Sex, Not Love

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Sex, Not Love Page 26

by Vi Keeland


  Once the elevator doors closed, she let out an audible exhale and spoke. “Thirty years ago, when I was dealing with my condition alone, I pushed people away because I didn’t want them to try to make me stop what I was doing. I knew people would try to help me, but that would mean having to stop checking things, and, of course, that thought alone caused me stress. So I pushed people away rather than face my fears.”

  I nodded. “I guess that’s what Hunter had been doing all these years. He didn’t get tested for a long time because he didn’t want to have to deal with the results. It was easier to push people away than be pressured to get the tests done when he wasn’t ready.”

  The elevator doors opened on Minnie’s floor. She booked out and down the hall, which made me smile. Baby steps. I watched from the elevator bank as she checked the handle one more time and then walked back toward me. Her face showed marked relief.

  I pressed the down button. “You good?”

  She nodded. “Next stop Puff and Stuff.” Today we were running errands. While that sounded easy, it entailed working on a number of compulsions. In the cab, she would need to check the door lock four times, at the store there would be four segments of counting her change. I had a small plan for a break in each one. But for now, she was focused. We stepped onto the elevator together and resumed chatting as if an obsessive compulsion hadn’t just interrupted us.

  “The only people I’ve kept in my life for the last thirty years are people who would accept me the way I am and not try to change how I wanted to live. I think you know how many people that amounts to.”

  Minnie had one remaining sister and her mother. No friends or coworkers. She’d alienated the entire world so she wouldn’t be bugged to stop her obsessions. But since her mother was getting up in age and her sister had married and moved down to Georgia, she’d realized she was alone most days. That’s what drove her to finally seek therapy. She wanted to be able to have people in her life and choose them over her disease.

  “Let me ask you something. Would you have pushed away people who never mentioned your checking and let you live the way you wanted to?”

  She shrugged. “Probably not. But people can’t help themselves. They always want to fix me.”

  It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I turned to her in the elevator and pulled her into a giant hug. “Minnie, your session is on me today. It’s the least I can do when you just solved my love-life problem.”

  Chapter 40

  Hunter

  I thought it was a dream.

  One of the porno variety. But to my surprise, the hand stroking me wasn’t my vivid imagination. I’d drawn the blinds to fall asleep during the day, so my hotel room was dark. Just like Natalia had suggested, I’d checked in, taken a hot shower, and then hit the sack naked. I wasn’t sure she would follow through with her promise after working all day, but I was prepared if she was.

  I could clearly see Natalia’s silhouette. She was naked on all fours, with her head looming over my cock. It swelled as her hand pumped a few times, and my skin tingled as her head lowered in slow motion. Right before her tongue peeked out, she looked up at me with her big eyes and held my gaze as she licked me from crown to base.

  I groaned.

  Fuck. Me.

  How could I have ever thought keeping away from her was a good idea?

  She swirled her tongue across my crown, wetting it as she got ready to suck me down. I had the strongest urge to wrap my hands through her hair and feed her my cock, thrusting hard, deep into her throat. But I somehow controlled myself. This might have been her reward to me, but it was her game, and I needed to allow her to play it out as she saw fit.

  Although, if I couldn’t show her what she did to me, it was impossible not to at least express it verbally.

  “Fuck. That feels so good. You have no idea how hard it is not to flip you on your back and fuck that beautiful face.”

  A glimpse of a mischievous smile shone in the dark, right before Natalia’s jaw opened wide and she sucked me fully into her sexy mouth.

  Jesus Christ.

  This.

  This was living.

  The woman I love coming home from work and waking me up with her mouth. Nothing in the world was better. I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner.

  She sucked hard, opening her throat, taking me deep. As she began to bob her head, rubbing my full length along the inside of her mouth and throat, I started to worry I was about to embarrass myself and come within thirty seconds.

  “Fuck. Natalia, slow down.”

  If it were possible, saying that made her go even deeper. The head of my cock hit against the back of her throat, and I’m pretty sure my breathing stopped. My balls tightened, and I knew I wasn’t going to last long. I was a goner in so many ways for this woman. But I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I needed to be inside of her. I wanted to fill every fucking orifice of her body. I wanted to fuck her hard and hear her moan my name in that sexy way.

  Using every ounce of my willpower, I sat up as much as I could, lifted her off of my cock, and dragged her up my body until she was fully on top of me. Then I flipped us so she was underneath me.

  “You don’t want my mouth on you?”

  “Oh baby, I want your mouth on me. I want to fuck that mouth as well as your sexy ass and your big, beautiful tits. I have plans to put my cock anywhere and everywhere you’ll let me.” I rubbed her lips with my thumb. “But I won’t last with this beautiful mouth on me, and I need to be inside of you first.”

  I was positioned on top of her, my cock hard as a rock and practically dripping from her mouth, so when she spread her legs wide beneath me, it was easy to slip inside. I closed my eyes and relished the feeling of connecting with her again. Nothing had ever felt so good in all of my life. Her wet heat and tight pussy sucked me in and made me lose my mind.

  And it wasn’t just the physical connection that felt so good. Natalia opened her eyes, and even in the darkness, our gazes connected. I’d fucked plenty in my life, but I could honestly say this was my first time making love.

  I began to move in and out slowly, as I watched her face. She was so beautiful, so open, so raw and real for me. Emotion overcame me, and I opened my mouth to seal the deal. Wiping a strand of hair from her face, I brushed my lips to hers. “Natalia, I lo…”

  Shit!

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuuuckkk.

  I quickly pulled out and jumped from the bed.

  Natalia was rightly confused. “What? What’s the matter?”

  I paced back and forth, ripping out the hair on my head. “I didn’t have a condom on.”

  “So? I’m on the pill. I trust you.”

  “That doesn’t matter,” I snapped. “It was totally irresponsible. What if…fuck. I can’t believe I did that.”

  “Hunter, it’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s not okay. It shouldn’t have happened.”

  I went to the bathroom to privately berate myself. How could I have been so irresponsible? What if I’d gotten Natalia pregnant? What if she’d had my kid, and we were both positive, and I left her to raise it with the disease on her own, and she had to bury two people she loved?”

  Stupid.

  So fucking careless.

  I took a shower to try to relax, but it didn’t help. I needed to apologize to Natalia for the way I’d acted and make sure she knew it could never happen again. But when I came out from the bathroom, she was gone.

  ***

  I hit redial for the tenth time, but she didn’t answer.

  Such an asshole.

  I’m such an asshole.

  I finally get my girl back, and what do I do? Fuck it up while inside of her. Who the hell does that? I overreacted. There was no two ways about it. And I was rude and barked at her when I should’ve been apologizing.

  My elbows were on my knees, hands holding my head as I sat on the edge of the bed. She’d been gone more than an hour when the lock cli
cked open.

  I stood immediately, blew out a relieved breath, and headed toward her. “I’m sorry, babe.”

  Natalia put her hand up, stopping me. “No. Sit. We need to talk.”

  I did what she asked and waited. Minutes of awkward silence followed as Nat fiddled with the ring she always wore on her pointer finger.

  When I couldn’t take it anymore, I tried again. “Nat, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

  “I don’t want to know.”

  “I was only going to apologize and tell you again why I did it.”

  “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re sorry, and I understand why you got upset.”

  “Okay…”

  “What I meant was…I don’t want to know if you’re positive for Huntington’s disease.” She sat down next to me.

  I was stunned. “Natalia…I…”

  “Let me explain.”

  Since I honestly had no goddamned clue how to respond—nor was I sure how I’d feel about not knowing after making the monumental decision to find out—I was glad she wanted to be the one to talk first.

  “I thought about it a lot today. For the last ten years, you chose to not get tested. You only made this decision because of me. And you plan to walk away if you find out because you think that will spare me. Well…I’m not willing to risk that. I’d planned on telling you that tonight. But then when you got freaked out because you forgot to put a condom on, it made me realize that if we never found out, we’d never be able to have kids.” She paused. “Now…I realize I’m jumping the gun here. Who knows, our relationship might not work out for a million normal reasons, so it could all be a moot point. But I needed to give some thought to how I would feel about not having kids because your genetic status would be unknown. And I decided I don’t care about giving birth. I have Izzy, and she’s no less of a daughter to me than if I’d delivered her myself—and we’ve only known each other for five years. If we decided we wanted a child of our own someday—a long time down the road—I’d be fine with adopting.”

  Hearing her say how much she’d be willing to sacrifice for me made my heart ache and swell at the same time. “Natalia, I don’t know what to say. The fact that you would be willing to offer such a huge thing, sacrifice something so important is…” I shook my head. “It means the world to me.”

  She looked me straight in the eyes. “I want you, Hunter. The rest we can figure out. I don’t ever want you to be inside of me and feel like it’s wrong again. If things between us go the way it feels like they will…one of us can get fixed so we don’t have to ever worry about condoms or getting pregnant.”

  She’d just given me the biggest gift anyone could ever receive. She offered so much and wanted nothing in return except me. I wasn’t sure if I deserved it or not, but I was selfish enough to take it.

  I’d known how I felt about her for a while now; I just didn’t have the balls to put it out there. But it was time. It was long past due.

  I walked to her and dropped to my knees at her feet where she sat on the edge of the bed. “I love you, Natalia. I’m so fucking in love with you that my chest feels like it could explode with everything in my heart.”

  “I love you, too, Hunter.”

  I kissed her lips softly.

  “So we’re good?” she said. “You agree we shouldn’t find out?”

  “Give me some time to think about it. Okay?”

  “Of course. It’s a big decision, and we have a few days, right?”

  I nodded. “The test results probably won’t be back until Friday morning.”

  “Okay. So we’ll sleep on it and talk about it again tomorrow with a fresh outlook.”

  That sounded like a great plan. Then again, you know what they say about the best-laid plans…

  Chapter 41

  Natalia

  I was confused when I woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. The blinds were drawn, and I wasn’t sure what time it was or where I was at first. But the hard chest acting as my pillow reminded me. Hunter was out cold—he didn’t even flinch at the sound of the phone, so I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed his cell. The phone stopped ringing just as I picked it up, but the missed call read Uncle Joe. I checked the time before setting it back down. 9 a.m. Damn, we’d both slept late.

  I gently nudged my sleeping giant. “Hunter.”

  “Mmm?” His eyes pinched shut tighter.

  “Your phone rang. And it’s late. Almost nine.”

  He opened one eye. “Sit on my face.”

  I laughed and smacked at his shoulder. “That’s your response when I wake you up and tell you that you missed a phone call?”

  “What? I like to eat right away when I wake up.”

  “It was your uncle.”

  Both his eyes opened, and his face turned serious.

  “What?”

  He leaned up on his elbows. “It’s only six in the morning in California. If he’s calling me this early, there’s a reason.”

  “I didn’t think of that. Well, hurry, call him back.”

  Hunter swung his legs and sat up on the edge of the bed. But he didn’t immediately reach for his phone. At first I thought he was taking a minute to wake up, but then I caught sight of his face. “What’s the matter?”

  “Uncle Joe ran the test. He said he’d call as soon as the results were in.”

  “But it’s only Thursday. You said results weren’t due until Friday.”

  “He said probably Friday. I don’t know. He could be calling about something else. But…”

  His cell phone started to ring again. We looked at each other for a few rings before he answered. “Hey, Uncle Joe. Give me one minute, okay?”

  He covered the phone. “You sure this is what you want? You don’t want to know. It’s a big decision, Natalia.”

  I wasn’t sure of much, but I was certain of one thing. “You’ll leave me if it’s positive. Your life won’t be the same. I’ll leave it up to you. But I don’t want to take those risks. I don’t need or want to know.”

  He stared into my eyes for a long time before nodding. Then he lifted the phone back to his ear. “Hey, Uncle Joe. Before you say anything, I want to let you know that I’ve decided to not find out the results. So if that’s the reason you’re calling, I don’t want to know.”

  I heard a man’s voice through the cell, but couldn’t make out the words he was saying. Hunter stared off, listening intently.

  “Uh-huh. Right.”

  Hunter’s eyes raised to mine and held. “Natalia and I decided we don’t want to know.”

  He looked away again while he went back to listening. I couldn’t sit still. I wrapped the sheet around me and stood to pace the floor.

  Hunter kept nodding and said yes a few times. At one point, he rubbed his temples with his free hand. It made me nervous that maybe his uncle had called about something else, that something bad had happened.

  After a few minutes that felt more like hours, Hunter cleared his throat. “Okay. Thanks, Uncle Joe. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.” He pressed end call and shut his eyes, looking down.

  “What happened? Is your aunt okay?”

  My heart jumped into my throat when he looked up. Tears streamed down his face.

  “Hunter, what happened?”

  Without warning, I was suddenly lifted into the air and tossed on the bed. “My test came back negative.”

  I shook my head, afraid to believe what I’d just heard. “What test?”

  “My DNA analysis came back negative. There’s a zero-percent chance that I have Huntington’s disease.”

  Tears streamed down my face to match his. “Oh my God. Are you serious? But you told him you didn’t want to know.”

  Hunter smiled. “He told me tough shit, he wasn’t sitting on a negative result until I finally pulled my head out of my ass.”

  “You really don’t have it? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better because of our fight yesterday?”

  “
No, I’m not just trying to make you feel better, babe.” He pressed his lips to mine. “But I’m about to make you feel better.”

  I felt wired with energy. “We should go out and celebrate! I can’t believe it!”

  “I’m going to do my celebrating inside. Inside of you.”

  Hunter unraveled the sheet I had wrapped around my body and kissed my neck. “I’ve never had sex without a condom—except for that minute last night.”

  I smiled. “So it’ll sort of be like your first time then?”

  “It’s always felt like my first time with you. But this time, I want to come inside of you. I want to bury myself so deep and come so fucking hard that you’re legs will shake and the people in the room next door will know my name. I want my cum inside of you, just like you’re inside of me—so far that it’s lost and never coming out again. I want to mark you as mine.”

  “God, Hunter.”

  He lifted my hands over my head and clasped them together using one hand while the other reached down between my legs. “Spread for me, beautiful.”

  I did, and Hunter’s head dipped down to suck one nipple into his mouth while his fingers worked my clit. I moaned while he rubbed circles with his thumb. He slipped two fingers inside of me to make sure I was ready and then shifted back to align himself with my opening.

  He never took his eyes from mine as he entered me. I was so wet, so incredibly ready for him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pushed in deep. Hunter’s arms began to shake. “Fuck. You feel…so, so good…”

  He started slow, moving in and out and studying the reaction on my face to each thrust. Closing his eyes, he looked like he wanted to savor every minute of the first time inside me bare, but when I moaned and said come inside of me, his willpower snapped.

  What started out as making love elevated to fucking. Pure, primal fucking. Hunter pounded into me hard, his face desperate with need. Our bodies soaked with sweat as we moved in unison, me meeting each of his strong thrusts. The sound of wet, slapping bodies echoed through the room and was the most erotic thing I’d ever heard.

 

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