by Maree Green
I gasped with horrified shock, instantly averting my eyes, but instead of finding relief, I only found more scantily clad girls with TJ’s other guys, passing a strange looking pipe between them.
Mitch threw Ken’s bag onto one of the guy’s laps. “Check it,” he demanded, then turned to me, thrusting his hands into my jacket pockets, pulling out my cell and thrusting it into his own pocket.
He grabbed me by the waist, forcefully turning me so my back, thankfully, was to everything going on. Untying my jacket belt, he unbuttoned it with sure fingers and pulled it open to reveal my clothing underneath.
I watched him pause for a few heartbeats, his eyes widening with surprise as he gazed down at my very short fitted dress and knee high boots. I tensed under his gaze. His eyes shot up to seek mine, his breath noticeably faster, but before I could think any more about it, his hands reached under my jacket, running quickly, but softly, over my body, searching for God knew what.
I gasped at the small jolt of thrill that shot through my insides. What the hell? I was seriously losing it if I was feeling a thrill at being touched by a drug dealer. Mitch’s jaw tightened a fraction before his hands disappeared, leaving me feeling strangely confused.
“She’s clean,” he said, his voice rough.
I didn’t know who he was talking to. I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off the hard set of his jaw.
“Good. Have fun.” I recognized TJ’s voice from behind me.
Have fun? What? My head suddenly cleared, registering what he meant. Shit! No! These people were disgusting. I knew I had to be strong for Mom, but to what extent?
Mitch grabbed my jacket again, roughly pulling at it, overlapping the edges until my dress was concealed beneath it. He glanced up at me sharply, anger flashing in the depths of his eyes. I couldn’t hide my fear. I knew it was etched all over my face.
He jerked his head towards the stairs. “Let’s go.”
My eyes widened and I shook my head in a panic.
His expression hardened even more. “You want me to fuck you down here so everyone can watch?”
The world stopped spinning. It was in that moment I realized I was still holding onto the hope that he wouldn’t go any further than he did the last time I was there. Despair washed through me and my eyes stung even more.
“That’s what I thought. Now move.”
Taking me by the arm again, he led me over to the stairs and pulled me, stumbling and tripping, upwards.
Chapter 14
Noah
I released Kaeli’s arm the second she was safe inside my room, and turned to quickly shut and lock the door.
The memory of her broken expression was burnt on my fucking brain. I fucking hated myself for having to speak to her that way, but TJ was standing there watching me. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?!
Spinning, I dragged my hands over the short stubbles of my hair. “Fuck!”
I had no fucking idea what to do. I didn’t know how to do this without leaving a permanent fucking scar on her state of mind.
Striding across to the other side of the room, I splashed some bourbon into a glass and threw it back. I wanted to throw the fucking thing at the wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces.
Slamming the glass down on the table, I spun around to face her. When my eyes fell on her she took a fearful step back. Motherfucking hell.
She stared back at me, eyes wide. Well, at least she wasn’t fucking crying, although I wasn’t sure if that really made me feel any better.
Everything about her was cautious, from her gaze to her stance. Her chest moved rapidly as she took short shallow breaths, her arms were wrapped tightly across her stomach, protecting herself the only way she could, looking very much like the prey caught in the hunter’s trap, and her body was coiled tight, ready to fight.
Taking a deep, calm-the-fuck-down breath, I took a slow step toward her. She took one back. I stopped.
Even though the guys ribbed me about the different needs I supposedly had with girls, I knew TJ watched me. I didn’t think he was entirely convinced about my preference to choose my own girls and have them in private. I knew he’d be looking for details. I needed him to believe I was having my way with her. And that meant she needed to look a little roughed up.
“Take off your jacket and let your hair out,” I said in a low voice.
Fear spiked in her eyes.
I waited, not moving, not speaking. Just letting her make the choice. Her gaze stayed locked on mine. I could see her mind ticking over, trying to understand my demand.
After a long minute of watching each other, she carefully slipped the jacket from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
I forced myself to keep my gaze locked on hers. I knew what she was wearing underneath that jacket, and if I let myself look her over again right then, she would see the desire in my eyes, and I would lose her trust instantly.
It was another long minute before she unclipped her hair. I held my breath as it tumbled over her shoulders and down her back in mass of sexy as fuck curls. I seriously thought I was going to choke. Damn she was beautiful.
I couldn’t stop myself then. I had to see that dress again. My gaze moved down, slowly taking her in. It was short and tight, and showed off every curve on her body. If the other guys had seen her wearing this, I knew I would’ve had a fight on my hands.
Wrestling my eyes back to hers, I gave her a pleading look. Was she trying to get herself into trouble?! I didn’t know how I was supposed to protect someone who didn’t know the first thing about self-preservation.
“Why would you wear that?” I asked, my voice a little strangled.
She seemed to blanch at my question, but then her expression turned apologetic and worried. “I…I was on my way to a party…I didn’t know I had to come here…” Her voice was all but a frightened whisper.
Oh hell. I could see that now. What she was wearing would be quite normal for a teenage party. If anything, it was probably covering more than most. I just wanted her to understand that these guys weren’t like the guys she went to school with. They wouldn’t try to sweet talk her so she’d hopefully say yes. They would take whatever they wanted, without a care to her at all. I needed her to understand that.
As I took in her panicked face, I realized she probably did. Her confusion towards my reaction was clear. She didn’t understand why I was worried about her appearance. In her eyes I was just like the other guys downstairs. I was a low life drug dealer who took advantage of women. She knew I should be ogling her – trying to rip that sexy as hell dress off her and take her with or without her consent. She was calling me out in my own game. Eighteen months of undercover work was coming unraveled right before my eyes, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
I ran my hand over my head again before deciding I needed another drink. Turning away from her innocence, I tipped the bottle quickly, spilling a little in my hurry.
It didn’t work. I just couldn’t seem to collect myself. This girl was doing something to me. I felt like it had been so long since I’d felt something real, and that now I did, I couldn’t switch it off. It was frightening and exhilarating at the same time.
I half-filled my glass again and turned back to her. She didn’t look scared. She looked nervous. I hated that I was the one making her feel that way. I wanted her to relax.
“Drink?” I asked, holding the glass out suggestively.
She didn’t say anything, she just shook her head. I inhaled deeply then threw the bourbon down in another long gulp. I wanted her to trust me.
So fucking much.
Without taking my eyes off her, I placed the empty glass back on the table and slowly made my way towards her.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I wanted to touch her – touch that long silky looking hair. I wanted to hold her. And more than anything, I wanted her to hold me. I wanted to know that I hadn’t sacrificed the best years of my life for nothing.
Her gaze
held me captive. It lured me in. Her breath became shallow, quicker.
I stopped within reaching distance of her. Why did she have to be dragged into this world? I didn’t know what would happen to me if anything happened to her, but I knew it wouldn’t be good. I knew it would destroy something inside me.
“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered. The pain in my voice confused me.
I heard her suck in a sharp breath at my words. Her eyes flickered with bewilderment. I watched her arms slip from their defensive position, her body language becoming receptive. I could see the battle raging deep inside her eyes. Her attraction locked head to head with her common sense.
Unfortunately, her common sense won out, and she took a tiny step back, away from the contradiction that was me.
God damn it! I really needed to get a grip.
Breaking her gaze, I moved over to the armchair and sat down. I needed a better plan than this. Think, damn it. Think! I ran my hands over my shaved hair, leaving them cupping the back of my neck with my elbows on my knees.
I heard her moving further away from me, probably back to the wall she’d sheltered against the last time she’d been here, but I didn’t look up. I honestly didn’t know what to do. All I knew was that in half an hour’s time, I’d have to make her look like she’d just spent an hour in my bed. I hated myself already.
Chapter 15
Kaeli
I don’t know how long Mitch sat there with his head hung low. I just stood there and watched him from my place against the wall. When he did finally look up, he didn’t seem surprised I was standing where I was.
The bright violet of his eyes drew me in yet again. They were kind of mesmerizing. I knew they had to have been contacts. No one had eyes that color. And I remembered they’d been a yellowy color the last time I’d been here.
He steepled his hands in front of his face and pressed his fingers against his lips as he observed me. I was so confused. I didn’t know what he was doing. For whatever reason, he looked torn today. It went against everything I thought about him.
He sat there for another ten minutes, just watching me, his brow creased with contemplation. I fidgeted in my position against the wall, not sure where to look while he watched me. I felt so self-conscious.
“How long has your mom been with Ken?”
I jumped at the sound of his voice. He’d been silent for so long, I hadn’t been expecting it. His question surprised me too. I don’t know why. I thought it was because he’d been so intense for the past half an hour, so conflicted and sad. To see him switch so suddenly to casual conversation threw me.
I swallowed. “Since I was nine.”
“Has he always been abusive?”
“They were married for about six months before Mom even saw a glimpse of his ugly side.” I frowned. Why was I telling him this so freely?
Mitch’s jaw tightened. “Does he hurt you too?”
“No.”
He nodded, looking suddenly relieved, and that confused me even more.
“How long have you known about his side business?”
I understood immediately that he was talking about the drug dealing. “I still don’t really know anything. I’m assuming it’s drugs, but no one’s told me for sure.”
He sat back in the chair and sighed, turning to gaze out the window. I shifted weight slightly, trying to take the pressure off my aching feet. My head felt so tired all of a sudden. I just wanted to lie down and curl up. I let my head fall back against the wall and closed my eyes for a little while.
I thought I had my life all mapped out. Yeah okay, Ken’s temper made it hard to make plans most of the time, but I’d always thought I’d be free once I graduated - that I could just go off to college and finally live my life the way I’d always wanted to.
Now I realized just how stupid that thought had been. In what world would I stop worrying about my mom just because I’d suddenly graduated? I was always going to be stuck with this mess for as long as Ken was in our lives.
And now I’d been brought into his mess even further. Where the hell did that leave me? I had no idea what would become of me now. How much was this new violation in my life going to affect me? How far did my involvement with them go?
I sighed heavily and opened my eyes to find Mitch watching me again. This time I was sure I could see sadness in his eyes. I wondered what he was thinking.
He checked his watch and sighed, then his jaw clenched hard, like he was upset about something. Slowly, he pushed himself off the chair and stood, then made his way towards me.
My heart went into a spin. A wild erratic thumping that made the breath stick in my throat.
I’d seen him do that before – check the time before coming to me. After that, he’d forced me to kiss him. I tensed, my eyes growing wide, but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure if it was with fear this time.
Mitch moved slowly, his jaw still tensed with aggression, but it was his eyes that threw me. They were a complete contradiction to the tough, aggressive criminal he was supposed to be. They were filled with despair and guilt. They made me freeze in my place, my breath caught somewhere inside my chest.
He didn’t stop until our toes were touching. My hands went out automatically, pressing against his chest, ready to push him away. He leaned closer, bracing himself against the wall, one hand on either side of my head, until his body was pressed against mine. I gasped from the pressure, pushing firmly with my hands. God, he was so solid.
He pushed his chest harder against me, then forced one of his legs in between both of mine, lowering his face towards me. I could feel something hard press against my stomach. Oh god, was that his…? My heart burst into a sprint. Shit. Was I excited? Did I actually want him to kiss me?
What the hell was wrong with me?
I pushed harder, forcing myself to turn my face away. In a split second, he had both my wrists in one hand, pinning them on the wall above my head, and with his other hand, he grabbed my face, holding it still while he pressed his lips to mine.
I struggled against him, a pathetic whimpering noise sounding in the back of my throat. I tried shaking my head out of his grip, but his hold was unbreakable. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt in the slightest. His hands were actually gentle.
He didn’t use his tongue, and he didn’t try to pry my lips apart to get inside me. He just moved his mouth over mine. Everything about it confused me. His kiss was hard, but his lips was so deliciously soft. My mind was all over the god damned place.
It wasn’t until his hand released mine that I realized I’d stopped fighting. I wasn’t kissing him back, but I certainly wasn’t giving him the right signals to stop either.
I tried to form some semblance of coherent thoughts. Tried to work out what my plan of attack was, but then his hand was around my waist, running over my lower back and around to my stomach. I felt it glide smoothly over my ribs, sending that tiny little thrill of something through my body, then his hand scrunched into a fist, pulling the folds of my dress in with it. I exhaled on a sigh…
A slight growl sounded in his chest, making something low in my stomach flitter. I tried pushing against him again, but even I knew the attempt was pathetic.
His hands moved over my hips, down past the hem of my dress and over my thighs. I felt his hands tighten and his chest and arms flex before the sound of ripping nylon caught my attention and my tights pulled roughly around my thigh.
I gasped. Oh my god. Did he just rip my tights?
His muscles flexed again and I felt the tight pull around my other thigh before there was another ripping sound.
My head spun. I had no idea what was happening, no idea why I wasn’t fighting harder. I gave myself a mental slap, telling myself to snap out of it, but then Mitch was biting my bottom lip, sucking on it.
What…?
Then all of a sudden he released me. He didn’t move away. He just stood there, his hard body only inches away from mine, but his hands and mouth no longer touched me.
Insanely, I felt a pang of disappointment. I pushed the thought away with self-disgust and screwed my eyes shut tight.
It didn’t help. It felt like my senses were on high alert. The sound and feel of his deep breath was doing something to my body. I could feel it on my face. I swallowed. It smelled sweet. Good.
Holy hell. I really was attracted to him. What was wrong with me?
When I eventually opened my eyes, he was gone, back on the other side of the room. He wasn’t looking at me, but I could feel his awareness of me like the tingling of a soft breeze. He poured himself another glass of bourbon, tipped it down, and turned to face me.
“Let’s go,” he said, the roughness of his voice sliding over me like warm butter.
My mind was still spinning. I was so confused, not only with my own weirded out emotions, but with the way he was acting. I had absolutely no idea which way was up or down when I was around him. I mean, he was a criminal for crying out loud.
After seeing what was going on downstairs, I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t gone any further. Hell, everything he’d done felt like he actually cared about what happened to me – well, except for the forced kissing. I didn’t understand that in the slightest.
He reached down and grabbed my jacket off the floor, holding it out to me like it was a peace offering. I blinked at it, trying to force my mind to catch up.
A slight hiccup suddenly made me realize I had tears falling down my face. When the hell had I started crying? Jesus, I was a freaking mess.
Mitch stood patiently, watching me and waiting like he had all the time in the world.
Forcing myself to snap out of it, I stepped forward and slid my arms into the sleeves. Wrapping it as tightly across my body as I could, I hoped it might hold the capacity to stop me from falling apart any more than I already was.