by Brinda Berry
“What about Austin?” Dad got out of the recliner and grabbed the box I had opened. He extracted a small knife from his pocket and cut the seal. “He hasn’t been here either.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m not really talking with him much these days.
“Jan?”
I raised one eyebrow to let him know what I thought of that ludicrous idea. “Haven’t hung out with her since junior high.” He’d be naming my grade school friends soon if I didn’t stop him. “Everybody is really busy during the holidays.”
“You’re not talking with Regulus either?”
“Not so much since the breaking up thing.” Five seconds passed and all the muscles in my throat tightened. I inhaled and exhaled slowly, not wanting him to sense me doing it.
Dad nodded solemnly and examined his present. Without looking up, he said, “Regulus and Arizona could both come over. You were friends with Regulus before you dated him, right?”
I didn’t answer. I leaned my head back on the couch to study the blades of the ceiling fan.
“You could do things with him that friends do. Like video games.”
Terrific. Dad thought he needed to give me relationship advice.
“Dad, I don’t need company. I’m fine.” I grabbed the nearest scrap of wrapping paper and stuffed it into the trash bag. The candy box beckoned to me, so I leaned over and popped a chocolate-covered cherry in my mouth. Speaking through the gooey confection, I muttered, “You’re smothering me.”
“I’ve tried to be it all for you, and I know that I’m not good at mothering.” He stared at the inside of the opened box like it might hold some instruction booklet on how to handle a seventeen-year-old.
“I said smothering,” I enunciated after unsticking pink cherry filling from my tongue. “OK. Just stop. This is Christmas. I have the best dad in the world who is about to hook up my freaking awesome new PlayStation.”
I stuck my hands inside the cardboard box to pull out the cables. Looking at my dad’s solemn expression, he was thinking about Pete. A faraway look in his eye made me swallow, blink, and count to ten. I wanted to tell my dad what I knew. That Pete was OK. But I couldn’t. If I did, I’d be the little sister who couldn’t keep her mouth shut.
I couldn’t stand another minute of the dreary mood. Crying on Christmas was a crime I wouldn’t commit. “I’m calling somebody. Several somebodies. It’ll be a party.” Taking a deep breath, I looked around until I spotted my cell phone.
My thumbs danced over the buttons.
“Hey All. Christmas party at my house. Loud music. Pizza and more sugar than you can process. Slightly somber dad. Extra peppy hostess.”
I prayed my friends would come and lift my house from its current state of gloom.
An hour later, Dad stood in the kitchen making homemade pizza with store-bought crust and my favorite ingredients. He shimmied around the kitchen island in time to the beat of an Aerosmith song from his 80s station. I sat on a bar stool at the end, nibbling on slices of pepperoni and playing a game on my phone.
The doorbell rang. I leaped off the barstool and hurtled for the door, desperate to relieve the boredom. I flung open the door, not really surprised that the person in front of me would be able to show up at the last minute on Christmas Eve night. The wind blew the door open wide and I hugged my arms around my body.
My ex-boyfriend Regulus stood staring me.
His dark hair curled along the edge of his cream wool turtleneck and a shy smile teased one corner of his mouth. He held a brown box tucked under his arm and had one hand shoved into his jeans pocket.
I knew I was only a synesthete and couldn’t make time stop, but I’d swear the clock hands stood still. In the moment we stood silent, a boa constrictor of jealousy wrapped around my throat.
Was Regulus attracted to that girl Arizona had mentioned? Had he kissed her? Was he dating her?
Arizona shoved him out of the doorway. “Dude, I’m freezing here.” Arizona maneuvered around Regulus’s still body in the doorway. He leaned forward and gave me a hug. Although I generally avoid the touchy feely stuff, I let Arizona give me a friendly squeeze.
“Look what I brought,” Arizona said, holding a piece of mistletoe high in the air.
“In your dreams,” I said and shoved his arm with a laugh.
Dad stood framed in the kitchen doorway. He smiled at Arizona, then looked at Regulus. “Son, come on in.” My stomach twisted when I heard him say ‘son.’ He hadn’t done that before. I didn’t think Dad had cared very much for Regulus while we dated.
I stepped back from the door, embarrassed at the ogling that I’d vowed to never do again with Regulus. Biscuit, who had been glued to Dad’s side begging for food in the kitchen, ran to the door to greet our visitors. He ran circles around them in that happy dog way.
“I’m glad you both could come. At such short notice and everything.” Arizona travelled across the family room, peering around corners. Regulus’s direct stare sent tingly warmth to my face.
“Where is the Christmas tree?” Arizona scouted ahead.
“No tree.” I answered. “We didn’t do that this year.”
Dad came forward and took Arizona’s coat and held out his hand for Regulus’s. “It’s my fault. Mia said she didn’t care whether we had one or not, so we didn’t.”
Arizona looked like a kid who’d lost his best friend. “I thought everyone put one up at Christmas. I was looking forward to it.” He flopped into Dad’s recliner.
Dad gave me a look. His face said that he thought Arizona was a single digit on the IQ scale. I grinned.
I walked over and examined the buttons on the remote control. “Wanna check out my new game?” It was better than standing near Regulus. At least I could breathe easier with some distance between us.
“I thought that the dorms closed over the holidays.” Dad perched for a moment on the arm of the couch. He folded his arms and examined Regulus, still standing near the door. Biscuit waited at Regulus’s feet.
“There are a few students who get permission to stay.” Regulus strode forward and took a seat at the opposite end of the couch from me while keeping the box he’d brought with him in his lap. Biscuit followed Regulus and jumped to sit on the sofa beside him. Regulus stroked the top of Biscuit’s head.
“I’m really glad you guys came. All she seems to do is stay in her room and play Quest of Zion. She needs to socialize.” My dad pivoted, returning to the kitchen before I could do anything more than groan.
I yelled over my shoulder. “Thanks a lot, Dad. You’ve painted me as the town recluse. Give me a hunchback, why don’t you?” I clicked buttons on the remote until the menu came on. I needed the diversion to calm myself and the fluttering in my belly.
“Are you going to ask Regulus about the present?” Arizona hopped out of Dad’s recliner and sat beside me on the sofa. He pointed at the box in Regulus’s lap as though I wouldn’t know which one he meant.
I tried to ignore him. “So, you guys must be the only ones still at the dorms. Anytime I’ve driven near campus during the holidays, it’s been dead. Don’t you get to go home sometimes?” I stressed the word home and tried to make my meaning clear without saying, in case my dad was listening. As in a not out-of-state, but out-of-dimension home.
“The present.” Arizona sighed, arching his brows. “Give it to her.”
“I can wait.” Regulus’s voice was even and unhurried. “We have no need to travel. And there is a need to continue observations for that project I’m working on this year.”
“What project?” I glanced at him, my heart pumping a million gallons of blood to face. I imagined the bimbo that Arizona had mentioned last week. The one working on some class report with Regulus. If he thought for one second that I would listen to that—
“The project you said you would help us with. We’re depending on you.” He said the words in a low tone. My dad would have needed bionic hearing to catch the answer, but Regulus was being careful. And I was
not.
Our eyes locked.
I clamped my lips together and turned my attention back to the television screen. I had devised a plan to avoid Regulus and Arizona and their constant secret mission agenda to save the world from interdimensional terrorism. And now it was time to put that plan in motion.
“Mmm…yeah. Well, I have so much going on right now.”
I needed a break. A long break that didn’t include romance or heartache or being held at gunpoint.
3
Personal Space
“I can see how you’re too busy to help your friends.” Regulus’s voice held a hint of sarcasm. So unlike his usual, straightforward manner, his tone was a mental slap. “Gaming, hanging out with Austin…”
Arizona grinned. His eyes ping ponged from me to Regulus and waited for the return.
Regulus was making me angry. The happy-go-lucky look on Arizona’s face made me angry. I was brimming over with anger. We were supposed to be friends.
Evidently, my angry cup runneth over.
I forced my lips to curve up in a smile, hoping it looked better than it felt. It was an exhausting task to fake cheerful. Whoever had said ‘Fake it till you make it,’ must have dropped dead of exhaustion.
“It’s a special present,” Arizona said. “Please, Mia. Don’t be spiteful.” His expression looked as earnest as a five-year-old’s.
I shot him a squinty evil-eye that I normally reserved for drivers who cut me off in traffic. “I am not being spiteful. Here.” I held out my hand and fluttered my fingers. “I’ll open it. OK?”
I could play nice.
“Good.” Regulus smiled, showing his perfect white teeth. OK, maybe not perfect. There was the tiny overlap on one left eyetooth. But that was me searching for imperfections. Who was I kidding?
The box was wrapped in brown paper with a large red bow taped awkwardly in the center. “You wrap this yourself?” The pressure of not knowing the contents of the box turned my tone sharp. I steadied my nervous hands against the sides of the gift. Please don’t let the gift be personal.
“I did,” Regulus said, almost grinning.
I refused to look up. I removed the red bow and ribbon after some effort. There had to be an entire roll of tape holding the paper onto the box. I picked along the edge of the transparent tape with my recently chewed fingernail.
“Next time, tape a small bomb on the top, and I’ll defuse it. It would be easier than getting this tape off.” I glanced up and saw that he was frowning. I’d hurt his feelings. Great. I’d finally succeeded in sounding like one of the mean girls with too much self-esteem or not enough. Guys wrapping presents should be outlawed.
Arizona crowded to sit beside me. He didn’t seem to understand the unspoken rules of personal space. He reached for the package.
“I have a life span that is expiring as I wait.” Arizona ripped paper off the package, exposing a shoe box.
I took it back from him. “I can get it now. Thanks.” I lifted the lid. Crumpled newspaper sprang up from the interior.
“What is it?” I dug my hand inside to retrieve the surprise. My fingers closed around a slender metal object.
“Careful.” Regulus rose to his feet.
I pulled a cell phone from the shroud of paper. The phone looked very similar to my current phone but lighter in weight. It was also pink. I’d hated pink from the moment I’d realized I was a girl, opting instead to follow my older brother’s lead on everything. I looked from the phone to Regulus.
Arizona scooted closer to me. “It’s not only a cell phone,” he said, hinting like a game show host. “Guess what else it is?”
Looking from his eager face to Regulus’s more guarded one, I answered. “Um. It has games and apps?” Regulus’s eyebrows drew together and he seemed to wait for more.
“Thank you very much. I don’t have anything for you. I don’t usually exchange gifts with my…uh…friends.” I put the phone back into the box.
They both watched me.
“You can use it as a phone. You’ll have it with you all the time. You can also use it if…” Regulus turned to look toward the kitchen. “If you need to protect yourself.”
“By calling you?” That wasn’t going to happen.
“No.” Regulus moved to sit on his haunches with his knees almost touching mine.
The space between us seemed to shrink, trapping me and making my breathing shallow. He was too close. I could tolerate conversation with the ex, but touching would take me straight out of the friend zone and into torment city.
He leaned forward and whispered. His breath warmed the side of my cheek. “It’s your own stunner. Yours. Arizona said it’s what you wanted most.”
He drew back but not far enough. I stared into dark blue eyes that always studied and analyzed. What did he see now? Did he see a silly girl who had once wanted her own weapon?
Breathe. I could smell his soap, a mix of clean male and citrus. A warm yellow glow of color vibrated from his body. I cursed my affinity for mixing sensory reactions. I’d been born seeing colors when I smelled. Smelling vanilla and wood tones when I heard a song on the radio. Picking up a bad taste in my mouth when I touched a random object.
Everything had been bearable until Regulus had come along. We’d only dated for a few months, but I’d spent every moment thinking about him. I obsessively checked my phone for missed calls. Planned time alone with him. Dreamed about his kisses. Replayed things he’d said.
For the first time ever, I worried if a guy thought I was pretty or fun or smart. I was that girl. And I foolishly thought we had a future together.
Synesthetes should never fall in love. It messed up the logic part of the brain and made you a stick of sensory dynamite waiting for a spark to set it off.
Regulus stood, took two steps back and tucked both hands in his pockets.
Arizona put his hand on my arm. “Mia, you OK?”
“Sure.” I nodded my head to confirm. “You know, guys, I really don’t need this.”
Regulus folded his arms over his chest and stepped back again, widening the distance between us to something I found acceptable. He actually had the nerve to look hurt.
I lowered my eyes from his arms to the jeans that hung low on his hips. His sweater had pulled up at the waist and I focused on the bit of skin I could see to avoid being hypnotized by his gaze. I realized he was probably wondering what I was staring at and heat flushed my face.
Looking at anything but him suddenly became the most important agenda for the evening.
I blinked and stared at my cell phone. “I’ll figure it out later. For now—”
The doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it.” I exhaled and thought about gifts from the universe and perfect timing.
The visitor at the door began knocking like a drummer in a quick, rhythmic beat.
“Geez. I’m coming already.” I hurried the last two steps to the door. Biscuit was already there, giving the unknown visitor his most menacing guard dog growl. I picked him up and used the other hand to open the door.
I breathed a sigh of relief to see my best friend Em. She resembled a model in a department store ad, clutching a huge Christmas bag to her chest. Behind her stood Tiny and Austin. Tiny was new to our group, a computer guru of Viking proportions. Austin was my other best friend, a charming extrovert liked by everyone except Regulus.
“If it isn’t Santa Claus and the Elves. I’ve never been so happy to see you guys.”
Em stood in the doorway with her typical cheery grin until she peered over my shoulder and spotted Regulus. She lifted her brows at me and tilted her head. Then she looked at Austin to see his reaction. He mirrored the same expression. It might have been comical in other circumstances.
Em turned and handed the red and green Christmas sack to Austin. “Can you take this inside? Mia can help me get the food from the car.”
Austin, his warm, caramel eyes twinkling with mischief, pretended to topple over from the weight of the bag
. He glanced up at Tiny who towered above both of them. “Bag’s full of coal. At least she didn’t ask me to carry her purse.”
Em grabbed my arm and dragged me toward her. “I need some assistance,” she said, a smile decorating her face.
Tiny and Austin went inside as I walked out. I shrugged Em’s hold from my arm and followed her to the shiny red car.
“So, you invited Regulus?” Em opened her car door.
“Yeah. I mean, as a friend sort of invitation…”
She lowered her chin, peering up at me with her I-know-your-innermost-secrets look. “If you say so.”
I rolled my eyes. “Are we going to stand out here and freeze?”
Em handed over a stack of plastic containers. “Here. My mom thinks you and your dad need holiday food.” She bent down to retrieve a casserole dish and straightened with it in her hand. “And somebody left you a tin of fruitcake on your porch.”
“Ah, thanks.” I took the casserole dish and stacked lighter containers on top. “I didn’t expect you to come. Aren’t both sets of your grandparents at your house?” I led the way back to my door and retrieved the fruitcake tin on the porch. “How did you escape?”
“I not only escaped, but I get to stay late. My great-aunt and uncle came as a surprise. They brought their three German Shepherds with them. They’re sleeping in my room. My mom is stressed to the max and she said I could stay a while. Not the entire night. My sister will be ready to open presents at daybreak and will kill me if I’m not back.”
Em opened the door for us and we stepped inside to hear laughter. Austin and Tiny were standing in front of the television discussing my new game system.
Dad noticed that Em and I had our arms full and rose from his chair.
“No, we’ve got it.” I shook my head. “Em and I will put the food up.”
In the small kitchen, we placed the containers on the bar. I lifted the plastic lid of the casserole dish to see a concoction of eggs and hash browns.
“That’s for the morning. My mom said to heat it at 350 degrees—”