“Might I suggest you calm down?” Saturnus comes before me in an effortless momentum.
“May I suggest that you shut up?” I bite out. He looks surprised, but then the mask of calm falls over his features once more.
“It is not my fault the girl was not as pliable as expected, Your Highness.” He takes a formal approach and I find myself unreceptive.
“The ‘girl’ was just cornered in front of the entire city’s population on a piece of advice YOU gave me Saturnus,” I accuse him, suddenly realising with whom this fault belongs.
“I swear to you; I have heard her speak of engagement. I have heard her long for such a vow,” Saturnus runs his hand through his hair, looking concerned but I see that it is a faux gesture. I cock my head, looking at him, suspicious. I feel my eyes narrow.
“Yes. Well. I suppose these women can be temperamental. She is young,” I speak the words and watch him with careful intent.
“Indeed Your Highness. Of course it is no surprise she has swum out into the open ocean. She is not a creature with much regard for her own safety, I’m sure you’d agree,” Saturnus smiles slightly, almost sympathetically toward me. I nod.
“Agreed. I want her found,” I mutter.
“Let your men do their job. It’s what they’re there for,” Saturnus reminds me.
“Will you go and watch over them. Make sure they are taking necessary precautions for mobilisation?” I request and he nods. Slamming his fist into his heart.
“Of course. It would be my honour,” he responds, bowing his feathered mane of bloody hair and turning swiftly, leaving a trail of refracted rainbows in the wake of his diamond encrusted tailfin. I rise from the throne, moving to suspend myself inches from the panoramic glass window, surveying the city.
I watch the horizon as the moon rises, light falling over everything, dulling it by comparison to sunlight. How can Callie not want to be here beside me? I wonder, feeling my heart fragment.
I watch the Knights of Atargatis, few in number now, depart the city to find her. I wonder if she’ll come back willingly. Then I think to myself about the notion of marrying her. I can’t help but know now, despite my nerves about asking her, that I need her to be my wife. Is that unreasonable? Perhaps. But what is there to stop us? She may only be eighteen years old, but when you know someone is who you want to spend eternity with, why should that matter? I know she feels the connection, the pairing of our souls, so why would she run? I let a sense of foreboding ambivalence settle over me. The emotions within pull in different directions so I silence them, stopping them from pulling me apart. I need her. Physically, emotionally, and soulfully and I always will. Does it matter if we are wed? Yes. She must be mine and mine alone. I whisper internally, this confession of need so sacred I shudder at the vulnerability it sets loose within. I feel my shoulders hunch as the prospect of her absence, anger and pain looms like a dark cloud over me. My own anger simmers beneath my slouched exterior as I curse all women. What the hell are they playing at, being so fragile but refusing protection? So loveable and yet so unwilling to be loved? So coveted and yet so unattainable? Why won’t she just let me love her for Goddesses sake? Then I feel my own pride vanquished as I wonder if it’s not her at all, but instead me. Am I worth marrying? Has my sordid past been bothering her again? I wish she would talk to me. I want to read her as an open book, splay out her pages and study all her intricate calligraphy. Trace my fingers across her inky curves and study her intricate gliding lines. As I look out over the horizon, into the stormy shadows, I cannot help but wonder if she can be found. If she will return to me. I am still, suspended in a state of waiting, my back to the throne I have just taken and as onyx dusted clouds begin to swirl overhead, a single diamond falls in pitted silence.
CALLIE
The dark clouds above puff out like the chests of peacocks, asserting their majesty. I watch the waning moon disappear behind them and continue to move through the waves, breaking the surface every now and then, letting the water carry me wherever it wills. I find clarity above the surface, the dryness of the air clinging to me and encasing me in a blanket of acute thought. The situation begins to become transparent in my mind, easily foreseeable. I wonder why I didn’t see this coming. It is in fact the single most logical way for Orion to assert absolute ownership over me, and that in its entirety is why I could not say yes. The next problem I am faced with is the fact that I have just left him standing in front of his people without an answer. I wonder if I have made the right choice as my tailfin flicks upward, sending salt spray up around me and I feel the first drops of rain begin to fall on my back. Can I go back now? Will he be contented us being together as just Orion and Callie, not man and wife? The word wife makes me irrationally angry and I clench my teeth, riding through the increasingly tumultuous waves, enjoying each bite of the ocean’s white capped surface, stinging my skin as I bury myself within it once more. What the hell was he thinking? I’m eighteen for goddess’ sake! My own internal monologue reminds me of his motives. He thinks we’re destined. I want to spit the word, slam down on it hard with my fist. I hear an inward sneer, a cajoling bite that whispers to me, stirring my anger. I feel my blood boil as I break the surface again, without direction or reason, riding the waves of a growing storm and enjoying my insignificance against the trembling waves, the beating of the rain against my scales, the darkness of the depths beneath. I watch the fish stirring, moving in time with their frantic, fearful heartbeats. Pitiful. I think a thought that isn’t my own and shake it off. Eventually I find myself looking upon a shoreline I hadn’t even realised I had been heading for. It was the root of my problem, so it was no wonder really, but I had returned once more to the beach where Orion and I had first kissed. Where I had died in his arms.
I bob up and out of the water at increasing intervals of nearness to the line of the sand. I feel the wicked currents pulling at disjointed angles beneath me so I continually move my tailfin, left then right, correcting my position. I can see the light from where I am, even though the rain is coming down in sheets.
The beach house. The life I’ve left behind. I wonder if my friends are inside. If they’re giggling, laughing, watching a movie without me. I miss them now more than I can say I have since I died and was reborn. I miss the warmth of their bedrooms, the simplicity of quilted bedspreads and bowls of popcorn. I long for their company, for the simplicity of their lives. A simplicity I had all but taken for granted once. I had thought my life was so hard. Had I known what was to come, I can’t help but wonder if I would have been slightly more grateful for Carl and all his bullying. I’m not saying he wasn’t a bastard, of course he made my life difficult, but he was nothing compared to the armies of Psirens and the demons I had seen rise from the depths of the ocean. I longed for his critique. I longed for my mother. I longed, for just a moment, to be human.
I move forward, sloshing water up my back in a cold cascade, allowing my head to immerse itself once more in the ocean. I swim, desperately, quickly and wanton toward the shore. I climb up on my haunches, moving my slickened scales against the grain of drenched sand. I haul myself, the weight of my tail immense now on land, toward the life I had once lived. I find myself out of breath quickly, heart hammering, waves lapping over me in a chilling realisation that I cannot go back. I look up at the lights of Chloe’s beach house, the place where I once had so many human problems and collapse onto the sand, letting it catch me and the waves climb over me like a sodden blanket. I roll onto my back and let my tears fall, exasperation and grief overcoming me like a tsunami. The rain continues to fall down over me and lightning illuminates my broken form as the storm washes my tears back to the sea, hardening them into something eternally cold. I lay there, under the intermittent sparks of the raging storm, stuck in the place between my old life and new. Wanting to go back.
I slowly curl up, pulling my tail up to my chest and place my chin on the aquamarine scales. I let the waves pull me back to where I’ve come, back into the ocea
n’s depths. I surrender to the movement of the storm, surrender to the idea of being alone, surrender to my inner tumult and let myself be taken by the rage of the water.
Falling through the waves so deep, I close my eyes and beckon sleep.
I hear something stir beneath the earth. It is hot to touch underneath my fleshy mass. I can hear it, whispers crawling over me with arachnid softness, a tingle moving across me with wicked intent. Tremors are moving through the dense rock and heat is breathing in and out of all the fissures of the ocean’s bedrock. I close my eyes, scared to know what is encased in a timeless coffin. I see black slashes, symbols flash across the back of my eyelids. Something I’ve seen before but cannot quite remember. I hear a cackle as I writhe with terror in a place unknown to me. I know not what surrounds me but only what lies beneath, the jaws of something old, something dark, stretching open in a grin, a grin that will swallow me whole. I don’t think this is a memory… or at least… it’s not my memory.
I wake with a start, curled up on the ocean floor, alone. Or not, as I look up into the eyes of Cole.
“Callie… what are you doing here?” He looks at me, something unmistakably horrified in his eyes.
“I… I ran away,” I stutter, shaking off the dream that had not belonged to me. I wonder if it was a reaction to the stress of everything that’s going on around me. But then again, mermaids aren’t supposed to dream, we are only meant to consolidate our memories into a flawlessness that time cannot erode.
“I don’t think you ran… more like swam,” Cole presents a hand to me, helping me up from the sand. His onyx tail is moving impatiently and it aggravates me slightly. I don’t wonder why he is here. I know Orion has sent him.
“So exactly how much trouble am I in?” I ask him and he shakes his head.
“I don’t know. It seems to me like Orion is pretty worried. I think he’ll be glad you’re safe.” His armour is shimmering around him. I turn from him, feeling the pressure of his presence. “Let’s go back to the city. I can call off the search and the rest of the Knights can return to their proper duties. Keeping everyone safe,” Cole speaks the words and I can’t help but feel they’re directed at me. Like I’m causing some huge inconvenience for everyone. My heart is stony in my chest, emotion from the night before, much like the storm in the midst of which I had sobbed, is clearing, vaporising into nothing.
“I don’t know if I want to go back,” I whisper. Faux weakness sounds throughout my tone. I want him to pity me, but I no longer feel sorry for myself. This wasn’t my fault and I’m not going to deal with it on anyone’s timescale but my own. Cole opens his mouth to retort but I turn and start to swim away from him. He follows me insistently.
“I cannot go without you. If I have to stay here I will. It’s not safe to be out here alone. You need protection,” he implores my fear to engage an understanding of his logic within me. This only makes my anger grow.
“No. I need to be alone. I can protect myself. I died and came back to life remember?” I continue to move away from him, something catches my eye and an abhorrent feeling of rising vomit follows. We are still close to the shore and I can see its proximity to the human world now more than ever. A turtle is caught in a plastic bag, throttling itself within the rungs one would use to carry groceries home. Next to the poor creature is a discarded soda can and several candy wrappers. The remnants of a sugar binge. I move down through the water and rip away the plastic bag. The turtles brown leathery flippers beat against my arms as I free it, desperate to be back, swimming free. As I pull the tacky plastic loop from its neck the big beautiful black eyes connect with mine in a moment of thanks, a second of mutual respect. It swims away, slowly, gracefully through the azure hue of the water and into the distant morning light. I realise Cole is now beside me.
“Must have thought it was a Jellyfish. They eat them you know. It’s good this one got caught up in the bag and didn’t eat it. That can kill them,” he speaks like this is common knowledge. I feel bile rise up within my throat, thick and sweet.
“You’ve seen this before?” I query him, horrified.
“Near the coasts, yes. We try to help wherever we can. But sometimes it’s not enough.” His royal blue eyes fill with a kind of melancholy knowing. I wonder why it is Orion and I are working so hard to save a world full of people who are so goddamn ignorant and disrespectful to the needs of their own planet. I feel something stir within me, that tiny voice at the back of my skull, growing louder with each instance. Exactly.
“Humans suck,” I exhale and Cole nods.
“They are… young even still I suppose. Evolution takes time.”
“This isn’t evolution, its common sense and a lack of care,” I shake my head, the anger not fading but reverberating through my every thought. I clench my fingers into my palms.
“I think we should go back, Callie. I can tell you’re stressed out. Maybe you need to talk things out with Orion. It isn’t safe out here,” he reminds me once again of the Psirens and my anger crests. I roll my eyes and he frowns.
“It’s not my fault you know, that he’s like this with you.”
“So I’m not overreacting about him being so overprotective?” I ask him and he looks deeply uncomfortable.
“Look… I shouldn’t really be talking to you about this stuff, it’s not my place to…” He trails off and I glare at him, erect as a poker in the body of the sea and determined to know another sees my point of view.
“Cole. Spit it out.”
“Well… My soulmate, Jack, he’s with the Knights of Atargatis all the time, and I love him. But, I can’t stop him from going out there and doing his duty. He’d kick my ass.” He looks at me and his mouth twists into a smile at the thought. I can see the love there instantly.
“So you’re saying Orion should suck it up and let me fight if I want?” I look at him hopeful, warming to him slightly.
“I’m saying if you weren’t a woman, he wouldn’t have much of a choice. You may look small and dainty, but I saw you that night over the city. You’re stronger than he thinks. You’re stronger than even you, yourself, realise,” he smiles at me and I feel confidence grow within my chest, blooming outward from my sternum and crawling around my ribs like vines, reinforcing my bones, protecting my heart.
“Thank you,” I smile at him and he nods, an expression crossing his face that I can’t quite read.
“Don’t mention it. As in, actually don’t mention it. I don’t fancy pissing off the new Crowned Ruler,” he shrugs and I nod.
“I think we should go back now. You’re right,” I do this to show my gratitude and smile gratefully. I know I’m doing him a favour by not putting up too much of a fight, but I also know that I do need to go back to the city. I need to go and talk to Orion. I need to go and tell him how I feel. I need to fix things between us. After all, what other choice do I have?
CALLIE
The surface of the water rolls, unrestrained and boundless above as I move through the city. I can feel eyes peering through glassless windows and watching my return in the bioluminescent dim. My body feels strong, my views definite, my heart encased in my ribs, no longer trapped like a bird but rather using the alabaster bars as a kind of armour. I wasn’t going to be distracted, I was going to put my fin down.
Looking back over the past few months it’s been easy to be swept away with the huge current of Orion’s love, the passion we share. But I needed to be able to swim in the current, enjoy it and not get pulled under by its intensity. I look around me at the city and its great height, the towering turrets of surface scrapers looming like huge bollards above me, trapping me within their streets. Cole and I are moving toward the Alcazar Oceania, which does not yet feel like home, accompanied by a small guard of Knights who had aided him in his search for me.
I can’t quite bring myself to feel bad at the inconvenience to them. Rather I choose to feel irritated at Orion for making such a fuss. It is getting embarrassing for him, how desperate he appear
s all the time when trying to keep me caged in next to him. He doesn’t look like the ruler I know he can be. He looks like a lovesick schoolboy with an edge of overbearing father.
I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, feeling the tiara that still clings within the thick, stiff locks of my mermaid tresses. It feels heavy on my head, its claws digging into my scalp ferociously.
“You can go now, Cole. I don’t need an escort. I know my way to the Alcazar Oceania,” I turn to him and he throws his fist against his chest, hard and unwavering in its trajectory.
“Of course,” he looks worried.
“I’ll be okay. Go home to Jack. That’s an order,” I smile at him kindly and he looks surprised, a tiny flame of thanks flickering into life behind his royally blue eyes. He turns from me wordlessly, taking the rest of the mermen with him. I watch him interlock his fingers with one of the other Knights who had been following us and I wonder if Jack had in fact been accompanying us the whole time. I shrug it off, feeling the weight of the fight ahead of me. Maybe there won’t be a fight. Maybe it’s all a big misunderstanding. The naivety of my own thought surprises me. Of course there is going to be a fight. I left the man hanging there without an answer to a proposal of marriage. More than that, I can’t even claim that I want to get married. Because I don’t.
The Kiss That Saved Me (The Tidal Kiss Trilogy Book 2) Page 10