by Molli Moran
So I do.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jake is already sitting on one of the wooden swings when I get there. I all but ran from Freshly Ground, but when I catch sight of him, I slow. I can picture him there at fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen. Seventeen, eighteen. I can remember when I was heavier and he was gangly—the year Sloane and I, and Coop and I, became best friends. That year I learned to hold my head high, to jump off the high dive at the pool, and to fall in love.
I don’t know what I would have done differently if I’d never left. I’ll never know—and right now, in this moment? It’s okay. There’s no need anymore to dwell in the past. We’ve both loved versions of each other that weren’t ready, and it got us here. And here is this moment where we both are ready. Here is a door opening to our future. Here was worth it all.
“So are you gonna stand there all night or come over here with me?” His voice carries to me. My mouth tips into a smile he can’t see, but one I’m sure he knows very well. “This other swing has your name on it.”
“Shut up,” I murmur softly, without any heat.
“No, really.” Jake laughs. “You don’t remember us carving our names here?”
I join him to investigate. He flips the empty seat over, and I squint at where he’s pointing. I can just barely make out my initials and his: SCW and JCC. My hand flies to my mouth. “When did we…?”
“The night before you left for Nash,” he says. “We got pretty damn tipsy and I had a pocketknife, so we decided to leave this town something to remember us by. Like it needed something else.”
“I can’t believe I committed vandalism with you.” I’m giggling as I trace the letters. “I mean, I can believe you did it, but I was clearly an innocent.”
“Ummm, I know you better than that, remember?” Jake snorts. “And just whose idea was it to break into the other team’s locked bus and steal their mascot costume at homecoming?” He aims a teasing look at me. “Not mine.”
“You went along with it!”
“Yeah well, I was trying to impress you.”
Putting one hand over my heart and one across my forehead, I pretend to swoon. I burst out laughing when I do though, and soon, Jake is chuckling. He gathers me into his arms, and as he pulls me against his chest, I stop laughing.
“It worked, you know.” I lean against him, enjoying how solid he is. How safe I feel with him, yet also not safe at all because he’s constantly challenging me. “You impressed me. You made me fall for you.” I tip my head back and stare up at the sky. “I’m still falling for you, Coop.”
He kisses my temple. “So, you’re staying.” My back is to his chest, so I can’t see him, but I can tell he’s happy from his tone. “And you’re okay with that? I mean that song…”
“You liked it?” I turn my head so my lips press lightly on his neck. He makes one of those indescribable male noises that I’ve come to understand means agreement. “I’m guessing that’s a yes.” I move so I’m facing him.
“Yes, Sophie, I liked your song.” Jake tightens his embrace. “I loved your song. I loved seeing you on the stage, the lights making you glow. I loved seeing you in your element. But I don’t want you to ever give anything up for me.”
Before I answer him, I pause. I know how I feel, but I want to choose my words right. No awkward stumbling. No doubting myself or doubting I deserve this. No holding back because I’m not sure how he feels. No altering my answer because of how I feel about him. Just the truth. I owe him, and myself, honesty. If I’m going to be here, I’m here, in the good moments, the bad, and the scary. When it’s easy and when it’s hard.
Staring at Jake, I’m overcome with love, with hope, and with the certainty that I’m making the right decision. I’ve always known I wanted to be in the spotlight, but I’m not sure I’m ready yet. I ran away to Nashville with a six-string I barely knew how to play. I thought I’d find stardom as soon as I got there, that it wouldn’t take anything more than the right person to look my way, and bam, instant success. Over the years as that dream matured, I realized I still wanted it, but I wanted more than just success. I wanted to write and sing songs that made people think and feel. And the version of me that moved to Nashville wasn’t ready yet.
The version I am now is closer but still not totally ready. When I make that climb again, I want it to be for real. I don’t want to do it alone like I did the first time. I’ve learned that I’m stronger with my friends and family around. I’m stronger with Jake. They’ve all shown me who I am. I’ve finally realized there’s nothing wrong with me. I shine all on my own without a spotlight.
When I was miserable before I met Sloane, Mama found me crying one day in my bedroom. I told her that the other girls hated me, and I’ll never forget what she said. She said, “Sophie, they don’t hate you. You’re different from them. You’re brighter, and when they look at you, they see that light, and they’re jealous of it. But never let it go out. Learn to embrace what makes you different.”
It took a lot longer than I ever thought it would, but I tucked her advice away in my heart, and finally I’m at peace with who I am, and with where my road has led me.
I trace Jake’s cheek. “If I felt like going was the right choice, I’d go. I’d tell you, and we’d work at this, and I’d see what happens. But I know where I belong. It took leaving and coming back to finally see where my home is. And my home is here.”
“I guess we both took the long way home, huh? We had some false starts, a comedy of errors so to speak.”
“I think we did.” I run my fingers through his hair, loving that I can finally touch him just because. “I’m not sure it would have been worth it any other way, though.” Jake catches my hand and presses a soft kiss into my palm. I shudder at the sensation. All I can think is how I am so beyond happy to be in this moment, with this man.
“I dunno.” He laughs. “It was torture having to pretend to only be fake dating you,” he says, making air quotes. “I wanted to be with you all the time. I wanted to do all these corny, romantic things for you, but I knew if I did, it’d give away how not fake my feelings were.”
I lightly smack his arm. “Wait a minute. You could have been doing romantic things for me this whole time and you didn’t?”
He raises his hands in defense. “I’m fairly sure we were both trying to pretend.” His eyes are dancing, so I know he knows I’m (slightly) teasing him, but he’s also doing a good job of looking defiant. “Besides, sweetheart, I brought you tulips on our first date.” He quirks an eyebrow. “They mean I love you.”
“Well.” Plunking myself down on one of the swings, I smirk up at him. “Anyway, I was better at it than you were.”
“Nope.”
“Ummm, yes I was.”
Jake steps around behind me and grabs the ropes of my swing. He brushes against me as he does so, and my swing jolts. When it settles, I turn around toward him. His face is very close to mine, and his lips are curved in a smile. I match it with one of my own as he leans in close to me. I half-drown in his eyes as we let the moment twist around us. I can’t look away from him, and he must not want to look away from me. My smile deepens, and my heart beats faster the longer we stare into one another’s eyes.
“You come apart every time I get close to you, Sophie.” His voice is all husky and deep and it sinks into my bones.
“No I don’t,” I say defiantly. The shivers racing through me probably expose his effect on me. He’s still grinning like he just won something, so I hook my legs around him and pull him closer. Jake lets out a grunt of surprise, and almost falls, but recovers. I’m not done with him, though. Not by half.
I grab the belt loops on his pants and hook my thumbs in them. “You weren’t exactly Mr. Calm and Collected that night in your bed.”
Jake snorts. “Well, a half-naked girl had just confessed her love for me.” He leans in until our chests touch. “A half-naked girl I’m very much in love with.”
“I meant before that, smar
tass. When you were all ‘Oh yeah, sweetheart’.” I try to make my voice deep like his, but it’s an utter fail. I giggle as his expression changes several times. He doesn’t seem to know which emotion to settle on.
“I’m not sure this relationship is off to a great start. You’re already insulting me.” He puts a hand to his chest in mock-offense. “I thought you loved me.”
“I do.”
“Then say it.” Suddenly, he’s serious, the sparkle gone from his eyes. He kneels in front of me. “I’ve waited so long to hear you tell me you love me, Sophie. I know I reacted badly the first time, but that was the shock of a lifetime for me, honest.” He takes both of my hands in his. “I couldn’t even believe you were really telling me you felt the same as I did. I hate that we lost even an hour because of a misunderstanding like that—”
“Coop.” I put a finger over his lips. “I love you.” His eyes brighten, but I don’t move my finger. “I’ve loved every version of you, but I’m happiest now, here, with this version. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
As soon as I finish speaking, he leans in and kisses me. I’m sinking into warmth, into his mouth, into our forever. He’s kissing me firmly, without any hesitation at all, but also without any urgency. It’s a kiss that says he wants to take his time with me, and I definitely don’t mind. I could kiss Jake for the rest of the night, so I let myself get lost in the feel of his lips parting mine.
Until my phone buzzes.
I pull back slightly, look down, and smile ruefully. “It’s Sloane. She wants to know if we’re coming to Mama’s. I guess she got me a cake.” I squint as I read the text. “Oh and your brothers are there and, wait, what? Logan is there and he’s flirting with Cassidy? Oh hell no!”
Jake growls. “I’ll kill him.”
“We both will.”
We talk on the drive to my mom’s house, but not about anything important. Mostly, I’m just fixated on the feel of Jake’s free hand in mind. He took it as we walked to the car and he only let go to get in. As soon as we park in Mama’s yard since the driveway is full, Jake turns to me, reaching for my hand again.
“I never officially asked you…” He smiles boyishly. “But everyone else will want to know, and I want you to have an answer to give them. I’m not sure if anyone can really have a claim on you, rebel belle, but I want to. Will you be mine?”
As I run through different responses, I realize ultimately there’s only one thing I can say, from the bottom of my heart. “I already am.”
He puts a hand on my cheek, his eyes shining. “It may never be easy. We’ll both have to work at it.”
“I know. And we will. I will. No more running.” I smirk. “Besides, who says I want easy? I want our crazy, spontaneous, bone-deep kinda love. I want the fights we’ll eventually have so we can make up and get stronger. I want to grow as a person with you. I want you always holding my hand. At the end of the day, Coop, I just want you.”
Chapter Thirty
I nestle closer to Jake. I’m in his hoodie, and I’m warm enough, but I just want to be close to him. It’s one of those Tennessee fall nights where you really do need a jacket or something, but I’m having too nice a time to worry about anything much, really. The crisp air makes me feel alive. We’re in his backyard, cuddled in a pile of blankets. The stars are out and shining brightly. Crickets are chirping. My belly is full of good food and good wine.
This might actually be Heaven.
“Happy?”
“Mmmm.” I smile even though he can’t see me. “Very.” It’s been a perfect night. Jake closed Freshly Ground early because it was slow. Then he picked me up and took me to his place. We cooked steaks for dinner, and after we ate, he suggested stargazing. I thought it was just an excuse, but he really did want to watch the stars with me. And they’re beautiful. I forgot how nice it could be to do something simple with someone I love.
Over the last two weeks, I’ve started to remember what it’s like to take my time. I’m not in Nashville, and I don’t have to rush anything. The best part of all is that I don’t have to rush with Jake. Now that we’re finally together, we’re taking our time, but I feel as though I fall harder for him every day, with every gesture, every kiss. We talk about everything, from silliness to serious topics. I’m finally learning how to stand still. And that girl in the mirror, the one who says I deserve this? I finally believe her.
There’s been a lot of kissing, and exploring. We haven’t had sex yet, because I told him that I wanted to make sure the timing was right. We’ve both waited so long for this, so I feel like we owe it to ourselves to take every step as naturally as we can.
“I’m glad you’re happy.” He kisses my cheek, then the corner of my mouth, and finally my jaw. “That’s all I want, all I need, really.”
“You’re such a charmer,” I tease.
“Aha! I knew one day you’d call me charming and mean it.” Chuckling, Jake moves to roll away from me, but I stop him.
“Don’t get a big head.” I move quickly so I’m straddling him, and push back the hood of his sweater. My hair spills out and falls over both of us as I lean down to press my mouth to his. I mean for it to only be a quick kiss, but then he puts his arms around me, and well, I forget anything but his mouth, and his hands, slipping under the hoodie, under my shirt.
“We’re supposed to be watching the stars, love,” I say against his mouth when we pause.
The endearment makes him pause, but then his eyes darken. “They’ll be there when we’re ready.” Jake gently bites my earlobe, and I gasp. “There’s something else I want to watch right now.”
“And what’s that?”
“Your face as I make love to you.” His eyes hold mine. “I know you said you wanted to wait until we’re ready, and if you still aren’t, then that’s okay. I won’t pressure you.”
I can’t even try to hold back my smile. “Jake Cooper, I’ve wanted to hear you say those words for what feels like forever.” I erase the distance between us and kiss him again, letting him deepen it. Our tongues move together, seeking, giving, taking. When I finally pull back, I’m a bit breathless. “I’m ready.”
Jake jumps up, holding his hand out to me. I can’t help but giggle over his eagerness. I let him pull me to my feet, but before I can take off for the house, he picks me up in his arms and strides through the backyard toward the door.
“Um, you left the blankets…” I gesture half-heartedly toward them. I’m not going back for them unless he is, but I feel like I should remind him.
“Leave them.” He winks at me. “I’ll wash them tomorrow. Besides, I’ve got more inside.”
“Okay. But you know, I can walk.”
He eyes me. “Yep, I know you can. But I like this better.”
“You’re impossible.” I swat at his chest.
“Sure am.” Jake grins. “Good thing you love me.”
Once we’re inside, he sets me on my feet then goes through his house, adjusting lights. He ducks into his room for a few minutes, which gives me time to fan myself and try not to pass out at the thought of having sex with Jake. I tell myself that he won’t care that I’m out of practice. That he’ll think I’m pretty even though I haven’t lost those few extra pounds I brought home with me.
When he reappears, he takes my hand, and I sigh. “I love how you always do that. Hold my hand.”
The glance he gives me tells me that he thinks I’m a little crazy. “Sophie, sweetheart, I’m never going to let go of you again unless I have to.”
To his credit, Jake catches me when I practically throw myself at him. He leads me down the hallway slowly, and when we go into his room, I think I actually swoon a bit. He has candles scattered about, creating a warm glow. I sit on his bed and kick off my shoes, grinning at him.
“This is beautiful.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off mine as he slowly crosses the room. “No, Sophie,” he says quietly, his drawl coming out, “you’re beautiful. And funny, talented, and ama
zing.”
I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks. “Now you’re just laying it on thick.”
“Hey, I gotta seal the deal somehow.” He’s laughing, but I know he was totally serious. He really does think all those things about me. It’s one thing to think good things about yourself, but knowing someone else sees all that in you is wonderful.
Busting out laughing, I put my hands on his chest. “You already sealed it. There’s no way this isn’t happening. I love you, remember?”
He nods. Sobers. “And I love you. So very much.”
My heartbeat kicks into overdrive as I lean against him. I feel like my entire life has led me to this point. Our lips are almost touching, so I wait there for a few seconds, trading breaths with him. “Prove it.”
Jake doesn’t answer me with words. He eases me down onto his bed, and waits while I scoot toward the headboard. He strips to his boxers, then follows me and reaches for my shirt. After he takes it off, he eases my jeans down my thighs, the material gently rubbing at my skin. I feel a momentary flicker of panic when I realize I’m just in my bra and panties, but then Jake is next to me again.
He looks like he’s trying to drink me in. Even though he hasn’t touched me yet, I feel flushed all over, especially as his gaze travels from my face all the way down, then back to my eyes. This is almost too intense, but I wouldn’t stop it for the world.
“My Sophie,” he murmurs. “All mine. My lovely girl.”
Oh God. I swallow and try to keep it together under the heat of his gaze, but the way he’s looking at me…no one has ever looked at me this way. None of the guys I’ve slept with ever took this much time simply undressing me. They never made me feel like with a look they were making love to me. Jake’s eyes are dark and full of desire and love. The desire makes me feel amazing. The love reminds me that I’m with the other half of my heart.