Gaudete

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Gaudete Page 13

by Ted Hughes

Through the rafters of grass and weeds

  Ants are racing from crisis to crisis.

  Baffled shouts probe the plantation.

  He flattens under brambles, in a drainage channel,

  And watches Garten wading past, face glossed in the level

  sun,

  The pitchfork glinting.

  As the shouts go off

  He sidles along low and comes to a rail and peers over

  To reconnoitre forward.

  He pulls himself erect.

  A light electric shock touches him.

  The landrover’s horribly familiar mass is there, ten yards

  away.

  It emits a shout.

  Lumb realises with nausea he has come in a circle, like a

  simple fool.

  Simultaneously

  An explosion encloses his head, like a sudden bag.

  Shot slashes weak leaves.

  A pain clubs his fingertip.

  He drops, dragging backwards, and turns, and runs

  In lit smoking of pollen and dust.

  Another blind shot wounds the wood’s depth dully.

  He leaps on different grounds.

  And now in a roofless tumblestone linney, he props

  himself back in a corner.

  Burdock, nettles, brambles mound over tile-heaps and

  jags of beams.

  He fights to quiet his breath forcibly and to repair his

  shaking body.

  The sweat melts on his face full in the facing hot-coin sun.

  A crackling approaches, Lumb withers into his corner,

  And Evans, pushing in over the debris, positions himself

  leisurely

  And urinates ponderously on to a camp of nettles, with a

  hard sigh.

  Turning, contemplative, he meets Lumb’s stare

  Who even now feels he might slide aside from under this

  confrontation unseen.

  But Evans’ incredulous ‘Bloody Hell!’ splits with a bellow

  to the whole landscape.

  The gloating pitchfork, prongs downfanged, inches

  gleaming toward Lumb

  Slowly tightening this corner to certainty

  While Evans’ face tightens, as if he were to splinter the

  levelled shaft in his grip.

  Lumb leaps suddenly

  Cat-scrambling upwards, up the rotten stonework

  Which crumbles scattering over him.

  But he scrambles higher,

  Abandons to the expected blow

  That part of his body which must protect the rest.

  Sure enough, a sickening weight has snagged him

  Above the hip, but he drags on upwards,

  Lifting the weight with him

  And half-turns, and half-sitting on the wall top

  Grips the crutch of the sun-gleaming tine

  And eases his body off the parallel hidden one.

  Evans, cursing, levering, is trying to fork Lumb off the

  wall-top like a bale,

  And he sees too late

  The stone block spinning in air in a shower of dust.

  For a black vital second he loses contact with everything.

  Surprised he finds himself numbed and criss-cross

  struggling to get up from the rubble

  With an ugly taste in his mouth, and a detached

  precarious feeling,

  While slowly understanding swarms back to centre.

  His alarm to the wood is a disgorging beast-roar clotted

  with obscenities,

  A rage as infinite as it is helpless.

  But Lumb has vanished.

  Evans strays out of the linney, dizzied and wanting to sit

  down.

  His face wears a thick mask of drained woodenness,

  which he dare not touch.

  But Lumb

  Beyond caution is bounding

  Through undergrowth, crashing like a hurt stag

  That feels itself surrounded.

  He vaults a rail and gallops out on to parkland and into a

  great spaciousness.

  And keeps on running.

  And sees Hagen’s squat elegant residence swinging into

  view on the right.

  All the anchored bulls recoil, as if interconnected,

  Then focus

  Under their neck-humps.

  He runs with freed limbs.

  He bounds down the new-grassed slope toward the long

  flat of the lake,

  Gold-hot and molten, under the late sky.

  And toward the skyline beyond, and the tree-lumped

  frieze which is the highway.

  He runs imagining

  Mountains of golden spirit, he springs across their crests.

  He has plugged his energy appeal into the inexhaustible

  earth.

  He rides in the air behind his shoulders with a whip of

  hard will

  Like a charioteer.

  He imagines he is effortless Adam, before weariness

  entered, leaping for God.

  He safeguards the stroke of his heart

  From the wrenching of ideas.

  He hoards his wasteful mind like a last mouthful.

  He runs

  In a balancing stillness

  Like a working gleam on the nape of a waterfall,

  And he is exulting

  That the powers have come back they truly have come

  back

  They have not abandoned him.

  At the same time

  He runs badly hurt, his blood inadequate,

  Hurling his limbs anyhow

  Lumpen and leaden, and there is no more air.

  His whole body is an orgasm of burning, a seized-up

  engine.

  His mouth hangs open, forgotten as in an accident.

  His face has become a mere surface, like his thorn-ripped

  shins

  And he knows

  He has lost every last help

  Of the grass and the trees,

  He knows that the sky no longer ushers towards him

  glowing hieroglyphs of endowment,

  That he is now ordinary, and susceptible

  To extinction,

  That his precious and only body

  Is nothing more than some radio-transmitter, a standard

  structure,

  Tipped from an empty dinghy by a wave

  In the middle of a sea grey and nameless.

  And he knows that the puncture in his side

  Which will be so round and tiny

  If ever he comes to look at it

  Is black with deepness, blue-black, like the crater of a

  drawn tooth

  But unthinkably deeper, and more real

  Than anything on this earth, anything containable by

  this sky.

  And he sees

  Over the jouncing tops of his stride

  Through his jarred and spilling retina

  The car

  Gliding down the avenue of chestnuts

  To reach the lakeside before him.

  But he does not feel

  The pressure

  And ten magnifications

  Of Hagen’s telescope, in which he now jigs like a puppet.

  As the sun touches the skyline, under the red-plumed sky

  Lumb reaches the lake’s edge.

  The quilted parkland behind him is aswarm with running

  men and shouts.

  Westlake and Estridge have left the car.

  They are coming along the lake’s edge.

  Westlake is carrying his gun.

  Lumb understands quite clearly at last

  Why he has been abandoned to these crying beings

  Who are all hurrying towards him

  In order to convert him to mud from which plants grow

  and which cattle tread.

  He sees the reeds sticking up out of t
he water

  So conceitedly dull in their rootedness

  Like books in a technical library.

  He sees the lakewater

  Simply waste liquid flowed in here, and collected by

  inertia,

  From the gutters of space

  Where it is worthless and accidental –

  A spiritless by-product

  Of the fact that things exist at all.

  He knows now that this land

  This embroidery of stems and machinery of cells

  Is an ignorance, waiting in a darkness –

  He knows at last why it has become so.

  But he does not step to the end of this overhanging

  thought.

  He collects himself, and concentrates

  On the small target, the small carefulness

  Of liberating himself

  From this crux of moments and shouts and water-margin

  With his bones whole and warm, his nerves intact,

  In his own bag of skin.

  He sees Estridge has stopped, and is sitting, holding his

  chest.

  He sees Westlake stumbling closer.

  He enters

  The crackling of reeds, the silken complexities of the mud,

  The bubbling belly-gas of the roots.

  He wades into coldness, with plunges and flounderings,

  deepening,

  Eager to sink himself

  Equal to the wildness and finality of the cold grip.

  A waterhen

  Ploughs a spattering runway from beside him and out

  across the clear reaches of midlake depth and subsides

  with a soft crash into the reedbank opposite.

  Lumb looks down at the freckled brown earthenware of

  the family of eggs, on the clump of decay.

  In that moment’s pause, Westlake’s shot

  Smokes a boiling track through the reeds towards him

  and beyond him.

  Lumb’s unhurt arm jumps to protect his face

  And the long carpet of echoes unrolls

  Across the still land into the upholstered distance.

  Lumb presses deeper, leaning into the surface blade of the

  water,

  And Westlake fires again. Lumb’s head and shoulders

  Gesticulate in the smoking pattern.

  He pushes out further, chesting the cold press, till he

  pauses

  In the oily fringe of lilies.

  His broad ripples go riding out over the clear depth

  beyond

  Which is floored with a pale jungle.

  And he sees

  The box-profile of a truck nudging up the tree-rough

  skyline

  Against the cooling sky.

  He hears it change gear.

  He hears around it the whole cooling world, hung like a

  glass bell,

  Simmering with evening birds.

  He balances,

  Narrowing himself to pierce a disappearance, to become

  infinitesimal

  To slip through the crack of this place

  With its clutching and raging people, its treacherous

  lanes, its rooted houses.

  Hagen, leaning in the window-frame,

  Cheekbone snug to the glossed walnut, introduces his first

  love to the panorama of his marriage and retirement.

  The Mannlicher ᛫318

  Regards Lumb’s distant skull dutifully, with perfectly

  tooled and adjusted concentration.

  Germanic precision, slender goddess

  Of Hagen’s devotions

  And the unfailing bride

  Of his ecstasies in the primal paradise, and the midwife of

  Eden’s beasts,

  Painlessly delivered, with a little blood,

  And laid at his feet

  As if fresh from the Creator’s furnace, as if to be named.

  With her, only with her

  Hagen feels his life stir on its root.

  The crossed hairs have settled on Lumb’s crown.

  And now the trigger

  Caresses in oil, and the kiss of sweetness jolts softly

  through Hagen’s bones.

  The burned muzzle flings back.

  The crack

  Shattering a globe, drives its deep spike.

  And the whole scene splits open under the long slash, like

  a stomach.

  Lumb

  Poised for his swimming plunge

  Smacks face-down

  Hard, like a flat hand on to the water.

  The hunchbacked bullet has already escaped among

  lily-roots.

  Lumb floats, splayed like a stunned frog, face downwards.

  Every visible figure is frozen, a parkful of statues.

  Slowly the tangled dark lump among the lily pads starts

  to churn

  As if trying to flee in every direction simultaneously.

  It flails the lake’s sky-colours, heaving out slow wings of

  cold evening shadow.

  They have dragged him out

  Onto the bank

  As the strewn western clouds smudge ashen.

  The blood from his burst head washes his face and neck

  In thin solution and ropy lumps,

  And puddles black the hoofprints under his head.

  Lily stems cling to him.

  His pursuers stand in a ring

  Like sightseers around the maneater’s long body.

  The bulls have come up in a wider wondering circle, tossing sniffs towards the odour and the frightening object.

  Lumb is carried back

  Strung under a fence-rail

  Through the darkening countryside.

  In the graveyard

  A group of women

  Like people standing around for no reason still

  magnetised after an accident

  Are waiting near Felicity’s body

  Which lies under a curtain, in the church porch.

  The men carry Lumb down into the basement.

  Maud is sitting alone there in the dark, as if now totally

  imbecile.

  They switch on lights.

  Maud watches

  As they pile chairs, tables, the goggling masks and the

  jumble-sale of skins,

  Everything combustible, in the middle of the room, over

  the bloodstain.

  They lay out Lumb on top of the pile, on a table.

  Felicity

  Has to be part of a presentable accident.

  They take her body forcibly from Garten

  And bring it into the basement, where they find Maud

  Curled on the floor around Lumb’s dagger, her temple to

  the boards, as if quite comfortable in death,

  And like a foetus asleep, with crossed ankles.

  They stretch her out on one side of Lumb.

  They leave Lumb’s dagger in position because nobody

  wants to touch it.

  They lay Felicity on the other side of Lumb.

  So the three lie, faces upward, with touching hands, on

  the narrow table,

  On top of the pyre.

  Lumb’s eyes are closed, but the women’s eyes are wide.

  The men arrange all this in deep silence, entranced by the

  deep satisfaction of it.

  Evans brings a can of petrol.

  Holroyd anoints the pile, he douches the three bodies.

  Windows are smashed out for vents.

  Holroyd spatters a petrol fuse up the stair and out into

  the churchyard,

  Then drops a match on to it.

  All evidence goes up.

  EPILOGUE

  EPILOGUE

  In a straggly sparse village on the West Coast of Ireland, on a morning in May – a morning of gust and dazzle – three small girls came to the priest where he sat
in his study gazing at an open page of St Ignatius.

  They brought something wrapped in a black waterproof folder. A stranger, a man, who had gone off in a car, had left it on a boulder down by the sea-lough. The priest unwrapped the folder and discovered a tattered notebook. Looking closely at the densely corrected pages he saw it was full of verse. He became curious about the man. He asked the girls more.

  They had been playing among the rocks, and there wasn’t a soul to be seen. Then they got a fright. One minute there was just rocks, and the next minute there was this man, right beside them, sitting on a rock, watching them.

  Before they could run off, he spoke. He asked them the name of the lough. Then he wanted to know the name of that mountain across the lough. Then of that other mountain, and the mountain beyond it. So with all the mountains in sight, mountain beyond mountain, far away to North and to South, the girls had to name them or say they didn’t know. Finally the man asked them if they’d ever seen a miracle. They had not.

  He made them sit down on the rocks beside him. They promised that whatever happened they would not move or speak or make the slightest sound. Then he put the back of his hand to his mouth. He pursed his lips against the back of his hand. The girls waited. Suddenly their nerves seemed to shrivel, like a hair held in fire. An uncanny noise was coming from the back of the man’s hand. A peculiar, warbling thin sound. It was like a tiny gentle screaming. A wavering, wringing, awful sound, that caught hold of their heads and was nearly painful. It was like a fine bloody thread being pulled through their hearts.

  The man stared at the lough and the sound went out over the water. On and on and on. And the girls sat, petrified, staring at the man. He was solemn-looking, long-faced, dark-faced, and his bald shiny head was lumped with scars.

  He stopped his noise abruptly. The silence was even worse. The girls looked where he was looking. Something was standing up out of the water at the lough’s edge. It was a beast of some kind, gazing towards them.

  Now the noise started again, but this time much more softly. The girls could feel it plucking at different places inside them. It made them want to cry. And the beast came up out of the water.

 

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