by Zoe Chant
Takes a lot out of you. But it’s sure nice when they go home.
Think maybe it’s okay I’m not going to be a parent. Not sure I could survive it.
Be careful. I’ll be home soon.
E
Who was E? Sounded like a medical resident from the letter. Then there was Emily Lee, but the handwriting didn’t match. The letters continued. As time passed the letters from E were less guarded, more passionate.
Packs are ridiculous. Take up too much of your time. Guess I can’t complain, since that’s how you found me. Come home soon, I miss you.
Had several offers from beautiful women. Wish I could tell them the truth. No one here holds a candle to you.
“They’re mostly love letters,” Jason said. “From someone named ‘E.’”
“Interesting,” she said, but her attention was held by the letter she was reading. “Tribute,” she said. “It’s more than dead animals.”
It wasn’t a question but he answered it. “Historically, the other clan members kept the Alpha maintained, and the Alpha, in turn, took care of the clan members. Usually now we have jobs too, but…there’s money.”
“You’re an alpha,” she said. “People—send you money?”
“Not like that,” he said. “Not any more. I’ve inherited money, and property, and I’ll admit those investments would keep me afloat even if I didn’t work. But I also manage the clan investments. We have an emergency fund, and that’s vital. We’ve had mudslides and earthquakes, all that stuff. We’re a lot quicker than FEMA. And of course, we were a lot more important before FEMA existed.”
“Do you feel like…do you feel responsible?”
“Responsible is exactly it,” he said, putting a hand on her thigh and hoping it was reassuring. “That’s what an Alpha is. You guide, advise, and look after the clan. And…sometimes you have to intervene, when things get out of hand. But that’s rare.”
“Intervene how?”
“It depends,” he said. “Usually you just get the other clan members and talk it out. Once in a while you have to take action, but when you’re in charge, your word goes. They can all feel it. You’ll feel it too, when you’re in the pack.”
“It’s not how wolves do it, though,” she said. “They…fight and stuff, right?”
“We’re not—” He hesitated for a minute, trying to figure out how to explain it to her. “We’re not completely like wolves. I mean, we’re not wolves, we’re werewolves. I know we look like dogs or wolves, but there are a lot of differences. But we’re human-looking too, and we’re not completely like humans. We’re our own special thing. And you’re part of that, too. You have power. And I can help show you how to use it.” He squeezed her leg. “And I’m not the only Alpha. There are…there are lots of clans. Mostly we trust each other. I could certainly get a couple of Queens together for you to talk to.”
“I…I don’t know,” she said, putting the letter in her hand aside and opening another. “Let me read through all this. It’s a lot.” She smiled a little and leaned into him. “Tell me if those love letters get steamy.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The next letter looked like it had been steamy, but Oliver—or someone—had drawn through one paragraph with black Sharpie. He had to laugh. The next letter wasn’t a letter—it was a card, a birth announcement. Frieda Elaine Johnson. There was a hand-written note. A new member of the clan, it said. It must have been sent by Lucy’s mother. He tapped Lucy’s leg and handed it to her.
“Oh,” she said. She bit her lip. “That’s Mom’s handwriting.”
“I kind of wondered,” he said gently.
“I wish…I wish I remembered her more. She could have explained all of this. She would have—”
“I know,” he said. “I’m sure she would have.”
Another letter from E, this one with a name. Ethan. “He was gay,” he said. “The love letters. A man named Ethan.”
“Dad’s family…yeah. That would’ve been a problem.” She looked over at him. “Werewolves…how are you guys? Would he—”
“We’ve never cared, as long as the Clan continued. There are stories in the earlier histories especially of marriages of convenience, but that was to keep us hidden in the human world. My clan is mixed—European, Makah and Quileute—and it’s never been an issue for the Makah and Quileute anyway. We have the whole clan. We look out for each other. No matter what.”
“That’s…that’s good.”
Another birth announcement, this one for Lucy herself. It had a teddy bear on it, and one for Ophelia. The last had a picture of all three girls, Frieda holding tiny little Ophelia. Jason wished that Lucy’s mother had been in the picture too. He wanted to see the mother of those beautiful girls.
A newspaper clipping announced her death. He decided not to show that to Lucy. Not yet. Then there was another letter.
Well, the news is as I feared. I will probably see you in person before you receive this, but I had to write. Get all the words out, in case they stick in my throat when I see your face. It is terminal, and I have very few options: fight until the bitter end, or do my best to stay comfortable until the inevitable passes. I know you would have me fight, but I’m going to call on my superior medical knowledge. There is only so much anyone can do, and I would rather be content with you, in the house that has meant so much to you both. I have sufficient funds to hire a nurse, and that and all your companionship will be all I require.
I am sorry to give you this news, though. I would live with you another hundred years, if I could, though I suppose you know that, and I would not give away the time we had at any price.
You are everything to me, Oliver. I hope…I hope you will not mind if I stay with you until the end.
E
Underneath was the only reply that Oliver had kept. Darling. I’ll have you with me until the end, and beyond. O.
Jason touched Lucy’s arm, and handed the letters over without a word.
Her mouth made a little o as she read, and she smiled, sadly, as she read the reply. “He wasn’t a werewolf,” she said, “but he—”
“Like your dad,” Jason said. “We…our arms are open. We’re—we’re good people, Lucy.”
“I know,” she said. She handed him back the letters. “Keep—you’re keeping it all in order?”
He nodded. “You’ll be able to read it all through, just the way I have.”
“Thanks,” she said. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “And thanks for answering all my questions.”
“Anything,” he said.
“Anything?” She grinned.
He kissed her again as an answer. Her lips were so soft and sweet. He wanted to straddle her on the couch and make love to her all over again. Her heartbeat picked up, and he suspected she wanted the same thing…but there were still letters to go through, and his stomach was starting to grumble. He let go of her, reluctantly, and got back to the letters. The stack was almost over. There was a newspaper clipping, and obituary. Ethan Houston, 78, of Hadley. Pediatrician and activist. Retired several years before his death, survived by Oliver Rome, his partner of many years. The picture showed a handsome, thin white man with snow-white hair. Dignified, was the thought that immediately came to mind.
Lucy could look at that later. That was almost the end of the pile. There was one additional letter, addressed to Lucy.
“One more letter for you,” he said, handing it to her. She put the clan letters aside and took it.
“This is the first handwriting,” she said. “Isn’t it?”
“I think so,” he said. “Emily? Ellen?”
“Emily Lee,” she said. She let him read over her shoulder.
Now, the letter said, you have the whole story, or at least as much of it as Oliver chose to share. Ethan was my dear brother, and so, truly, was Oliver, especially after I married into the clan. I suppose that was why he trusted me with these letters, to be sent on the one-month anniversary of his death. If I can help you with
anything more, I will be glad to help, though I’m afraid my memory is not as sharp as it once was. I hope at least you will consider me a friend.
Emily Lee.
***
Lucy closed the letter. What a kind woman, to hold on to these things and send them after she’d lost a friend. “She said she married into the clan…is that common?”
“Pretty rare, but it happens,” Jason said. “And if she was already…basically an in-law, it would have been easier. It sure looks like Oliver and Ethan put a lot of work into what they had together. Kind of nice to see a love story like that.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I wish I could have met them. I’m glad that they had her, too. I…these help. They help a lot.” The clan letters had been full of gossip and politics, but it made the whole business seem real. She’d watched Oliver grow in confidence and authority as the letters continued—he’d chosen a good sample—and it had clearly gotten easier for him as time passed. Maybe she could do this whole Alpha stuff.
The clan alliance, now…she still wasn’t so sure about that. Jason was—well, he seemed completely perfect, but that was the problem. She’d fallen for him head over heels, but she’d been wrong about guys before. She didn’t want her hormones ruling her head. Giving everything over, so soon after they’d met, felt wrong. But if Jason was a good man—and everything inside her was telling her he was—they’d be able to take their time. She reached over and took his hand. “I’m hungry,” she said. “How are you?”
“I’m one kind of hungry,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.
She laughed. All right, she was a little hungry that way too. “We should probably eat first, then we’ll have more energy.”
“That sounds pretty good too. You want to go out or stay in?”
“Stay in, definitely,” she said. “There’s some take-out menus on the fridge, a couple deliver.”
“Any preferences?”
“If I didn’t like them, they wouldn’t be on the fridge.” She gathered the envelopes back together and carefully put them back in the box. She’d have to call Emily Lee soon, maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow she could deal with the clan, and telling her sisters the truth. Tonight she wanted to have a nice night at home with Jason. Maybe she was never going to be completely normal again, but she at least could have a normal date. “I don’t really dislike anything. Except broccoli. That’s gross.”
“Spinach okay?”
“I love spinach,” she said.
“Okay, I think I’ve got a plan. You’re not a vegetarian, you don’t mind spinach? I got this.”
They’d just gone to a diner for lunch, nothing special.
He picked up the phone. “I’ll gonna check on the back while I order. What’s your street address?”
“223 North, unit A.”
“Got it,” he said, and walked out the back door.
She looked through the love letters while he ordered. Just skimmed them, really, but it was enough. Enough to see the love between them both, what must have been little in-jokes. And Ethan hadn’t even been a shifter. Maybe it wasn’t that weird. Maybe Jason—
The door opened and he came back in. “Twenty-five minutes,” he said. “What should we do before then?” He lifted an eyebrow.
“Bedroom’s right there,” she said, tilting her head to the side. “If you’re out of condoms, I’ve got some in the drawer.”
“Well, if you insist,” he said, smiling.
“Will…will you show me? The teeth and claws thing?”
His smile…sharpened. Oh. Oh my.
“Don’t be afraid of the big bad wolf,” he said.
She feigned shock. “Oh, my,” she said, “what big teeth you have!”
“The better to eat you with, my dear.”
She ran to the bedroom, her heart pounding, overheated already. God, she was wet. She unbuttoned her jeans as she went, but she didn’t get them all the way off before Jason tackled her, catching her by the waist and carrying her into the bed as easily as a man lifting a kitten. How did he do that?
His hands roamed across her body, feeling her nipples through her shirt and bra, working down to her hips, sliding finally to her panties and pulling them off with her jeans. “And you smell delicious,” he said. She could still see how sharp and white his teeth were.
He dipped his head between her legs. Oh, God. Even though she was already dripping, his tongue felt wet. Delicious. Hot. She wanted to writhe underneath him, but she also wanted to hold still, wanted to see what he’d do, what he wanted to do to her.
Then he put his hands on her thighs, holding her steady, and she couldn’t move at all. She moaned, deep in the back of her throat, and she could feel him smiling against her skin, though she couldn’t begin to explain how. She reached down for him, touching his thick, dark hair.
His hair was so, so soft. Almost like fur.
His tongue teased gently against her clit, and pleasure ran through her with every gentle brush. “Come on,” she said. “Please. Please.”
He stroked her thighs with nails that had suddenly grown long, and sharp.
With most men she felt strange, fat, awkward. But with Jason—everything was right. Perfect. He made her feel so good. It wasn’t going to take long before—
Oh, there she was, coming, coming and coming in waves, her orgasm arcing across her body like an electrical current. Her body felt like it was stopping and starting all over again, like everything was beyond her control. When the echoes finally subsided and she could collect herself, Jason was there on the edge of the bed, propped up on his elbows, with the world’s biggest smile on his face.
All she could do was shake her head.
“Condoms?” he asked.
She pointed at the nightstand. He reached over. “You’re all right?”
“Yeah,” she panted. “I…please. Go ahead.”
“Okay,” he said. He put a hand on her knee as he slid the rawer open. “You’re so beautiful,” he said.
“You’re flattering me,” she said.
“Honest,” he said, and the way he was looking at her, she believed it. He opened the drawer one-handed and pulled out a condom. “You mind if I’m on top?”
She shook her head no. She was so shaky she wasn’t sure she could do anything else right now anyway. He pulled his shirt off, but kept his jeans on, just unzipping the fly and pulling out his cock. It didn’t look any smaller this time, that was for sure. She stretched her legs wider, ready to take him in.
“I hope you’re not expecting me to last too long,” he said, ripping the packet open.
“I…I don’t think I could ask for more than what I’ve already had,” she said. “I’m not sure you’ll get anything more out of me.”
“We’ll see about that,” he said, stretching the condom over his dick. She couldn’t take her eyes off it. Just her size, all right. Thick and hard and exactly what she wanted right now. “You ready?”
“I sure am,” she said.
When he sunk into her it was even better than what he’d done with his mouth. He felt perfect. Rock hard. His muscular body sunk into her curves like they were made to go together. She closed her eyes and let herself ride the sensations. His hands roamed her body again as he thrust into her. It felt so good. She wanted to stay here, in this moment, in this bed, with him for as long as she could. He was thrusting harder, faster, and she grabbed at her bedspread to keep herself from sliding too far back.
He’d been right, though; he didn’t last too long. He came with a grunt, his hips slamming against her. She’d never been with anyone so strong, so sure of himself. She leaned up and kissed his cheek, gently. “Thank you,” she said.
He slid from her body. “Thank you,” he said. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” He pulled the condom off and put it in the trash by her bed. He got back on the bed and put his arm around her waist. “I think I could stay like this with you forever.”
She closed her eyes and put her hand on his. She felt so warm and safe.
“What do you think,” he said. “Should we unite the clans first, or get married? Probably the clan alliance first. Then we wouldn’t have to sell the marriage. It would just seem natural.”
Her eyes flew open.
***
He’d said the wrong thing.
It was obvious, in her accelerated heartbeat, in the alarm she felt. “We…we haven’t agreed to that,” she said.
“I just assumed we’d—”
“You assumed?” She sat up. “Assumed what?”
He opened his mouth, but nothing good came out. “I—that we—”
Her beautiful face was shadowed with suspicion. “That you’d already decided everything?”
“No,” he protested. “I just—wasn’t it? I thought we—”
“We do,” she said. “I mean. We…I like you. I like you a lot. I—I’ve never felt this way. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready for…for all of this. I just found out you were a werewolf this morning!”
Okay, that was fair. “I know this is confusing,” he said. “But—this is how I expected—this is how it happens. How it happened for Oliver and Elliot. You know, and then…you don’t hesitate, you just act.”
“I’m still not a werewolf,” she said. “I’m a Queen, whatever that means. And…I’m not ready to just act.”
He pulled his pants up. They’d done too much. He’d moved too fast. But at the same time…a lone queen was a vulnerable queen. He couldn’t just leave her alone. He could help her with clan business, he could help keep her safe—he needed to keep her safe. He felt compelled to. This alliance, this partnership, had to happen. He knew it.
How could he get her to see it? How could he show her?
There was a knock at the door. Shit. That was probably the food. “Why don’t we eat?” he said. “Maybe…maybe—”
“I’m not gonna change my mind on a full stomach,” she said, grabbing her jeans.