He picked up the teddy bear, tweaked its ear. ‘I think perhaps your brothers are starting to see that I’m not the villain they first thought me.’
No, now they saw him as some kind of super-duper business guru.
He is a business guru.
She ignored that. She could practically see what her brothers now thought. Poor Ryan—Mari’s latest victim who’s headed for heartbreak because she’s too erratic to settle down.
She wasn’t the one who couldn’t settle down. Not that they’d see that. What they’d see was that she’d caught Ryan in her snares—the poor schmuck—and that he was paying a hefty price for it. And...and they’d admire him for making the best out of a bad situation.
Having a baby wasn’t a bad situation!
‘Marianna?’
She started. Had Ryan been talking to her this entire time? She hadn’t heard a word of it beyond the fact her brothers didn’t hate him any more. His eyes narrowed on her face. ‘You didn’t enjoy this evening.’
It was a statement, not a question, so she didn’t feel the need to respond.
He eased down into the chair opposite, his frown deepening. ‘But I thought you wanted me to get along with your brothers.’
She had. She did! But not at the expense of their opinion of her.
He leaned forward, his expression intent, and something in her chest turned over. She wasn’t the one who couldn’t settle down. She ached to settle down. Not necessarily with Ryan, but... She’d never planned to have a baby on her own. What she’d wanted was to fall in love, get married and then start a family. That sure as heck wasn’t going to happen with Ryan. So now she was going to have a baby on her own and it scared her witless.
‘This has nothing to do with pregnancy hormones, does it?’
How could he tell? How could he be so attuned to her and yet so far out of her reach?
‘No,’ she finally said, figuring some kind of response would eventually be expected.
‘Do you want to tell me about it?’
She opened her mouth to say no, but the word refused to emerge. Did she want to talk about it? She blinked when she realised the answer to that question was a rather loud yes.
She moistened her lips and risked another glance into Ryan’s face. She’d never spoken to anyone about this before. It seemed too...personal. Besides, all the people she could talk about it with knew Angelo and Nico too.
Ryan knows them now as well.
True, but he’d still be on her side.
Would he? She waved a hand in front of her face. This wasn’t about sides. She fixed him with a glare. ‘Do you want to know even if it’s something you can’t fix?’
His eyes didn’t leave her face. ‘Yes.’
‘And if I tell you I don’t want you to do anything to try and fix it, because I expect that would only make matters worse, and I don’t think I could bear that.’
Slowly he nodded. ‘Okay.’
‘I meant for tonight to impress Angelo and Nico. I wanted them to recognise my maturity. I wanted to wow them with my graciousness as a hostess. I wanted to prove to them that I’m not an irresponsible idiot or a screw-up!’ Her voice had started to rise and she forced it back down. ‘But that’s certainly not something I managed to accomplish this evening, is it?’ She flung out an arm. ‘They didn’t even trust me to cook the meal properly!’
Ryan’s jaw dropped and she leapt up to pace. ‘And then you had to go and bring up the whole “Marianna can’t work during harvest” thing and all that garbage.’ She spun around to glare at him. ‘Thank you very much for making me look even worse!’
He shot to his feet and the sheer beauty of his body beat at her. ‘The harvest thing? That’s because we’re all concerned about you.’
She gave up trying to moderate her voice. ‘Because none of you think I can look after myself!’
‘It’s not that at all!’
She folded her arms and kinked a disbelieving eyebrow.
‘It’s because—’ he stabbed a finger at her ‘—we all want to...’ He trailed off, shuffling his feet and looking mildly embarrassed. ‘We all want to pamper you,’ he mumbled.
It was her jaw that dropped this time. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘You’re the one who’s doing all of the hard work where the baby is concerned. You’re the one who has morning sickness, and has had to give up coffee and wine. You’re the one who’s growing the baby inside you, which probably means you’ll get a sore back and sore legs. And then you’re the one who’s going to have to give birth.’
Ugh. Don’t remind her.
‘While we—’ he slashed a hand through the air ‘—we’re utterly useless! You should know by now that men hate feeling like that. So, while we can’t do anything for the baby, we can do things for you—to try and make things easier and nicer for you.’
Ryan felt useless?
‘I just...’ He grimaced. ‘It didn’t occur to me that in the process we might be making you feel useless too.’
His explanation put a whole new complexion on the matter. How could she begrudge him—or her brothers—for wanting to help where they could with the baby? She moved a step closer and peered up into his face. ‘So...you don’t think I’m stupid or that I’m acting irresponsibly?’
‘Of course not! I...’
She swung away. ‘Of course there’s a but.’
‘All I was going to say is that I think, in your determination to prove to us all how capable you are, you could be in danger of overdoing it.’
He was talking about that incident with the barrel.
‘I did hear you, though—your concern about losing your fitness.’
He had? She turned back.
‘I’ve been trying to find a good time to raise the subject.’
Why? Because she was so touchy she was liable to fly off the handle without warning? She closed her eyes, conceding he might have a point there.
‘So I picked up one of these for you.’
She opened her eyes to find him holding out a flyer towards her. She took it. Yoga classes. With an instructor who specialised in yoga for pregnant women. A lump lodged in her throat.
‘I just thought you might...’ More feet shuffling ensued. ‘I mean, if you’re not interested, if it’s not your thing, then no problem.’
She swallowed the lump. ‘No, it’s great. I’d have never thought of it, but...it’s perfect.’
He didn’t smile. He continued to stare at her with a frown in his eyes. ‘Mari, your brothers love you. They don’t consider you a screw-up.’
Tension shot back through her. ‘Those two statements are not mutually exclusive.’ She speared the flyer to the fridge with a magnet, before grabbing a glass of water and downing it in one. ‘I know my brothers love me.’ That was why it was so important that she prove herself to them.
Weariness overtook her then. She turned to move back to the sofa, to collapse onto it—to put her feet up and close her eyes—but Ryan blocked her way, anger blazing from the cool depths of his eyes. She backed up a step. ‘What?’
‘If you believe your brothers think you a screw-up then you’re a complete idiot!’
She blinked.
‘They adore you!’
‘Adoring someone, loving someone,’ she found herself yelling back, ‘has nothing to do with thinking them capable or adult or believing they’re making good decisions about their life!’ It didn’t mean they thought she’d make a good mother.
‘I don’t know your brothers very well, but even I can see that’s not what they think.’
‘Oh, really?’ She poked him in the chest. ‘What makes you such an expert on the subject? They certainly thought my taking a year off to tour around Australia irresponsible.’ Maybe it had been. It’d certainly been indulgent, but she’d needed to spread her wings or go mad. ‘And you should’ve seen the looks on their faces when I told them I was expecting a baby. They definitely thought that an irresponsible mistake of monumental proportion
s.’
She slammed the glass she still held to the bench and pushed past Ryan’s intriguing bulk and bristling maleness. His heat and his scent reached around her, making her feel too much, stoking her anger even more. ‘So did you!’
‘I was wrong! I want this baby. I love this baby!’
She fell onto the sofa, rubbing her temples. Ryan strode across and seized the teddy bear, shook it at her. ‘And your brothers love this baby too.’
‘You think I don’t know that?’ She pulled in a breath. ‘But I’m not married. This baby wasn’t planned.’ That last was irresponsible. ‘It doesn’t mean they don’t think I’ve made a mistake with my life.’ And what if they were right? She touched a hand to her stomach. I’m sorry, mia topolino.
Ryan sat on the coffee table, knee to knee with her, crowding her. ‘So what if they do?’
That was her cue to toss her head and say that it didn’t matter, except she didn’t have the heart for the lie. She lifted her chin. ‘I love them. Their opinions matter to me.’
And what if they were right?
‘In this day and age, being a single mother isn’t scandalous.’
‘I know that, but I live in a conservative part of the world.’
‘Your brothers’ shock is merely proof of their concern for you, their concern that you’d have no support with the baby—that you would have to do it alone.’
She did have to do it alone. Ryan wanted to be a part of the baby’s life, but he didn’t want to be part of a family. Ninety per cent of the baby’s care would fall to her.
‘For heaven’s sake, Mari, they don’t see you as incapable or a screw-up. Can’t you see that? Haven’t you worked it out yet? You’re the glue that holds this family together.’
He stared at her with such seriousness her heart stopped for a beat. It kicked back in with renewed vigour a moment later. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘Angelo and Nico obviously have their differences. They want different things from life.’
She snorted. He could say that again.
‘Do you think they see each other as inadequate or incompetent?’
She stilled, suddenly seeing where he was going with this.
He leaned over and took her chin in his hand. ‘The one thing they can bond over is you. Their love for you, their worry for you and their joy in you—that strengthens their bond and makes you a family.’
He paused. His index finger moved back and forth across her cheek and all Marianna wanted to do was lean into it and purr...to lean into him. An ache started up deep in the centre of her. An ache she knew from experience that Ryan could assuage.
He frowned, his attention elsewhere, and Marianna told herself she was glad he hadn’t read her thoughts. ‘I don’t know what the deal with your parents is, but I’ve picked up enough to know that you act as a bridge between them and your brothers.’
That was true, but she could only acknowledge it dimly. Ryan continued to frown, but his gaze had caught on her lips and such a roaring hunger stretched through his eyes it made her breath catch and her lips part. His nostrils flared, time stilled. And then he reefed his hand away and shot back.
Not that there was really anywhere he could move back to—they still sat knee to knee. If she leaned forward, she could run a hand up his leg with seductive intent, a silent invitation that she was almost certain he wouldn’t rebuff. Her thigh muscles squeezed in delight at the thought. Deep in the back of her mind, though, a caution sounded. She found herself hovering, caught between a course of action that felt as if it had the potential to change her life.
Sleeping with Ryan will not make him fall in love with you.
Of course it wouldn’t. Yet she didn’t move away.
‘Tell me you’ve heard all that I’ve just said.’
She started at his voice.
‘About your brothers,’ he continued inexorably. ‘That you can see they don’t think of you as any kind of a failure. They may not agree with every decision you make about your life, just as you may not agree with every decision they make about theirs, but it doesn’t mean any of you believe one of the others is a loser or a write-off. It doesn’t mean that you don’t respect each other.’
Her heart started to pound. ‘You truly believe that?’
‘I do.’ He eased forward again, resting his elbows on his knees. ‘Where is this coming from, Mari? Why haven’t you spoken to Angelo or Nico about it?’
She glanced down at her hands. ‘They’ve looked after me since I was a tiny thing. They’ve spoiled me rotten, indulged me and... I felt as if I’d disappointed them, that I hadn’t honoured the faith they’d put in me.’ She lifted one shoulder. ‘I wanted to prove to them that I was up to the task—that I could do a really good job here at the vineyard and be a wonderful mother. But it seemed the harder I tried, the worse I came off. Working so hard suddenly became not looking after myself, or the baby. It seemed to me that everything I did was reinforcing their view of me being incompetent and needing to be looked after.’
‘Crazy woman,’ he murmured.
‘And I didn’t feel I should confide all of that in them. They’ve given me so much—they’re the best brothers a girl could ever ask for—and it didn’t seem fair to ask more from them, to ask them for assurances.’
‘They’d have given them gladly.’
She swallowed. ‘A part of me couldn’t help feeling they were right.’
His jaw dropped.
She rubbed a hand across her chest. ‘How could I take them to task for their reaction to my baby news when my own initial reaction wasn’t much better? Oh, Ryan, joy and excitement weren’t my first emotions when I found out I was pregnant. I was frightened...and angry with myself. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted the news to not be true. How dreadful is that?’
He reached out and took her hand ‘It’s not dreadful. It’s human.’
She’d have said exactly the same thing to any one of her girlfriends who found themselves in a similar predicament. She knew that, but...
‘Mari, you have to forgive yourself for that. And you have to forgive your brothers for their initial reaction too. And me.’ He paused. ‘You made a brave decision—an exciting decision—and I can’t tell you how grateful I now am for that.’
She could tell he meant every word. And just like that a weight lifted from her.
‘You should be proud of yourself.’
Proud?
‘You’re having a baby. It’s exciting. It feels like a miracle.’
Her heart all but stopped. He was right!
She gave up trying to fight temptation then. She leaned forward, took his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his. He froze, but a surge of electricity passed between them, making her tingle all over. She eased back, her heart thumping. ‘Thank you.’
He swallowed and nodded. The pulse at the base of his throat pounded and she could feel its rhythm reach right down into the depths of her. Her breath started to come in short sharp spurts. She’d never wanted a man or physical release with such intensity.
Ever.
Maybe it was a pregnancy-hormone thing?
Whatever it was, it was becoming increasingly clear that attempting to explain it, understand it, did nothing to ease its ferocity. She glanced at Ryan, and glanced away again biting her lip. They were both adults. They knew sex didn’t mean forever. She tossed her head. If they chose to, they could give each other pleasure in the here and now.
Without giving herself time to think, Marianna slid forward to straddle Ryan’s lap.
‘What on—?’
Her fingers against his mouth halted his words. ‘I want you, Ryan, and I know you want me. I don’t really see the point in denying ourselves. Do you?’
She trailed her hand down his chest, relishing the firm feel of him beneath the cotton of his shirt. He slammed his hand over it, trapping it above the hard thudding of his heart. ‘You said if I made love with you here in your real world, that I would b
reak your heart.’
She lifted one shoulder and then let it drop. ‘What do I know? Ten minutes ago I was convinced my brothers thought me an incompetent little fool. It appears I was wrong about that.’
For a moment the strength seemed to go out of him. She took advantage of the moment to slide her hands around his shoulders to caress the hair at his nape in a way that she knew drove him wild.
He reached up to remove her hands. ‘Mari, I—’
She covered his mouth with her own—open mouth, hot, questing tongue, and a hunger she refused to temper. The taste of him, his heat, drove her wild. With a moan, she sank her teeth into his bottom lip and then laved it with her tongue. Ryan groaned, his hand at the back of her head drawing her closer. His mouth, his lips and his tongue controlled her effortlessly, taming her to his tempo and pace. He drank her in like a starving man and she could only respond with a silent, inarticulate plea that he not stop, that he give her what she needed.
She opened her thighs wider to slide more fully against him and he broke off the kiss to drag in a breath, his chest rising and falling as if he’d run a race.
‘We can’t do this,’ he groaned.
‘No?’ Marianna peeled off her shirt and threw it to the floor. Her bra followed. She lifted his hands to her breasts, revelling in the way he swallowed, the way he stared at her as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world. ‘I understand that you don’t want to hurt me, and that’s earned you a lot of brownie points, believe me. But at the moment I don’t want you honourable. I want you naked and your hands on me, driving me to distraction.’
She moved against his hands. He sucked in a breath. ‘Mari...’
She cupped his face, staring into his eyes. ‘Just once I want to make love with the father of my child with joy at the knowledge of what we’ve created.’
He stilled. She swallowed. If he rejected her now she wasn’t sure she could bear it. ‘It seems to me,’ she whispered, ‘that would be a good thing to do.’
‘Mari...’
She pressed a finger to his lips. ‘No promises. I know that. Just pleasure...and joy. That’s all I’m asking.’
Reunited by a Baby Secret (The Vineyards of Calanetti, Book 3) Page 12