. “Come on in.”
Sarah looked around as she entered. “Very nice place.” She looked casually elegant in a cream-colored satin blouse neatly tucked into navy blue dress pants.
“Thanks. I like it. Sit down and I’ll go get us some wine and put supper in the oven. We can eat in about an hour.” Emily went into the kitchen, glad to have a few minutes to compose herself. Stopped being so anxious, she told herself. You are going to look like a dork if you don’t get a grip.
Emily found the corkscrew in the drawer and, after several failed attempts, got the cork out of the wine bottle, breaking it into several pieces. She poured the wine into two glasses and used her fingers to remove the small pieces of cork that floated on top. Andi wouldn’t have broken the cork into pieces.
Andi…
Stop thinking about Andi!
She swallowed hard and turned her thoughts back to Sarah as she continued gathering the appetizers she’d made earlier and putting dinner in the oven.
Holding a plate of hors d’oeuvres in one hand, she carefully picked up the two glasses of wine, holding the stems between her fingers. She walked back to the living room, trying not to spill anything, and amazingly, succeeded.
“Let me help you.” Sarah got up and took both glasses. Emily noticed she had slipped off her high-heeled shoes and set them off to the side of the couch.
Emily put the plate down on the coffee table and accepted her glass of wine back from Sarah.
“Cheers,” Sarah said, clinking her glass gently against Emily’s.
Emily sipped her wine, hoping it would lessen the feeling like she was crawling out of her skin. It’s because I haven’t eaten since lunch, Emily told herself. Maybe that was why she felt a little sick. No. It wasn’t an empty stomach. When would she accept that anything new made her nervous? And this was definitely something new.
Emily offered Sarah an appetizer. Sarah took one and nibbled on it. Emily took two and ate the first one in two bites, before starting on the next. That didn’t help her stomach any. Maybe more wine would help.
“I like your use of light in your painting.” Sarah pointed to a landscape on the wall. “I assume you painted it.”
Emily nodded and continued to sip her wine, watching Sarah over the rim of her glass. She certainly is pretty.
“I can feel the exact time of day that was.”
“Thank you,” Emily said. She set her glass of wine down, realizing she had already consumed half of it. If she didn’t slow down she would be drunk before they even got to dinner. Silence filled the air for several seconds. Several long seconds. “So, you have an art show on Sunday?” Emily said, feeling the need to fill the gap with conversation.
“Yes. I’m really hoping for nice weather. Last year was so cold.”
Emily was hoping for deeper conversation but couldn’t quite get more personal questions out of her mouth. Sarah seemed content with surface talk.
“Would you like more wine?” Emily asked, picking up her own glass again.
“Not right now. I still have plenty left. I’ll have another glass with dinner.”
“It should be ready soon. So, Sarah…” Why is this so hard?
“Yes?”
“Have you lived in Rochester all your life?” Lame.
“Born and raised.”
Several long seconds went by. Emily sipped her wine.
“Emily, I know you said you want to go slow, but I was wondering if it would be all right if I kissed you?”
“Yes,” Emily answered. There would be no need for talking if her mouth was covered by Sarah’s. A tingle ran through her at the mere thought of it.
Without another word, Sarah kissed her. Emily closed her eyes as their lips met. It was soft and slow and easy. Easy. It was so easy to kiss Sarah, too easy. Much easier than talking. The kiss deepened. Sarah pulled Emily in closer, and Emily could feel Sarah’s soft breasts pushing against hers. When Sarah’s tongue entered her mouth, she melted.
Emily wasn’t sure who started it this time, but before she knew what was happening, both women had shed their shirts. Emily found herself on her back with Sarah on top of her. Sarah’s mouth moved down from Emily’s lips to her neck. They traveled farther down to Emily’s breasts, and Emily let out a deep moan as warm lips circled her nipple.
This is what it should feel like. Hot. Electric. A woman had her mouth on her. A woman. This is the way it’s supposed to be.
; Sarah’s mouth paused briefly as she said, “We can do whatever you’re comfortable with. I won’t push you. I just enjoy being with a woman so much more than sex with my husband.”
What? That’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Emily wasn’t sure she had heard Sarah correctly. “What? Your husband?”
Sarah’s tongue traveled up Emily’s neck and stopped at her chin. “Yeah. I prefer sleeping with women. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and sex with him is great, but it’s so much better with a woman. You know? Soft and everything.”
In one quick move, Emily extracted herself from Sarah and stood up. “You’re married?”
“Yes. I thought you knew that.” Sarah sat up.
“And how would I have known that?” Emily did her best to keep the tears she felt welling up in her eyes from spilling out. What the hell am I doing? What the hell kind of game is this?
“You know my sister, so I assumed you knew I was married. My husband is the one who recommended that you and I go to Rumors last week.”
“You’re married and your husband knows you do this? He knows about me?” Emily was bewildered and hurt. And a little disgusted at the thought of Sarah’s husband knowing what they were doing, what Emily had allowed—allowed—with someone who was practically a stranger.
Sarah reached for Emily’s hand. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to deceive you. I like you and thought we could have some fun together.”
Emily pulled her hand away and waved it through the air. “So, this is just for fun?”
“I thought you knew that.”
“I would never have—I’m not that kind of gir…No, I didn’t know this was just for fun.”
“Emily.” Sarah looked stunned. “I really thought you knew.”
Emily grabbed her shirt off of the floor and pulled it roughly over her head. “I’m thinking that you should probably go.” Emily couldn’t stop the tears any longer.
“Emily,” Sarah repeated.
“Please.” Emily needed to be alone. She needed this woman to leave.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Please leave.” Emily didn’t try to hide the pain in her voice.
Sarah gathered her clothes from the floor and slipped them back on. “I never meant to hurt you.”
When Emily didn’t respond, Sarah picked up her shoes and walked to the door. She turned as if she was going to say something, changed her mind and left, her shoes still in her hand.
Emily slumped down on the couch. “I am so stupid.” She hit the palm of her hand against her forehead with each word. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
The tears began to flow in earnest. Emily brushed them away with a sudden realization: she was hurt, but in truth, she barely knew the woman who had just walked out that door. Apparently, she knew even less about her than she’d thought. She was crying over the loss of a fantasy, not the loss of Sarah. That still makes me pretty stupid. Maybe even more so. Okay, so I lost someone I didn’t really have and didn’t really know. Now what? Well, I won’t be jumping into anything else so fast, like an idiot. That’s for damn sure.
Emily had let her body get in the way of her head and her heart. She let long overdue physical feelings dictate her actions. She tried to skip steps and jump ahead to make up for lost time. She had allowed Sarah to touch her, to kiss her. No. Allowed wasn’t the right word. That made it sound like Sarah had manipulated her. Emily had been a very willing participant in everything that had transpired. She was as much to blame as Sarah. Maybe more so. She wiped away the final tears from her face and blew her nose. She was angrier at herself than at Sarah.
What now? she asked herself. She wasn’t going to fall for the next pretty face that came along. Maybe she wouldn’t even look at another pretty face. But Emily knew that wasn’t true. She knew that she wanted to fall for a pretty face. She wasn’t going to settle for the next one or maybe the one after that. She was going to look around and find the right pretty face. She would find the woman who was meant for her. Her first question was going to be about marital status. In fact, she was going to start every conversation that way.
Emily was startled out of her thoughts when the timer on the stove blared. “I guess that means dinner’s ready,” she said sarcastically.
She grabbed her wineglass, went into the kitchen, turned off the timer and oven, and poured herself another glass of wine. Taking the stuffed shells out of the oven, she had the urge to dump the whole thing, pan and all, into the trash. Very poetic, but not very practical. That would be a waste of perfectly good food. Instead, she set the pan down on the top of the stove to cool. Emily grabbed her glass of wine and the rest of the bottle and went back into the living room to finish it off. Her thoughts went to Andi and how she would explain what happened tonight. She hoped Andi would understand and not think she was a fool. Andi. Andi was a good friend. Andi would understand. Tomorrow. She would tell Andi tomorrow.
She grabbed her laptop and googled lesbian dating. There was a whole world out there to explore and she was determined to do just that.
Chapter Eleven
“So? Spill it. How did it go? How come you’re here early?” Andi ushered Emily in and led the way to the kitchen. She wanted to know out of a sense of morbid curiosity and a desire to be a good friend, but she didn’t really want details. “Want a cup of coffee?”
“Coffee would be good.”
Andi scooped coffee into the filter and filled the pot with water. “Okay, tell me.”
“It didn’t go too well.” Emily managed a half smile. “Turns out she’s married.”
Andi stopped pouring the water into the coffeemaker. “Married? As in, married married? As in, she has a husband or wife somewhere married? Or married, as in, she is getting a divorce married?” Andi asked, truly surprised.
“Married, as in, she has a husband somewhere married. I’m assuming in Rochester.”
“Holy shit. I’m so sorry. How did you find out?” Andi resisted the urge to wrap her arms around Emily to comfort her. The mix of emotions coursing through her were confusing. Relief. Surprise. Sadness for Emily. Anger at Sarah.
“She said it. She just said it, like it was nothing. There we are with our shirts off, kissing and…” Emily stopped when she seemed to realize what she’d said. Her face turned crimson. She hesitated. “Anyway, she mentioned her husband, like it was no big deal.”
“I’m so sorry, Em,” Andi said. “At the risk of repeating myself, holy shit. How are you doing? Are you okay? So, you had your shirt off, huh?” That last part stung a little.
“I can’t believe I said that.” Emily grimaced. “I’m okay. I did a lot of thinking last night. I could kick myself for getting so carried away with Sarah so fast. You know this gay thing is so new to me. I think I jumped in too quick. I was so anxious to get my lesbian life started that I did it all wrong. I know now that what I need to do is play the field, date a bunch of different women. See what’s out there in the world. So I signed up for speed dating online last night.”
“You what?” Andi stared at her.
“I signed up for speed dating. Lesbian speed dating. I didn’t even know there was such a thing. Did you?” Emily didn’t wait for an answer. “It’s in a little less than two weeks. I found the information online last night. I found a bunch of dating sites and personal ads, although most of them were pretty raunchy. I can’t believe how many women post pictures of their vajayjays.”
“Vajayjays?”
“Yeah. You know. Their lady bits. A hoo-hoo. One woman called hers a honeypot.”
“One woman where?”
“On Craigslist. I would expect that stuff from guys. But from the women?”
“Emily, I don’t think that’s the best place to be getting educated on this.”
Emily ignored her. “Well, anyway, it was still very interesting. I never knew about any of this. There’s a whole lesbian world out there, and I want to explore it. You should try the speed dating too.” Her excitement
about the endless possibilities seemed to have overtaken her disappointment over Sarah. “So, what do you think? Want to try speed dating?”
“No, that’s all right, I’ll pass.” The last thing Andi wanted to do was sit across from strange women making small talk. She wasn’t so sure she wanted Emily doing it either, but Emily seemed determined.
“Why? Come on. Do it with me.” Emily obviously didn’t realize how that sounded until Andi burst out laughing.
“Come here, baby, I’ll do it with you,” Andi teased, but deep down knew she actually meant it.
Emily could feel the heat rising up from her neck to her face. She put her hands over her face and shook her head. “That didn’t come out quite right.” She tried to suppress the laughter, but it bubbled up anyway. “So, enough about me. Tell me about the woman you were kissing in the car last weekend?” There it was: the question that had been nagging at her for a week. She tried to convince herself that she really didn’t care, but here she was asking the question anyway. Emily was as surprised by the question as Andi appeared to be.
“How did you know about that?”
“Mindy and I stopped for snacks, and I saw you.” Her voice betrayed the hurt she still felt, warranted or not. She felt sick to her stomach waiting for the answer, an answer she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear. “I’m sorry. Don’t answer. It’s none of my business who you’re seeing.”
“Emily, I’m not seeing anyone. I would tell you if I was. What you saw was my ex-girlfriend Janice kissing me. Without warning, I might add. A kiss I didn’t return and that I didn’t want. If you had stuck around for another thirty seconds you would’ve seen me push her away.” Andi sounded angry, which only added to Emily’s confusion.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“I was going to tell you, but you were so excited about everything that was happening in your life, I figured it could wait.”
“So you’re not getting back together with her?” Emily averted her eyes. Another question she shouldn’t be asking. Much to her horror, tears spilled from her eyes.