by Sam Mariano
I’m not, and I never intend to be again. Last time I tried to do that, he abandoned me for that skank, so fuck them both. Since he has a child with that evil whore, I would have to be nice about her. It’s not Cassidy’s fault her mother is my mortal enemy, but I’m not interested in bumping elbows with her at Cassidy’s school events, either. And I’ll be damned if I stay home and let Derek and Kayla be parents together while I’m just some third wheel.
I’m getting angry just thinking about it. Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I want no part of that mess.
Henry has no children and he’s wonderful. I can make this work with Henry. I thoroughly enjoy Henry as a human, I just have to get past this Derek issue and foster some real intimacy between us. The problem is, knowing Derek is set on making waves damages my confidence that things will work out with Henry. That, in turn, makes me even more reluctant than I already was to take the next step with him. I know I can have emotionally detached sex, but if I sleep with Henry, that’s not what I’m aiming for. It’s not about physical gratification. I want to make the emotional connection, I want to let myself open up and let him in. I want to let him into whatever part of my heart he needs access to for fireworks to explode inside my head when he kisses me.
I can’t do that when I know we’re on shaky ground. This Derek thing might have actually brought us together if Derek had just gone away like a normal person, but I know Derek. If he’s decided he needs to scare Henry off, he will. He’s a possessive asshole, and it doesn’t matter that I’m not his.
It kind of pisses me off that he’ll put in the effort to appease his male ego, but not to keep me.
Shoving Derek and Henry both out of my head, I open up my email and get back to work.
---
“I’m taking you out tonight.”
I am the epitome of fugly right now, sitting with my legs crossed in my lap, yesterday’s sweatpants on my body, my hair pulled up in a greasy bun, not a stitch of make-up on my face, and Henry decides to send me a summon.
Glancing down at myself, then at the clock to see how long it would take for me to shower and become a pretty person, I grab my phone and send back, “Tonight isn’t good for me.”
“It’s Friday night,” he states. “That’s date night. We’re going on a date.”
“If you saw me right now, trust me, all your interest would dissolve.”
“Are you balls deep in edits?”
I crack a smile, my gaze flickering to the screen. I haven’t told Henry I started writing another book yet. I’ve been working on it every chance I can, but it still makes me feel self-conscious to think of him declaring me a writer again. Not to mention, this book probably won’t even sell well, so after telling him about my prior success with the trilogy, he would expect more from this book, and then it would seem like a failure. Henry is a driven individual, it’s one of the things I love about him, but if I publish this book and it flops, it doesn’t really matter to me. I’m writing it because I can’t get it out of my head, not because I want to launch a career as an author. Plus, I have had readers of my trilogy ask if I planned to write more books. Maybe some of them will still be around and interested in this one. Even though this one isn’t about me and Derek, not any version of us, I can’t help giving my hero some of his traits. He began as Alex—who is also an asshole, so it wasn’t a far leap—but I definitely couldn’t write sex scenes with Alex in mind. Yuck. By the time I got to those, the characters weren’t Alex and Bethany anymore, but I still thought of Derek while writing him. The readers loved Janie’s asshole hero, so they’ll probably like the hero in Dreamcatcher, too.
Asshole heroes still sell, so even though standalones don’t do as well, I’m sure this one will still find an audience, just maybe not the same size audience. I don’t want to tell Henry and have him expecting me to move into a larger house in a few months because I have truckloads of money pouring in; that is not likely to happen. I might be able to reroof my house, though. I really need to do that before winter.
Reroofing my house makes me think of Derek. He told me he worked construction, so he probably does things like that.
Ugh. I bet he looks so sexy doing it.
“Hello?” Henry texts.
I got sidetracked and forgot to text him back. “Yes, I am balls deep in edits and I’m not about to pull out now.”
“Anticipation makes it better. Go shower and put on clothes you can wear outside. I’m picking you up in an hour.”
“I think you might be getting a little presumptuous here, counselor,” I inform him.
“Nope, you like bossy. You think I can’t be bossy? Watch me dominate the court room and then tell me that.”
“Ugh, so hot. Fine, I’ll shower.”
“See, romance isn’t dead,” he sends back.
Sighing heavily, I save my progress, close my windows, and shut down my computer so I can prepare myself to rejoin the land of the living.
---
“You sure you don’t want popcorn or something?”
I shake my head, glancing at the absurdly overpriced items listed on the board at the concession stand. I don’t make it out to the movie theater very often, so I tend to forget between trips that you should sell an organ in preparation if you plan to get snacks. “I’m okay.”
“This theater sells alcohol,” Henry tells me lightly. “Should I get you a drink?”
“Never drinking again,” I mutter. “Once every six or seven years I forget, and you’ve seen what happens. Every damn time.”
“I guess we’re having a dry wedding,” he jokes. “My co-workers are going to hate you.”
“Just don’t invite Derek and we’ll be fine.”
“Trust me, if he shows up at our wedding, he’s leaving in heavy-duty garbage bags.”
“Aww,” I say, rubbing his arm. “It’s sexy when you get murdery.”
Shaking his head with a mild smile on his face, Henry says, “You have a peculiar type, don’t you?”
I nod my head, glancing at the huge glass case of popcorn again. I wish I would’ve known we were going out tonight; I would have remembered to have dinner. “I know this movie isn’t a romance, but I’m probably going to fall for the serial killer. He seems broody and wounded.”
“From the scene in the trailer where he cut the hooker’s chest open?” Henry asks, cocking an eyebrow.
“Yeah, but his monologue though,” I say, shaking my head. “Such a tortured soul.”
“Oh boy. Maybe I shouldn’t let you sit in on one of my trials. You know I put away the bad guys, right?”
“Hey, someone has to save me from my own bad taste. You can be my hero.”
“I’ll take it,” he tells me.
I smile at him and he settles a hand around my waist, escorting me down the hall toward the auditorium where our movie will be playing in just a few minutes.
Henry can’t talk to me about much regarding the specifics of his work, due to confidentiality, but while we ignore the on-screen movie trivia, he tells me as much as he’s able about the pain in the ass client he is currently working with. Not so much with me, because he knows better, but when he’s at work Henry has a touch of arrogance, so he has pissed off this one file clerk and he thinks she’s trying to sabotage him. It sounds like he was a dick and deserves to be sabotaged, but I don’t tell him that. That’s his business, not mine.
The lights in the theater dim a little, giving us a five minute warning that the movie is about to start. People are still filing in. So many people. I actually don’t enjoy going to movies on weekends because there are too many people, but I know Henry made time to make this gesture, so I’m not going to tell him, “Next time, how about a Wednesday?”
As more people take their seats, I do my best to look unfriendly in hopes of keeping them all away. It’s working so well until someone drops into the seat next to me. I slide an annoyed look at Henry, but he doesn’t mind when people sit by him, so he doesn’t know why this annoys me.
&n
bsp; I jerk backward as a paper bag full of popcorn is thrust at me from my left hand side—not the side Henry is on, but the side where the body just dropped into the seat.
“Don’t worry, I brought extra napkins,” Derek states, handing me a stack of them.
Derek?
My jaw drops open and stays there.
“Got you a Diet Coke, too,” he says nonchalantly, tapping the plastic lid on the drink he put in my cup holder when I wasn’t paying attention. “The suit is really bad at taking you out. Doesn’t even know to get you snacks when you pretend you don’t want them. Can’t believe you’re wasting your time with this guy,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief.
My heart attempts to gallop out of my chest and my mind goes completely blank. I have absolutely no idea what to do in this situation, but I know it’s going to get unpleasant really fast. I wish I had a sheet or a coat I could throw over Derek’s head and pretend he isn’t here, because I know there can only possibly be seconds before Henry looks over and sees him.
His tone harder than I’ve ever heard it, Henry demands, “What the fuck is he doing here?”
Butterflies swarm my stomach, the desperate flap of their wings causing a tidal wave of unrest. “I have no explanation,” I state.
Henry isn’t having it. Eyes wide, caught between shock and fury, he asks, “Did you know he would be here?”
“Of course not. I don’t have Spidey senses that alert me to that kind of thing, Henry.” Looking over at Derek, I demand, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Taking care of your needs, since Prince Charming over here clearly isn’t. Eat your popcorn,” he says, casually turning his gaze toward the big screen. “What are we watching? Gotta be honest, I wasn’t paying attention. Pull out your phone, let me see a trailer.”
“Leave,” I tell him, eyes wide.
“All right, fine, I’ll go in blind. That’s more fun anyway,” he says, reaching over into my bag of popcorn and grabbing a few pieces, then popping them into his mouth.
Henry stands. I shrink as he moves in Derek’s direction, then the dumbest, stupidest, most ridiculous thing happens—completely without my consent, my arm shoots out in front of Derek, as if to protect him.
Henry stops moving and stares at me. I draw my arm away and grimace, but it’s too late. “Can we please not get kicked out of the movie theater? You guys can let your testosterone run wild after the movie. This theater is packed, and no one here cares about our drama.”
Jabbing a finger in Derek’s direction, Henry states, “If he stays, I go.”
“Ultimatums never work,” Derek advises Henry.
Henry’s furious gaze snaps to him. “You shut the fuck up.”
Smirking, Derek lifts his hands in mocking surrender. “Relax, dude. It’s just a movie. There’s no need to duel.”
“Henry, please sit down,” I say as I sit forward, reaching out a hand to touch his arm in a gesture I hope is placating. “I’ll get rid of him.”
“Ouch,” Derek says, grabbing his heart and shooting me puppy dog eyes. “You don’t want me to stick around, Nikki?”
“You are the devil. Get up and follow me to the lobby right now.”
Henry surprises me by speaking. “Absolutely not. If you think I’m letting you go off alone with him, you’ve lost your damn mind.”
Derek lifts his eyebrows and slides a look of disbelief my way. “Letting her? Wow, Nikki, didn’t realize you were on a leash.”
I roll out my shoulders, trying to remember why I want anything to do with either one of these idiots. I could just leave. I could go home and get back to working on my book. I don’t need this shit.
Henry picked me up though. It’s kind of far to walk, and it’s disgustingly hot outside tonight. I don’t want to get sweaty.
I don’t know, going home sounds pretty damn good right now. If I leave, they might kill each other though, and I’ll be responsible. If Henry kills Derek, then Derek will be dead. If Derek kills Henry, he’ll go to jail. Either way, Kayla will raise Cassidy full-time. I can’t be responsible for that. Guess I have to moderate this bullshit.
“All right, both of you, out to the lobby,” I say, holding the bag of popcorn in one hand and shoving Henry out into the aisle with the other.
Gesturing to the movie screen with an expression of innocence, Derek says, “We’re gonna miss the trailers.”
“Now,” I tell him.
“It’s so sexy when you act like a mom,” he tells me, standing to follow me. “Cassidy wants to know when you’re gonna come over and play with us again, by the way. We got a big bucket full of sidewalk chalk, and she told me she wants you to help her decorate the driveway.”
“She did not,” I say, glaring back at him. “You are such a manipulative bastard.”
“Cross my heart,” he swears. “She liked you. She said I should invite you for another sleepover. I’m inclined to agree. I really enjoyed the last one. Not as many times as you enjoyed it, but…” He trails off, winking at me.
Oh, my God, he is the worst.
With every word out of Derek’s mouth, Henry fills up with more rage. His whole body is vibrating with it by the time we get to the lobby. Derek pretends Henry isn’t even here and tells me about Cassidy’s pet lady bug, and how it was hiding when I was over last weekend, but it came out after I left and Cassidy wants to show it to me.
I would say I can’t believe him, but the sad thing is, I can. It is so like Derek to turn the tides in his favor. To turn the thing that drove us apart into the thing that drives Henry away from me.
Henry knew no details about my incident with Derek last weekend. Undoubtedly he thought of it as a strictly physical drunken hook-up, but now Derek is standing here talking to me about his daughter—who Henry didn’t even know existed—and the pseudo family time we spent together. With every deliberate word out of his troublemaking mouth, Derek paints a picture—not of a tawdry one-night-stand, but of something real, something with roots.
I don’t know why Henry even stops once we get to the lobby. In his shoes, I would keep walking right out the door and never look back.
“Anyway,” Derek says, lowering his voice theatrically, “if you wanted me to come later, you should have texted me. I could’ve swung by after the suit dropped you off at home.”
“Just fucking stop it,” Henry snaps. “You think this is funny? This isn’t funny.”
Nodding once, Derek says, “I can see how it wouldn’t be for you.”
Eyes wide, Henry stares at me. “You like this person? This is the guy who fucked you up so much? This fucking asshole?”
“You know what? I’m going home,” I tell him, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, you have every right to be pissed off, and I know I should be more apologetic, but I can’t. This is exactly what he wanted. You’re playing right into his hand. You’re going to say things to me in anger that I will never forget, and so I’m just… I’m not going to do this. I’m sorry you took time off for this. I’m sorry Derek ruined our date. He won this round and we lost. Now, I’m going home.”
I reach over and snatch the Diet Coke Derek bought me out of his hand and head for the doors.
Chapter Fourteen
“Nicole,” Henry calls, following me.
“Oh, Henry, please don’t. Be mad, but do it away from me. I have a long memory. Ask him. I don’t forget when people offend me. I hold grudges and hate them forever.”
“Not sure he’s the best person to ask, seeing as you apparently fucked him and played house with him last weekend. If that’s what your grudges are like, please feel free to hold a fucking grudge against me, Nicole. You didn’t tell me any of that happened.”
Lifting my eyebrows I ask, “Did you want to hear it? I tried to tell you everything when you came over that night, but you stopped me. I would have told you whatever you wanted to know. I wasn’t being deceptive.”
We’re outside the theater now, under the lights in the parking lot. It’s a hot nigh
t made hotter by the stirring of passion, of anger and embarrassment. I hate that I’m the reason Henry is embarrassed. I hate that Derek is hurting him in his single-minded focus to win. I hate most of all that it doesn’t have anything to do with me, but if pressed, he would insist it does. Every time Derek loses me, he thinks he wants me back, but he doesn’t have the staying power to stick it out. It’s easy to get swept up in Derek’s passion, to believe in his conviction. It’s a lot harder when he gives up on you and it turns out it was all bullshit.
The door of the theater swings open and Derek comes strolling outside. He approaches slowly, his gaze drifting over to us, but he gives us a little breathing room.
Dragging my gaze back to Henry, I tell him, “If you want to talk about this, let’s leave and do it out of his earshot. He doesn’t deserve to hear the destruction he has wrought.”
Shaking his head, Henry looks down at the sidewalk, then back up at me. “I don’t know what else there is to say. I don’t know where we go from here, Nicole.”
Oh, God, please tell me he isn’t going to dump me in front of Derek. Not in front of Derek. Anywhere else, but not here.
Kicking a rogue stone on the sidewalk, I keep my gaze down and tell him, “We don’t have to decide anything right now. Not here. Not in front of him.”
“Is it worth hanging on?” he asks, shrugging hopelessly. “Is it? It seems like you gave more to him in one night than you’ve given me in a whole year. I’ve worked relentlessly to get close to you, Nicole. I’ve waited for you. I’ve had the patience of a fucking saint. If anyone was going to chip away at all that ice around your heart, it should have been me.”
That stings. I stiffen, swallowing down a lump of something. It’s one thing for me to refer to myself as an ice queen; it’s quite another when he does it.