His excited ranting stuns me into silence for a moment. Eventually, his words set in.
‘What? You want us to go to New Delhi with you? Like, move there?’
‘Yes,’ he says excitedly. ‘I’ve got a job offer – and it’s a real, charity gig this time, not like before. Look, I admit, you were right, I’d run out of money, I was struggling to find work to keep up the lifestyle, but now I have something. It’s part of a big programme that supports disadvantaged children – and there’s even work in elephant camps, can you imagine? Working with elephants. Frankie will love it.’
I walk over to Nathan and give him a reluctant sniff.
‘I’m not high,’ he laughs. ‘Look at the paperwork. I just went to the library, checked my emails, saw the offer – everything is in place.’
‘I live here,’ I say slowly. ‘Frankie lives here. He goes to school here. I have a job here.’
‘But no one likes you,’ he says, a little too enthusiastically. ‘The deli is gonna flop, Frankie doesn’t like that stupid school really. Lil, the other day he was telling me about his best friend – some guy called Henry? He’s like 70 years old.’
‘Erm, he’s in his sixties,’ I correct him. ‘Nathan, we haven’t been here long. There’s no reason for me to just up and leave and – with you. Why would I move to India with you?’
‘So we can be a family again,’ he says, rubbing my shoulders. ‘Look, I’ll admit it, seeing you with that farmer, it makes me jealous. We’re meant to be together, me and you, not you and him. And we have Frankie together, and doesn’t he deserve parents who are together and love each other?’
‘He would have that if you hadn’t left before he was born,’ I tell him, wiggling his hands off me. ‘Oh God, is that why you tried to kiss me? Nathan, there’s nothing between us. You know that as well as I do.’
‘Just, give it a chance,’ he says, taking my chin between his thumb and his index finger. ‘Give family a chance. Give love a chance.’
‘Nathan, seriously, get off me,’ I say, swatting his hand away.
I sit back down on the sofa and put my head in my hands. I feel Nathan sit down next to me.
‘Well, OK, maybe the romance will take time, but don’t you want the adventure? What we always talked about? And Frankie would love it!’
‘Nathan, no,’ I tell him firmly. Looking him in the eye so he knows I’m serious. ‘Even if I didn’t have a job to do here. No.’
‘I could just take Frankie,’ he suggests, and I feel my entire body flinch. Over my dead body he’s taking my kid away from me.
‘He doesn’t even have a passport,’ I lie. I’m not sure if that was a suggestion or a threat, but I’m not risking it.
‘Oh,’ he replies. ‘I could go and you guys could meet me once you’ve finished setting the deli up?’
‘Or you could not go,’ I suggest. ‘You could stay here for your son and get a real job.’
Nathan thinks for a moment. I can see the mental anguish on his face and I realise that he’s considering going anyway, with or without us.
‘Nathan, don’t you dare,’ I say. ‘You can’t just drop back into his life and then piss off again after just a few weeks. He loves you. He loves you as much as he loves me. You’re too important to him now.’
‘So come with me,’ he says.
‘Or what, you’ll just go? You’ll leave your son? When I look at Frankie I’m just overwhelmed by how much I love him. I could never leave him. Everything I do is for him. I can’t believe I made such a perfect little person.’
‘We made him together,’ Nathan reminds me. ‘That’s why you should come with me.’
‘No, that’s not what I mean,’ I say. ‘Anyone can have sex and get pregnant – that’s just how you make a baby. What I’m talking about is what a smart, thoughtful, funny, caring young man he’s become, and that’s nothing to do with you, that’s how I raised him. I made him. Me alone, and I’m so proud of him. I don’t want to take him to another continent, to teach him how to feed elephants. I want him to get the best education. I want him to go to university – if he wants to – to be whatever he wants. You just want him to be a mini you.’
‘Because there’s something so wrong with that?’
‘Absolutely, yes,’ I say. ‘You want to take an 8-year-old out of school, to live in India, while you wash elephants.’
‘Lil, listen to me, I’m trying to be reasonable here. I’m going – I can’t turn this job down. It’s everything I’ve dreamed of! I’m trying to do the right thing by taking you guys with me.’
‘Nathan, we’re not coming. And if you were any sort of man, you would stay here and continue to build a relationship with the son you only met this month.’
I watch the cogs turning in his head, until Nathan confirms my worst fear: he’s not thinking about what he should do, he’s thinking about how to tell me.
‘Lil, I’m taking this job, and I’m going today.’
‘And how are you going to explain this to your son?’ I ask him.
‘I’ll have to leave within the hour,’ he tells me. ‘Maybe you could explain it to him? Daddy has important work to do abroad, you know, like you said before?’
I shake my head.
‘Nathan, I know doing the right thing doesn’t come naturally to you, so I’m going to really spell this out for you. If you were any kind of man, you wouldn’t go at all. If you had just a shred of decency, you’d turn up to his concert this afternoon and then you’d tell him yourself that you’re leaving him, so soon after coming into his life. It’s not my job to do your dirty work for you.’
‘I’m not sure I can do it,’ he says.
‘I’ll be there,’ I say.
‘No, I mean because I’ll miss my flight. I need to hit the road, to make my flight from Heathrow.’
I can’t help but laugh.
‘Nathan, you’re going to ruin his life,’ I tell him plainly. ‘It’s that simple. You can’t abandon him again.’
He nods thoughtfully.
‘Look, I need to go to work for a delivery. Sit here, think things over more carefully, come to the concert, watch him sing, look him in the eye and then see if you still want to give him up, just so you can travel, OK?’
He puffs air from his cheeks.
‘Yeah, OK,’ he replies.
‘OK, so I’ll see you later?’
‘Yeah, OK,’ he says again.
I stand up, grab my coat and my bag and head for the door.
‘Please, think carefully,’ I remind him. ‘He’s not just a kid, he’s a person. And one day he’s going to be a grown man and he’s going to understand every decision you’ve made, and not necessarily in a good way.’
He nods.
As I hurry through the strong wind and rain and get into my car, I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. He’ll do the right thing, I tell myself. He has to.
Chapter 34
You’ll never know pride quite like it, until you see your child on a stage (well, standing on a small platform, the school hall isn’t big enough for a stage), singing their little heart out.
Frankie is up there, belting out songs about autumn that I’d hazard a guess someone wrote just for the occasion, like his life depends on it. That’s my boy, doing his absolute best, completely oblivious to the fact that it’s just Viv and me sitting in the audience. Did I think there was a chance Nathan might not show up? Honestly? I really thought he’d be here. I know that he’s walked out on the two of us before but I thought things would be different this time, because this time he knows just how amazing Frankie is – how could anyone leave him? There’s still a chance though, that he might have changed his mind. Maybe he’s back at home, cancelling his plans, telling whatever organisation has recruited him that, sorry, he can’t make it, because there might be loads of kids who need help in India, but there’s already one very important kid right here who needs him more.
After his performance I clap and whoop loud eno
ugh for two parents – more than used to taking on both roles – and, of course, Viv’s right there with me. But when he comes running over after the first thing he does is ask where his dad is and my heart sinks. I make an excuse, nothing committal, just to get him into the car and head home. Well, there’s no point hanging around at the school because I’m still getting the cold shoulder from everyone after yesterday.
But we’ve just pulled up outside and, although it’s hard to see with the rain beating down on the car windscreen, there is no mistaking the fact that his campervan has gone. As we hurry from the car to the house, trying to get out of the gale force winds, no one else notices the letter sitting on the coffee table, addressed to me in Nathan’s handwriting.
‘Go get dry and put some clean clothes on, kiddo,’ I tell him.
‘OK,’ he replies, heading for his room. ‘Where is Dad?’
‘I, erm, I’ll figure that out while you’re getting changed,’ I call back.
Viv spots the letter in my hand. On the way to the school I told her all about Nathan’s big job offer and I think she, like me, hoped that he wouldn’t take it.
‘That spineless bastard,’ she curses quietly. ‘Leaving you a letter instead of sticking around for his son or having the balls to tell him that he was leaving.’
I sigh as I open it.
‘Dear Lil,’ I read aloud, quietly, so only Viv can hear. ‘If you’re reading this letter I’m sure you will have figured out that I’ve gone. I wanted to come and say goodbye, I really did, but I would’ve missed my plane and I couldn’t have afforded to buy another ticket myself. You know how important travelling is to me, and how important it is for me to make a difference around the world. I’ve told Frankie all about it and I hope that one day he will not only forgive me, but that he’ll come and join me – you too, Lil. I know you don’t want to, but please explain to him why I had to take off so quickly. All my love, Nathan.’
‘Spineless,’ Viv says again. ‘Absolutely spineless.’
I feel tears fall from my eyes, which I quickly wipe away.
‘Mum, how am I going to tell him that his dad has left him?’ I ask, my voice quivering with emotion.
‘Come on,’ she says. ‘We’ll do it together.’
‘Am I in trouble?’ Frankie asks, seeing us both walk into his room with ominous looks on our faces.
‘Are you ever in trouble?’ I reply with a smile. ‘Take a seat.’
We all sit down on the bed together, and as Frankie looks at me, waiting to hear what I have to say, my heart breaks all over again and tears escape my eyes again.
‘Mum, what’s wrong?’ he asks me. ‘Is Dad OK?’
‘That’s the thing,’ I start. ‘Your dad is absolutely fine but, er, he’s had to go.’
‘Go where?’ he asks.
‘To India,’ I tell him honestly. ‘They needed someone to do some important work, looking after kids and—’
‘Is he coming back?’
‘I don’t know,’ I tell him softly. ‘Not for a long time, I don’t think.’
‘This is because you made him sleep outside,’ he says angrily – an emotion I’m not used to seeing from my son.
‘That is not why,’ Viv says sternly. ‘Your dad chose to go, because he wanted to.’
‘But he said we were best friends…’
I watch as my son’s bottom lip starts to shake. I could kill Nathan for doing this to him, I am so mad at him. I’m also mad at myself, for giving him a chance. I should have told him to do one the second he turned up on our doorstep.
‘Frankie, listen to me,’ I start, but we’re interrupted by a loud smashing noise. We all hurry into the living room, where the strong winds have brought part of a tree crashing in through the window, taking it out along with part of the wall and the roof. As rainwater pours in, I hurry over to move anything that could get damaged. That’s when I spot that bloody, unfinished tree house – or should I say, the large bits of wood he left up in the tree, that have just come crashing through the cottage.
‘Frankie, hurry into your room and grab a few things, we’ll have to go to a B&B. You too, Viv, and pack some stuff for me please.’
They do as they’re told, hurrying of to grab their things, while I move things from the living room to my bedroom. Anything electrical, or breakable, or anything that could be ruined by the wind and water beating around inside the remaining strong walls, I grab and move out of the way. Luckily my bedroom door locks with a key, so I can keep our things safe in there while we’re at the B&B tonight. Although if the crime rate here is a low as Eric told me when he was pitching Marram Bay to me, that shouldn’t be a problem.
With everything locked away and our overnight bags packed we hurry out to the car, just as Alfie happens to be passing in his Range Rover. Spotting us, he quickly pulls over.
‘You’re not heading for a day at the beach in this are you?’ he shouts over the weather.
‘We’re going to try and find a B&B for the night – a tree just fell into the cottage, the back wall is destroyed.’
Alfie’s face falls.
‘Come and stay with me,’ he insists.
‘It’s fine, really,’ I say.
‘Don’t be daft,’ he replies. ‘Get in.’
‘Come on, darling, don’t be rude,’ my mum says, ushering Frankie towards Alfie’s car.
I do as she says, hopping in the front seat next to Alfie. Once we’re all in and the doors are closed, I exhale deeply.
‘Thank you,’ I say.
‘I can’t leave you out there in this, can I?’ he replies. ‘I can’t believe a tree blew into your house. I suppose that’s the problem with summer storms. The trees are still in full leaf, it acts like a sail.’
‘Yeah, I don’t suppose the unfinished tree house helped either,’ I say quietly.
‘Ah,’ he replies. ‘You know Nathan is welcome to come and stay as well. Probably not safe for him in the van tonight.’
I feel a knot in my throat as I smile. If ever I wondered whether or not Alfie was a good man, this just confirmed it. I know how he feels about Nathan and yet he’d still be willing to let him stay in his house.
‘Nathan’s gone,’ I say, practically in a whisper.
I glance into the back of the car, where Frankie is glaring angrily. I’m not sure if he’s glaring at me, or it’s just a general look of upset, but I don’t like it.
‘Oh, OK,’ he says, leaving it at that.
Alfie doesn’t just drive up the driveway, he pulls right up to the front door so that we can get out without having to walk in the rain. Then he goes and puts his car in the garage and runs back. He lets us inside and sits us down on the sofa before making us all a cup of tea. Pugsley watches over us attentively while his master is busy making our drinks.
‘That’ll warm you up,’ he says.
I cradle my cup in my cold hands, still freezing from moving things around in the blustery living room.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind us staying here?’ I say.
‘Of course not,’ he replies. ‘I told you, I like the company. Plus, I’ve got a job for Frankie, if he fancies earning his keep.’
Frankie – his thoughts clearly weighing heavy on his mind – gives Alfie a disinterested smile.
‘Wait here,’ Alfie says with a cheeky smile. He disappears into a room before returning seconds later with the tiniest kitten in his hand. He has it held close to his body, and the little cutie is snuggling into his neck.
‘This is Kitty,’ Alfie says. ‘I’d noticed a stray tabby on the farm recently. Next thing I knew she’d had kittens, underneath a pile of logs down the bottom of the field. But this little one had a bad infection in her eye so I took her to Charlie who gave me some medicine for her. The plan was to return her to her mum, but she’s gone. I felt so bad I’ve been feeding her myself. I could do with a hand looking after her tonight…’
I look over at Frankie, who finally has a little light in his eyes.
�
��I’ll do it,’ he says.
‘Here you go,’ Alfie says, handing Kitty over. ‘Make sure you support her body or she’ll get scared and cling on with her claws. No one wants that. She might seem like a sweet little thing now, but you should see her at playtime.’
There is something so attractive about a big strong man holding a cute tiny animal. I suppose it shows a nurturing, caring, affectionate, responsible side – all of which are excellent qualities. I’m not sure Nathan possessed any of those, which, I guess, is why I’ve found myself alone, yet again.
‘She’s so, so cute,’ Frankie says, having fallen in love at first sight.
‘I’ll need to find a home for her,’ Alfie tells me. ‘I’d keep her but Pugsley isn’t happy about sharing me.’
‘Can we have her, Mum?’ Frankie asks.
‘We’ll see,’ I laugh. ‘We don’t really have a home at the moment.’
‘You’re all welcome to stay here while the cottage is being fixed,’ he says.
‘Thank you,’ I reply, but the truth is that I’ve got something else in mind.
‘Shall I make us some tea?’ Alfie asks. I look down at my cup.
‘Dinner,’ he says. ‘Sorry, I forget you’re southerners.’
Gosh, I love that little chuckle he does after he makes a joke.
‘I’ll help you,’ I say.
‘I suppose I’ll just take it easy and keep an eye on these three,’ Viv says, nodding towards Frankie, Pugsley and Kitty as she makes herself more comfortable on the sofa. She’ll be asleep in less than ten minutes, I guarantee it.
As we prepare dinner in Alfie’s stunning kitchen, I quietly fill him in on what happened with Nathan.
‘Man, that’s rough,’ he says. ‘I wasn’t exactly his biggest fan, but I didn’t think he’d take off again.’
‘I suppose he was only here because he ran out of money,’ I say. I look over at Frankie, who is currently amusing Kitty with a piece of string, to make sure that he isn’t listening. ‘Soon as he got a better offer, he took off. He never wanted to be a dad – I thought that he’d grown up and matured, he’d seen the error of his ways. And then I thought that none of that mattered, because now that he’d met Frankie, why would he ever want to leave him again?’
Summer Secrets at the Apple Blossom Deli Page 21