The Lies That Define Us

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “Ari?” Liam exclaimed in concern, trying to turn so he could reach me, but I was still holding on tightly to his shirt. I swore I heard a few seams start to rip.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” he crooned in a soothing tone, his hands somehow finding my waist and pulling me to his front where he held me flush to his chest. I noticed that he’d turned so his large body was blocking the family room from my sight. “It’s okay.” He took my face in his hands, lifting my head so I was forced to meet his eyes. I knew there was no way I could mask the overwhelming fear swimming in them. “It’s just a surprise party, that’s all. Shit, I’m so sorry, Ari. I…I didn’t know.”

  A surprise party for me? But why?

  I struggled to find the words to ask the question, but I couldn’t seem to get my mouth to work.

  I held on to Liam and took several slow deep breaths to calm my racing heart. When I felt like I was no longer about to jump out of my skin, I was able to ask, “A party? Why?”

  He smoothed his fingers through my hair, and the gesture helped to soothe me further.

  “You said you hadn’t had a birthday party since you were fourteen. I wanted to change that.”

  “B-But it’s not my birthday.”

  He smiled. “I figured as much,” he shrugged, “but I thought you deserved a party.”

  “Oh.” I was at a loss for words. It was honestly one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me, and further proof that Liam was far kinder than he gave himself credit for. I felt foolish for my reaction, but, then again, it was to be expected with my past. It wasn’t like Liam knew any of that.

  “I feel silly,” I admitted, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth nervously.

  He brushed my hair back over my shoulder, and his fingers lingered against my bare skin for a few seconds longer than necessary. “Don’t. It’s okay. It’s my fault for springing this on you.” He took my hand in his and squeezed it in reassurance. “When you’re ready we can walk in there, or you can turn around and go upstairs. I won’t force you into this.”

  My fingers shook in his hold. I didn’t want to tuck tail and run back to my room like a frightened child. I wanted to face the situation head on and show myself how silly I was being, but the thought of stepping around the shield that was Liam and facing all the people that were no doubt standing there staring wasn’t appealing either.

  I shook my head and looked up at him so he’d know I wasn’t lying when I spoke. “I don’t want to go upstairs, but…”

  “What?” he prompted. “What can I do?”

  “Can you just…make them go do their own thing or something? I don’t want people staring at me,” I admitted with a bit of defeat in my tone.

  “Yeah, yeah, of course,” Liam breathed, relief evident in his tone. He turned around, still careful to keep me shielded from the eyes of everyone, and lifted his arms in the air. He pointed to the back of the house and said in a raised voice, “All right, everyone, let’s move this party outside!”

  There was a chorus of cheers, and I heard people shuffling by.

  Somewhere near the kitchen, Ollie yelled out, “Where are the fucking Cheetos, Liam? There’s no party without Cheetos!”

  Liam laughed, his body shaking in front of me. “Outside, Olls! They’re outside!”

  “Cheeeeetoooooos. Move. Get out of my way!” Ollie chanted, and I was sure he was shoving people out of his way.

  Liam turned around to face me, and I smiled apprehensively at him. “How many people did you invite to this party?”

  He looked sheepish and ducked his head. “Uh…Ollie, Talia,” he began to tick people off on his fingers, “Brady, Jeremiah, Rebecca, a few of the other people you work with that Rebecca said were off, and knowing Ollie, the rest of Malibu was probably invited. Hence the reason I’ve only had parties on the Fourth of July in the past. Ollie likes to invite strangers,” he hissed under his breath like it was some sort of secret.

  I laughed lightly. Knowing Ollie, he’d probably invite the old lady in line behind him at the grocery store if he felt inclined.

  Taking a step away from him since I felt more comfortable and free from the penetrating gazes of the surprise party guests, I ventured to ask, “How do you know Rebecca so well?”

  Liam scrunched his face up in some sort of embarrassed wince. “I used to go to Mo’s all the time.”

  “Used to…” I repeated, fighting a sting of hurt. “Before I came along, you mean.”

  I started to brush past him, but he wrapped his hand around my elbow and pulled my back flush against his chest. My breath left me in a gush when his lips brushed the shell of my ear.

  “I couldn’t bear to be around you. Not when you provoked such unwanted feelings in me. You made—make,” he corrected, “me feel alive, and for so long I’ve been nothing but dead inside. I didn’t know how to handle that, so I stayed away from you as much as possible. No more, though.” His hand slid around my elbow and over to the curve of my stomach before venturing lower to settle at my waist. “I didn’t want to want you, but I do want you, and I’m not staying away anymore, Ari. You know that. Don’t hold my past behavior over my head. I was doing what I thought I had to in order to stay sane. Everything I did and said, none of it has ever been your fault. It’s mine. All mine.” He lowered his head, and his hair tickled the skin of my neck before his soft lips pressed ever so lightly against the spot where my pulse thumped like mad.

  “What are we, Liam?” I whispered softly, my hooded eyes staring back at me in the mirror hanging in the foyer. He lifted his head, looking at our forms reflected in the mirror too. His lips twitched into a wry half-smile, like he was pleased by what he saw.

  He grasped my hips and turned me around so I was facing him. His hair was drying now and the shaggy strands brushed the tops of his eyebrows. “I don’t know,” he answered with complete honesty, “but I hope you give me the chance to figure it out.” His face fell into darkened shadows and he confessed, “I don’t want to fuck this up, but I probably will. It’s what I do.”

  “One day at a time,” I told him in as reassuring of a tone as I could muster. “Don’t overthink this.”

  He nodded and took a step away from me. I hated the distance between us, but I had to listen to my own words, too. One day at a time. Baby steps. Both of us were trying to figure out our lives but for different reasons, and thinking about a relationship would only add to that stress. Liam needed to focus on surfing and I...

  Fuck.

  I needed to focus on leaving.

  That one word was like a sucker punch to the gut. How could I possibly leave? I liked it there. I liked the people. And I maybe, kinda-sorta, might have definitely fallen head over heels in love with Liam. I couldn’t abandon that. I’d made a new life for myself—one I loved.

  I was going to be sick just thinking about it.

  But I knew I should. I’d be safer and so would the ones I’d grown to care about.

  That little nagging voice that belonged to my conscience urged me to flee that night—the sooner I was gone the better, before I fell any deeper, but the devil on my shoulder urged me to stay and that voice was so much louder.

  “We’re missing the party,” Liam prompted, pulling me from my stupor.

  “Oh, right.” I shook my head and straightened my dress. “Do I look okay?” I questioned nervously.

  His eyes roamed my body much the way he’d done in my room, but the hunger in his pale-blue eyes only seemed to strengthen. “Fucking gorgeous.”

  I smiled widely. “I’m not sure what fucking gorgeous is on the scale.”

  His eyes glinted devilishly, and I knew I was in for it. His voice lowered and it dripped with sex. “Fucking gorgeous is the kind where you’re so beautiful all I can think about doing is ripping that dress off your body, laying you down on the table, and fucking you so hard that you can’t walk straight for three days.”

  I gulped.

  His lips lifted in a pleased smirk at having left me speechles
s.

  “Considering we have a party to attend, that doesn’t seem like a viable option at the moment. Besides, I know you’re not ready for that yet.” He winked, and I felt my whole body clench with the need for him to touch me. I’d never felt anything like that before.

  “How do you know that?” I didn’t know how I managed to speak the words, but I was glad I did.

  “Because I can read you better than you think, Ari.”

  With a satisfied smile, he turned on his heel and headed for the backyard. He didn’t look back for me, but he already knew I’d follow.

  I paused before stepping outside and took a deep breath.

  There was nothing scary about a party.

  Liam hesitated by the door waiting for me. He didn’t try to rush me, which I was thankful for.

  I nodded when I was ready, and he smiled reassuringly.

  The party was nothing like Liam’s Fourth of July party. That one had been loud, with people everywhere, and completely over the top. Mine was much more subdued, which I was thankful for. There was no deejay playing this time, only music filtering from a Bluetooth speaker. Twinkle lights were wrapped around the chairs and chaises, adding to the atmosphere. Some kind of glowing orbs floated in the pool, which was currently unoccupied, but I doubted it would stay empty for long. Food was set up and a three-tier cake in a soft purple hue towered above the table.

  I spotted Ollie, Talia, and Liam’s other friends laughing by the stone wall and my eyes continued to flit around until I saw Rebecca laughing with two of the other girls we worked with.

  While the change in atmosphere was a welcome one from the Fourth of July party, there was also something else noticeably different.

  My relationship with Liam.

  On that day we’d still been tiptoeing around how we felt. I don’t think either of us had figured it out quite yet, but at least we weren’t denying it anymore. I still didn’t know what was to come, but that was okay. Tomorrow isn’t promised to us, only today.

  I smiled up at Liam then, silently thanking him. I might’ve reacted badly at first, but I was truly grateful. His thoughtfulness was astounding.

  “I’m going to go say hi to Rebecca.” I took a few steps away from him, letting him know that I really was okay and he didn’t need to watch over me.

  He nodded, watching me closely like he expected me to have another meltdown any second. After a quiet moment, he nodded once.

  I let out a breath as I slipped away from him and joined Rebecca, Ashley, and Bree. I didn’t know Ashley and Bree all that well, but enough that it wasn’t awkward being around them.

  “Hey, guys.” My voice shook a little with nerves; afraid they might ask about earlier. “I’m so glad to see you here. This was quite the surprise.”

  Rebecca bumped my shoulder playfully with hers, jostling the drink she held in her hand. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone that surprised before. We got you good.”

  I laughed awkwardly. “Oh yeah, so surprised.”

  “I take it Liam didn’t tell you about the sleepover, either, then…” She lifted a brow in question.

  “Uh…that would be a negative.” I bit my lip nervously. A sleepover? Why would he do that? He knew I woke up screaming every night and the last thing I’d want to do is have anyone else know. Having Liam know was bad enough.

  “He said you hadn’t had a birthday party since you were fourteen, so I said we had to have a sleepover. I mean, it’s only customary for a fourteenth birthday party. He didn’t seem to like that idea, but I insisted. I got your back, girl. We’re gonna do this right.” She giggled and then hiccupped. I eyed her cup, wondering how much she’d already had to drink. “Talia said she’d join us for this slumber party, but these two whores are ditching us.” She pointed at Ashley and Bree. “What could possibly be more important than a slumber party?”

  “Sex,” Bree replied with a grin.

  “Do you hear her?” Rebecca poked my arm and pointed at Bree. “She’s worse than a guy.”

  Bree laughed and took a sip of her drink. “You’re only saying that because your vagina’s full of cobwebs.”

  Rebecca blinked at me and then burst into an uncontrollable laughing fit.

  “Maybe lay off on the alcohol a bit.” I grabbed the cup from her hand and held it captive.

  She lunged at me. “Give that back!”

  I evaded her easily and sniffed at the cup, gagging in response. “What the hell is that?” I coughed.

  “I have no idea, but it’s delicious.” She tried to take the cup from me again, but I held it out of her reach.

  “Fun sucker,” she mumbled, her shoulders sagging dejectedly.

  I tossed her drink out onto the ground and eyed the other two girls. “Do you think you guys can keep her out of trouble for a little bit?”

  “Sure,” Ashley spoke up, but I didn’t know if I really believed her considering Rebecca was clearly already wasted in the short time she’d been out there. The poor girl obviously didn’t have much of a tolerance for alcohol.

  I slipped away, heading for the food table. I saw that pizza had been ordered and different kinds of chips and dips littered the table. It was true birthday party fare. I grabbed a paper plate that was emblazoned with Happy Birthday in some swirly purple font. I shook my head at it, fighting a grin, as I grabbed a slice of pizza and some chips.

  “Wise girl not to grab my Cheetos.”

  Ollie appeared behind me and swiped the bright orange bag off the table.

  “I would never take your Cheetos.” I shook my head at him and pursed my lips; trying to feign that I was offended he’d suggest such a thing.

  “Come on, join us.” Ollie slung his arm over my shoulders and dragged me over to where Talia, Liam, Brady, and Jeremiah stood. “Found your girl, Liam; you should really keep a better eye on her.” He let me go and slid into place beside Talia. She rested her back against his front and smiled up at him.

  Liam smiled over at me, laughing at Ollie’s words before taking a sip of beer.

  “Liam’s girl, huh?” Brady’s eyebrows lifted as he looked between the two of us.

  Jeremiah’s lips lifted into a pleased smile and he shook his head. “We all knew it was a matter of time. Don’t act so blindsided, dude.”

  Brady hung his head and scrubbed his hand over his mouth. “Nah, it’s okay. No hard feelings, Ari.” He lifted his head and winked at me.

  Neither Liam nor I corrected them on the fact that I wasn’t his girl, because in a way, I felt like I was. Not in a possessive, object sort of way—like Blaise made me feel—but like we sort of completed each other. I felt like he was mine as much as I was his, as stupid as that sounded.

  I didn’t know what to say in response to Brady’s comment; I took a bite of pizza so I was saved from having to say anything.

  “Talia and I have an announcement to make!” Ollie exclaimed suddenly, further diffusing the attention away from me. “I know this is your party and all, but—”

  “All right, Kanye.” Liam snorted.

  “I’m far better than Kanye,” Ollie defended, puffing his chest out and flexing his arms.

  “Baby,” Talia scolded lightly, unable to hide her grin at Ollie’s antics.

  “Oh, right.” He let his arms drop. “Back to my original mission… Everyone! I would like to have your attention,” he shouted, causing everyone at the party to cease their conversations. “Excellent,” he grinned at everyone, “you’re great listeners. There was this one time—”

  “Babe,” Talia said in a warning tone.

  Ollie shook his head, sending his blond curls bouncing everywhere. “There I go again getting side-tracked.” He let go of the Cheetos he’d been holding the whole time and let the unopened bag fall to the ground—he’d probably apologize to it later—and wrapped both hands around Talia’s waist, resting his hands on her stomach so his thumbs and forefingers formed a heart shape. “I would like to announce that I, Oliver Malcolm McGruff, am about to become�
�Daddy McGruff or Ollie-D—I haven’t decided what I like best yet,” he mumbled the last part. “Yes, folks, you are hearing that right. I am, indeed, going to be a dad. A DILF, to be more accurate. It’s going to be fabulous. Oh yeah, and Talia’s the mom, obviously, but that’s not as exciting as me being a dad! A dad.” He kept rambling on and on as no one said anything. I think we were all in shock.

  Talia raised her hands and shook them awkwardly in the air. “Surprise?”

  Liam was the first to recover. “For the love of God tell me you’re not naming the kid Cheeto.”

  Ollie snorted. “Of course not. I was thinking Mary Jane for a girl.”

  “Oh fucking—”

  “Kidding,” Ollie interrupted Liam. “I kid, I kid. We haven’t talked about names yet, but I think Oliver Malcom-Cheeto McGruff Junior is a most fantastic of names.” Ollie beamed at everyone.

  We all only held it together for a millisecond before bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

  “You suck, you suck, and you suck!” Ollie spun around, pointing at different people. “You all suck.” He said it in jest, though, and soon joined us all in laughing.

  “So, yeah,” Talia began, “we’re having a baby!” She giggled, and the happiness was evident in her eyes. I set down my plate on a nearby table and went over to hug her.

  “Congratulations,” I whispered in her ear. “I’m happy for you guys.”

  “Thanks.” She tucked a piece of blond hair behind her ear and beamed at me. “It was such a surprise, but we’re so happy.”

  “You better be my kid’s Godfather.” Ollie slung his arm over Liam’s shoulder. “Don’t say no to me, man.”

  Liam looked apprehensive and shuffled his feet nervously. “You want me in charge of your kid if something happens?”

  “Well, yeah,” Talia spoke this time, “we trust you.”

  Liam blanched, clearly taken aback by that statement. “Well, um, I’d be honored.”

  “It’s settled then.” Ollie grinned from ear to ear and smacked Liam on the chest before letting go and returning to Talia’s side.