by Ernest Poole
“Well then, no, I don’t!” she replied. He made a desperate effort to think what he could say to her. Good God, how he was bungling! Where were all his arguments?
“How about your religion?” he blurted out.
“I haven’t any—which makes me do that—I’ve a right to be happy!”
“You haven’t!” His voice had suddenly changed. In accent and in quality it was like a voice from the heart of New England where he had been born and bred. “I mean you won’t be happy—not unless you have a child! It’s what you need—it’ll fill your life! It’ll settle you—deepen you—tone you down!”
“Suppose I don’t want to be toned down!” The girl was almost hysterical. “I’m no Puritan—I want to live! I tell you we are different now! We’re not all like Edith—and we’re not like our mothers! We want to live! And we have a right to! Why don’t you go? Can’t you see I’m nearly crazy? It’s my last night, my very last! I don’t want to talk to you—I don’t even know what I’m saying! And you come and try to frighten me!” Her voice caught and broke into sobs. “You know nothing about me! You never did! Leave me alone, can’t you—leave me alone!”
“Father?” He heard Deborah’s voice, abrupt and stern, outside the door.
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. He went in blind fashion out of the room and down to his study. He lit a cigar and smoked wretchedly there. When presently Deborah appeared he saw that her face was set and hard; but as she caught the baffled look, the angry tortured light in his eyes, her own expression softened.
“Poor father,” she said, in a pitying way. “If Edith had only let you alone.”
“I certainly didn’t do much good.”
“Of course you didn’t—you did harm—oh, so much more harm than you know.” Into the quiet voice of his daughter crept a note of keen regret. “I wanted to make her last days in this house a time she could look back on, so that she’d want to come home for help if ever she’s in trouble. She has so little—don’t you see?—of what a woman needs these days. She has grown up so badly. Oh, if you’d only let her alone. It was such a bad, bad time to choose.” She went to her father and kissed him. “Well, it’s over now,” she said, “and we’ll make the best we can of it. I’ll tell her you’re sorry and quiet her down. And to-morrow we’ll try to forget it has happened.”
* * * * *
For Roger the morrow went by in a whirl. The wedding, a large church affair, was to take place at twelve o’clock. He arose early, put on his Prince Albert, went down and ate his breakfast alone. The waitress was flustered, the coffee was burnt. He finished and anxiously wandered about. The maids were bustling in and out, with Deborah giving orders pellmell. The caterers came trooping in. The bridesmaids were arriving and hurrying up to Roger’s room. That place was soon a chaos of voices, giggles, peals of laughter. Laura’s trunks were brought downstairs, and Roger tagged them for the ship, one for the cabin and three for the hold, and saw them into the wagon. Then he strode distractedly everywhere, till at last he was hustled by Deborah into a taxi waiting outside.
“It’s all going so smoothly,” Deborah said, and a faint sardonic glimmer came into her father’s hunted eyes. Deborah was funny!
Soon he found himself in the church. He heard whispers, eager voices, heard one usher say to another, “God, what a terrible head I’ve got!” And Roger glared at him for that. Plainly these youngsters, all mere boys, had been up with the groom a good part of the night…. But here was Laura, pale and tense. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. There was silence, then the organ, and now he was taking her up the aisle. Strange faces stared. His jaw set hard. At last they reached the altar. An usher quickly touched his arm and he stepped back where he belonged. He listened but understood nothing. Just words, words and motions.
“If any man can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let him now speak or else hereafter forever hold his peace.”
“No,” thought Roger, “I won’t speak.”
Just then he caught sight of Deborah’s face, and at the look in her steady gray eyes all at once he could feel the hot tears in his own.
At the wedding breakfast he was gay to a boisterous degree. He talked to strange women and brought them food, took punch with men he had never laid eyes on, went off on a feverish hunt for cigars, came back distractedly, joked with young girls and even started some of them dancing. The whole affair was over in no time. The bride and the groom came rushing downstairs; and as they escaped from the shower of rice, Roger ran after them down the steps. He gripped Sloane’s hand.
“Remember, boy, it’s her whole life!” entreated Roger hoarsely.
“Yes, sir! I’ll look out! No fear!”
“Good-bye, daddy!”
“God bless you, dear!”
They were speeding away. And with the best man, who looked weary and spent, Roger went slowly back up the steps. It was an effort now to talk. Thank Heaven these people soon were gone. Last of all went the ponderous aunt of the groom. How the taxi groaned as he helped her inside and started her off to Bridgeport. Back in his study he found his cigars and smoked one dismally with Bruce. Bruce was a decent sort of chap. He knew when to be silent.
“Well,” he spoke finally, rising, “I guess I’ll have to get back to the office.” He smiled a little and put his hand on Roger’s weary shoulder. “We’re glad it’s over—eh?” he asked.
“Bruce,” said Roger heavily, “you’ve got a girl of your own growing up. Don’t let her grow to feel you’re old. Live on with her. She’ll need you.” His massive blunt face darkened. “The world’s so damnably new,” he muttered, “so choked up with fool ideas.” Bruce still smiled affectionately.
“Go up and see Edith,” he said, “and forget ‘em. She never lets one into the flat. She said you were to be sure to come and tell her about the wedding.”
“All right, I’ll go,” said Roger. He hunted about for his hat and coat. What a devilish mess they had made of the house. A half hour later he was with Edith; but there, despite his efforts to answer all her questions, he grew heavier and heavier, till at last he barely spoke. He sat watching Edith’s baby.
“Did you talk to Laura?” he heard her ask.
“Yes,” he replied. “It did no good.” He knew that Edith was waiting for more, but he kept doggedly silent.
“Well, dear,” she said presently, “at least you did what you could for her.”
“I’ve never done what I could,” he rejoined. “Not with any one of you.” He glanced at her with a twinge of pain. “I don’t know as it would have helped much if I had. This town is running away with itself. I want a rest now, Edith, I want things quiet for a while.” He felt her anxious, pitying look.
“Where’s Deborah?” she asked him. “Gone back to school already?”
“I don’t know where she is,” he replied. And then he rose forlornly. “I guess I’ll be going back home,” he said.
On his way, as his thoughts slowly cleared, the old uneasiness rose in his mind. Would Deborah want to keep the house? Suppose she suggested moving to some titty-tatty little flat. No, he would not stand in her way. But, Lord, what an end to make of his life.
His home was almost dark inside, but he noticed rather to his surprise that the rooms had already been put in order. He sank down on the living room sofa and lay motionless for a while. How tired he was. From time to time he drearily sighed. Yes, Deborah would find him old and life here dull and lonely. Where was she to-night, he wondered. Couldn’t she quit her zoo school for one single afternoon? At last, when the room had grown pitch dark, he heard the maid lighting the gas in the hall. Roger loudly cleared his throat, and at the sound the startled girl ejaculated, “Oh, my Gawd!”
“It’s I,” said Roger sternly. “Did Miss Deborah say when she’d be back?”
“She didn’t go out, sir. She’s up in her room.”
Roger went up and found her there. All afternoon with both the maids she had been setting the house
to rights, and now she ached in every limb. She was lying on her bed, and she looked as though she had been crying.
“Where have you been?” she inquired.
“At Edith’s,” her father answered. She reached up and took his hand, and held it slowly tighter.
“You aren’t going to find it too lonely here, with Laura gone?” she asked him. And the wistfulness in her deep sweet voice made something thrill in Roger.
“Why should I?” he retorted. Deborah gave a queer little laugh.
“Oh, I’m just silly, that’s all,” she said. “I’ve been having a fit of blues. I’ve been feeling so old this afternoon—a regular old woman. I wanted you, dearie, and I was afraid that you—” she broke off.
“Look here,” said Roger sharply. “Do you really want to keep this house?”
“Keep this house? Why, father!”
“You think you can stand it here alone, just the two of us?” he demanded.
“I can,” cried Deborah happily. Her father walked to the window. There as he looked blindly out, his eyes were assaulted by the lights of all those titty-tatty flats. And a look of vicious triumph appeared for a moment on his face.
“Very well,” he said quietly, turning back. “Then we’re both suited.” He went to the door. “I’ll go and wash up for supper,” he said.
CHAPTER VIII
It was a relief to him to find how smoothly he and Deborah dropped back into their old relations. It was good to get home those evenings; for in this new stage of its existence, with its family of two, the house appeared to have filled itself with a deep reposeful feeling. Laura had gone out of its life. He glanced into her room one night, and it looked like a guest room now. The sight of it brought him a pang of regret. But the big ship which was bearing her swiftly away to “Paris in June” seemed bearing off Roger’s uneasiness too. He could smile at his former fears, for Laura was safely married and wildly in love with her husband. Time, he thought, would take care of the rest. Occasionally he missed her here—her voice, high-pitched but musical, chatting and laughing at the ‘phone, her bustle of dressing to go out, glimpses of her extravagances, of her smart suits and evening gowns, of all the joyous color and dash that she had given to his home. But these regrets soon died away. The old house shed them easily, as though glad to enter this long rest.
For the story of his family, from Roger’s point of view at least, was a long uneven narrative, with prolonged periods of peace and again with events piling one on the other. And now there came one of those peaceful times, and Roger liked the quiet. The old routine was re-established—his dinner, his paper, his cigar and then his book for the evening, some good old-fashioned novel or some pleasant book of travel which he and Judith had read aloud when they were planning out their lives. They had meant to go abroad so often when the children had grown up. And he liked to read about it still. Life was so quiet over the sea, things were so old and mellow there. He resumed, too, his horseback rides, and on the way home he would stop in for a visit with Edith and her baby. The wee boy grew funnier every day, with his sudden kicks and sneezes, his waving fists and mighty yawns. And Roger felt drawn to his daughter here, for in these grateful seasons of rest that followed the birth of each of her children, Edith loved to lie very still and make new plans for her small brood.
Only once she spoke of Laura, and then it was to suggest to him that he gather together all the bills his daughter had doubtless left behind.
“If you don’t settle them,” Edith said, “they’ll go to her husband. And you wouldn’t like that, would you?”
Roger said he would see to it, and one evening after dinner he started in on Laura’s bills. It was rather an appalling time. He looked into his bank account and found that Laura’s wedding would take about all his surplus. But this did not dismay him much, for money matters never did. It simply meant more work in the office.
The next day he rose early and was in his office by nine o’clock. He had not been so prompt in months, and many of his employees came in late that morning. But nobody seemed very much perturbed, for Roger was an easy employer. Still, he sternly told himself, he had been letting things get altogether too slack. He had been neglecting his business again. The work had become so cut and dried, there was nothing creative left to do. It had not been so in years gone by. Those years had fairly bristled with ideas and hopes and schemes. But even those old memories were no longer here to hearten him. They had all been swept away when Bruce had made him move out of his office in a dark creaky edifice down close under Brooklyn Bridge, and come up to this new building, this steel-ribbed caravansary for all kinds of business ventures, this place of varnished woodwork, floods of daylight, concrete floors, this building fireproof throughout. That expressed it exactly, Roger thought. Nothing could take fire here, not even a man’s imagination, even though he did not feel old. Now and then in the elevator, as some youngster with eager eyes pushed nervously against him, Roger would frown and wonder, “What are you so excited about?”
But again the business was running down, and this time he must jerk it back before it got beyond him. He set himself doggedly to the task, calling in his assistants one by one, going through the work in those outer rooms, where at tables long rows of busy young girls, with colored pencils, scissors and paste, were demolishing enormous piles of newspapers and magazines. And vaguely, little by little, he came to a realization of how while he had slumbered the life of the country had swept on. For as he studied the lists and the letters of his patrons, Roger felt confusedly that a new America was here.
Clippings, clippings, clippings. Business men and business firms, gigantic corporations, kept sending here for clippings, news of themselves or their rivals, keeping keen watch on each other’s affairs for signs of strength or weakness. How savage was the fight these days. Here was news of mines and mills and factories all over the land, clippings sent each morning by special messengers downtown to reach the brokers’ offices before the market opened. One broker wrote, “Please quote your terms for the following. From nine to two o’clock each day our messenger will call at your office every hour for clippings giving information of the companies named below.”
The long list appended carried Roger’s fancy out all over the continent. And then came this injunction: “Remember that our messenger must leave your office every hour. In information of this kind every minute counts.”
Clippings, clippings, clippings. As Roger turned over his morning mail, in spite of himself he grew absorbed. What a change in the world of literature. What a host of names of scribblers, not authors but just writers, not only men but women too, novelists and dramatists, poets and muckrakers all jumbled in together, each one of them straining for a place. And the actors and the actresses, the musicians and the lecturers, each with his press agent and avid for publicity, “fame!” And here were society women, from New York and other cities, all eager for press notices of social affairs they had given or managed, charity work they had conducted, suffrage speeches they had made. Half the women in the land were fairly talking their heads off, it seemed. Some had been on his lists for years. They married and wanted to hear what was said in the papers about their weddings, they quarreled and got divorces and still sent here for clippings, they died and still their relatives wrote in for the funeral notices. And even death was commercialized. A maker of monuments wanted news “of all people of large means, dead or dangerously ill, in the State of Pennsylvania.” Here were demands from charity bodies, hospitals and colleges, from clergymen with an anxious eye on the Monday morning papers. And here was an anarchist millionaire! And here was an insane asylum wanting to see itself in print!
With a grim smile on his heavy visage, Roger stared out of his window. Slowly the smile faded, a wistful look came on his face.
“Who’ll take my business when I’m gone?”
If his small son had only lived, with what new zest and vigor it might have been made to grow and expand. If only his son had been here by his side
….
CHAPTER IX
DEBORAH needed rest, he thought, for the bright attractive face of his daughter was looking rather pale of late, and the birthmark on her forehead showed a faint thin line of red. One night at dinner, watching her, he wondered what was on her mind. She had come in late, and though several times she had made an effort to keep up the conversation, her cheeks were almost colorless and more than once in her deepset eyes came a flash of pain that startled him.
“Look here. What’s the matter with you?” he asked. Deborah looked up quickly.
“I’d rather not talk about it, dad—”
“Very well,” he answered. And with a slight hesitation, “But I think I know the trouble,” he said. “And perhaps some other time—when you do feel like talking—” He stopped, for on her wide sensitive lips he saw a twitch of amusement.
“What do you think is the trouble?” she asked. And Roger looked at her squarely.
“Loneliness,” he answered.
“Why?” she asked him.
“Well, there’s Edith’s baby—and Laura getting married—”
“I see—and so I’m lonely for a family of my own. But you’re forgetting my school,” she said.
“Yes, yes, I know,” he retorted. “But that’s not at all the same. Interesting work, no doubt, but—well, it isn’t personal.”
“Oh, isn’t it?” she answered, and she drew a quivering breath. Rising from the table she went into the living room, and there a few moments later he found her walking up and down. “I think I will tell you now,” she said. “I’m afraid of being alone to-night, of keeping this matter to myself.” He looked at her apprehensively.
“Very well, my dear,” he said.
“This is the trouble,” she began. “Down in my school we’ve a family of about three thousand children. A few I get to know so well I try to follow them when they leave. And one of these, an Italian boy—his name is Joe Bolini—was one of the best I ever had, and one of the most appealing. But Joe took to drinking and got in with a gang of boys who blackmailed small shopkeepers. He used to come to me at times in occasional moods of repentance. He was a splendid physical type and he’d been a leader in our athletics, so I took him back into the school to manage our teams in basket-ball. He left the gang and stopped drinking, and we had long talks together about his great ambition. He wanted to enter the Fire Department as soon as he was twenty-one. And I promised to use my influence.” She stopped, still frowning slightly.