I pulled in and parked directly under the triple x sign that indicated what lay waiting inside. The lot only had a few cars and wouldn’t be completely full till well past dark. I laid my forehead on the steering wheel, trying to talk myself out of going in. I had stopped coming to these sleazy places years ago, preferring the exclusive and secretive terms that Erotica provided.
I turned off the engine and sat there, music drowning out my heart as it beat in my ears. I didn’t know why I had stopped and furthermore, why it wasn’t easy just to walk through those doors and enjoy a show or two. I knew from plenty of nights of experience that they would do anything I asked without question, that the no-touch side was easily dismissed when you had enough cash.
I opened the door, putting an abrupt stop to the music just as my phone rang. My mother. I had been calling her daily, only being met with her voicemail. Emily and Declan were the only way I found out anything and through them, all I could ever get was that she was happy and she and Jon were actively planning the wedding for sooner rather than later.
“Hey.” That was all I could get out before my mother’s soft cries shut down what I had originally planned to say.
“What happened?” I asked, my mind whirling straight into the worst case scenarios.
My question was met with quiet sobs.
“Talk to me,” my words came out frantic as I stood frozen in a parking lot of a sex club.
“Why would you do something so horrible?” she whispered, her voice harsh from crying, the question catching me off guard. I didn’t know what to expect but that hadn’t even made the list.
“What…are you talking about?” I asked, clearly dumbfounded. I had steered clear of Jon and made extra effort to take my position in the company seriously. Even if she had heard about my plans to sign my shares over to Rod, it wouldn’t have caused this type of reaction.
“You had to be right, didn’t you?” she continued, ignoring my questions altogether.
I stared at the open sign on the club door as I tried to figure out what she was talking about.
“Look, Mother, I have no clue what the hell you are talking about,” I practically yelled into the receiver, trying to get my side of this conversation across.
“Don’t give me that shit, Jackson. Sending me photos of Jon…” she hissed before another bout of sobs took over.
The club door swung open and I watched a young couple deep in conversation leave the club. They stopped for a moment, clearly caught off guard by my presence. I probably looked as confused as I felt. They stepped around me, heading toward their car.
“I am not giving you any shit, Mother,” I spat, turning my attention back to my mother. “I really don’t know what the fuck you are talking about.”
“This morning I found a manila envelope on the front porch addressed to me. When I opened it, there were…photos,” she stopped as her cries swept away the rest of the sentence.
My heart sank and without another word, I scrambled back to my car.
“Now what do you have to say about yourself?” she asked in a harsh whisper. I ripped the end of the envelope, dumping its contents out in the seat.
I watched as photo after photo began to cover the leather seat. I could hear her talking but nothing registered as a familiar form slapped me in the face.
“Let me call you back,” I interrupted. I had no clue what she was saying when I hung up.
I had been wrong about what was in the envelope. My hands shook as I picked up each photograph. Every picture showed Jon perfectly while keeping the other man’s identity private. Private to anyone but me. It would never matter how incognito he tried to be, I would always be able to recognize Rod.
I thought it would have been me to rip his heart up and stomp all over it, but in this moment, outside a rundown meat beater, I felt like I was dying. The images blurred as I began to shake violently. I tried to focus as bile rose up and threatened to overtake me.
The phone vibrated and rang loudly in my lap, but I couldn’t move to answer it. Rod was so close to Jon that from any angle, it didn’t look good. I collected each picture, trying to make what I was seeing into something else.
I had to be missing something. Rod hated Jon as much as I did. Whoever took these and whoever wanted us to have them had an agenda. I shut my eyes, trying to erase the current picture from my mind. Rod had his hand pressed against Jon’s cheek. I felt like breaking every one of his fingers just to make myself feel better.
No wonder they had been late. These pictures had been taken before the board meeting. I could finally take a breath when I came across a photo of Jon in Erotica. He was with a man that wasn’t Rod, but I knew this man as well. I had watched this particular pet be dominated on more than one occasion.
In this photo, Jon was the one doing the dominating. I couldn’t imagine what my mother had been going through when she got to this one. Just seeing the intimacy between Jon and Rod had been enough to make me murderous.
I slammed my fist into the steering wheel, the car’s horn amplifying my anger. I dropped the photos, unwilling to look at any more. My phone let me know my mother had called five times since I hung up on her. I stared at the screen, focusing on the small circles that made up the wallpaper.
So fucking impersonal, I thought as I tapped the call back button. She needed to know that these weren’t from me. The phone rang and rang as I tried to dissect the purpose behind them. They couldn’t be blackmail. They would have gone to Jon personally, just as they went to me.
Blackmailing me was stupid because I wished Jon would step off a high cliff, and even if they did know of Rod and me, I’d always made it clear that any of my sexual exploits could be broadcasted on every fucking billboard in the city. I didn’t care.
It rang and rang before finally going to voicemail. I listened to the regal voice of the woman who hated me in this moment. She sounded so different in the recording.
“Mother, for what it’s worth, I didn’t send you those pictures. Please call me back. I love you,” I said, leaving it short and to the point. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Believing me wasn’t one of her strong suits and I didn’t think that it would change now.
I felt drained, my thought process severed. Here I sat in the parking lot of an addiction, a few miles from freedom, while my world crumbled all around me. The few clouds that seemed to cluster directly above me helped the sign blink brighter overhead.
I thought I would feel relieved or vindicated when she did finally find out who Jon really was. I hadn’t thought in a million years that his downfall would include Rod. I couldn’t sit here any longer, I left the photos lying haphazardly all over the car and got out.
I didn’t think what those pictures implied when it came to Rod were remotely true and I was tired of caring. I had shoved him away. Just before I shut the door, the phone rang, and it was the ring that I had specifically programmed for my mother.
“Mother,” I started before she cut me off.
“How can I possibly believe it wasn’t you? Jackson, you have hated Jon since the moment you learned that we were a couple,” she was done crying, but the aftermath of such sorrow lingered in her voice.
“I hate that fucker, but you should know me. When have I ever lied to you?” I asked, sitting back down in the car.
She was silent. The one thing that had given me the title of a liar had just been wiped out by those pictures. Jon would always love dick and money. My mother and her heart were the only way he could find his way into money. He didn’t want to start from scratch, to work his way to the top like my father. He was a lazy bastard that shouldn’t have ever had a chance to take it over.
“See,” I said, even though I had wanted to scream to the roof tops “I told you so” until every ounce of my own pain was too tired to beat at me any longer. “So believe me when I tell you now, I didn’t send those photos. I never want to be the one to hurt you,” I said, glancing back at the pages of my own personal hell.
“Then who?” her question was so quiet, mimicking the exhaustion that ate away at me.
“I don’t know. I assume I got the same set as you. They were waiting for me in my office today. I thought they were something else so I didn’t open it until you called,” I said, leaning my head sideways against the cool leather of the seat.
She was trying to believe me and I couldn’t ask for anything more. I knew she was hurting, her heart was broken and the chance she so desperately craved for love had been lost, but in this moment, I wanted to be selfish. I missed my mom.
“Why would whoever this is send you pictures of Jon and his disgusting affair?” I chose to ignore the small insult that had been wedged in there. She had never been one to silence her own personal bigotry.
Just as I was clear on my sexual preferences, she had been perfectly clear on how homosexuality was a disgusting sin.
“I don’t know,” I said, starting the car. No matter how badly I didn’t want to do this, I had to find out who sent those pictures. Going back to the office would be the quickest way to find out. The envelope didn’t have an address so it hadn’t been mailed. A courier had to have hand delivered it. Ashlynn, hopefully, had to sign for it.
“And Mom,” I said as I pulled back onto the road. “I’m sorry,” I finished. I didn’t know what else to say.
“You aren’t the one that needs to be sorry,” her voice had begun to harden over. The cutthroat woman that had ran this company alongside my father was winning the fight. Jon would pay for thinking he could use her only weakness to his advantage.
“Leave me some, will ya?” I said through a small laugh.
“I am,” she finished, ignoring my question. When Jeanine Steele set her mind on something, there wasn’t much that could get in her way.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Who sent this?” I questioned, slamming the sloppy pile of pictures on top of Ashlynn’s desk.
I ignored her surprise and the confusion that crossed her features. I really didn’t care. The drive home had only fueled my rage and anger, both at the men that had fucked us over and for my mother’s pain.
She stared down at her desk that was now covered in Jon’s infidelity, as well as my sanity. I had been the one to run from Rod. To deny him even after I had given myself to him and now that I saw this, I was the one that felt betrayed. It was utterly wrong but absolutely true.
“I don’t know,” she stuttered, picking up the photo that I hated most. The one with Rod’s hand against Jon’s cheek.
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know? You were the one to tell me about the damn envelope,” I spat, causing her to jump.
“I didn’t accept the envelope. I wasn’t even here when it arrived. Danielle had put it in your office. She told me it was in there,” she squeaked out. She looked up at me wide-eyed, fear staring back at me.
I stood fuming, processing what she had just said.
“Where’s Danielle?” I asked, looking over at her empty desk.
“I don’t know. She and Rod left about an hour ago.” My mouth went dry with her answer. Maybe Danielle knew more about Rod than I had thought.
Jealousy can push people to do a lot of stupid things, I knew that first hand. Letting Rod in, pulling down all my walls, had created my own mess of jealousness. One perfect example was this moment.
I stood hovering over my frightened secretary. I could only imagine the look that I currently sported, demanding answers as if she wasn’t an innocent bystander in all of this.
I took a breath and exhaled, trying to calm myself just a bit.
“Where’d they go?” I asked when I felt a bit less manic.
“They went to grab a bite to eat, but they should be back any time. Rod has a meeting with the lawyers for the Jameson Corp. in about thirty minutes,” she answered, trying to straighten up the photos that decorated her desk.
She was stiff and made it a point not to look directly at me. All my skills and abilities to hide behind a wall flew out the window when it came to Rod or my family. I couldn’t deal with so much emotion, it made me stupid. That was why I had to get away in the first place. I couldn’t be the man I needed to be in every aspect of this life.
Wordlessly, I began to help her clean up the shit storm that I had created. Ashlynn examined each picture before putting it into the envelope, glancing up at me when she got to the ones that had Rod in them. She remembered what they had worn that day. She knew it was him. The sympathy in her eyes told me she also knew that these were the ones that had hurt me the most.
Rod hadn’t come out to anyone within the company or his family that I knew of, but from the conversation with my brother and now standing here, it hadn’t been something that either of us had been able to hide.
“Maybe you’re letting your heart rule over what is actually there?” I could barely hear her, but the question was clear.
That had been my first thought. No matter how mad Rod was, I truly didn’t think that he could stoop that low. He just wasn’t made that way. I opened my mouth just as the elevator dinged and slid open.
My heart dropped as Rod and Danielle stepped out, each of them holding a to-go container from the Chinese place down the street. They stared at me as I held the last of the photos up in their direction. I had no idea if Rod would even understand. Danielle, on the other hand, scowled at me, her lips drawn into a thin line.
“Why?” That was all I could say. Nothing else could even be forced out. That single word covered everything though. Her sending the photos made no sense at all, she had nothing to gain.
Rod looked from me to her as he kept walking, his eyebrows pinched together as he frowned between the both of us.
“Here. These may help clear some things up for you,” I growled, shoving the photos at him. Danielle stayed still, barely moving as she stared me down.
Rod flipped through each one before he turned to Danielle.
“What have you done? This isn’t what we had talked about,” he breathed.
The last part knocked the wind out of me. I tore my eyes from Danielle.
“This isn’t what you talked about?” I howled.
I couldn’t take it anymore and I shoved him, catching him off guard. He stumbled back, nearly falling over in the process. “You fucking knew about this?” I blared, tossing more of the pictures at him.
“Calm down, Jackson. It wasn’t supposed to go down like this,” he said, putting both hands up in mock surrender.
“I fucking got that much. Tell me, how the fuck was it supposed to go down?” I said the last part through gritted teeth, barely able to register him through the red haze that had descended all around me.
I shoved him again, but this time he was ready and didn’t budge an inch. I stepped into him, only a few feet separating us. Lately, being in the same room had affected me almost more than I could handle. In this moment, though, all I could do was hold onto the little restraint I had to keep myself from punching him in the face.
“Tell me,” I bellowed. His silence was more than I could handle.
I needed to know why my best friend would do something like this to me. Why the man who had proclaimed his love for me on more than one drunken occasion was involved in something so childish. I shoved the one picture I could go without ever seeing again into his line of sight.
“Why would you send me that?” I spat.
He grabbed the image, his face going pale. He stared down at the photo that showed him and Jon together, a deep frown growing on his face.
“What is this?” he whispered, never taking his eyes off the photo. “Danielle, how could you?” he hissed as he whirled around to face his secretary.
“Where the hell did these come from?” he howled. Rod never yelled so hearing it now made me wonder if we had both been played.
“I did it for you,” she stammered as tears welled in her eyes, the scowl that she had been sporting lately completely gone.
“You did what for me? You made
people think that Jon was having an affair with me? What would that do for me?” He barked out each question without waiting for an answer to any of them.
“Look at him,” she pointed at me as the first tear slid down her cheek.
Rod hesitated, but turned to look in my direction. “He’s mad,” she said.
“Well aren’t you fucking observant,” I said, wanting her to get to her point. None of this was making any sense in the least.
“Shut up,” she said, letting a bit of her dislike slide into her words. “If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t be so angry,” she explained, turning her attention to Rod.
“You sent him photos that made it seem like me and his mother’s fiancé were involved,” he replied, his tone flat and incredulous.
“I didn’t think about it like that,” she said, looking down as if she finally understood what she had done.
“She didn’t just send them to me. She sent them to my mother,” I broke in.
This wasn’t just about me, this was about my mother as well. She was just handed proof that the love of her life was a dirty bastard and whether she realized it or not, Rod looked to be one of his affairs.
“Wait, what?” He stumbled over the words as he stepped to the side, putting both of us in his sights.
“No, no, no…Rod, she doesn’t have any pictures of you. Those were for Jackson,” she tried to make her epic failure less than what it had turned into. By the look that Rod wore, she had failed miserably.
“I don’t care who got what pictures. You are fired, Danielle. Get your belongings and leave,” he bellowed, scaring both Danielle and Ashlynn.
“I’m sorry…” she pouted, weaving through the both of us to her desk.
“Is your mom okay?” Rod asked, dismissing Danielle completely and acting like firing her would cause me to forget the pictures of Rod and Jon.
“Fuck no and neither am I,” I said, baffled by how easy it was for him to disregard the pictures implicating Jon and him.
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