by Rivka Spicer
While he was busy reading the letter to the lawyer Jen retreated into the bedroom to think. This changed everything. Despite choosing to stay with Tom her heart had leapt at Mark’s name and unbidden thoughts had risen of her and Mark raising a child together, pleasant thoughts. Suddenly doubts began to cloud her mind all over again about the wisdom of marrying Tom. For all he had been kind to her since the diagnosis he was still intent on just getting rid of the baby like throwing out the rubbish or solving a mathematical problem. Mark actually wanted it, enough to take her to court over it and surely that had to mean something? Even if all he wanted was the child, just to have a part of her, could she still marry Tom and just give the child to Mark if it turned out to be his? And if it turned out to belong to Tom would he change his mind about not keeping it? Were they, as a couple, ready for a family? All these questions and more piled round and round in Jen’s head until she thought she was going to go crazy. Helpless to do anything except wait, she simply sat down and cried.
When Tom came to find her half an hour later she could tell that the news wasn’t good by the look on his face.
“Apparently he is entitled to take out the injunction pending suit on the pretext that you may be being forced to have a termination under duress.” He sounded weary. “Lawyers say we can appeal but it will be costly and our names will be dragged through the mud.”
“So what do we do?” Jen had dried her eyes and reached a state of numb calm.
“Well he did suggest we go and have it terminated anyway.” Tom shrugged. “They might punish you for being in contempt of court but it’ll be too late to do anything about it and given the circumstances he feels the courts would probably be lenient. However, contempt can carry a jail sentence and if word were to get out there’s a possibility it’d bring shame on both our families.” Jen winced. She had already brought shame on them and it wouldn’t be fair to make it even more public.
“Was that it?” She asked, disappointment clear on her face.
“Not quite.” Tom put his arms around her. “He also reminded me that there is a time limit after which you cannot legally have a termination. He’s pretty sure it’s 24 weeks but he’s going to double-check. The point is, if Mr Aweyu drags out his application it may be too late to do anything about it if it’s his. The lawyers suggest you have something called an amniocentesis.” He stumbled over the awkward word. “Everyone will think we’re being helpful but in truth we’ll be acting on our own terms. Even if it is his, there is no court in the country in this day and age that would force you to have a child against your will.”
“But what if he challenges my right to have a termination?” Jen asked slowly. “There are very clear guidelines about the circumstances under which you can have a termination. Doctors usually overlook them and cite whatever is closest as the reason but in my case I don’t know that any of it would stand up in court.” Tom’s face fell.
“I hadn’t thought of that.” He admitted, stroking her hair absently. “Maybe it won’t come to that though. Let’s be positive.” He forced a smile. “There’s a fifty percent chance it’s mine anyway.”
“And if it is?” Jen hated her weakness but she had to ask. To her surprise Tom’s smile became genuine as it spread across his features.
“If it is then assuming it survives imagine the possibilities! It could be a son! Just think – he’d grow to inherit a united British oil empire!”
“What do you mean ‘assuming it survives’?” Jen demanded, ignoring his future fantasies, and Tom flinched. Clearly he had said too much but he couldn’t take back the words.
“Well the amniocentesis is considered a mildly dangerous procedure.” He admitted, refusing to meet her eyes which were narrowed with anger.
“Dangerous in what way?” Jen tried to control her fury but fear slipped out in its place.
“Not to you my love!” Tom tried to put a good light on it. “All they say is that it gives an increased risk of miscarriage. At this early stage it shouldn’t damage you at all.”
“Miscarriage?! As in bleeding everywhere?!” Jen was horrified and suddenly insanely overprotective of the life within her.
“It probably won’t come to that!” Pleaded Tom. “You’re strong and healthy! They do procedures like this every day” Unconsciously Jen’s hands had crept around her stomach as if to shield it.
“I don’t want to…” She said in a tiny voice, tears welling in her eyes, but Tom squeezed her resolutely.
“I’m afraid you have to my love.” He told her firmly. “You still haven’t told me how he found out...” And that was the end of that.
The earliest appointment they could get for the amnio was two weeks later and Jen had insisted on going without Tom. It just didn’t feel right having him there and she was all set to go alone, but at the last minute Nkara had offered to go with her and Jen accepted. As they sat in the car on the way to the clinic Jen had to ask a question that had been bothering her.
“What did Mark say?” She asked Nkara quietly so that the driver wouldn’t overhear. “What did he say when you told him I was pregnant?” Nkara smiled a beautiful smile.
“He asked if it was his and when I said it might be he went crazy. I’m surprised you didn’t hear him yelling all the way from New Zealand he was so damn excited.” Jen grinned, the image warming her heart, but just as quickly the smile wilted.
“If it is his I want to have it.” She admitted quietly. “Even if I have to give it to him and never see it again. He deserves that at least.”
“Are you sure?” Nkara was astonished.
“Yes.” Jen swallowed the tears that threatened. “I owe him after everything that I put him through. He deserves some happiness.” She smiled as the tears started. “Don’t you think he’d make a great dad?”
“Sure he would, but how will you explain that to Tom?” Nkara hated to play devil’s advocate but with all the stress that Jen was under Nkara had to make sure she’d really thought it through.
“I don’t know.” Jen admitted honestly. “He’ll be furious.” Nkara sighed.
“Jen, if I say something will you promise not to be offended?” Jen frowned.
“Of course! You can always be honest with me.” She squeezed Nkara’s hand. “What is it?”
“Well,” Nkara winced, “are you sure you’re not using the baby to force the men to make a decision for you?” Jen was silent for a moment as the implications of the question struck her.
“Oh my god!” She whispered, stung by the words but unable to deny them. “Is that really what I’m doing?” Was she really using the baby as an issue to stand by in the hopes that Tom would leave her and absolve her of making the choice?
“I don’t know!” Nkara was quick to reassure. “I just think it’s something you should consider very carefully before making your decision.”
Jen’s reply was swallowed in a rush of air as the driver opened her door. She hadn’t even realised they’d arrived. Suddenly she didn’t want to get out, didn’t want to have the amnio and expose herself to the consequences.
“You can do it.” Nkara whispered. “I’m here.” She took her hand and urged her out of the car. “The sooner we go in the sooner we can go home.”
“Yes, of course.” Jen allowed Nkara to lead her into the clinic where the doctor was already waiting for them.
“I thought we’d tie this in with your twelve week scan.” He said conversationally as he led them through into the examination room. “We have to have the equipment here anyway, seems silly not to do both.”
“Thanks.” Jen was pale as she climbed onto the table, rolling her top up and undoing the snap on her jeans. Nkara took a seat where she could hold Jen’s hand and still see the screen without getting in the way of the doctor as he squirted the gel onto Jen’s stomach. For the first time Nkara saw the tiny bump and she squeezed Jen’s hand affectionately, feeling a compassionate maternal surge. Jen smiled back and turned to look at the screen as the doctor adjusted t
he picture. Suddenly he stopped twiddling the knobs and pointed to the screen.
“There it is.” He outlined a shape with his finger and Nkara leaned in for a better look, wrinkling her nose.
“It looks like an alien.” She laughed, turning to Jen to share the joke but Jen was gaping at the screen with tears pouring down her cheeks, too overcome to laugh along.
“Looks healthy.” The doctor commented, moving the scanner around to check the foetus from all sides. “Do you want me to print you a picture?” Jen cleared her throat, visibly shaken.
“Yes please.”
“Are you okay?” Nkara asked and Jen nodded.
“It’s just…you can’t feel it or see it…it’s hard to believe it’s actually there, that there’s a little life inside you. Seeing it up there…”she swallowed. “It just brings it all home.”
“Well you can’t argue with this.” The doctor grinned. “It’s a beautiful picture. Congratulations!” Jen started to giggle and then she really started laughing through her tears.
“I’m going to be a mum!” She said and hugged Nkara like there was no tomorrow.
Once the pictures had been printed they wiped Jen’s stomach clean and gave her some privacy to change into a hospital gown. Once she had donned it the fear started to get to her and Nkara held her hand, trying to get her to relax. She whispered words of comfort and all the while a soft tingling seemed to be travelling up Jen’s arm from the contact, warming her even as it soothed. The doctor administered a local anaesthetic and sterilised the area while he waited for it to work.
When they were sure it had taken effect he pulled his tray of equipment closer and wheeled over the ultrasound machine again.
“You can watch the screen if you want but I suggest that you don’t look at the needle.” He advised her gently. “It looks bigger and scarier than it is and if you are tense this will not go as easily. Are you ready?”
Nkara squeezed her hand reassuringly and after nodding once Jen resolutely turned her head towards the screen to watch her baby, allowing the black and white image to take her away in dreams of what the future could hold.
After the amnio the doctor told Jen to relax and take it easy so she decided to go home and work on her wedding dress.
“When will we get the results?” she asked as she handed over Tom’s reference sample for the nurse to log in and the doctor shrugged.
“There’s been a backlog at the lab.” He admitted. “My best guess is that it’ll take 2 weeks.” Jen was horrified.
“But I’m getting married in 2 weeks!” She squeaked and the doctor shrugged apologetically.
“It was just a guess.” He reminded her. “It might arrive sooner if they’ve cleared some of the work. In any case I’d like to monitor you for a while so I’ll stop by the house. If I hear anything I’ll let you know straight away.”
“Thank you doctor.” Feeling suddenly exhausted Jen let Nkara lead her out the door and into the waiting car.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Nkara asked gently when Jen had given directions, and she smiled.
“Yes, but I can’t have the termination Nkara.” She fingered the pictures lovingly. “I don’t care whose it is. And if Tom can’t accept that then he can go to hell.” Reluctantly she tucked the scans into her handbag and squeezed Nkara’s hand. “Thanks so much for coming with me today. I’m glad you were here. Do you want to come back to mine for tea?” It would be the first time Nkara had been to the flat since the argument, but she didn’t even hesitate.
“Yes” she grinned. “I think I’d like that very much.”
When Tom arrived home from work Nkara and Jen were busy pinning fabric onto a mannequin and the instant he stepped through the door Jens face fell.
“Close your eyes!” She wailed. “You’re not supposed to see it!” Tom grinned, obediently closing his eyes and turning round while Jen bundled everything into the studio.
“The wedding dress I presume?” He chuckled, listening to them frantically folding and carrying bolts of cloth.
“I lost track of time.” Jen explained, closing the door to her little studio. “You can look now.” Smiling Tom turned round and kissed her cheek.
“How did it go?” He asked, saying hi to Nkara as he shed his coat and loosened his tie.
“It was ok.” Jen told him. “Doc says it’ll be 2 weeks before we have an answer.”
“Well that’s ok.” Tom didn’t see the problem. “It’s still within the legal limits.”
“Tom” Jen reminded him gently. “We’re getting married in two weeks.”
“So?” Tom still didn’t see that it was an issue. “Of course it’s not ideal getting married possibly carrying another man’s child but he may already have legal action set in place if it turns out to be his. If he challenges your right to a termination we might have to go to court which would take weeks. Even if we had the results tomorrow you’d still have to wear a bigger dress.”
“But Tom, if it’s his are you certain you’ll still want to marry me?” Jen asked and Tom looked pointedly at Nkara before turning back to Jen.
“We’ll talk about this later honey. Hailey called the office. She wants to come over and have dinner with you, something about needing girly advice. I said I’d have dinner with the parents and leave you to it.” Jen grinned.
“What time is she coming?” As if on cue the doorbell rang and Tom grinned.
“Right about now! I’ll go have a quick shower and then I’ll be on my way.”
“I’ll leave you to it as well.” Nkara said, pulling her coat on as she followed Jen to the door.
“You don’t have to.” Jen offered. “You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner.”
“I can’t.” Nkara smiled. “Punky will be going nuts about not getting fed. I’ve had a wonderful time though.”
“Me too.” She hugged her old friend and squeezed her tight. “Give Punky a cuddle from me.”
“Will do.” Nkara kissed her cheek and left, passing Hailey in the hall.
“Hey!” Hailey grinned at Jen as she came into the flat. “Sorry to crash in on you like this.” She declared cheerfully. “It’s all a big disaster!”
“Well hold your horses.” Jen grinned. “Tom’s still here. Let’s cook and then we can talk while we’re eating.”
“Sure.”
They pottered round the kitchen cooking chilli while they waited for Tom to leave and half an hour later he was on his way out the door just as they were sitting down to eat.
“You want a drink?” Jen asked, laying out the plates. “We’ve got most things.”
“Red wine?” Asked Hailey and Jen nodded.
“Sure.” She fetched a bottle and poured a glass for Hailey, getting herself a glass of water before sitting down.
“I knew it!” Hailey declared triumphantly. “When’s it due?” Jen froze, fork halfway to her lips.
“What do you mean?” She asked carefully and Hailey grinned.
“You’re a terrible actress Jen. When am I going to be an auntie?”
“Oh God.” They had agreed not to tell anyone unless the baby was Tom’s. If he found out Jen had told Hailey he’d hit the roof. “How did you find out?”
“I put two and two together to make nine.” She sounded smug. “Mum and dad said something about you not drinking and that brother of mine was refusing to tell me certain things. Why didn’t you tell me?” Since she’d just been told she was a terrible actress Jen didn’t think she had any option except to stick with the truth.
“Because it’s complicated.” She admitted. “I may not be able to keep it.” Hailey was horrified.
“Why? Is it sick?” She sounded so concerned that Jen didn’t feel she had any choice.
“It may not be Tom’s.” She confessed quietly. “I had an affair.” She looked away, picking at her food while she waited for the outburst, but it never came.
“With the rugby player? Wow!” Hailey grinned. “I’m jealous, he’s so hot!!” Jen
blinked.
“Aren’t you mad at me?” She stuttered and Hailey chuckled.
“No. Jen, you’re the big sister I never had and I love you dearly, but I don’t think Tom is right for you. I never have. I was only pleased you were getting married because it means I get to keep you forever, but truth is if you didn’t get married we’ll still be mates. I’d rather you were happy.” Her eyes twinkled. “Plus, if you move to New Zealand it means I can have amazing holidays for free!” Jen was so astonished she just gaped at Hailey, unable to speak. “So let me guess,” Hailey continued, “Tom knows about the affair and if it’s not his he wants you to get rid of it?” Jen nodded, tears coming then.
“It’s all such a mess.” She managed finally, so happy that Hailey didn’t hate her but unable to stop crying.
“So tell me about it…” food forgotten Hailey sat back to listen and Jen started from the beginning, telling her incredible story from the magic school, into the past and to the dust of Egypt and back.
An hour later Hailey sighed.
“Well Jen, if you want to keep it regardless of the father then you must because otherwise you will never forgive yourself and you will spend the rest of your life regretting it every day.” She said finally taking a mouthful of the now cold chilli. Then something else occurred to her. “And perhaps more importantly, given that you know Tom’s attitude, is what Mark would do if you chose him and the baby was Tom’s.” Jen gazed miserably at her plate.
“Knowing Mark I don’t think he’d care.” She replied honestly, moving grains of rice aimlessly round her plate with her fork. “He’d be so happy to have a family that genes wouldn’t matter.” Hailey grinned.
“Well you just think about that.” She advised and Jen nodded.
“I will. Now, tell me what’s so terrible with you?”
“Cold chilli for a start…” Hailey burst out laughing and Jen couldn’t help but laugh with her. She still had friends and it was all going to be ok.
Having sorted out Hailey’s not-quite-so-difficult man troubles they retired to the living room to watch a movie.