by Rivka Spicer
“But I am your daughter!” She couldn’t comprehend what he was saying to her, her mind just refused the words entry. The Pharaoh shrugged.
“Your mother is ageing.” He stated simply as though that was an explanation. “Daughter this is a great honour! You will be Queen! That is something you could not otherwise achieve in my lifetime. You would have to marry a brother and await my death.” Bint’Anath was shaking her head, trying to back away as bile rose up in her throat. This was all wrong.
“I cannot marry you!” She blurted out. “You are my father, it is wrong! The gods will surely punish you!”
“I AM A GOD!” Shrieked the pharaoh, spittle flecking his lips in his fury. “I WILL HAVE YOU!”
Jen shook when she reached this part, her tears rolling unashamedly down pale cheeks and Kim longed to hug her, reassure her that it was in the past. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. The thought that Jen, her sweet Jen, had been forced into incest was almost too much to bear. When Mara asked Jen to continue in a choked voice Kim wasn’t really surprised to find that they were all three in tears.
“I don’t remember much of the next few days.” Jen sobbed. “It was all a crazy rush. My mum was crying all the time, the others looking at me strangely and all the time this insane drive to ready everything for the wedding. I remember Ankhmet coming to see me.” Her voice went quiet with pain. “He was so angry. He asked me to run away with him.” She cried out as though wounded, rocking slightly as she lay on the couch. “I knew it was love.” She wept. “Even at fifteen I knew it was love, but how could I run?” She thought back. She’d have spent her life on the run – if the pharaoh or his men had found them they would both have been hideously executed and he owned most all of the known world. There was nowhere for them to go. She would have to leave behind the luxury of the palace, the girls she had grown up with and all her things. She would have to leave her poor mother at the mercy of the fury-filled Pharaoh – in short everything she had ever known and loved.
Ankhmet had begged. He had dropped to his knees in tears and begged her to leave with him but she could not. Her soul would be damned for all eternity for disobeying the word of a pharaoh. The Pharoah was both King and God. They had kissed, Bint’Anath’s first kiss, made in pain but indelibly sealed in her thoughts with tenderness for eternity.
“Please don’t let him be my first and last.” Bint’Anath had sobbed in his arms. “I’m so scared.” Her mother had clinically explained to her the mechanics of the mating of a man and woman and warned her that it was unpleasant and painful, particularly the first time and Bint’Anath was terrified. “Don’t let him have this precious gift.” She wept. “I need something to remember you by. Please do this for me.”
Ankhmet had held his princess in his arms while she sobbed and pleaded with him and finally he had agreed. They had sheltered themselves away in one of the hidden palace gardens, screened by trailing flowers and tall grasses and there they had made love, at first soft and gentle and then frantic as Ankhmet’s pleas became more impassioned. He begged her to run away with him, not to marry the Pharoah.
“I am sorry.” She had whispered. “I cannot.” He had been heart-broken but he understood her reasons and her fears and decided that for their love he would make the ultimate sacrifice and let her go. He had touched all of her being, wrapped it tight in his memories, and then walked away from her. Jen keened for the pain of her heart breaking, still fresh and raw after two thousand years.
“Ankhmet!” She sobbed. “I loved you.”
“What happened to Ankhmet?” Mara asked quietly and Jen wailed soundlessly in her hurt, curling up into a foetal position to clutch the ache within her.
“The night I married the pharaoh he killed himself.” She could barely get the words out through her tears, great racking sobs that shook her body. “I didn’t find out until later…He knew what would happen.” Kim and Mara listened in sick fascination as Jen described the wedding and what had followed.
“After the ceremony they marched me to the Pharaoh’s chambers. He forced me.” The horror of remembering had turned her already pale cheeks waxen and she shuddered. She told how she had screamed and fought and in the end he had his guards hold her down while he had her. Her own father forced himself into her while she retched in agony. “He forced me. Kim…my own father!” Her eyes flew open as the memory overwhelmed her and she threw up violently. Kim was hugging her tightly before she even realised she’d moved and Jen wept in her arms, filled with shame and disgust at the memory of what had happened, keening both for herself and the love she had lost.
“I think we’ve heard enough.” Kim said firmly to Mara, who simply nodded. “I’m taking her upstairs now.”
They managed to get the weeping Jen up to her room and into bed where they made her drink something herbal that almost instantly put her to sleep.
“What happened?” Nkara asked as they returned downstairs, worry obvious on her face. “I couldn’t teach – I could feel the pain from the other side of the school!” Kim was still in tears herself, too distraught to explain, so Mara took them both into her private sitting room where she poured out more soothing tea.
“Her memory is strong.” She told Nkara. “The way she described things…it was like being able to watch it through her eyes. It was terrible.” A contemplative look passed her features briefly. “I think I understand where the rift happened now.” She murmured. “I will need to know more to be sure, but I think it can be fixed.”
“She doesn’t have to go through that again?” Kim couldn’t believe it and Mara looked sad as she nodded.
“I’m afraid so.”
“She can’t!” Kim turned to Nkara in fierce protest. “You weren’t there Nkara! We can’t let her go through that again!” Nkara frowned, torn between standing with Kim and knowing that Mara would never knowingly harm Jen.
“Listen to the tape.” Mara told Nkara eventually. “Then you will understand.” She made to turn on the cassette player and Kim jumped to her feet.
“I can’t listen to it again.” She told them. “I have a phone-call to make, and then I’ll be upstairs with Jen.”
“Okay.” Nkara nodded and Kim left the room. She knew exactly who she needed to call.
Chapter six
When Jen awoke a couple of hours later, Kim was stretched out beside her on the bed having been unable to find a chair.
“How are you feeling?” Kim asked gently, trying hard to disguise the pain in her voice at how pale Jen looked.
“I’ve had better days.” Jen replied, the ghost of a smile touching her lips and Kim had to fight tears down all over again. “I just can’t believe those were my memories.” Jen frowned. “It seemed so alien and yet it was like physically living through it all over again.” She looked up at Kim. “Could it have happened?” It was the question Kim had been dreading but she could not lie to Jen.
“Sweetie, I rang my friend who is an expert on all things Egypt and asked if he’d ever heard of a Bint’Anath. I knew it was a long shot as women weren’t particularly well known, but as it turns out he knew exactly who she was.”
“What?” Despite herself Jen was astonished and it came out as a whisper.
“Bint’Anath was the daughter of the greatest pharaoh of all time – Rameses II, the one whose sons we’re excavating right now. That’s how he knew.” Kim didn’t quite know how to tell her the rest, but she forged on. “Jen, the only reason her name is known is because Rameses did in fact marry her. The Egyptians often had inter-familial marriages, half-brothers and sisters married to keep the dynastic bloodlines pure. Marriages between fathers and daughters weren’t common but it had happened before. There is a theory that Akhenaten married a couple of his daughters although that was mostly speculated from various confusing hieroglyphs found in his tomb.” Realising that she was straying from track Kim cleared her throat. “Anyway, Rameses married two of his daughters that we know of, or which we have definite record of anyway, but B
int’Anath is the only one whose name my friend could recall for certain. Jen, she bore him a child. Bint’Anath had a baby from that union. Honey I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say as Jen seemed to absorb all that information, a slow tear rolling across her ashen cheek. Finally she just nodded.
“Okay.” Taking comfort from the sound of her own voice, she cleared her throat and said it again. “Okay.” Wiping her cheeks she seemed to come to some sort of conclusion and sat up. “Thanks for finding that out for me Kim.” She touched her hand. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” It was an automatic response but Kim genuinely meant it. “Are you going to be alright?”
“Of course.” Jen forced a smile. “Can’t change the past after all… right now I need a cup of tea and then after that I’m going to find out how the hell we fix this mess.” Kim nodded, glad she was feeling a bit better.
“Okay.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell Jen that Mara wanted her to go through it all over again. That was something the older woman would have to break to her.
They left the room and headed downstairs in search of someone that could point them in the direction of a kettle. They made their way to the dining room, only to discover that dinner was just starting.
“I was about to send somebody up with a tray of food!” Mara said as they sat down to join in. “How are you feeling?” Jen shrugged.
“As well as can be expected under the circumstances.” She replied, not wanting to go into too much detail and Mara patted her hand.
“Where’s Nkara?” Kim asked, looking around and Mara sighed.
“She found the tape difficult listening. She went to meditate on it, restore her balance somewhat. How much do you know of her gifts?” Both girls looked back at her in total incomprehension and Mara frowned slightly as she thought how to explain it. “Nkara is what we’d call an empath.” She said finally. “She can sense what others are feeling, both on a physical and on a spiritual level. People with that particular gift spend their whole lives building up barriers so that they don’t get overwhelmed by everything going on around them. It’s a fine line to walk and many don’t handle it well at all. It is especially difficult when it is someone close to you because after a while it becomes second nature to know how they’re feeling and what’s up with them. When Nkara was listening to your memories, Jennifer, she didn’t have any of her usual defences up because she associated your voice subconsciously with you and didn’t feel the need to shield herself. As a result she felt the full impact of what you were going through. She described it to me as drowning in heart-broken-ness. She said the love that you had for Ankhmet was extraordinary and that the pain caused as a result of it was beyond description.” She sighed as she ate a mouthful of food. “It is the same as with all gifts – it occasionally becomes a curse. One thing she does agree with me on is that we must look at more of these memories.” Kim couldn’t believe it.
“She felt what Jen had been through and still thinks we need to hear more?” She demanded incredulously and Mara nodded.
“There are a few things that could have caused a rift of large enough magnitude to split the soul.” She explained. “Without knowing which decision it was we can’t fix it.” Jennifer had been listening to them in silence and as they both turned to look at her she realised she had already made her decision.
“If that’s what it takes to fix it then that’s what we’ll do.” She said firmly but quietly. “Kim I love you and I trust your choices, but I can’t even begin to describe to you how awful it is to spend your life yearning for something you can never have, something more.” Mara patted Jen’s hand again.
“You have made a wise choice Jennifer.” She promised her. “I won’t do it tomorrow though. I think you need time to come to terms with this. Why don’t you have a break, take advantage of the facilities for a day and we can start again on Saturday?”
“That would be nice.” Jen smiled bravely at her as she began to eat. She was unbelievably relieved to be granted a day’s reprieve and finished her dinner with a lighter feeling in her heart.
The following morning after breakfast all three of them joined the rest of the students on the lawn for Tai Chi or Yoga, whichever they felt more comfortable attending.
“What are you going to do today?” Kim asked as they slowly waved their arms around and Jen shrugged.
“I thought I’d go to some of the classes, see what goes on.” Kim was so surprised she lost her balance and almost fell over.
“You bring me somewhere that has massage, facials and a heated swimming pool and you want to go to classes!!” She couldn’t quite believe it. “Are you mad?” Jen shrugged shyly.
“I’m just curious.” She admitted.
“You can come with me.” Nkara offered, still looking a little pale beneath her early morning rosy cheeks. “They separate you for the healthcare facilities anyway Kim.”
“What are you teaching today?” Jen asked and Nkara smiled.
“I’m not. I wanted to improve my knowledge so I’m doing herbology this morning and psychometry this afternoon.”
“That sounds like fun.” Jen smiled and Kim mock-frowned at them both.
“Well personally I think you’re all mad…”
Even Jen had to admit the morning’s class was absolutely nothing like she’d imagined it would be and she was pleasantly surprised. She learnt all sorts of useful stuff like how to make your own face cream and shampoo, along with which herbs and spices were the best to aid sleep or de-stress. They taught her how to make teas for certain things and helped her draw up a chart of useful herbs and spices for every ailment under the sun. They had made a visit to the herb section of the kitchen garden and looked at all the plants, learning to name the most common ones and being taught how to determine what was what from the smell. She left for lunch enthusiastically clutching her new file of information and a book on herbs and oils that was apparently required reading for the course. It was all fascinating.
Kim joined them looking fresh-faced and bright from her morning in the spa therapy centre and they ate a relaxed lunch, laughing and smiling, the previous day’s events all but forgotten until Kim got a phone call. Giving the others an apologetic glance she left the table to answer it and returned ten minutes later looking a little upset.
“Are you okay?” Nkara asked, still laughing from a joke Jen had just told her. Kim looked at Jen and then sighed.
“Not really but it can wait til after we’ve finished eating.” Concerned but trusting her judgement, they finished their food and went up to Jen’s room. They still had half an hour until they needed to go back to class and Kim used the time to tell them about her phone call.
“The friend I rang yesterday to find out who Bint’Anath was went to look up some more information.” She told them and Jen instantly went still. “Do you want to hear it?” Kim asked her quietly and Jen couldn’t help herself. She nodded. She had to, for her own sanity if no other reason. “Well it would appear that Bint’Anath actually became one of Rameses II’s chief wives alongside her mother Istnofret. Although the chief queen at the time was Nefertari, Istnofret succeeded her as chief queen until she died in 1246 BC when a Hittite princess that Rameses married to cement his peace with the Hittite nation became Chief Queen. Although it is known that Bint’Anath bore Rameses a child, it is not known what happened to the child. She was not alone in the whole incest thing though: Rameses also married one of her half-sisters, Meryetamun – daughter of Nefertari - and at least one of his sisters.”
“She became a chief wife?” Nkara was surprised. “That is weird given the fight she put up against marrying him. Maybe she came around when the child was born.” Kim shrugged.
“Anything’s possible. I guess we’ll never know unless Jen here remembers any more. Jen?” Jennifer was gazing out of the window as though lost in thought. The name Istnofret was rushing through her mind along with a feeling of intense familiarity. Istnofret…her mother…she felt
fresh pain at the loss all over again. A face, half-remembered rose up in her memory of her mother on the day Rameses first saw Bint’Anath. Then another picture overlaid it, the same face but older and racked with pain as her mother wasted away from a terrible coughing scourge.
“Istnofret.” Jen tried the word out in a whisper, letting a name she knew she had said a thousand times before in another age, another life touch her lips. “Mother.” Jen closed her eyes and was transported back to a smiling childhood memory of Istnofret proudly smiling down at her as she performed a dance she had learnt from the tutor in the Harem. “Mother.”
When Jen had broken out of her trance she was a little shaken but infinitely better than she had been the previous day and they had to rush to be in class when it started. Again Jen found it absolutely fascinating, although she was at first somewhat sceptical about the whole notion. The class mostly consisted of the teacher handing round a box of items, which each student had to pick an object out of to study. She explained that they needed to hold it in their hands and try and feel or sense something about the person that owned it and write down notes as things occurred to them. When they were done they had to pick another item from the box and continue until the teacher said to stop.
When the box came her way, Jen picked out a simple bead bracelet and held it in her hands feeling like a bit of an idiot because she didn’t know what she was doing. Looking round at everyone else scribbling furiously she realised she really should write something down. Looking a bit closer at the bracelet she realised it was actually very pretty, with little swirls in the beads. It seemed very sensually feminine somehow, not the sort of thing a girl would wear so she wrote that down. She decided it was something this woman would have bought to remind her of something. It wasn’t flashy enough to be a gift. The teacher came round and asked how she was doing. Jen made a face.