The cameras were up and ready to go as she walked out of the house.
Fresh air. Clean and living. Rachel didn’t say a word as she made her way toward her car.
Sandy’s mother ran up to her and grabbed her hand. “She’ll be OK now, right? You healed her.”
Rachel couldn’t meet Sandy’s mother’s gaze. If the woman looked at her, she’d know the truth of what Rachel felt and knew. “I don’t know. I can’t say what God will do. I can only do my part. The rest is up to God. And Sandy.”
Anger blazed in the woman’s eyes. “Up to Sandy? What are you trying to say? You think she doesn’t want to live? Doesn’t want to beat this thing? She…” The woman shoved Rachel. “You’re a fraud. I never should have agreed to this. You’re just a fraud.”
“I’m not…I’m not. I promise you I did my best. But it was too late.” She was horrified. The cameras were rolling and saving every bit of this for posterity. She leaned closer. “You should go in. Before it’s too late.”
The woman opened her mouth to scream at her. But the full meaning of Rachel’s words hit her. She turned and ran back into the house to her daughter.
Mark walked up with his ten-thousand watt smile. “Wow. That was intense.”
Rachel stared at him.
It was obvious he was thrilled with all the footage he’d recorded.
“Well, let’s get moving. On to the next one.”
These weren’t people to him just opportunities to make an entertaining show. What had she been thinking when she’d contacted him? “I’m…I’m too exhausted.” And she was.
“So…what? You’re going to give up on the other two?”
A scream came from inside the house.
Rachel closed her eyes.
Mark knew it as well. “You’re just going to let that happen to the other two people. Without even trying to heal them. Not to worry, they aren’t nearly as sick as she was. You might have a chance with them.”
He’d set her up. He was manipulating her. He didn’t believe in her gift.
Anger coursed through her. But who was she angry at? Mark? God? Or herself? “I…I can’t. I’m just too exhausted.”
“So you’re admitting you were wrong?” His voice taunted her as the cameras kept rolling.. “That Jesus didn’t give you the power to heal. That it was simply an hallucination you had while you were unconscious?”
Was it true? Had it just been an hallucination? She was so tired…she’d never experienced anything like that before. How was she supposed to react?
“So you’ll just let them die?” Mark asked, his voice dripping with fake sincerity.
“Of course not.” Hours later, Rachel pulled into her garage but didn’t move. She had nothing left. Not even the energy to open the door and walk inside her house. The afternoon was a blur. She couldn’t remember their names and their faces. What she said or didn’t say was a mystery. Of course, she’d be able to relive every awful moment with the magic of film. As part of her contract, she’d been given all the raw footage. Her protection against selective editing.
The car door opened.
“Are you OK?” Cooper leaned down.
She shook her head.
He scooped her up, carried her into the house, laid her on the sofa and placed a hand on her forehead. “Are you sick? Need a doctor? I knew you shouldn’t have gone out today. It was too soon after the surgery.”
Again she shook her head. “Tired. So tired.”
“Bad day, huh? You rest for a while. I’ll get you something to eat. I’ll bet you haven’t eaten all day. Have you?”
As if food could cure what was wrong with her. She closed her eyes. Sometime later, the tantalizing scent of tomatoes forced them open. In the background, she could hear Christmas music playing even though Christmas was long past.
Cooper had placed a TV tray beside the couch. Now he sat down a bowl. “Your favorite comfort food. Homemade tomato soup and my super-duper toasted cheese sandwich.”
“Sounds good.” She forced herself to sit up. She wasn’t hungry, but she hated to disappoint Cooper.
“I know you’re just humoring me, but that’s fine with me. As long as you eat something, it doesn’t matter to me why you’re eating it.”
She dipped her spoon in the creamy red concoction. After swallowing, she smiled. “You’re right. I feel better already.”
“I always am. Keep eating.” He pointed at the sandwich. “And don’t forget to eat some of that. You need the protein. I’ll be back in a minute.”
He came back with his own tray. After a few bites, he looked at her. “Would you like to hear about my day?”
She nodded.
He told her about his latest project and then stopped talking to eat his food.
Her brain couldn’t focus, but she had to get it out. “I failed. The day was a complete failure. I don’t know what I was even thinking. You warned me but I wouldn’t listen.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t nearly as bad as you think.”
“It was worse than I could think. I didn’t help those poor people at all. I made everything so much worse.”
“You’ll feel much better tomorrow. And besides, you’re supposed to be taking it easy. You only had your procedure a few days ago, you know.”
“I know, but Mark had set everything up so I figured it would be all right. I felt fine yesterday.”
“Just because they didn’t cut you open doesn’t mean you didn’t have a major operation. The doctor told you that.”
“I hear you.”
“You want to talk about your day?”
She tore off a piece of the toasted cheese sandwich. “The one woman died while we were there. Right after I prayed with her. It was all so horrible. Her mother lost it. Call me a fraud.”
“You’re not any such thing. And I’m sure Matthews set you up. He must have searched a long time to find someone that sick.”
“You think?”
“I do.”
“Even if that were true, it’s still my fault. I gave those families false hope. I made them believe I was something special.”
“You are special.”
“And now they hate God. It’s all my fault. I wanted to come home after the first woman, but…he convinced me to see the other two.”
“What happened with the other two?”
“To tell you the truth, I can’t remember. I’m so…so exhausted. So confused. But at least they didn’t die while I was there.” Tears slid down her cheeks as she remembered Sandy’s mother’s scream. “But not to worry, I have the footage to remind me. I can’t watch it now. Maybe tomorrow.”
He put down his spoon and picked up her hand. “No matter what happened, you shouldn’t feel as if you failed. God’s still the one in control.”
Shame overtook her as she heard Cooper’s words. He was right. God was in control. Not her. She’d forgotten that—again.
8
“That TV man took you for a ride, didn’t he? I knew that was going to happen.” Nia shook her head. “Never trust those TV people. They don’t care what they do if it means they get a good story.”
“You’re right, but I had to learn that the hard way.”
“He was all nice until he got the contract signed, then he took over. Right? Did things his way. And that probably didn’t work out so good for you. It sounds as if he made you look like a fool.”
“That’s an understatement.”
Nia tossed a puzzle piece on the table. “This is a mess. I’ll never get it together.”
Rachel picked up several pieces. “It just seems that way because you’re just going willy-nilly. Fitting a piece here and a piece there.”
“Willy-nilly? What’s that even mean?”
Rachel picked up the piece. “Willy-nilly means just moving forward without thinking about it. Without a plan. Sort of like what I did with Mark Matthews. The TV guy. Take this puzzle for example. You’ve been trying but you haven’t gotten very far. You have a goal just
as I had a goal. I wanted to heal people, but being a willy-nilly person I jumped in with both feet before I even knew what I was doing. And disaster happened.” Rachel moved the puzzle pieces around on the table.
Nia was watching her with interest.
Rachel held up a straight-edged piece. “Once you’ve worked a few puzzles, you come to know that you need a plan. Some people go by color.” She touched a few of the blue puzzle pieces all bunched up together. “But I like to start with the foundation. The frame, if you will.”
“How do you do that?”
“Everyone’s different, but this is the way I work a puzzle.” She ran her finger across the edge of a piece. She’d arranged several of the straight-edged pieces together. “I put all the straight edge pieces together first and then work from there.”
“Hey look, these two go together.” Then she found another piece that fit. And another. “You’re right this is easier.”
“That’s where I went wrong that first time. With Mark Matthews. I tried to use my gift but I didn’t have the foundation I needed. But of course I didn’t know that then. And the whole thing was disastrous from start to finish.”
“Did you find it? The foundation, I mean.”
“I most certainly did. But it wasn’t easy. But then again nothing worthwhile ever is.”
“Well, it should be.” Nia muttered as she fit two parts together, almost completing one of the sides of the puzzle. “I mean what good is it to be a Christian if it don’t make life easier?”
“Oh, it definitely makes like easier. But being a Christian doesn’t mean we won’t have problems.”
“That really don’t make sense. It can’t be both.”
“Sure it can. We still have problems, but God gives us the strength to get through them. Think about it. You know the story of the baby Jesus’s birth, right?”
Nia nodded.
“So if anyone was ever blessed by God it was Mary. Right?”
“I ’spose so.”
“But look at all she had to go through. Bringing shame on her family. Hurting Joseph. The long trip to Bethlehem while she was pregnant. Even having her child born in a barn and then she watched him die on a cross.”
“Wow. I never looked at it like that before.”
“Worthwhile isn’t always easy. And building the foundation I needed for my own puzzle definitely wasn’t easy.”
“So how’d you do it?”
“Well…”
*
“All three patients are dead. Rachel Summers…charlatan or healer? I’ll let you decide.” Mark Matthews face disappeared as Cooper shut off the TV set and sat back.
His expression changed to a grimace. “Well, that’s over and done with.”
“I have a feeling it’s just getting started. I’ve been telling people what happened with those three patients. But seeing it on the show. Seeing their grieving families. Everyone’ll hate me now.”
“Not everyone. I don’t hate you.” He picked up her hand and held it. “You can’t change what happened. All you can do is move forward.”
“Move forward? With what? Sandy’s mother was right. I am a fraud.”
“I don’t believe that for a moment.”
“Well, I do. In fact, what I did caused more pain for the families. I made things worse. And it sure didn’t glorify God. I’m not a healer of anything.”
“Well, then that’s all that counts. If you believe it, then that makes it so.” He stood up. He was always her champion. It sounded as if he was giving up on her.
“What do you mean?”
“Proverbs 23:7. For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. If you’ve decided you’re a fraud, there’s nothing I can do to change your mind.” His voice challenged her. “So…it’s up to you. Was your meeting with Jesus real or not? Did he give you the gift or not?”
“I didn’t make it up. It really happened. I’m sure of that.”
“Good. Now let’s go to bed and forget all about this. Time to move forward.”
She stood up but didn’t move. “I can’t face everyone at work tomorrow.”
“Of course you can. And you’ll do it with a smile on your face. You know why?”
She shook her head.
“Because I didn’t marry a quitter.”
The next morning Rachel pulled into her regular parking spot at work. Every person in there had probably seen the Mark Matthews show last night. It had been even more horrible than she’d expected. Mark hadn’t given her any sort of break. He seemed to enjoy her misery. The scene with Sandy’s mother calling her a fraud must have been shown at least ten times. Mark asked probing questions that she couldn’t answer.
When the show was finished, she wanted to move to a cave.
Cooper had challenged her. “You have to face them. Show them that you believe Jesus gave you a gift.” Brave words from the man who didn’t have to go into that building today. But he was right.
She might quit this job in the end, but she wouldn’t slink out with her tail between her legs. There was no shame in trying to obey God, even if it had been a disaster. When she felt strong enough, she opened the door and walked into the building. She made a point to smile at each person she walked past. “Good morning.”
They all said hello but wouldn’t meet her gaze.
Oh well, she’d get through this day somehow.
Dan walked in. “Good morning, Rachel.”
“Morning, Dan.”
He shut the door, and then sat down in a chair. “I’m sure you’re feeling bad.”
“About what?”
“I saw the show last night. I’m really sorry that Mark Matthews put you in such a bad light.”
“It was bad, but I’m over it.”
“Good. Then you’re done with this healing thing?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You said you were over it.”
“I meant the TV show, not the healing thing.”
His face turned red and his eyes glittered with anger. But a moment later, he gave her a sweet smile. “Whatever you want to do is fine with me. As long as it’s on your time, not mine. Do you have that Wheeler Conference report yet?” He’d only given it to her two days before.
“Of course, here it is.” She handed him a file. “I’ll send you a more in-depth report in a few days.”
Even though Rachel had been back to work for several weeks, her duties had changed dramatically. Dan had insisted on her giving up her former duties until she was finished with her treatments. She still had the title of vice-president but she was no longer in charge of any of the upcoming conferences. Her new role was to review conferences after they were over. Examine all the details. Find out what worked and what didn’t work. Then send the analysis to him.
Not once did he mention her faith. Not once did he act as if her new duties were a punishment. “That’s great Rachel. Thanks. Have a great day today.” He took the file and left her office.
The stress level in her job had dropped almost to zero. Which gave her lots of time to think about her failure. Guilt pressed on her. It wasn’t about her. It was about God. But it was so easy to forget that. Especially since she’d done such a spectacular job of humiliating herself.
Tears filled her eyes. She’d been blessed with an encounter with Jesus but that seemed so long ago. Maybe she’d lost the gift He’d given because she’d messed everything up. Now she was too afraid to even say the words aloud. She wasn’t sure she ever wanted to try again. “I’m sorry, Jesus.”
No response. Jesus was probably done with her and she didn’t blame him.
Fire alarms rang. There was a loud whoosh like a windstorm, and then sirens. Drums and music, as well. What was going on?
As she stood up, she swayed. She looked through the glass windows of her office. Everyone was hard at work. Holding on to the chair to keep falling, she waited. But the smoke alarm wasn’t flashing.
Didn’t anyone else hear it?
She was so dizzy
she couldn’t stand up. She plopped back down in her chair. Then realization dawned. The doctors had warned her that she might have some issues with her hearing, but they hadn’t explained what might happen. Non-existent sirens blared. She needed to start on the emergency steroids they’d given her. Did she have them with her? She’d filled the prescription but it was still in her medicine chest at home.
Opening her drawer, she picked up her purse. She had to get home and get the steroids. She moved toward her office door but swayed. She grabbed for the desk but misjudged, landing on the floor on both elbows. Pain shot up her arms and into her shoulders. From her position on the floor, she looked at the outer office.
Nobody had noticed her fall. She needed help. She crawled to the door. Grabbing the knob, she managed to get upright. She stood still as the room around her moved. Closing her eyes, she waited for it to stop and opened the door. Her gaze landed at the nearest desk. “Alice.”
Her dark-haired assistant twirled around. She jumped up. “Are you all right, Rachel?”
*
Two hours later, Cooper scooped her up from the car and carried her into the house.
“I’m so sorry you had to come get me.” Her voice was probably too loud but she could barely hear herself talk because of the noises in her head.
“Don’t be silly. You certainly couldn’t drive.” He put her on the sofa. “Stay there. I’ll go get the steroid pack and some water. Then I’ll call the doctor.”
The noise was unbearable. The room still spun so she laid down hoping that would help. The spinning sensation kept going and going.
Cooper leaned down and spoke with a loud voice. “Here’s the water. I talked with the doctor’s assistant. She said to take all six pills right now. She said you probably wouldn’t sleep much tonight because of them but there’s not much she can do about that. Tomorrow, you can space the pills out some. Try to take all of them by noon so you can get some sleep.”
“Did she explain why I can’t stand up by myself?”
He answered but she didn’t understand.
“What? I can’t hear you over the noises in my head.”
He wrote on a tablet sitting on the coffee table. He held it up. YOUR VESTIBULAR SYSTEM. He leaned down so his face was near hers. “The nurse said it was the vestibular system.” He spoke each word slowly and clearly.
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