by Joy Argento
Emily pulled into the driveway. “I’ll help you get your stuff and then I’m going to run over to Andi’s house for a little while,” she told Mindy.
“I wanna go too!”
“Not this time, Mindy. I need to talk to Andi about something, so please, help me out and find something to do or watch TV until I get back. Okay? Please.”
“Okay, okay.” Her irritation was obvious. Emily made sure she was settled before heading over to Andi’s.
Emily was relieved to see Andi’s car parked in the driveway. She took several deep breaths to try to calm herself and rang the doorbell, her heart in her throat. The door opened and Andi stood in front of her. The screen door separated them.
Emily pulled the screen open. “I am so sorry. I’m a jerk. Can I come in?” Emily’s words came out in a rush. Andi stepped back to let her pass. Emily started again as soon as she entered the house. “Please forgive me. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
Andi walked past her to the living room. She didn’t say a word.
Emily followed. I am not going to cry. Don’t cry. Don’t look pathetic. Just tell her your feelings. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to lose you.” A tear escaped. She wiped it roughly away. “Please say something.”
Nothing.
“Andi, please.” She was willing to beg if she needed to.
“What the hell were you thinking? What the hell do you think went through my mind when I couldn’t get ahold of you?”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“No. I guess not.”
At least she was talking to her.
“I was scared something had happened to you and no one knew to tell me.”
Emily hadn’t even considered that. She really was a thoughtless ass. How was she ever going to make up for this?
“Emily, if we’re going to be together it has to be through everything, not only when things are going good for you. If something bad happens, you need to share it with me. Not hide away. I can’t take that.” Andi turned her head to the side and Emily could tell that she was also struggling not to cry. She composed herself and continued, “We have to be there for each other. If I have a bad day, I want to be able to share it with you too. It’s all or nothing, Emily. Do you get that?”
Emily nodded. She swallowed back the tears. “Yes, that’s what I want too. I’ve never had that before and I was stupid. I’m so sorry I worried you.”
“You aren’t going to lose me, but it scares me if you’re going to run when things get tough.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“God, Emily.” This time Andi did let the tears fall. She turned her back. “Damn.” The frustration obvious in her voice. She clenched her hands into fists.
Emily walked to her. She slipped her arms around her waist and rested her head against Andi’s back. “Please forgive me.”
Andi stepped out of her arms. “I need some time here, Emily.”
Emily was at a loss for what to do next. “Do you want me to leave?” Please say no.
“No.” Andi turned toward her.
Emily let out a breath that she didn’t know she’d been holding.
“Please don’t be mad.” It was all she could think to say.
“I’m not mad. Don’t you understand? I’m hurt. Hurt that you didn’t feel you could talk to me. Hurt that you shut me out.”
“Andi, so much of this is new to me. My feelings for you are so strong. My father’s reaction was devastating to me. I didn’t know how to respond. How to tell you. How to deal with it.” She struggled to explain.
***
So many feelings coursed through Andi at the same time that she had trouble sorting them out. She was hurt, she was angry, but most of all she was relieved. Relieved that Emily was all right. When her phone calls had gone unanswered, she was sure something must have happened, sure Emily must have been hurt or worse. She could think of no other reason for the silence she had gotten in response to her worried phone messages.
She wanted to hug Emily, to feel her arms around her, to know that she was safe. But at the same time she wanted to scream at her for making her worry when one single phone call would have alleviated the whole situation.
“Can we just sit down and talk?” Emily asked.
“Maybe it would be better if you left,” Andi answered. She needed some time alone. Needed to calm down. Needed…what? She needed Emily, that’s what. She knew that without a doubt. But did Emily need her? Emily had decided to handle her feelings on her own, without Andi. Maybe that was the way Emily operated. If that was the case, this wasn’t going to work.
She needed some time to think.
Chapter Thirty
Andi and Emily hadn’t talked at all by the time school started back up on Monday, and Andi was miserable. She missed Emily and was ready to talk. She believed she had relayed her feelings adequately on Saturday and didn’t feel the need to explain further. She did have a few questions for Emily, though. Above all, she knew her life was better with Emily in it and was eager to get back to that. She stopped in Emily’s room before lunch. But Emily wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the teachers’ lounge either. Andi had a meeting after school with a parent, so she thought maybe she would stop by Emily’s house after that.
She only had to wait a couple of seconds after ringing the bell for Emily to answer. Emily stepped forward as if she was going to hug Andi and then must have thought better of it.
“Can I come in?” Andi asked.
“Of course.” Emily stepped back to let her pass.
“Can we talk?”
Emily nodded.
They both found seats in the living room on the couch but didn’t sit too close.
“I’m so sor—” Emily started at the same time Andi spoke.
“I would like—”
“Go ahead,” Emily said, with a nod.
“I wanted to see if we could clear this up. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, and I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are,” Andi said. She wanted to move closer and wrap her arms around Emily but needed to know a few things first. “I need to know what went on with your dad and why you didn’t call me.”
Emily took a deep breath and explained what had happened and how it made her feel. “I wallowed in my own pain and like a fool felt alone. Andi, you need to realize that I have never had a relationship like this before—a relationship with someone who really cares about me and would worry about me. I didn’t take that into account. That was wrong, and that was selfish. I know that now. I will never let anything like that happen again.” Her voice shook and Andi knew she was being sincere.
“Emily, do you believe I care for you?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then why wouldn’t you let me be there for you?”
“Because I felt worthless, unlovable, a burden. I’m not saying any of this makes sense. I’m just telling you how I felt and why I thought it was best to be alone in my suffering.”
Andi put her hand on Emily’s knee, realizing how much she’d missed touching her. “Em, you could never be a burden to me. Your pain is my pain.”
Emily swiped at the tears that leaked from her eyes. She nodded, and Andi knew her well enough to know that the tears would start in earnest if Emily spoke again. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around Emily. Maybe she had overreacted. Maybe she should have been more understanding of what Emily had been going through. All she knew for sure was that Emily was very important to her, and she couldn’t bear the thought of them being apart any longer.
“I’m sorry too, Em.”
Emily leaned into Andi and hugged her tightly. “I love you,” she said.
These were the words Andi had been waiting to hear. The words that told her how Emily truly felt. She kissed Emily full on the mouth. “Oh, Emily, I love you too.”
They stayed wrapped around each other for what seemed like a long time. Andi wanted to stay like this forever.
***
“Do you want to go start a fire?” Emily asked Andi.
“I would love to start a fire with you, but won’t Mindy be home soon?”
“She won’t be home for a few hours, and I meant a fire in the actual fireplace. I’ve only used it once since moving in, and I was by myself. I would love to sit in front of it with you.”
Andi led Emily by the hand to the cove off the living room. Emily sat on the floor and rested her back against the love seat. Andi lit a match and held it to the corner of the starter log on the bottom of the pile of wood in the fireplace. The log caught and the fire slowly spread.
Andi sat on the floor next to Emily, the soft rug protecting them from the hardwood floor below. She put her arm around Emily, and Emily cuddled close against her.
Emily let out a contented sigh.
“My words exactly,” Andi said.
The fire leaped to life in front of them and Emily began to feel its warmth. She also felt another kind of warmth that was far stronger than the fire before her. She raised her head to the person who caused the fire within by her mere presence. She kissed Andi on the cheek and then full on the mouth. A bit of rearranging and Emily was on her back, in Andi’s arms, looking up at her. The firelight danced in Andi’s eyes.
Andi bent her head, and lips met lips. She opened her mouth and allowed Emily’s exploring tongue inside. Their tongues danced together in a slow waltz. Andi’s hand tugged at Emily’s shirt, pulling it from the waistband that held it captive. Her hands slid over the bare skin on Emily’s stomach and moved upward, leaving a trail like burning embers in its wake until, at last, it reached Emily’s breast. The fingers moved deftly across the material of Emily’s bra, causing her nipples to stand at attention. Andi’s fingers lingered there, taking possession of the hard nipple. Emily gasped as Andi’s hand left her breast and in one swift motion slipped down her body and inside the front of her pants. Emily unzipped them, giving Andi’s hand the freedom to move.
Andi’s hand slid first over Emily’s underpants, the fabric already soaked, then under the silky material, skin to skin. Andi’s fingers moved through the wetness and she stroked Emily with a steady rhythm that seemed to match the rapid beating of Emily’s heart.
Emily raised her hips to meet Andi’s hand stroke for stroke. Over and over again. The pressure inside Emily increased to a blinding level. A small cry escaped her lips and tears leaked as she squeezed her eyes closed. Her body rocked with her climax. Andi increased the speed and pressure of her movements for a few moments more and then stopped, letting Emily’s movement dictate what she needed.
Emily could hear the pounding of Andi’s heart as she laid her head against her lover’s chest, trying to catch her breath. She only realized her cheeks were wet with her own tears when Andi wiped them away.
“I don’t know where the waterworks came from,” Emily said, when she was able to speak. “I’m not crying. It’s just so emotional for me to be with you. I am so in love with you.”
“I know.” Andi leaned down and kissed where the trail of tears had been. “Believe me, I know.”
“Oh, and by the way”—Emily looked into Andi’s eyes—”wow!”
Andi smiled and kissed Emily gently on the mouth as the fire roared in front of them.
Epilogue
“How about this one?” Andi asked.
Emily looked the tree up and down. “No. It’s too perfect.” She continued down the row of evergreens.
“What do you mean, it’s too perfect?” Andi asked as she caught up with her.
“It doesn’t have character. It needs a few flaws to give it character.” Emily pulled another Christmas tree from the row to get a better look at it. It had more branches on one side than the other and a slight bend in the trunk. “See how much character this tree has?”
“I’m beginning to see how much character you have.” Andi smiled.
Emily swatted at her.
“Okay, okay. So, is this the tree you want?”
“What do you think?” Emily wanted it to be a joint decision.
“I think it’s beautiful and has a lot of character.” Andi wrapped her arms around Emily from behind. “I think we should get it,” she said close to Emily’s ear, sending shivers down Emily’s back. She pushed down the urge to turn in Andi’s arms and kiss her full on the mouth. There would be plenty of time for that later.
“Thank you,” Emily said.
“For what?”
“For letting me get a tree with personality and for loving me.”
“Loving you is the easy part.” Andi gave her a tight squeeze before letting her go. “I’ll go tell the guy we want this one.”
Thirty minutes later they were setting the tree up in Emily’s house. “Is that straight?” Andi asked Emily.
“A little more to the left.”
Andi adjusted the tree.
“No, no, too much.”
Another adjustment.
“No, it still doesn’t look right. Try turning it a little.” Emily stood back and tilted her head. “You know, I’m thinking that the tree has a little too much personality to be straight. Kind of like you.” She smiled.
“Oh, nice,” Andi said, letting go of the tree. She grabbed Emily around the waist and pulled her in close for a kiss.
Emily leaned back out of the reach of her mouth. “Wait. This isn’t official,” she said.
A look of confusion crossed Andi’s face. “What do you mean it isn’t official?”
“Well, it’s getting close to Christmas, and you want to kiss me.”
“I’m not seeing where you’re going with this.”
Emily pulled out of Andi’s embrace and held up one finger. She looked through one of the cardboard boxes that she’d brought up from the basement earlier. She pushed aside various Christmas decorations until she found what she was looking for. She held it above her head.
“Mistletoe,” Andi said.
“Now it’s official, so get over here and kiss me.”
“My God, you’re bossy.”
“You’re right. That was a little bossy,” Emily said. “Let me rephrase.” She cleared her throat. “Get over here and kiss me—please.”
“That’s better.” Andi pulled her back into her arms. She gave Emily a tender kiss on the lips.
Emily pulled Andi in tighter and returned the kiss with much more passion and hunger. “How was that?” Emily asked.
“Oh, I like it when it’s official. I like it a lot.”
“I am going to hang this up over there.” Emily pointed to the doorway leading down the hall. “So we can be official over there. In fact, I think I will get a whole bunch of mistletoe and hang it all over the house. Your house too. That way we can be official all over the place.”
Emily used a stool to tack up the mistletoe. She felt the warmth of Andi’s arms around her and Andi’s body against her back when she stepped down.
Andi kissed her on the neck. “Got any plans for Christmas?” Andi said. “’Cause I can think of a few ways I’d like to spend it.”
Emily turned to face her. “Actually, I do have plans for Christmas that I was hoping would involve you.”
“Oh yeah? Tell me.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“And just how do you know what I’m thinking,” Andi said, with a grin.
“I would venture to guess that you are thinking about you and me and no clothes and a bed and—”
“Okay,” Andi interrupted. “Maybe you do know what I’m thinking. What are you thinking?”
“I told my dad about us when I talked to him on the phone yesterday,” Emily said.
Andi looked concerned. She waited for Emily to continue.
“He said he was happy for me. He already knew a lot about you, not that you’re my girlfriend, but Mindy happened to tell him that you are her best friend and you know how she loves to talk about her best friends.”
“I do indeed.” Andi smiled. “So, your dad was all right w
ith me being in your life?”
“He seemed to be. He invited you to go there with us for Christmas. What would you think about that?”
“Hmm. Okay, I thought about it and I want to be wherever you are for Christmas.” She kissed Emily’s nose. “’Cause I happen to love you.”
“You do?”
“I do.”
“Well, that works out great, then, because I happen to love you too.” She looked up. “We’re still standing under the mistletoe. Want to kiss me again?”
Andi brought her mouth to Emily’s and kissed her deeply. They were still wrapped in each other’s arms and their own little world when the front door opened and closed. They didn’t hear Mindy come into the house or into the room.
“What? You are kissing a girl?” Mindy exclaimed, her eyes and mouth open wide.
Emily quickly pulled out of Andi’s embrace.
Dead silence.
Mindy spoke again. “What, are you g-gay or something?”
Emily looked at Andi.
Andi nodded.
“Yes, Mindy,” Emily said softly. “I’m gay. I’m gay, and I love Andi.” She held her breath waiting for Mindy’s response.
“Oh. Okay.” Mindy proceeded to take her off her scarf and mittens.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this? Do you have any questions or anything?” Emily watched her little sister.
“It’s fine. My best friend, Ellen Degeneres, is g-gay, for g-g-goodness sake. What the big deal?”
Emily was relieved, but wasn’t quite sure her little sister understood. “So, you don’t have any problem with me kissing Andi or being gay. You understand what it means?”
“Yep. You’re a girl and Andi’s a girl and you love each other and are gay together. I not a little kid, you know. Can we d-d-decorate the tree now?” She brought her attention to the evergreen in the corner. “It’s p-p-perfect.” She smiled her bright, crooked smile.