“You must be a genius.”
“No, I just loved it, like Tate did.” Jay sat down across from her again. “But to tell you the truth, since coming to Kentucky, I haven’t missed it.”
“Your fingers don’t itch to go back into programming?”
“No.” They itch to get a hold of your lovely body.
Carrie rubbed her nose with the back of her finger and sat back against the sofa to regard him once more from under veiled lashes. She looked so darn desirable.
“In fact, I kind of like the horse business,” Jay said. “Maybe it will be my next venture.”
“Bob Flynn, the manager, told me you had never stopped by Tate’s shop.” Carrie’s statement held a hint of concern.
Jay shrugged. “I guess I was avoiding the whole computer world for a while. But that’s a mistake I need to remedy as soon as the doctors let me drive.”
The phone rang, and Carrie got up to answer it. Jesse stumbled from her room. Half asleep, she crawled into Jay’s lap with a strange familiarity. He hugged her tight, accepting her trust and fighting a pang of sadness. He missed his sister Gloria.
When Carrie returned, she paused at the sight of them and then crossed to the sofa and sat down. Her light blue eyes looked almost pale with the worry he saw written in them. Jay bit back his curiosity and waited.
In a moment, Carrie lifted her chin. “I need to ask another favor.”
“Anything. You know that.”
“Babysit for me. I need to go into Louisville and talk to my lawyer.”
“I don’t need a babysitter,” Jesse announced.
“We’ll walk over to see Dr. Doolittle,” Jay suggested, ruffling the child’s hair. “It will help me get my strength back.”
Carrie’s look carried a quick caress—so quick that it surprised him. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“I’ve got to get ready.” She stood.
“Sure.” As she went into the bathroom, Jay watched her go—the slight sway of her hips and the movement of her mass of blond hair against the small of her back. Concerned about his reaction, he gave Jesse a gentle shove off his lap.
“Here, imp, let’s go make breakfast.”
Together they went into the kitchen and amid much laughter fixed bacon and eggs—something Jay would have rather been doing with Jesse’s mother.
* * * *
Carrie’s observation had made Jay feel guilty. Why hadn’t he stopped by the shop he’d just purchased? The next day when Mary drove into Louisville, he hitched a ride.
Bob Flynn, the manager of Mercer Computer Mart, was in his late-fifties. He had probably been a computer programmer when the industry was in its infancy, making him the kind of pioneer Jay had learned to respect. He liked the manager right away.
“Mr. Preston, I’m honored.” Flynn’s handshake was firm.
“Mr. Preston is my father. Call me Jay.”
“Jay.”
“I’m sorry to have neglected you.”
Flynn showed Jay into the office situated in the back of the crowded retail business. “With what you’ve just survived, it can be expected. Saving Jesse made us all give thanks.”
Jay shrugged as he sat down. “You would have done the same thing.”
“I don’t think I could have made it up the trellis.” He laughed referring to his rather bulky frame and potbelly.
Jay shrugged again trying to dismiss the man’s praise. He felt uncomfortable. He’d only done what needed to be done.
“I’m here to talk business, to see if there’s anything you need, anything I can do. My lawyer has kept me apprised of things. You seem to run a tight ship.”
Flynn sat behind his desk. “Business is good. We’re selling a lot of computers, the Preston brand being our bestseller.”
In spite of himself, the news pleased Jay. At least his father had never slighted his customers.
“So with the business in the black, are you sure you don’t need more capital?”
“If you’re offering gifts, I’m not the one to turn them down.” Flynn grinned and picked up a pencil to twirl in his fingers. After a moment, he continued. “Actually, your purchase paid off the outstanding creditors. As it was, you got a deal. This store was worth more than you paid for it, but because of the debt, you got it for what amounted to `fire sale’ prices.”
Jay sat forward. “Kind of an ironic term, don’t you think?”
“Ironic, but accurate. There’s potential in this store and in Tate’s dream that he never fulfilled.”
Jay cocked his head. Tate Mercer had a dream? “Go on.”
“Because he got sick so suddenly and it took him so fast, Tate never got to act on his idea. But I’ve done some checking into it. Couldn’t get into it myself, not with Mrs. Mercer so bad off, but just maybe with your help…” Flynn let his words hang between them.
Jay’s gaze flicked over the man’s face. He didn’t need to urge him on, because Flynn dropped his pencil and leveled a direct look right at his new employer. “You know computers,” he said. “I know computers. It was Tate Mercer’s idea to purchase computers for large companies. Be the middleman, so to speak. Take a small percentage, but offer excellent service. With your money, it’s something I can make happen.”
Jay sat back. He liked the idea. It was innovative. Brash. Something his father might have thought of.
“Why didn’t you approach Mrs. Mercer with this idea?”
Flynn shook his head. “Like I said, the poor woman was far too swamped with debt. She had her own troubles. Frankly, your purchase of the business was a godsend.”
“And she was grieving for her husband.” Jay wasn’t the first man in Carrie’s life.
With a shake of his head, the store manager picked up his pencil once more. “Sure she grieved, but she was more worried about Jesse and her reaction to her father’s death.”
“You make it sound as if she didn’t love her husband.”
Flynn’s gaze shifted away, defensive. “Now don’t get me wrong. She loved her husband all right, but I always thought their marriage was more one of expedience.”
“I don’t understand.” Jay found himself not breathing.
Flynn looked away again looking embarrassed. “It’s not something I ought to be talking about.”
“If you want to implement this project of Tate’s, you’ll tell me.” Shades of Carter coming out, Jay thought to himself, but he needed to know what Flynn meant by “expedience.”
The manager considered him for a moment. “Let’s just say Tate had to marry his wife.”
“I knew that.”
“But theirs wasn’t a marriage of love. Just respect, I’d say. I don’t think they had the passion you’d expect from most married couples. He was much older, too”
A hard knot twisted in Jay’s belly. Maybe that’s what was wrong with Carrie. Maybe having married for convenience once in her life, she wanted to be darn sure before she married again. Disguising himself as a groom had, on one hand, brought him the woman of his dreams, only to lose her when she had found out the truth. God, he hated ironies.
Jay drew a hand threw his hair, and glanced once more at his manager. One very selfish part of him was glad Carrie had not found the love of her life in her first marriage. This gave her the chance to find it in her second.
Chapter Twelve
Wildwood Stables
Late July
Jay and Carrie were silent as they walked after eating dinner and doing dishes. Rain threatened the Western sky—big, black clouds crowding the horizon. The late July air was muggy and the leaves of a distant hickory tree were still.
Carrie’s face was taut with controlled emotion, closed off. Like her heart, Jay thought with a renewed sense of irony. Yet there must be more to it. She had been quiet and distant since coming from the lawyer two days earlier. Maybe she had learned something from the lawyer. Something she was keeping from him just as she kept hidden her love for him.
Jay�
�s hand fell on her bare arm. “Rest a minute.”
Carrie sucked in a deep breath as if to steady herself. “Sure, why not?” Her mood was somber, just like the haunted look again in her eyes.
They stopped by the paddock fence. Jay leaned his back against the rough wood and lifted a booted foot to hook his heel on the last railing. He gazed at the doublewide trailer that was now their home, the expanse of hillside, and Mary’s training barn. Carrie turned her back on the paddock as well.
“If Tate could see Jesse and me now.”
Carrie squeezed her eyes shut. Jay wanted to help. He wanted to charge in on a white horse and rescue the woman he loved. Knowing not to press her, not to hurry her, he ground his teeth together and waited.
She opened her eyes and turned toward him, pressing the wooden railing as if she needed something to rest against for support. “I want to thank you one more time,” she said.
Jay gazed at her. His body tensed, aching with his hot awareness of her. “It’s not necessary.”
“But it is.” Carrie touched his arm with a tentative finger. “You’ve been marvelous with Jesse.”
Seeing the despair in her eyes, Jay reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “Jesse will be okay. Don’t worry about her. She’s tougher than you think.”
“I wish I could be certain.”
Jay smiled. “I’m not a parent, but I imagine that’s the hope most parents share. You want what’s best for your child. It’s normal.”
Carrie twisted her head away from him. He thought she might be crying, for when she spoke, he heard tears in her voice. “I’ve put Jesse first in my life from the moment I knew I was pregnant. She was my responsibility.”
“You married, and Tate made a good life for her.”
“Tate made the good life. He’s gone now.” Carrie’s tone had turned bitter.
“Don’t sell yourself so short. You’ve had a little setback with the fire. You’re a bright woman. You’ll get it all back.” Was he saying the right words?
She spun around. “You don’t understand. My lawyer tells me I’m so deeply in debt that he wants me to declare bankruptcy! I don’t have enough money to rent my own apartment, let alone keep Jesse’s horse.” Carrie glared at him, the color in her cheeks rising. “What am I telling you for?” she asked herself, and then flung away from the fence, striding toward the trailer.
“Wait a minute.” Jay hurried to catch up. “Carrie, wait!”
“I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything to you,” she shouted at him. “Damn you, Jay Preston!”
Jay grabbed her arm, spinning her around. “I said wait a minute.” His grip on her arm must have hurt, but she lifted her chin and glared at him as if she were royalty.
For a moment, they stood frozen, incapable of doing more than sizing each other up. Jay felt a wrenching squeeze of his heart. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he said softly.
Her eyes blazed. “I’ve already made it clear there’s nothing you can do for me.”
“I’m only trying to understand what your lawyer was talking about. Why are you in debt? Surely you had home owner’s insurance.”
“Not enough as it turns out,” Carrie said, shaking herself free of his grasp. “And I owe for Tate’s funeral and his medical bills that mounted during the last months of his life. I had hoped selling the store would get me out of debt, but it only got the immediate creditors off my back.”
“I see,” Jay said as she turned from him once more.
“I don’t understand all the implications of what my lawyer was telling me. I just know the bottom line—Jesse loses her horse because I can’t afford to keep it. Doolittle is the one thing I wanted to remain the same for Jesse, but maybe, if Mary lets us live here for awhile, it won’t be such a disappointment.”
Jay felt an ache in his chest he didn’t think would go away. He reached out and caressed her averted cheek, softly, with one gentle fingertip. “Carrie, look at me.”
She turned to look at him, eyes wide with anguish and anger at her situation. In the distance, thunder rumbled. Night was quickly closing in around them.
“You have much to hold against me, I know.” When she started to say something, he stopped her with a fingertip pressed against her lips. “Hush,” he said. “Hear me out. I’ve done much to wrong you, but maybe I can make it up to you.”
He cupped her face with his hands, and felt the intensity of her eyes upon him. “You married Tate a long time ago because you needed a home and a father for Jesse. I can give you the same thing. You married for convenience once. Marry me now—for the same reason. For Jesse.”
Carrie’s flesh tingled where Jay’s eyes caressed her. Her heart skittered against her breast as she looked at the sincerity that burned in his eyes. She couldn’t believe he had proposed. Slowly, she swallowed, her brows drawing together.
“You can’t mean it,” she stated in a hushed voice. “Knowing that I can’t love you.”
“Knowing that you won’t let yourself love me,” he whispered. “There’s a difference. I don’t for one minute believe you don’t love me.”
Sweat broke out along her lip. The feel of his hands against her face was torment. She fought down a shudder. Jay was right, but she couldn’t admit it. Instead, she stared into his hazel eyes, trying to see into the depths of his soul.
“Do you know what you are doing?”
He watched her carefully, his smile fading. “I’m proposing.”
“Do you know the responsibility you would be taking on?”
“I’ve thought of that.” His thumbs rubbed her skin, sending shock waves down her spine. “I’ve got one thing going for me. Jesse already likes me.”
“But you’d be her stepfather.”
“You don’t think I can handle that? You think I’m too young?” He smiled once more. “Carrie, in many ways I’m old beyond my years.”
She fought his beguiling touch, his voice, his words. Something in the back of her mind flared to the surface. What had happened to her desire to make it on her own? A nagging voice told her not to give in. To remember Jay’s dishonesty. To remember that ultimately he couldn’t be trusted because he had once lied by omission.
But another voice reminded her she could trust Jay. Vivid memories of the fire flashed through her mind. She had trusted her daughter’s life to him. Because of Jay’s presence in the family these last few days, Jesse’s laughter had returned. Her little girl had come back to her.
Carrie’s gaze flickered over his face. The light was failing, but she could still see the angle of his cheekbones and the softness of his lips. Was that the gleam of love in his eyes?
She had married for convenience once before. Jay was right. It might not have been heroic, but it had been practical. She hadn’t regretted marrying Tate, not really. Oh, deep down, there had been regret because passion was missing, but she had made her bed, so to speak, and she had to lie in it.
Carrie felt the warmth of Jay’s breath upon her face. He was so close. So deliciously near. Could she do it again? Marry again for practicality, not love? What would be the harm? She would provide Jesse both a father and a home. She could pay her debts. She could have security. It didn’t seem to Carrie that she had much choice.
As she searched Jay’s eyes and listened to his breathing and the chirping of crickets, the thought came to Carrie that perhaps she could let herself give in. Perhaps she would give Jay what he wanted—a marriage of convenience.
She would give him everything but her heart.
* * * *
They were married two weeks later. While they were on their honeymoon Carrie’s mother and stepfather had come from Southern Kentucky to take Jesse home for a visit. Mary Wilder and Bob Flynn had stood up with them at the civil service.
All the way to the A-frame retreat on the edge of the Smokey Mountain National Park, Carrie had asked herself time and time again why she had agreed to this insane bargain. Bankruptcy couldn’t be that bad. Tons of peop
le declared it every day. Surely, she could have thought of another alternative. The strained silence in the car was oppressive. They didn’t have anything to say to each other. Yes, this had been one big fat mistake.
It was almost dark when they pulled up the gravel driveway to the chalet. Carrie glanced quickly at Jay, his features tense from the long drive. For better or worse, richer or poorer, he was her husband now. She had made her bed once again, and she was going to lie in it. The irony of her errant musing brought her an inward smile. She hadn’t thought about the honeymoon when she’d made this particular bed.
“Well, here we are,” Jay said when he cut the engine.
Carrie felt her heart pounding in her chest. “Yes.”
His fingers clutched the steering wheel. Jay stared straight ahead for a moment and then seeming to draw in a breath for courage, turned to look at her, his eyes shadowed. At once her heart paused as she gazed at the agony on his beloved face.
He cleared his throat. “I thought coming down here would be a good idea. I thought we needed time alone.”
“Yes.” Why couldn’t she say more? What kept her tongue tied like a girl on her first date?
“But, if you don’t want to. I mean, if you don’t want,” Jay couldn’t finish his sentence.
“I know what’s expected of me. I’ve been married before.” The words sounded too harsh even to her ears. Jay’s already pale face whitened even more.
“Look, I coerced you into this. If you’d rather not, er, go all the way, I’ll understand. This is a business arrangement after all. Something mutually beneficial to the both of us.”
“You didn’t hold a gun to my head today, Jay,” Carrie said softly. “And I’d say I got the best part of the deal. You just got a widow with a bunch of debt and a pre-adolescent child.”
“I tricked you into this, using your financial trouble to lure you.”
“Shhh.” Carrie stopped him with a fingertip against his lips. “You haven’t lured me into anything. We both had a choice. Now let’s go make the best of it.”
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