The Broken Souls

by Rivka Spicer

  “How’s my dress coming along?” Hailey asked and Jen smiled.

  “It’s gorgeous. You’ll kill me if I don’t get married and you don’t get to wear it!”

  “But I could wear it to your wedding to Mark if you decided on that route instead!” She chuckled. “Can I see it?” She was so eager that Jen couldn’t help but smile.

  “Sure, but it’s not finished…” She took her through to the studio where there were three mannequins all partially dressed. Hailey and Nkara were going to be her bridesmaids and had been in for fittings almost a month before. It had been awkward when Nkara wasn’t speaking to her but at least they had now reached an accord. She had asked Kim but it was going to be too awkward to get her home from Egypt and Jen wasn’t even certain if she was coming to the wedding, her feelings were so strong on the subject of Jen and Mark. Jen had decided on cream and pale blue and had cut and pinned most of the fabric so that Hailey could at least get an idea of how the finished dress was going to look.

  “Oh! It’s gorgeous!” She gasped and then frowned. “Are you sure they’re going to be ready in time? I thought Tom said you were supposed to be resting?” Jen laughed humourlessly.

  “As if… There are a million and one things still to do and as if that wasn’t bad enough I haven’t even started on Christmas!”

  “Yeah, it was a bit of a silly idea to get married on Christmas Eve.” Hailey giggled and Jen sighed.

  “Well you can blame that one firmly on Tom.” She replied. “He decided it would be convenient since the family would already be gathered for the holidays. It’s easy for men, they have no idea how much planning goes into weddings. Or Christmas for that matter.”

  “Well I’m done with work now.” Hailey offered. “I had a lot of leave owing so I’ve booked it all for Christmas and New Year. I can take over from here and just run things by you if that would help?”

  “But there’s so much…” Jen was floored by Hailey’s offer.

  “Which is precisely why you can’t do it alone.” Hailey told her firmly. “I’ll be here bright and early in the morning and we’ll work out some sort of game plan. I’ll even do your Christmas shopping since I know most of the people you’ll be buying for. You just have to set a budget.”

  “Hailey you’re a treasure!” Overwhelmed by her generosity Jen started crying again and then laughing as Hailey looked concerned. “Hormones.” She explained, looking for a tissue before she dripped onto the silk. “I’ll be glad when this is all over and done with!”

  Chapter sixteen

  As promised Hailey turned up bright and early the following morning with a notepad and rapidly set about organising things from Jen’s laptop in the kitchen. Half an hour later Nkara turned up too having finished all her Christmas fabrics, ready to lend a hand with the dress-making. Happy to just be with friends and a little overwhelmed by it all Jen spent most of the morning in tears, but somehow it all worked out and by the time Tom came home one dress was finished, half of Jen’s presents were arriving by mail order and she was feeling much calmer.

  Hailey was not happy with the demands, or in fact the fees, of the vicar that was due to be marrying them and spent many hours writing snotty emails to that effect before she had him beaten into submission. Her next mission was the venue which she had decided was charging far too much for their services. She spent hours online researching costings and catering before presenting the venue with an extremely reasonable fait accomplis and telling them to get their act together. Just because they were wealthy didn’t mean people needed to take them for a ride she kept telling Jen.

  Once all that was under control she began decorating the flat, rummaging around in the boxes of decorations that Jen had pulled out of storage and looking for quirky and unusual things in cupboards.

  One afternoon, luckily when Tom was not in the flat, she pulled the blue bundle out of the airing cupboard.

  “What’s this?” She asked, picking at the knots and Jen blanched. “The fabric is beautiful! Why have you got silk all bundled up in the airing cupboard like that?”

  Before Jen could reply Nkara had leapt up to examine the fabric.

  “Oh Jen!” She admonished. “You know better than to treat silk like this! Get me a pair of scissors Hailey, we’ll hang it out until the creases come out and then fold it properly.”

  “Please don’t!” Jen’s voice sounded strangled and the two women froze, looking at her questioningly. Jen struggled for breath. “Tom must never see that! Never!”

  “Jen, what is it?” Nkara asked softly, suddenly noticing the weight of the bundle for the first time and Jen took a deep breath.

  “It’s a jellabiya and an artefact that Kim sent from Egypt.” She admitted all in a rush. “I didn’t know where else to hide it. Tom goes into the storage unit all the time for files.”

  “A proper artefact as in a thousands of years old artefact?” Hailey’s eyes lit up as Jen nodded. “That’s awesome!! Can we see it?” Jen looked at the clock and realised it would be at least another hour before Tom was home from work so she nodded reluctantly.

  “Just be careful. It’s priceless.”

  With reverent hands Nkara and Hailey carefully unwrapped the bundle and unwound the dress to reveal the small bubble-wrapped figurine within. As Hailey took scissors to the sellotape holding the bubble wrap together, Nkara turned to Jen.

  “Is this who I think it is?” She asked and Jen nodded, overwhelmed at the whole concept all over again. A statue of her from three thousand years ago. It was madness.

  “Who is it?” Hailey pulled back the last shred of plastic and gazed down at the figurine. “Why did Kim send it to you?”

  “Because it’s me.” Jen explained with tears in her eyes. “They took it from my daughter’s tomb. Kim sent it to remind me who I was, to tell me she thought I was making the wrong choice.”

  “This is the bent lady?” Hailey was awed.

  “Bint’Anath.” Jen corrected automatically. “And yes, that’s me...her.” She took a deep breath to gather herself and once more looked at the face of the ancient figurine.

  “Dude, you were still cute back then.” Hailey laughed as she examined the statuette, turning it one way and then the other. Tipping it up she looked at the markings underneath. “What are these? Did Kim say?”

  “She didn’t need to.” The lighter Hailey’s humour was the easier it was for Jen to deal with it and she took the statue from Hailey gently to point at the hieroglyphs. “This is my name here and these are my titles. This here is a prayer.”

  “You can read hieroglyphics?” Hailey was floored and Jen was amused at her expression.

  “It’s one of the things I remembered, yes. I spoke ancient Arabic in Egypt too. In fairness I didn’t realise I was doing it at the time, but I did it anyway.”

  “Wow.” For the first time Hailey looked truly shaken and she blinked at the little statuette. “I believed you when you told me what was happening,” she began slowly “but it’s a whole other kettle of fish to actually see the evidence.”

  “You’re telling me!” Jen began to wrap the figurine back up in the bubble wrap but Nkara was busy shaking out the dress.

  “Girl, you are going to have to find something else to wrap that figurine in.” She announced firmly. “This is gorgeous! Why didn’t you show it to me?” Jen winced.

  “Because it reminded me too much of Egypt and Mark loves that dress.” She bowed her head. “That’s what I was wearing when I was speaking Arabic. It reminds me too much of who I was.” Realising that Jen was about to get upset, Nkara rolled the dress softly over her arm.

  “Why don’t you let me take these home and keep them?” She suggested. “Tom has never been to my house so he’ll never see them there. I can take care of them properly without them having to be bundled away.”

  “Are you sure?” Jen was grateful, she’d been feeling so guilty about hiding away something so beautiful, but she had to know that Nkara meant it and her friend nodde
d firmly.

  “Absolutely. If necessary I’ll take them to the manse. I know Mara has a vault there.” She again held the dress up to the light and then examined the veil. “I’m so glad I never did anything with all those fabrics you brought back for me.” She murmured eventually. “I think this should be our theme next year. We could definitely work with this style.”

  “Maybe.” Jen was non-committal. “It might still be a little raw by then. We’ll see.”

  Understanding that enough had been said on the subject, Nkara and Hailey carefully packed the fabric and figurine away into Nkara’s voluminous fabric bag and they moved on to discussing other things.

  That night, with the image of the figurine still fresh in her mind, Jen decided to start recording her memories. Even if she stayed with Tom and carried her memories through to the next life this was still a golden once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Kim and Richard to get an insight into history and Jen had made them a promise. Part of her hoped that sending the recordings to Kim as a peace offering would patch the rift between them. She hadn’t realised until that afternoon, having fun with the girls, how much she actually missed her and valued her friendship. Each time she saw her on the news a pang of hurt shot through her chest and she hated it, hated that a man (or men to be more precise) had come between them. She had made it up with Nkara, surely she could make it up with Kim?

  Tom had an old Dictaphone that he used for dictating letters and memos to his secretary but since they had gone digital it had lain unused in his office. When he called at six to say he was going to have to go away on business and was catching the Eurostar to France that night, Jen gathered up a whole stack of fresh tapes, inserted fresh batteries into the machine and tried to decide where to start.

  She knew that Kim and Richard were primarily interested in Rome and Egypt but there were other memories too, earlier and later that may be of some use to someone some day. She decided to start at the beginning. Her stomach was starting to get the fluttery feeling that preceded a bout of throwing up so she made a cup of hot chocolate and grabbed some packets of crackers to eat while she talked, adding a bottle of juice to her stash when she realised she might be talking for quite a while and then headed for the living room where she curled up in a blanket on the sofa and closed her eyes, thinking back.

  Her earliest clear dream memory had been as a native on the plains but that story was mostly forgotten to her. She could not remember names, faces or events...just a distant sense of hurt and sorrow. Frowning she travelled more recently in time until she had a sudden image of herself with flaxen hair that shone in the sunlight like spun gold. Now this was a story she remembered...settling back she switched on the recorder and began to speak.

  “Recorded December 2009 by Jennifer Anderson – Tape 1.” She began. “This is an account of memories of lives other than the Roman and Egyptian ones. They’ll come on later tapes. My earliest clear memory dates back to the early days of the Vikings, maybe further back. I don’t have a date. I was the daughter of a powerful tribal leader, fighting for our independence. My name was Freyja. In my thirteenth year I was married on the order of my father to a man called Odin. He had many wives and mistresses but it was said that I was the most beautiful maiden in the world and Odin was pleased. Life then was pretty harsh – even the leaders did not have much. Our days were spent hunting, weaving and trying to keep warm. Bringing home wood for the fire was an all-consuming business and although we farmed vegetables and some animals we often went hungry, especially in the winter.” She stopped for some crackers and a swig of hot chocolate. “The men frequently waged war but it seemed my father had been right to marry me to Odin. He staged a long and violent campaign that eventually saw him become king. He ruled wisely and generously and things became a lot better for us with the status that accompanied his rise. But I was not happy...I was vain and jealous and I did not want to share him with other women. I took to walking in the forests. I’d pretend I was collecting firewood and spend hours away from the homestead just walking. I guess I was like most teenagers now – playing up in the hope that someone would miss me and give me some attention. Shortly after my fifteenth birthday had passed I was out walking when I came across a group of raiders. It was not uncommon then for raiding parties from the smaller tribes to try and steal food and women from other groups. It was a harsh life and although they may not have been the most well-written of peoples they were very much aware that a small gene pool led to deformities. The carrying away of women was pretty commonplace. I had been so self-assured in my status as the wife of Odin that it had never occurred to me to fear being taken away to be passed along to another man in order to bear and raise his children. I had ducked into the nearest patch of shrubbery but it was winter and I had been dressed in layers of bulky leathers and furs to keep me warm and I flattened half the bush in my panic. They had heard me and given chase and although I was fit after my months of walking I was no match for the dogs they set loose on me. I was taken to the ground and lay sobbing as the dogs snarled at me, terrified to move in case I was bitten. I had gone into shock and barely remembered the dogs being hauled away and being bound up with strong ropes and carried back to the enemy camp.

  “By the time they had set me down, filled me with a hot broth and let me warm by the fire I had calmed down somewhat and had realised from the cut of their clothes that they were of the Brisinger tribe to the south-east of our lands. They had surely recognised me too for my hair was famous – great masses of curling burnished gold. At first they stood around in groups whispering urgently to each other and then he appeared out of the forest like a dryad. One minute there was nothing and then suddenly he filled the space around me just by being.” Jen smiled at the memory.

  “He was gorgeous. Odin had ostentatious tattoos all over his body and face and was built stoutly. Don’t get me wrong, there was not an ounce of fat on him, but he was almost as wide as he was tall. This man was tall and muscular but not stout. No, he was perfectly proportioned. He too had curled blond hair but his eyes were deepest hazel and I wondered if maybe he had a trace of foreign blood in him. We had all heard the stories that lands had been discovered to the South, the islands of Orkney and the great dark island that lay beyond where the people had dark hair and dark eyes. He had sized me up and then smiled.

  “’Princess Freyja, this is a pleasant surprise.’ He greeted me with a smug grin that I wanted to wipe off his face. I spat at him.” Jen blushed with shame at the memory. “He just laughed at me and told the men to pack up and head for home. With such a great prize already captured it wasn’t worth hanging around waiting for the wrath of Odin to fall on their heads. It took us almost five days to reach their steading and after I had spent the first two days bickering with anyone within earshot and insulting them all loudly, warning of the wrath of my husband, their leader had calmly gagged me and tipped me sideways on his horse so I had to put my strength into breathing rather than cursing.

  “By the time we got there I was in a rage beyond imagining and after they untied me I went wild, hitting and kicking anything and everyone within arm’s reach. The leader had finally pinned me up against a wall and did the one thing I never expected him to.” Jen flushed again but this time for an altogether different reason. “He kissed me.” She sighed. “I was so shocked I just went very still and in the split second it took to gather my anger again my body betrayed me. I had never been kissed like that before. Odin may have been a great man but he was not a great lover and I was experiencing all manner of things I had never felt before. When he stopped for breath he moved away, very slowly and tentatively as though I was a wild animal and the smallest movement would set me off, but I was so dazed I just stared at him.

  “When he realised I wasn’t going to do any more damage he sent everyone out and then began taking the outer layers of his clothing off, shedding animal skins in a great pile near the fire to dry. Unsure of what to do I waited for some sort of instruction and eventually he gestured t
o me to also remove my snow gear. Warily I did as he suggested, not at all sure what to make of the situation. Smiling he had put some water onto the fire to heat and then helped me out of the last of my furs, wringing the snow-melt from the hem of my dress and seating me on a log by the hearth.

  “I asked what his name was and he told me he was called Hedin. We sat in silence for a while as he brewed a tisane and then I couldn’t bear the waiting anymore and demanded to know if I was going to be farmed out as a wife to one of his warriors. He laughed and said that he had decided to keep me. For reasons I didn’t understand and couldn’t explain until much later this thought wasn’t entirely displeasing. He was extremely handsome and clearly wealthy. Vikings didn’t have many possessions. We didn’t have a lot of furniture or much in the way of ornaments or keepsakes. A person’s wealth was measured by the gold they wore and Hedin had thick gold cuffs and a stunning neck-ring with dragons head ends. He also wore a fine chain in his hair that shone amidst the curls. He was wealthy indeed, perhaps even wealthier than the king himself. We had talked little over a hot dinner of stew, only enough to know that he had no other wives or mistresses and lived in his long house alone.

  “As night had drawn in and the temperature plummeted well below freezing Hedin banked up the fire until it was roaring merrily away and then he had pulled me towards him. At first I resisted. I had never been with a man other than Odin and this was all awkward, but then he kissed me again and slowly I gave in.”

  For the first time Jen stopped, wondering how much to say for posterity’s sake and realising that perhaps future generations did not need to know her X-rated adventures. Finishing her hot chocolate she patted her stomach and smiled. Whether or not future generations needed or wanted to hear it those little baby ears most certainly did not. Starting in on a packet of crackers she continued with her memories.