Richard sighed and nodded again. He reached out and put his hand on my knee. The touch was friendly, not even the slightest bit ill-intended, but I wanted to push him off. It was a familiar touch, and all I wanted to say was, “You’re not my father,” and I couldn’t stand feeling that way.
“Kylie,” he said in a gentle tone that contradicted his business demeanor, “I understand. You and Devin are still in a new relationship and the last thing you want is for him to leave.”
I dropped my gaze from his face, to stare at his hand on my knee, wondering if he knew what it was like to be left in the way that I did.
“I want you to be assured that you’ll be more than welcome to come along any time.”
All I did was nod, because I knew how badly Devin wanted this, and the last thing I wanted, was for my own selfish feelings to stop him from signing on the dotted line. But with the black-inked pen in his hand, signing document after document, for my mother’s record-producing boyfriend, I couldn’t help the feeling that I was drowning in a mental sea of screams and protests.
Things were changing, and I had a gnawing in my stomach, telling me that maybe it wasn’t for the better.
And I hated myself for it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Kylie
I opened my eyes to Devin’s heavy weight settling on our bed. I listened in the darkness as he kicked his boots off, undid his fly, and threw his jeans across the room at the laundry basket and missed.
“Goddammit,” he mumbled into the blackened room. But he was tired and didn’t bother to cross the room and pick them up. He laid his back down on the bed, groaning as his head fit into his pillow. “Fuck,” he moaned, and his hand roamed blindly to find me until his fingers gripped my hip.
“Hey,” I whispered, grabbing his hand and lacing my fingers between his.
“Mm,” he mumbled happily, squeezing my hand. “Sorry if I woke you up.”
“You did, but it’s okay. I missed you.”
The time he had spent in the city had dragged on. He had asked if I’d stay there with him, but I regretfully declined. Not because it didn’t sound glamorous and wonderful to spend a week, all-expenses paid, in NYC at a fancy hotel, but because I still had my responsibilities at home and couldn’t just neglect them at the drop of a hat. I took the logical approach, assuming that we would soon have to get used to being apart once he went on tour.
“I missed you too,” he said, squeezing my hand again, and he turned toward me. The faint glow of the streetlamps below illuminated his face and I smiled at him. “I think you’ve gotten more beautiful since I left.”
“I think you look more like a rock star,” I said, releasing his hand to rest my palm against his face.
He laughed gently. “If this is what being a rock star is like, they must spend their lives feeling half-dead.”
I smiled sympathetically. “It’s worth it, babe,” I said reassuringly, stroking my thumb over his face. “Did Richard say when the EP would be released?”
His nod was accompanied by a yawn. “Yeah, he says it’ll be available in just a few weeks,” and he nuzzled into my palm. “Fuck, I’ve missed you, baby, and I’m so horny, but I’m too tired to do a fucking thing about it. I don’t even want to move right now.”
“Well …” I bit my lip, leaning in to kiss him softly on the mouth, grabbing onto his groan and finding the energy to roll toward him. “Why don’t you just lay there, and I’ll take care of everything?”
He laughed, lifting long enough to pull his shirt over his head. “You know, normally I’d protest and make sure you got yours first, but—”
I shushed him with another kiss. “You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes.”
Devin stared at me as I sat up, moving my eyes and hands over his chest and stomach, familiarizing myself with the body I had been missing for a whole seven-day eternity. I reached the waistband of his briefs and my fingers grazed lightly underneath. He sighed with anticipation and I looked back to his face. To see if his lips had parted, to see if his eyes had closed. But he still held his eyes on me, unwavering.
“What?” I asked softly, moving my hand lower, brushing my fingertips over the base of his erection.
He shook his head, swallowing hard. “I’m not sure I’ve ever allowed myself to be selfish. Not sure I even know how to do that.”
My hand stopped moving, resting in the nest of course hair at his groin. Those words that weren’t meant to sting, pricked at my heart, knowing that a great majority of his life had been spent being selfless—for me. He had put his dreams on hold to help me live mine. Working a job he didn’t love, simply to pay his—our bills.
To help me heal. To be close to me.
I had been so selfish.
“I’ll show you,” I whispered, leaning down to kiss him hard as my hand wrapped around him, and he sighed.
♪
After bringing him to his release, he had passed out and there was still no sign of him waking after I opened my eyes at ten in the morning.
Good thing I had the day off.
I tiptoed out of the bedroom to feed Eddie and spotted the daisies on the table. I reached out to touch their soft petals.
I smiled, walking into the kitchen to get the kettle boiling; he would want coffee when he woke up. I opened the fridge to grab eggs and milk, set on making him some French toast for breakfast, when I noticed a box on the counter. I shut the refrigerator door, reached for the white box and when I opened the lid, I was instantly slammed with the scent of fresh donuts. A dozen of them smiled at me in a variety of flavors, and I pressed a hand to my chest. Overwhelmed all at once by the flowers and the donuts he must have gotten the night before, despite his exhaustion.
With coffee and donuts in my hands, I walked back to the bedroom and found Devin on the phone.
“Seriously? Today?” He scrubbed a hand over his face before taking the mug of coffee from my hand. “Thank you,” he whispered and puckered his lips. I leaned down to kiss him quickly before he wrenched away to speak into the phone again. “Rich … I just got home, man.”
I eyed him, keeping my expression neutral as I flipped open the box of donuts on the bed. I grabbed for a Boston Cream and took a deliriously wonderful bite as Devin grabbed for a cronut. He put Richard on speakerphone as he ate.
“Hey Richard,” I said toward the phone, sitting down cross-legged in front of Devin.
“Well, hello there, Ky,” he replied cheerily before reverting to his business tone. “Dev, I get that you want to take a little time at home. You and Kylie understandably want some time together, but we need to interview some guys for your band. I have a few in mind—actually, one of them actually almost played back-up for Mayer a few years ago.”
Devin’s mouth stopped working around his cronut as his eyes landed on mine. Starstruck. That’s what he was. “Mayer?”
“Yep,” Richard said. “Ever heard of Robbie White?”
He swallowed, shaking his head. “Hell yes, I have. Oh my God, Rich, if he’s in, then why do I need to interview him?”
“You don’t, but I’d like you to be there anyway. I need you to have a good relationship with the guy too, you know. I don’t want any heads butting, if I can avoid it, and Robbie is … difficult.”
My eyes never left Devin’s face as my ears listened to Richard’s professional voice. I was hearing a whole lot about what he wanted, what he needed, and I wondered if Devin’s interests were at all a factor in any of this.
“Can I just take today?” he asked. It sounded a little like begging. “I need some time off, and—”
“Devin, you don’t need to make excuses. I understand. Absolutely, take the day, spend time with Kylie and relax. But tomorrow, you’re heading back to my place in the city. We have the restyling, photoshoot, and we’re going to meet up with a few potential bandmates.”
Restyling?
Devin breathed a sigh of relief and began to chew again. He sipped at his coffee and nodded to the p
hone. “Awesome. Sounds good. Want me to call you tonight?”
“Nah, kid. I’ll call you tomorrow morning. You kids have a good day, okay? Bye, Kylie!”
“Bye Richard,” I replied, and the line went dead.
Devin looked up from the phone. His eyes were heavy, but they twinkled with excitement. “You know what I plan on doing today?”
“Relaxing?”
He nodded. “Yeah, but you know what I’m going to do before that?”
“Eat all of these donuts?” I nudged the box with my toe and grinned.
“Oh, I’m eating something all right, but it won’t be a donut.” He inhaled the last bite of the cronut, washed it down with a long gulp of coffee, then grabbed the box of donuts and put them on the nightstand. With a hand flattened to my sternum, he gently laid me back against the bed and I giggled as he settled between my legs, spreading them wide. “Turns out, I’m horrible at being selfish.”
♪
“Well, if it isn’t the rock star and his trophy wife,” Trent said, standing in the doorway of Devin’s abandoned worksite. His voice sounded bitter, but he jumped from the stoop and threw his arms around Dev’s shoulders, clapping his hands against his back. “Shit, man, it’s good to see you!”
Devin nodded and took in a deep breath. “It’s only been a couple weeks, dude, but … fuck, the smell of sawdust is sweet.”
Trent grunted a laugh, taking a step back. “Get the fuck out of here. You’re done with this shit and that’s great for you. I can’t say I envy you though. I’d miss it too much.”
He looked down at me, quirking his lips into a half-smile. “Bet you’re happy to have him home, huh. Brooke’s been telling me how desperate you’ve been.” He wiggled his eyebrows and I shoved my hands against him.
“You’re disgusting,” I said, “and I hate Brooke for telling you everything.”
“Well, do you guys wanna know something Brooke doesn’t know?”
I nodded eagerly, and he pulled his iPhone from his pocket. After a few seconds of swiping, he turned the screen to us and I found myself staring at a store listing for a gold diamond ring. My hands flew to my mouth as I immediately looked from the phone to Trent and back to the phone. A squeal of giddy glee bounced from my mouth.
“Why the hell are you doing this to me, dude?” Devin laughed, shaking his head at his cousin. “You realize what’s happening here, right? I really didn’t need you planting any fucking seeds.”
Trent laughed, pocketing the phone. “Sorry, man, but you guys haven’t been together for like, ten years. You have time.”
“Oh my God,” I was finally able to say. “When are you proposing? I need to know. Oh my God, could I be there?”
“Hell no,” he said, shaking his head with a chuckle. “We’re going to New York for her birthday. I’m gonna do it then.”
Devin gripped his shoulder. “Congratulations, man. But, uh, I have to ask … how does that work into your open relationship?”
“Eh …” He shrugged. “You know, I think I realized, I just don’t really want anybody else.”
I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he laughed, shoving me off as he turned to Devin. “But hey, don’t be such a fucking stranger, okay? When you get the chance, you gotta come around and see the house. I poured some cement over the weekend and made some new steps off the back door. You don’t have to jump down two feet into the backyard anymore.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Devin
Two months after signing my contract with Richard, and a month after recording my first acoustic EP, I had a band.
Robert “Robbie” White, back-up guitarist.
Sebastian Moore, drums.
Tyler “Ty” Meade, bass, back-up vocals.
We were clustered backstage in a moderately sized club in northern Connecticut, getting ready to play our first real show. It was a place about an hour from home called Fat Cat’s. Dark. Atmospheric. A broody hole in the wall that bordered on seedy, but it was popular, and after “Daisies & You” had spent a week circulating the local stations, the show sold out in the matter of days.
I had yet to hear it play myself, but I knew from the amount of hits on the YouTube video, that it was doing well. Better than well.
It was huge.
Richard had taken to calling me an “overnight success,” and after Kylie had confirmed that my following on Instagram was piling up by the day, I was starting to believe it.
Kylie arrived late, after stopping by her mom’s place before the show. She was seeing her a lot more often, and I was glad.
“There are so many people here,” she said, her voice shaking with excitement as she slung both arms around my neck. I bent, looping mine around her waist as I picked her up, pulling her into me for a celebratory hug.
Robbie pulled his fifth cigarette from between his lips, as I put her feet back on the ground, and ever-so politely directed the puff of smoke in our direction. “You do realize this is a sold-out show, right, Princess? Of course, there’s a decent amount of people.”
Robbie was the hot shot of the group, and he never let any of us forget it. He had played shows with some of the biggest names in the biz, usually as a stand-in, and yet, he couldn’t hold down a steady job. The closest he had come was a four-month tour with some one-hit wonder in the early-00’s. That star’s fire blew out, and so did Robbie’s steady paycheck.
Richard had warned me about his attitude and he wasn’t wrong. The guy was crude, egocentric and completely unapologetic. Still, practices with him had been enough to solidify how impressed I was with his talent, not to mention blown away that he’d want to work with me.
Kylie, however, was less than enamored with his status in the industry.
She waved her hand frantically, unsuccessfully clearing the air of smoke. “Classy,” she gritted through her teeth.
“Can’t handle a little smoke, Princess?”
Ty sighed impatiently. “Is it always necessary for you to be a dick?”
Ty was a quiet, gentle soul, with killer skills on the bass and a voice to match. He was shy as hell though, and therefore, could never make it in the spotlight, but he did the job to boost the front man.
Robbie snorted and waved his cigarette in Ty’s direction. “It’s all a part of my charm. It’s how I get all the good snatch, and why you’ll always get my sloppy seconds.”
Ty snorted in response. “I’m sure my wife appreciates that.”
Tipping his head back and sucking a long, hard drag from his cigarette, Robbie exhaled toward the dingy lighting. “Wives aren’t privy to telling their rock star men what they can do on the road. They marry into that fucking life, man. They know what they’re signing up for, trust me. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll, man, and if you think she’s not getting some cock on the side …” He shook his head with a sinister chuckle. “Then, you have another thing coming.”
Kylie uttered a noise of disgust and Robbie turned to her, smirking and waving his cigarette from his thin fingers. “You’ll learn, Princess. Just you wait and see.”
I tightened my arms around her, affirming that there was no way I was falling into that trap. I wished there was a more private place for us to go, somewhere for us to talk. Somewhere for me to tell her how scared and nervous I was without being called a bitch, or worse. I settled for focusing on her face, on her gray-purple lipstick. On the way her high cheekbones seemed to gleam under the light. I then focused on the colorful world within her eyes that I wished I could take a moment to hide in, just to gather my bearings and find my courage.
She released her hold on me, pressed her hands to my cheeks, and smiled. “You’re shaking,” she whispered, and I nodded. “You’re going to blow the fucking roof off of this place, babe, and I’ll be right up front to cheer you on.”
I dropped my forehead to hers and whispered, “You better be.”
“I have to be, just to make sure you’
re not checking out any of the other girls,” she said with a teasing smile, and with a challenging grin, I took a step back, taking her hands in mine.
She was wearing tight black jeans and a Pearl Jam t-shirt, cut to show off her flat stomach and pierced bellybutton and the black cat crawling over her hip. I shook my head and smirked, prying my eyes away from her curves and back to her eyes, framed by a sparkling eyeshadow galaxy.
“Not a fucking chance.”
She opened her mouth to reply when Richard poked his head in. “On in five, boys.”
A barreling wave of stomach-rolling nausea hit me and I closed my eyes with a deep breath. Kylie stepped toward me, pressing her body against mine and she reached up to hold my face between her hands.
“Dev, look at me,” she coached and I opened my eyes to fixate on hers. “You’re going to be fine, baby. Just look at me, okay, and don’t pay attention to anything else.”
I nodded and she pulled me down, pressing her mouth firmly to mine. “I love you,” she whispered, her lips moving against mine.
“I love you too,” I replied, kissing her once more. She grinned, taking one, two steps away from me, watching my every move, until she turned around and hurried to secure her spot up front.
I missed her instantly.
Sebastian smiled at me, twirling one of his drumsticks between his fingers like a baton. “Dude, please don’t take this the wrong way, but your girl is smokin’ hot. You’re one lucky son of a bitch.”
Sebastian Moore was a nice guy and a gifted drummer, with a habit of saying things that teetered on the cusp of douche-baggery. But unlike Robbie, I knew better than to take the shit he said as anything more than poorly worded compliments.
I laughed. “Believe me, I fucking know it.”
Robbie snorted. “Yeah, I’d fuck her.”
Ty pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead. “Robbie, do you have filters, dude? Or do you just choose to not use them?”
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