What a way to start your vacation.
He got out of the chair and went back to bed. The best thing he could do would be to sleep for a while. If he was lucky, perhaps when he woke up he would realize that it had just been a dream, or that his mind was playing a bad joke on him. He turned off the light again and closed his eyes. The last thing he thought of before falling asleep was that Susan was going to have to face the scandal of having been left by one of the most eligible bachelors in all of Boston just a few months before the wedding all by herself, and that she didn’t deserve it.
Mac woke up six hours later, and for a second he thought that he had imagined the conversation with Tim, but when he saw the message his friend had sent him with the phone number and address for Susan, he knew that he wasn’t so lucky.
Mac didn’t need her number or address.
Although Tim probably didn’t know, almost a year earlier when he and Susan met, Mac accompanied her to her house one night, and he had her phone number since then. He set his phone on the nightstand and went to take a shower. The cut on his eyebrow had become infected and his torso and back were battered and bruised. The hot water helped, and he stayed in the shower until it started to turn cold. He got out and shaved, not paying too much attention to the way he looked; he didn’t want to feel old again. Back in his room, he put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a black wool sweater, and he walked toward the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee and took an antibiotic to help with the infection, and then he ate some toast because he didn’t want the medicine to upset his stomach. At that point, the last thing he needed was an ulcer. After eating breakfast, he went back to his room to look for his watch and his phone, and before he changed his mind, he called Susan. The faster he got it over with, the less it would hurt, he said to himself, just like pulling off a Band-Aid.
Susan’s phone rang and rang, but she didn’t pick up, and it finally went to her voicemail. Mac hung up without leaving a message; he never liked talking to those machines.
He called again.
It kept ringing and ringing, and once again went to her voicemail.
Third time’s a charm.
Despite the saying, Mac was convinced that the third time would be the same as the first two, but Susan’s voice proved him wrong.
“Don’t call me ever again. You got what you wanted.”
Susan hung up.
Mac stared at his phone, puzzled, and called again. This time Susan must have hit a button because he heard a busy signal. Mac hung up the phone, offended, and slammed it down on the dining room table. If he’d had Susan front of him, he would have shaken her until she listened.
The stubborn and stuck up woman that she was, wouldn’t even let him speak. Like always, Miss Steel Pants had judged him without listening and hung up on him.
And why does that surprise you? Her assumption is logical, said a little voice inside his head. Maybe, he argued, but Susan didn’t even give him the chance to explain himself. And how did she know it was me? Because you gave her your number as well.
Anyway, he already did his duty. He had promised Tim that he would call Susan, and that’s what he did. It wasn’t his fault that she didn’t let him talk. It was the first day of his vacation and he wanted to enjoy it. The first thing he would do would be to stop by the gym and book at least a two hour massage. Then he would get something to eat, and in the afternoon he would go home and focus on his project, and at night…at night he would go out with Kelly. Yep, it would be a perfect day. Done. He went to his room and grabbed his gym bag, but minutes later behind the wheel of his car, his conscience got the best of him and made him change plans.
“Shit,” he muttered.
He took the next left and started driving toward Susan’s house.
After Tim dropped Susan off at her house, she spent two hours sitting in bed completely shocked, incapable of crying or feeling anything. Her future just came crumbling down. Part of her was still in denial, and part of her wanted to kill Tim for having hid his past. Another part of her, a part that Susan always tried to deny, her romantic side, told her that it was better off this way, that Tim needed to be with the woman he loved, and that that woman obviously wasn’t her.
It was that phrase, having come to that conclusion that made the tears come pouring out.
Tim didn’t love her.
She had convinced herself that passion wasn’t their thing, simply because they were both intelligent people who knew how to control their instincts. But the harsh reality was that Tim didn’t love her. He loved some girl named Amanda, and apparently was crazy enough to get married young. With her, with smart and trustworthy Susan Lobato, he wouldn’t have done something so bold. They had been planning the wedding for months, she was on birth control, and he never forgot to use a condom when they were together! The craziest thing they had done was fall asleep with their clothes and shoes on after having gone out dancing one night.
One night.
Susan furiously looked at the lamp on the nightstand because that was where Tim used to leave his things when he went to see her. She threw it against the wall. Tim never forgot about anything, never did anything spontaneous, and he liked her, right? She wanted things to be that way. Or at least that’s what she thought until that night. She cried herself to sleep and dreamt that Tim came back after a few days and begged her for forgiveness. But apparently she wasn’t even able to control her own dreams, because when she dreamt that Tim was on his knees begging for forgiveness and telling her that he wanted to marry her, another man’s hands grabbed her waist from behind, pulling her away as if he would never let her go. And before she could see the face of the man in her dream, he kissed her. It was the best kiss in the world, a kiss that couldn’t even compare to any of the kisses that Tim or anyone else had given her. It was a kiss that made Susan grab the man’s chest, determined to rip his clothes off.
But then the phone rang and woke her up.
Not even in her dreams could she get what she wanted.
She didn’t even think about not answering. They could call her from the T.V. station at any moment, or it could even be Tim calling to say he was sorry. She went to get her phone that she had left charging in the entryway, and when she saw the name on the screen she was baffled: Kevin MacMurray
She was confused for a second because she had almost forgotten that he went by Kev. Nobody ever called him by his full name.
“But what the hell is he doing?” she said to herself out loud, realizing why he was calling her. Surely Tim had called his best friend to tell him that he was going to Paris and MacMurray was calling to take pleasure in her pain.
The call went to her voicemail and Susan let out a long breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. He called again in a matter of seconds. Susan looked at her phone as if it were a poisonous snake and didn’t even touch it. It went to her voicemail again and Susan figured that that was the end of it.
The stupid man called again.
“He’s not going to stop,” she muttered, remembering how stubborn MacMurray had always been, and she picked up. “Don’t call me anymore. You already got what you wanted,” and she hung up.
MacMurray got the message and didn’t call her again.
Susan breathed a sigh of relief and thoroughly went through her phone to make sure there weren’t any messages from Tim that she had missed.
Did she really want Tim to call her and ask for forgiveness, now that she knew that he wasn’t in love with her? Sure, Tim had been very sensitive and had acted like a complete gentleman. In the limo when he began to talk, the first thing he said was that it wasn’t was her fault. The typical line it’s not you, it’s me, had never seemed so offensive to her. He took all the blame, true, but he also made it very clear that he was leaving and that she couldn’t do or say anything to make him change his mind, because the truth was that he didn’t feel a burning desire for her.
Of course he didn’t tell her that, but she was able to figure it out on her own
.
Tim was going to throw it all away, not only his relationship, but probably his career as well, and all because he wanted to get the woman back who he’d been hiding all this time and who hadn’t divorced him. And if that didn’t prove that passion was complete non-sense, Susan didn’t know what she was going to do. She was right, she said to herself, passion and impossible love stories are only good for giving you a headache.
And for making you spend the night crying when you have to go to work the next day.
No, she was right. Life was not like the movies or the soap operas. She was a smart, intelligent woman who knew what she wanted. She had a good job and soon she was going to get her own program, and one day she would meet a sensible man who she could start a family with and share her life with. And if she never made love in the rain, better yet, she hated being cold, and surely she’d get sick.
She needed to take a shower, eat breakfast, get the evening program ready, but first she had to call her parents. She wasn’t sure how long it would take for the press to find out that she and Tim weren’t going to get married, although she was sure that it wouldn’t take long, and she didn’t want her parents to find out that way. She breathed deeply and dialed her mother’s number.
“Hi, Susana, honey.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“What’s wrong?”
“The only thing I said was hi, Mom and that was enough for you to know that there’s something wrong with me,” she asked stunned.
“You usually call me Lisa.”
Susan’s stomach turned a little, and she felt guilty just like she usually did when something reminded her of how bad she made Lisa feel in the beginning.
“Besides, you always call on Sunday afternoons and Wednesday mornings. Today is Monday,” explained Lisa.
“And that’s why you think there is something wrong with me? Maybe I just feel like talking to you.”
“That’s why you’re calling? Because you want to talk to me?” her mom said (Susan had earned her mother’s reaction over the years) with a smile that Susan couldn’t see, but one that she could hear.
“No. Well…yes.”
“Which one is it, Susan?”
Lisa spoke to her with a tone that reminded her of when she was a rebellious teenager and tried to confront the woman who had married her father, and who had the nerve to try to help her. It was a miracle that Lisa stuck around, let alone dared to give her two siblings.
That woman was the epitome of tenacity and patience, and had enough love to go around. Sometimes Susan even thought that her mother in heaven had handpicked that woman to do the job she had left unfinished on earth.
“Tim and I have called off the wedding.” She used the phrase that she was sure Tim was going to use for the press. Yes, it was obvious they weren’t in love, but nobody could deny that she knew him really well. “Mom?”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” Despite the years that had passed, Lisa still got excited when she heard that word, and you could hear it in her voice. “Did you get in a fight? Surely it’s just wedding jitters and soon everything will work out, you’ll see.”
“No, Mom. Things aren’t going to work out.” Susan sighed. “Tim has gone to Paris to get back together with the woman he married, I don’t know how many years ago, which apparently he forgot to tell me about.”
“Oh my God.”
“You can’t tell anyone, Lisa. I promised Tim.” And Susan always kept her promises.
“I don’t get it,” said the other woman. “I can’t believe that Tim was unfaithful to you, Susan.”
“Technically he wasn’t unfaithful. He and that woman met years ago, and now he’s decided to go back to her. That’s all I can tell you, sorry.”
“What do you mean?” said Lisa, enraged. “If that man left you for another woman only months before the wedding, he can go to hell.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Complicated? Jesus Christ, no it isn’t, Susan.” If you love him and he loves you, it’s not complicated. Believe me, I fell in love with a man who was determined to never believe in love again and who also had a daughter that hated me.
“So what did you do?”
“I killed her and I chopped him into pieces, and months later I met your father,” she joked.
Susan finally realized that she was still capable of smiling.
“Lisa…” she breathed, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up.
“If you truly love someone you don’t just let them go like that.”
“I suppose that’s the problem, Mom.” A tear rolled down Susan’s cheek and the other woman could sense it, despite the fact that she couldn’t see her. “Tim doesn’t love me, and I don’t love him either.”
Oh, Susan, sweetie. I’m sorry.
Furious, Susan wiped away another tear.
“Anyway,” she sighed and pretended that she had stopped crying. “I just called to tell you that the wedding was off and that it wasn’t necessary for you guys to come to Boston.”
“We already have our tickets, so Dad and I are going to go anyway.”
“It’s not necessary. I’m OK,” she affirmed, using the voice she used on her television program.
“We’re going, Susan. Do you want to talk to Dad? He’s outside, but I can go get him.” Susan smiled, imagining her tough father out there pruning rose bushes.
“No, that’s alright. You tell him. Is that OK? I’ll call him in two days.”
“Wednesday morning,” joked Lisa. “I know.”
“I might go crazy and call before then.”
“Call whenever you want, honey. Do you want me to call your siblings, too?”
“Yes, Mom, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Are you sure you don’t want me come? I can catch a flight out today.”
“No,” she sighed and convinced herself that it wasn’t necessary. “It’s not worth it for you to spend all that money.”
“Don’t be silly, Susan. If you want me to go, I’ll go.” Lisa heard her hesitate for a moment and just like the tenacious woman she was, she insisted again. End of story.
“It’s not necessary, Mom. Really. Tim said he would issue an official statement to the press. That’s why I’m calling you, because I wanted to let you know.”
“What if Tim comes back?”
“He’s not coming back,” she said, and she realized that was convinced of it, though not even knowing how. Tim wasn’t coming back, at least not to be with her.
“Alright, honey, as you wish. Call me on Wednesday, but you better start getting used to the idea that we’re going to be there in a few months. Your father and I miss you, you know?”
“Me too, Mom,” she swallowed. “I have to go. I still have to shower, and…I have to hang up.” Before she started to cry.
“Of course, honey. Take care of yourself. Bye.”
Susan hung up and ran to the bathroom to jump in the shower so that she could tell herself that what was on her face was water and not tears.
Once again.
After the shower and feeling much more relaxed, Susan was able to justify what had happened —the uncontrollable sobbing in the shower— saying that lately she had been under a lot of pressure, and the fact that she needed to let it all out was completely normal. It wouldn’t happen again. She was back to her old self, she confirmed with certainty, after looking in the bathroom mirror for the last time and before heading to her room in her bathrobe. She finished drying herself off in her room, and she put on a pair of black, cotton pants, a t-shirt with hedgehogs on it, and a black wool jacket in order to be comfortable while she was writing. She left her hair down and made herself a coffee and some toast with butter.
She was going to sort out her day, and her entire life, and eating something sweet was a good way to start. She started making plans, and just when she was about to take a bite out of the second piece of toast, someone knocked on the door.
Who could it be? She lived on the seven
th floor of a chic apartment complex with views of all of Boston, and she almost never had visitors.
When she moved to the city it was difficult for her to find a place that she liked, but the moment she stepped foot into that apartment, she knew right away that she wanted to make it her home. Very few people knew where she lived, not to mention the fact that the doorman in her building wouldn’t let anybody in she didn’t know without calling her first. That meant that it had to be either Pamela or Tim, but Tim had a key. No, actually he didn´t. He gave it back to me in the car. Maybe something had happened at the T.V. station. She stood up, walked toward the door and made the mistake of opening it without looking through the peephole first.
Had she looked first to see who it was, she would have saved herself the trouble, and he wouldn’t have had time to put his arm in the door so that she couldn’t close it. She would have slammed the door in his face.
“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked furiously, glaring at him.
“I know what happened between you and Tim,” said MacMurray, holding the door with one hand.
“Of course you know!” exclaimed Susan, with a sarcastic laugh. “And you’ve come to rub it in.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No,” he shook his head seriously, looking her straight in the eye. “I haven’t come to rub it in, Susana.”
“It’s Susan,” she reminded him.
“Alright, Susan,” he agreed, and that gesture, as ridiculous and stupid as it seemed, made Susan’s eyes fill with tears. If MacMurray was willing to tell her she was right, it was a sign that she looked worse off than she thought.
“Get out of here,” she muttered, trying to close the door again. “At least now we don’t have to see each other anymore since your friend has escaped from my grip,” she added sarcastically, wiping away a single tear that rolled down her cheek.
He followed the teardrop with his gaze. Actually, he looked so confused that in any other circumstance Susan would have laughed.
“Susana,” whispered Mac, almost without even realizing it.
Just Rules Page 5