by Rivka Spicer
The pills worked a treat and she slept so deeply the maid on duty actually had to wake her up.
“It’s half past ten Miss Jenny.” She said, switching the lights on and pulling out some jeans for Jen to wear. “There’s a lady arrived downstairs – a friend of yours.”
“Nkara? She’s here already?” Jen frowned. Nkara never went anywhere in the morning. She didn’t believe in rushing good coffee.
“Yes Miss Jenny. Would you like the green top or the brown one?” She held up two for Jen to compare and Jen shrugged.
“Surprise me.” Sloping into the bathroom she cleaned her teeth, washed her face and decided not to bother with make-up. There would be plenty of that later. Getting dressed quickly, she drank the coffee the maid had left her and rushed downstairs to meet Nkara.
She found her sitting in the front room looking out across the estate, enjoying the feeling of the sunshine on her face. They hugged quickly and dispensed with the small talk at a speed only old friends can.
“How come you’re here so early?” Jen asked curiously, settling into an armchair. “I thought we were all supposed to be sleeping late so we could have an insane night tonight.” Nkara frowned and then shrugged.
“I had this feeling that you needed me for some reason.” She said mildly and Jen hid a smile. Nkara’s feelings were legendary and almost always spot on. Nkara was a deeply spiritual person and while Jen viewed a lot of Nkara’s beliefs and practices with extreme scepticism, she couldn’t help but appreciate the Zen-like calm that Nkara carried round with her like a blanket.
“Any idea what the feeling was about?” She decided to play along and Nkara surprised her with a smile.
“You are troubled by something you’ve seen over the last couple of nights.” She stated simply and Jen’s jaw dropped.
“Did my mum ring you?” She asked suspiciously and Nkara grinned.
“How could she? She doesn’t have my number.” It was true and Jen’s mobile had been in her pocket constantly. “But…? How?” Nkara shrugged.
“I just knew. You want to talk about it?” Jen sighed.
“Let’s go for a walk.” She suggested and Nkara nodded. Fetching sweaters, they walked around the edges of the walled gardens while Jen explained the dreams she’d had to Nkara.
“They were just so vivid.” She reiterated. “I woke up still feeling sad and I can remember every last tiny detail of what happened. I’ve never had dreams like that before – dreams that stayed with you even when you were awake.” As they got back to the house, Nkara was deep in thought and Jen asked for some coffee to be brought to the lounge, fearing the lecture that was sure to follow deserved it.
“I know you’re sceptical about a lot of my beliefs and abilities and I’ve respected that for as long as I’ve known you.” Nkara began eventually and Jen nodded, settling opposite her in an armchair. “I’d like your permission to tune into you, get some sort of feeling of your energy.” Nkara continued. “Something just doesn’t sound right about all this. My gut is telling me there’s something important here but I can’t for the life of me think what’s wrong.” Jen was a bit taken aback, but shrugged. She might not have a clue what Nkara was talking about but she trusted her.
“What do I need to do?” Nkara smiled.
“Nothing, just hold my hand a moment.” Nkara reached out and took Jen’s hand, closing her eyes. A second later she dropped it as though stung and when her eyes opened again they were clouded with concern.
“What’s wrong?” Jen asked curiously, ignoring the fact that for the tiniest brief moment she was sure she’d felt a surge of something through her palm and Nkara stared at her. “Nkara, what’s wrong?” Jen repeated. “What did you see?” Nkara swallowed.
“Something I’ve never seen before.” She managed eventually. “Jen this is beyond my experience.” She blinked as though that surprised her and then seemed to come to a decision. “There’s someone I think you should meet.” She announced getting to her feet. “It’s not too far away. We can be there and back in time to finish your dress.”
“But the make-up artist is coming at seven!” Jen protested. “That only leaves seven hours to get everything done!”
“Jenny this is important!” Nkara took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes with an intensity Jen found almost unnerving. “I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here, but what I can tell you is that what you’re experiencing are not dreams. So let’s go. Now.” Astonished by Nkara’s fierceness and rattled by the first thing in the whole history of their friendship to shake Nkara’s calm, Jen obediently fetched her coat, told her mum she was going out and climbed into Nkara’s car.
They drove back towards the outskirts of London sitting in companionable silence all the way. Jennifer got the feeling that Nkara really didn’t want to talk about it, so she let it slide in the hopes that whoever they were going to meet would explain more. The drive only took forty-five minutes and they finally pulled up outside a large house literally right on the edges of the city. Parking was pretty easy to find and as they walked up to the door it opened to reveal a smiling woman in her fifties.
“Nkara, sweetheart, and Jennifer! I’ve been expecting you. Come in.” Jen blinked and Nkara grinned at her as they followed the woman into the house.
“How did she know my name? And how did she know we were coming?” Jen whispered and Nkara winked.
“Probably had a feeling about it.” She replied, leaving Jen bewildered. She’d been with Nkara the whole time and she hadn’t called to announce their arrival. It was most curious. The woman led them to a homely kitchen with herbs hanging from beams set into the ceiling and copper pans shining in the afternoon sunlight. Jen couldn’t help but smile as she looked around. Truly this was the heart of this house. The love that had gone into it seeped almost tangibly out of every cupboard, every work surface and enveloped Jen with a sense of warmth and comfort.
“Take a seat.” The woman suggested as she poured fresh tea from a pot, and placed a mug in front of each as they complied. “My name is Mara, Jennifer.” She introduced, taking a seat herself. “You are here because you need my help.” It wasn’t a question but there was an inquisitive tone to it and Jennifer cleared her throat.
“I don’t really know.” She admitted. “Nkara didn’t say much.” Mara smiled.
“And neither should she have.” She chuckled softly. “Wise as your friend is, there are some things beyond even her ken.” The fondness took any sting out of the words and Nkara nodded with her. “Jennifer, tell me about the dreams.” Mara prompted and Jen’s jaw dropped. There was no way Mara could have known about the dreams.
“It’s okay, you can trust her.” Nkara said softly, but Jen could only gape.
“How did you know about my dreams?” She managed eventually and Mara smiled enigmatically.
“Why ask a question to which you will not believe the answer?” She countered gently. Jen blinked. It was a fair point. Sneaking a quick glance at Nkara’s encouraging face, she began to tell Mara about the dreams. When she had finished, Mara nodded.
“What I’m going to tell you will be hard to accept, but I want you to hear me out. Go away and think about it and then when you choose to accept it I will be here to guide you, okay?” Mara stated and Jen nodded. There wasn’t really much else she could do. Mara sighed and leaned back in her chair, thinking for a moment how best to begin. “Throughout your life, you have often felt, or perhaps hoped that there was something more out there, although you didn’t understand exactly what you were yearning for, correct?” Jen nodded again. It was true. That was where she got her love of high fashion from – she could be carried away by the romance of it all and create fabulous and fantastical pieces that always made her slightly sad to be leaving the cutting floor. “As a child you dreamed of love in a way that was intense and passionate, a love that superseded all earthly things in a way that swallowed you whole. Correct?”
“Yes.” Jen managed, beginning to get a
little freaked out by the accuracy of Mara’s statements but still mindful of the fact that what she was saying could apply to anybody. She was sure she wasn’t the only girl that had grown up on a healthy diet of teen romance and Mills and Boon. It did tend to warp one’s view of what love was like. Jen was still half-convinced that one day her knight in shining armour would sweep her away on a white charger. A vision of Tom dressed up and on a horse flashed through her head and she stifled a giggle at how ridiculous he looked.
“Yet now that you have grown up, love scares you.” Mara continued. “You’ve talked yourself into believing that it’s not an earth-shattering, life or death emotion. You remain with what’s comfortable because you are afraid to look for more. Correct?” Jen nodded even as her mind was seeing the truth of what Mara was saying. She’d never looked at herself in that light and it frightened her at the same time as making her incredibly sad. That was exactly the way it was with Tom – it would never be earth-shattering but it was comfortable and they loved each other. Seeing Jen’s sudden shock, Mara leaned forward and gently took her hand to focus her. “Jennifer, this is my explanation. These dreams you’re having are not in fact dreams at all. They are memories, surfacing now because your subconscious is fighting your decision to give up on hoping for something more.”
“Memories?” Jen was bewildered. “I don’t understand.”
“There are many and varied reasons for believing in reincarnation.” Mara explained gently. “I will discuss them with you at a later date and you can refute me if you wish, but it is the way the circle works. You may have heard it said that what goes around comes around? Well all nature is cyclical. You remain on this earth for a short time and when you die your energy is taken up and held until it is your time once again to walk this earth. Ordinarily the energy or soul if you will, would not remember any of its previous experience. After all, it passes entire from one cycle to the next, why should it remember? But there are occasional souls, like yourself, that do and there is always a reason. Jennifer, when Nkara looked into your energy she saw something she’d never seen before, which is why she brought you here. It’s terribly rare. I have only seen it once before in my lifetime and I have been a practising spiritualist for over four decades. All life exists in a state of balance and there is something on your personal path that is tilting it. Something in every one of your previous lives has caused this imbalance. Usually it’s caused by a life-changing decision where the wrong course was chosen and so a small chunk of your soul was left behind in order to force you to remember. Pieces of you are scattered throughout history, to anchor you there so that you do not forget and if you wish to be whole again you must correct the balance.” Jennifer couldn’t take it all in.
“But how?” She whispered. “How can pieces of my soul just get left behind?” Mara sighed, leaning back in her chair.
“No-one knows exactly, but there is a theory that even though the wrong choice is made, the soul splits because of the chaos that ensues and a small fragment of it walks on down the right path. Another theory states that a piece is left behind in the heart of the one who is wronged. You know it is said that a person will live on in the hearts of those he leaves behind? In this case it may actually be true. From what you have told me, your decision is something to do with love. You still, even in this time, measure love in terms of a time when it was earth shattering; when men were men and honour was honour; when love genuinely was worth dying for. That is why you yearn for something more. You yearn for the epics and absolutes of your memories. It’s also why the instant you begin to feel an echo of that love you run a mile. Your previous life experiences will undoubtedly have been unpleasant and in some deeply subconscious way you remember the pain associated with love.” Jen just sat, unsure what to believe or how to take it in. She could not believe what Mara was saying and yet at the same time her heart told her it was true.
“How can I fix it? How can I make my soul whole again?” She asked finally, trying to make some sense of her confusion and Mara looked into her eyes earnestly.
“Well that’s the million-dollar question and what, if you will allow me, I will attempt to help you find out. There hasn’t been an awful lot of study on the phenomenon because true past life memories are so very rare. You need to find the choice, find out why you have made the wrong decision each previous time and then simply make the right choice. If there is a man who has harboured parts of your soul perhaps you have harboured parts of his and when the moment comes they will be exchanged. You may not be restored in this life-time but after your spirit has passed on from this path it will become whole again ready for the next cycle.” Jen nodded and Mara smiled. “That’s enough for today. It’s more than anyone should have to take in at once. Drink your tea and I will prepare you some things to control your memories until you are ready to look at them.” Getting up from the table she busied herself around the kitchen, fetching things and carefully measuring herbs out into small bags. For a short while she left the kitchen and Nkara squeezed Jennifer’s hand lightly.
“Are you okay?” She questioned softly and Jen had to fight down a sudden urge to cry.
“I’m not sure.” She replied honestly. “I’m a little shocked.”
“That’s understandable.” Mara returned then with a small cloth pouch, which she handed to Jennifer.
“Put this under your pillow.” She instructed. “It contains crystals amongst other things that will cloud your dreams and allow you to sleep.” Quickly labelling the small bags of herbs, Mara handed them over one by one. “This one you can make into a tea and drink before you sleep. It will send you into a deep sleep and prevent memories surfacing unexpectedly. This one you can take a small amount of and steep in your bath. It will improve clarity at the same time as calming you down. This one will rejuvenate you after a restless night if the memories prove too strong for mere herbs and crystals. Put them into a bowl of boiling water and breathe in the steam for a few minutes.” Jennifer accepted the small bags and tucked them into her pockets. Mara squeezed her shoulder gently. “I want you to come and work with me on this for a few days. Is there any way you could take some time off work over the next couple of weeks?” Jen thought about it. They had a fair bit of work on commissions pending, but with a few late working days she could probably manage to finish enough of it in time to take four or five days off the following weekend.
“We could come Thursday morning and go back to work Tuesday morning.” She offered eventually and Mara smiled.
“That would be perfect.” Taking their mugs to put in the sink, she turned to Nkara. “Bring Jennifer to the Manse on Thursday. We can all stay there.”
“Sure.” Nkara smiled. “I’m glad I brought her to the right place.” Mara laughed outright at that.
“As if there was ever any doubt… You two had best get going. I believe you have a dress to finish.” She winked at Jen who was again totally floored by Mara’s knowledge of things she could not possibly know. They walked back to the front door and Mara followed them to see them out. As they were getting in the car, she called Jen’s name just once and Jennifer turned to see what she wanted.
“One more thing you should know,” Mara called. “You are not the only one with a broken soul. If this is indeed about love then the wronged party will also be scattered. Remember that when the time comes.” Jennifer nodded and waved goodbye before getting into the car wondering how on earth she was going to get any of this straight in her head.
“Reincarnation.” She said to Nkara as they drove away from Mara’s house. “It’s not something I’ve ever thought about before.” She wanted to ask questions about it but didn’t even know where to start and sensing her confusion, Nkara grinned.
“There are many arguments for reincarnation but the simplest is this: according to the laws of physics you cannot create out of nothing in the same way that you cannot destroy into nothing. The rain does not simply appear from nowhere, you need to have the molecules of hydrogen and oxyg
en floating around in the air to make the water, right?”
“Right.” Jen played along wondering where she was going with this metaphor.
“In the same way if you burn a candle and it melts right down into nothing, it hasn’t been destroyed, the heat has simply broken it down into its constituent parts of carbon in the soot, hydrogen and oxygen, right?”
“Right.” Jen still had no idea where this was going.
“So it is widely accepted that a person has a soul, a life energy if you will, and energy is a product of protons and electrons. A thought is actually a cluster of electrical impulses in the brain. Still following?”
“Yes.” Just about.
“So where does a person’s soul go to when they die and that life energy is snuffed out? There are still protons and electrons.” Nkara smiled at her and Jen thought about it.
“Well the church would tell you that the soul goes to heaven or hell.” She said eventually, thinking it was a good answer. The energy, all those protons and electrons, wasn’t destroyed into nothing, it was just someplace else.
“If that’s the case then where does a new soul come from when a child is born?” Nkara asked and Jen was stumped. If you couldn’t create something out of nothing then where did the soul come from if it wasn’t recycled from a previous soul? Amused, Nkara let her mull this question over all the way back to the estate.
By the time they arrived back at the house, Jennifer had all but convinced herself that it was all total rubbish and that the dreams were in fact just dreams. She talked herself into believing that the feelings Mara had described to her could have applied to anybody and that it had all gotten to her because she was tired and in an unfamiliar environment. As for the question of reincarnation, surely it could just be a coincidence that an electrical pulse started up in a life form when all the right ingredients were thrown together. Everything on earth had protons and electrons in so it wasn’t creating out of nothing, it was having the right things together at the right time. If Nkara noticed the denial blossoming in Jen she chose to ignore it and followed her up to the studio to help complete the dress.