I never liked that man, even when I was a mermaid, all innocent and pure. There’s something about him that’s unsettling to me, so I enjoy watching him carefully manoeuvre around the girl. Now I think about it, it was probably some innate repulsion from the Goddess that lies at the heart of why he makes me so uneasy. The beginnings of my first touch with darkness maybe. Who knows? I’ve given up trying to understand it all, for who am I? Powerful yes, but on the grand scale I am but a pawn in a game of Gods.
“Yes, I think it’s best if you leave. If Orion doesn’t want you here… it won’t be long before the rest of the city start to turn against you Callie… You need to get away,” Saturnus’ words look like they’ve physically pained the girl as I rise up the side of the tower, toward the light, eavesdropping on them mid-conversation. Her blonde hair is moving in cascades of fairness and her pert figure is dainty and weak looking. Her expression is crumpled, like a fallen angel, her tiny waist and arms look frail, pale… but that’s not what catches my attention. It’s something in her eyes. A sudden flash of rage, protruding through her anguish. I’ve seen that look before but can’t quite place it.
“Fine,” Saturnus’ chest deflates slightly at her short but clearly agitated sentiment. She swims away and he looks around, slightly aware he is being watched, but not aware of the source… or is he? He moves back into the building from which he has come, at the other side of the courtyard. As he moves, I see him pull something reflective from a satchel around his shoulder before disappearing around the corner. Saturnus gone, I decide to follow a feeling of gut instinct and tail Callie for a while. After all, I have nothing better to do. Maybe the open ocean will do me good.
I’ve been hunting her for a while, keeping a distance so she won’t realise it’s me. She’s crying, as a trail of diamonds in the sand below will attest to. I feel sick at the thought of all that emotion, all those leaking fluids. Humanity is so gross.
The open water is cooling over my skin, liquid serenity, clearing the darkness from my mind. I should come for long swims more often I vow to myself. It makes the darkness feel more manageable, less a part of who I am and more something that has happened to me.
Callie is still within my view but suddenly stops and turns, as though she’s aware of me. I watch her, dropping back a little.
“Orion if that’s you, I swear I’m going to…” I hear the call, angrier than I’ve ever heard her. She sounds fierce, like a mouse in a dragon costume. I writhe, undulating through the water, like the current itself my body takes on a fluidity that I adore. Sexy as hell but fast, too. Titus had taught me once upon a time.
“It’s not Orion. It’s me,” I feel the darkness recoil as her petite features soften, her white skin glowing. Our eyes meet and she erects herself in the water. Her body is tense.
“What… what are you doing here? Did he send you?” She asks me, eyes full of fear, like a caged animal fleeing for her life. Does she know that I can beat her in a physical confrontation? She looks upset and her aquamarine eyes are rimmed red. I feel something I haven’t in a while. Empathy. She and I aren’t so different, we both sacrificed for the mer.
“No…I’m not here for him,” I don’t know what to say and I feel my pupil’s contract, the blackness of them receding.
“That thing with your eyes… do you know that happens or…” She looks like a small child as she lifts a hand to her nose and itches awkwardly. I frown slightly, she’s forward.
“Um… yes. The darkness, when I get angry it comes out,” I reply, she smiles slightly.
“That sucks, you should be allowed to get angry without going all Morticia Queen of darkness,” she sniffs and I cock my eyebrow, no idea what she’s babbling about.
“Yes. It’s not so bad. Stops people bothering me.” She cocks an eyebrow at my explanation and I can’t help but smile, she looks so young and naive.
“You look pretty when you smile, you should do it more often,” she compliments me and my mouth instantly drops back into the sullen line it preferentially forms.
“So what happened? You don’t want to marry my brother?” I ask her, changing the subject onto something that will make her uncomfortable.
“No. I don’t,” she sounds sure of herself. She realises we are suspended in the open sea and gestures to me. “Do you mind if we keep moving. I don’t like floating like this,” she admits the simple fact to me and I wonder why.
“Why?” I ask her, surprised at my own lack of self-containment.
“I don’t like just floating out here, moving helps take my mind off things.”
“Are you stupid? Not that, why don’t you want to marry my brother?” I snap, and she recoils slightly but then narrows her eyes.
“You don’t scare me you know,” I snort at her transparency.
“Maybe not, but I make you uncomfortable.” I snarl.
“No. Not uncomfortable.” She doesn’t look at me, skimming the water with the edge of her tailfin in an amateur stroke. I wonder how she beat Titus with so little knowledge of her own anatomy, what she was truly capable of.
“Well?” I tut impatiently, yearning for her opinion against my own better judgement.
“I feel bad for you,” she looks at me with a pain in her face.
“Great, I love pity,” I roll my eyes.
“Not like you think. I just mean, you lost your father, and Titus. I know it’s not conventional… but, you and he had a connection. I think. I mean from what you’ve said he must have gotten pretty close to turn you into what you are… and well, so I sort of assumed that you and he… you know…” She is rambling, the truth of her words slays me. Shock of my emotion at the thought of Titus, after everything he had done to me, dying causes red mist to fog my vision. The black rose of my heart, blooms, vulnerable to its own thorns.
“Stop,” I say the single syllable and she silences immediately, the only sound for miles is the muted sloshing of the surface.
In the distance I see the outline of a shark and several shoals of fish, I know what will happen next, they’re minding their own business, will they become like I did, victim to circumstance. Something inside me snaps slightly, I wasn’t the goddamn fish, I was the shark.
“I’m glad you didn’t say yes,” I whisper.
“What?” She says, not hearing my dull set tone.
“I said I’m glad you didn’t say yes to my brother. You’re better than that.” She looks confused.
“What do you mean?”
“Men make you soft. You don’t need that. Don’t let the Occulta Mirum fool you, don’t let the doe eyes of the other mermaids fool you. There is something coming, something dark and being the sideshow to a man isn’t going to save you,” I look at her and she cocks her head.
“You’ve seen it haven’t you?”
“I don’t need to have seen it to know, Callie. Atargatis didn’t make the mer immortal and practically un-killable for no reason. We need to be strong.” Callie looks startled, brushing her blonde hair behind one ear.
“I don’t know. I don’t really think I’ll be around for all that. I’m leaving actually.” I raise my eyebrows. She wasn’t taking Saturnus seriously was she?
“Don’t be pathetic, don’t listen to Saturnus!” I snap at her again and feel disgust at her weak sensibility.
“It’s not Saturnus. Though I’m glad you were eavesdropping. Do you know how creepy that is?” She looks exasperated.
“Why are you leaving?” I demand of her.
“Orion… he doesn’t want me anymore. I’m not sure I want him,” she looks deeply fragmented by this statement, the anguish obvious on her elven features. She stops suddenly in the water and sinks, placing her head in her hands and allowing her shoulders to shake with uncontrollably pathetic sobs. Oh crap. I think to myself. I really don’t have the capacity to deal with a crying girl… can I leave? I wonder internally as she hits the ocean floor and splays out, curling herself around the scales of her fluke.
“Callie…” I
swim down to her with one slash of my eel like tail, moving toward her at a speed quicker than that of my inner workings. I reach out to touch her shoulder. “You don’t need him,” I say and she turns on me, face contorted, leaning up in a fluid movement and manipulating her features into an expression of wicked fury.
“How the fuck would you know. You’re just a MURDERING, INSOLENT BITCH!” She shouts, her voice echoing in the emptiness of the water around us, reverberating off the flat plains of sand that spread for miles. What I notice as her expression drains of colour is that her eyes are familiar, because they’re like mine. They’re black as sin and diluted to a state of delirious abyss.
“Callie,” I breathe her name like it’s a curse word. What the hell is going on with this girl?
“Oh my… Azure I…” She begins, slapping a hand over her mouth but I put my hand on her shoulder, a slight electric shock hits the edge of my fingertip and I withdraw it… It’s almost as if… No it can’t be…
“Hey it’s okay. Breathe,” I recite my personal mantra to her aloud.
“What’s happening to me? I’m up and down and all over the place.” She sobs again, diamonds falling into her lap.
“You’re just having a hard time. My brother can be an asshole,” I smile at her, she liked that before, I remember. She looks calm again, the dark fog fading as quickly as it came from her irises.
“I hurt him I think. I touched him and I stole his power,” she admits to me and I listen intently for any hint of him.
“Maybe. He probably deserved it.”
“You asked me before… why I said no? Well, I guess I can tell you,” she bites her bottom lip and sniffs a few times. I inhale water deeply; God this emotional confession stuff is enough to make anyone feel nauseous. I prefer my people nice and shallow.
“I don’t know who I am, I know I’m Orion’s soulmate. I know I’m the vessel and all that other destiny crap. But in all this change, my old self is gone. I don’t know who I am without him.”
“Well…what about your father?” I reply, wanting a quick fix, wanting this emotional geyser of a girl to disappear. I do not like the effect she’s having on me, it is sickly sweet, like treacle being poured down my throat, globules sticking in my gullet, making me choke.
Her eyes light up even though she should be surprised that I know about her father at all, it was so long ago that I last saw him.
“But… I don’t know where he is.”
“Can’t you ask Saturnus?” I say the answer, knowing it’s obvious but wondering about the level of intelligence of the girl floating before me. I mean you have to have a certain level of stupid to fall for my brother’s corny ass routine. I’d seen their courtship among the fog of visions, I knew the kind of mushy crap that had made her melt, like only too pliable putty in his hands.
Callie frowns, leaning back in the sand and unfurling her aqua scaled fluke, it’s short compared to mine but stocky, too pretty almost. This girl should seriously consider pairing that aqua with black, she needs the edge. I mean, let’s be honest, no one ever takes a fairy Princess seriously.
“No. He wouldn’t tell me even if he knew. He hates my father,” she breathes and I nod. Wanting more than anything to high tail it out of here. Suddenly, she looks like a wave of inspiration has hit her, she straightens her spine, letting her hair tumble back over her shoulders.
“I do know someone I could ask. But I don’t know how to find him. He’s a Psiren.”
“A Psiren?” I look at her, shocked at the audacity of the idea.
“Yes, Solustus,” she answers and my shock deepens. Is she stupid? What the hell is she thinking? Is she thinking she can get Solustus to sit down and take her to tea, gab about good old dad when his first instinct is going to be to slit her throat?
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea… Solustus is more than you can handle. Trust me,” I snort, unable to hold back the absurdity of her trying to negotiate with the likes of Solustus alone.
“Tell me where he is. I don’t need your approval. I can handle myself.” I watch her rage snowball as I falter in my response and roll my eyes. Her independent woman routine is almost as believable as a Christmas pantomime dame, no wonder my brother has problems trusting her. I think back to my eavesdropping on their arguments through the thick crystal floor of the upper turrets of the palace. Orion will kill me if I get her hurt. I mean with actual beheading.
“Callie… you really don’t want to be going in there…”
“I said TELL ME!” She screams out again, flying forward and placing her hands around my throat. She knocks me back into the sand and I cry out, feeling her weight crushing me.
Oh Hell NO! I scream internally, flipping her onto her back using my weight and years of experience to out-manoeuvre her. She’s beneath me then, laughing and cackling as her eyes turn black once more.
What the hell is this girl’s deal? Seriously? She’s not a Psiren… and when the hell did she get so violent… she’s acting like, well, my ex.
The questions make me stare at her, creating a moment where my arms slacken their hold and Callie wriggles free. She gets up, turning around and hissing like a pissed off cat.
“Fine! I don’t need you! I don’t need anybody. I’ll find them on my own, and tell your asshole brother that I approve his request. I’m never coming back.” She turns and moves away with a speed that she didn’t seem to possess not twenty minutes ago. I am knocked back by the force of the water displacement and watch her disappear. I could follow her, but somehow it seems like too much effort to invest in someone I a) don’t like that much and b) don’t really want to piss off.
I watch the speck of her, insignificant in the azure hugeness and wonder if she really will find the Cryptopolis. Something tells me that she will, and that something was a tiny spark of recognition, of severed connection in the back of her ocular darkness.
CALLIE
I’m thrumming, vibrating with rage that overcomes like nothing I’ve ever known, addictive and jagged like broken glass, grating within me, and its edge is providing a clarity unlike anything I’ve experienced. What the hell was up with my life? What the hell was up with Orion and his screwed up family? When had I become a pawn in the plans of a Goddess I had never believed in? When had I started being the one that everyone looked to for hope, comfort, and reassurance? Where the hell is my hope, comfort, and reassurance? Why is it always me that gets the shit end of the oar? Ugh, I am so sick of this crap. I mutter internally whilst gritting my teeth. I wonder now whether I am naïve, thinking Orion and I were going to ride off into the sunset on Philippe and never have so much as a harsh word. Well maybe I am naïve, but he was also stubborn, overbearing, and controlling. I am not about to put up with that for eternity. I realise soon that I’m swimming with no end destination in mind, I seem to be doing that a lot lately so I slow, closing my eyes.
Hello Callie. The voice echoes in a flash across the backs of my eyelids. I snap them open in fright. What the hell was that? I stop, turning around. I wonder if Azure has been stupid enough to follow me in my current mood. She’s not there. I am alone. So I haven’t been imagining the voice speaking wicked nothings in my ear? Or have I? I close my eyelids again.
Sssstupid girl. Don’t you know what you are? The voice is there, I hear it. I decide to try answering, feeling impatient. “No! I don’t know who I am! Who are you?” I speak the words aloud feeling incredulous. A few moments fade into the past as fish pass me, moving through the invisible rat race of evolutionary purpose. I shake it off, it’s hardly surprising that all the stress of the last few days is getting to me, making me imagine things.
I think about the loss of Orion, the man I thought I would spend the rest of my days with. It infuriates me even further. I wonder if I would have hated being married to him. No of course not, I remind myself of the fact that it wasn’t what he’d asked that had infuriated me, of course I was flattered. It was rather the way in which he asked, and how little time we’d
known each other. This makes me even angrier and I wish I had someone to yell at.
I think about my father, about my identity and the longing I’ve always felt toward the idea of meeting him. I know now that I need to find him, I need to meet him. I need to find somewhere in this ocean to call home. Somewhere I belong.
I find a small reef to rest by, letting the ebbing fractures of my heart pulsate like they’re infected with misery. Mortally wounded and bleeding.
The fish provide little comfort as wrasse and flame angel fish scurry, leaving streams of red and orange in their wake. My anger is still there, behind it all, seething and writhing, growing with each moment that I go over the argument with Orion in my mind. My anger morphs and I feel suddenly restless again, I need to find Solustus, I need to find the Psirens.
Let me help you with that.
The voice creeps from within the shadow of my psyche, like it’s stepped through a locked door, using my anger and impatience as the key to gain access to the forefront of my mind.
Suddenly I see images flash by, like a mental map to a city I couldn’t have imagined in my deepest nightmares. I don’t know where it’s come from. Maybe it’s something I picked up from Starlet when I stole her visions at the masked ball all those many months ago, or maybe something I absorbed from Azure when I had tackled her to the ground.
I let the images continue to flow, a graveyard of sunken ships and submarines, doomed before they had even begun, and a giant crack in the bedrock of the earth. These are the things I need to seek out.
I’m instantly grateful to the voice inside my head, for giving me my next step, giving me an aim, a destination, anything to take my mind off the absence of Orion. I need to funnel my energy into something productive, I need to heal, be free and have fun. Find myself again.
The Kiss That Saved Me (The Tidal Kiss Trilogy Book 2) Page 12