“I can just tell. At least she’s allowed to date!”
“True.”
“So?”
“But how do you know their lives are perfect? Because she doesn’t have a treatment plan with goals and boundaries to adhere to?”
Shove your shrink shit up your ass. Why can’t you ever be a real person? “Well, they look perfect.”
“So if someone is attractive, it means they have all aspects of their lives together. Hmmm. Is that what you’re telling me?”
Oh. My. God. Shut. Up. “No.” I think of Becca, wasting away in the locked ward. I wonder if they’ve gotten her to eat more than a cracker a day for lunch. I wonder if she’ll need the feeding tube. I promise myself to visit her when this God-awful appointment ever ends.
“Well, then…”
“Just never mind. New topic. And how much time do we have left anyway?”
“Plenty.”
“Fabulous.” Keep billing Medicaid. Imagine the trip you can take on the state’s dime.
“Listen. We can keep doing this. We can sit here, talk about the little things, get nowhere. Or, we could talk about the stuff that really bothers you. The choice is yours…”
“I don’t have a choice. That’s the whole problem.”
Nora writes something on her clipboard. I imagine it’s the same words as usual, things like “outburst,” “rage,” “explosive disorder” and “irrational mood swings.” I imagine she is calling my “affect” words like “combative” and “confrontational.” Bitch. You have no idea. I consider pulling the pen out of her hand and stabbing her in the eye with it. This visual causes me to laugh, loud. It’s not the first time and it’s also probably why they’ve kept me in here. Maybe they can read my mind. Now, she’s probably writing “hysterical” and “rapid mood swings.”
Her head springs up. “What’s funny?”
“Nothing.”
She frowns.
Great. Now I get to worry about making her feel bad. Add pathetic sap to your list of labels. Truth is, I am a lot of things, but I try not to be a mean person. The only thing I can think to do is give her what she wants. Sometimes, I hate being me. If I could be anyone else…
My guilt betrays my will. For the first time in more than a decade, I say the words they’ve been trying to pull out of me. “What do you want me to talk about? What do you think is bothering me?”
The words are still in the space between us before I realize the mistake I’ve made in handing Nora the steering wheel. It’s kind of like giving a kid twenty bucks and setting them free in a candy shop. I’ve spent enough time around shrinks to know that you just don’t do that. Still, I’m tired of living with guilt. I don’t allow myself to picture stabbing her in the other eye as I wait for her answer. But I want to. I picture Becca, spitting her cracker into a napkin. In this moment, I am her.
Nora pauses, before finally leaning forward in her chair. “I want to talk about your mother.”
Perfect. Let’s do that. That will be a blast. We can talk about how she lasted a full eleven months after James. That will be fun. We can talk about Sara while we are at it; how I would have slit her throat if they hadn’t stopped me. I never should have been put in that foster home in the first place, but no one cared. Or, we could even just cut straight to James, half-floating, half-not. Who needs dancers with a party like that going on?
I refuse to make it too easy. I’ve handed her enough. I’m already giving Nora more trust than I’ve ever given anyone in as long as I can remember. “What about her?”
“Well, you’ve never really talked about her and I wonder why that is. I feel like it must have been hard, losing her so young.”
Captain obvious. “Yep. It wasn’t a great time. I’m just not sure what talking about it will do. It ain’t like it’s gonna bring her back.”
“Well, no, but it could help you.”
“I guess.” It could help you come up with a hundred more labels and pills. It could pay for your new boat and maybe, some hair conditioner. It could help you feel important or like you did something that mattered with your day. Talking about my mother would not help me. Not even a little. Ain’t gonna work.
“What was she like?”
“I don’t really know. I mean, this was twenty years ago. I was a kid. Ten. I was ten-freaking-years-old. I mostly just remember trying to take care of her after James.” And trying to survive. Stealing food from the trash and trying to convince myself it was cool that we had no heat or lights. Realizing I was dirt, invisible, just like my mother said we were after Dad left us. Nothing even close to anything you could possibly understand.
Nora flips through a file tucked under her notepad.
It’d probably be easier to ask me shit than to read notes about me, but what do I know? I ain’t the one with the fancy degrees and the white picket fence.
“How old was he when he died?”
“Two.”
“So sad.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it.”
“And it says here that you found him?”
Alright, Sherlock. Give it a rest. You already knew that. Stop acting like this is new news. And stop acting like I’m dumb! “Yep. Mom was on the phone. He was … just floating there, face down in that stupid plastic pool.”
“Wow. That’s…it’s awful.”
“Yep.”
We sit in our usual awkward silence for a few minutes while I try to think of anything but my little brother’s body in that God-awful tiny coffin. Finally, “I tried to save him. It was too late.” Idiot. She’ll jump all over that.
Nora leans forward, passing me a box of tissues.
“You were a kid. It wasn’t your fault.”
My mouth takes on a mind of its own: “Doesn’t matter. I was supposed to be watching him. Mom was arguing with the guy from the electric company; trying to keep the lights on. She told me to watch him.”
“It’s not your fault.”
For the love of Jesus, please stop repeating yourself! Aren’t you paid to come up with something smarter than that? “I didn’t think you could drown in a foot of water. I just didn’t know.”
“It was an accident.”
“Yeah. I guess. But try telling Mom that. She thought it was her fault too. Drank herself to death after that. Got to spend the next year watching her kill herself, basically. …Maybe it’s why I’m so comfortable at ECH. I’m used to people suffering and me worrying about them.”
“Oh, believe me, I hear that too.”
Maybe Nora’s not so bad. I mean, she does have a point there. It’s not like she hasn’t seen her share. …But it’s different. It’s not her shit is happening to. She’s just here to take the notes. Our lives, to her, are like a dramatic television series. Screw her. Try a different channel, lady. I refuse to like you.
Acknowledgments
First I would like to give a huge thank you to all of the authors in the Escape to Reality series. Without you all, this little town that we created would just be a figment of my, Sara Schoen, and Erin Lee’s imaginations. I would also like to thank all of my friends and family who acted as inspiration for many of the characters in this novel, as well as all of my psychology teachers for building my interest in the topics that I talked about.
Last, but definitely not least, I would like to give a special thanks to my fellow (fatties—kidding) town founders, Sara Schoen and Erin Lee. Guys, we built a town in one weekend! What began as a jokingly stated idea quickly became reality. I am so excited to be on this journey with you all and I cannot wait to see what else is in store for our little mountain town.
Discussion Questions
What character trait do you think is Abby’s fatal flaw? Why?
At what point in the book do you realize that Abby is beginning to change?
Although Peyton’s home life is not mentioned in detail, what do you think it is like?
If you were a parent of one of the campers, would you continue to send your child to the wellne
ss camp after all that happened two years in a row?
At the end of the novel, Kelsey receives scrutiny for what happened to Becca. Do you think that this is fair?
In the beginning of the novel, what are your thoughts on Abby’s parents? Was it wrong of them to send her to Escape? Does your stance on them change by the end of the novel?
Put yourself into India’s shoes. Could you ever forgive Abby? Why or why not?
What positive aspects do you think Abby may have put on her list of good things about herself in her journal? What do you think she listed for the negative aspects?
At the end of the novel it is unknown whether the Escape Reality Wellness Camp will continue to receive funding for the next year. What do you think will happen?
When did you first realize that Becca may not be as perfect as Abby thought she was? When do you think Abby should have realized in the novel that something might be wrong with her friend?
What do you think are ways that Kelsey could improve the camp to prevent something like what happened to Allison and Becca from happening again?
At the end of the novel, Becca tells Abby that she is fine, although she clearly isn’t. Why do you think she says that?
Do you think that Abby will continue to recover from her eating disorder? Why or why not?
What character(s) do you think left the biggest positive impact on Abby? How?
What character(s) do you think had an impact in leading Abby on her downward spiral? How?
Which character, other than Abby, do you think changed the most from the beginning of the novel to the end? Why do you think this person changed?
Characters Mentioned From Upcoming Books:
Characters from Rescue Me by Sara Schoen (Book 1):
Mia Daniels
Gage Greystone
Emmy Rosewell
David Stirling
Jethro
Allison
Connect with Sara! www.facebook.com/AuthorSaraSchoen
Characters from Greener by Erin Lee (Book 3):
Dr. Nora Cunningham
Connect with Erin! www.facebook.com/gonecrazytalksoon
Characters from Break Free to Deceive by Rose Silverstone (book 4):
Deacon Jacobs
Connect with Rose! www.facebook.com/rosesilverstoneauthor
About The Author
Taylor Henderson is a psychology major at the University of Mary Washington who was born and raised in Northern Virginia. She has been an adamant reader and writer since she was young, and has always found solace in the worlds and characters that other authors have brought to life in their works. Taylor plans to continue writing, and hopes to continue to expand to different genres in the future.
Connect With Author Taylor Henderson!
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/AuthorTaylorHenderson
Twitter:
https://www.twitter.com/TayMHenderson
Goodreads:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/9885214.Taylor_Henderson
Website:
http://www.taylormhenderson.com
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