by Al K. Line
"No, before that. I woke up and you smelled wrong, so wrong." Amanda peered at Dale suspiciously, too scared to get any closer for fear of reliving the nightmare all over again. Should she? Should she dare? No, if it was wrong again she knew she would freak out even worse. She gave it up as a lost cause and walked over to the kettle.
"It's just boiled," said Dale. "I put some Nescafe in your mug. And cleaned up the mess," he added.
"Thanks," mumbled Amanda, as she poured water into the plain mug and sipped it even though it scalded.
She leaned against the counter top and stared at the two men, who seemed to be feeling rather awkward judging by their frowns.
"Okay, what the hell is going on? Anyone?"
"I think you better start," said Dale, turning to face Tellan.
"Well, as I was saying before you ran away and knocked your head, Amanda, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. Or, maybe it's good news actually," he said, brightening. "You have to save the world. All of them actually." Tellan sipped at his coffee, Dale did the same.
"Oh, is that all. Right, I'm going back to bed, this isn't happening. Either you two are crazy, or I am, and either way I'm going back to sleep until this is all over." Amanda walked across the kitchen floor, realizing she was leaving tiny smudges of blood from where she'd cut her toe earlier. The carpet would be ruined and she really didn't care.
"Amanda, please sit down, this is as freaky for me as it is for you," said Dale. He pushed back his chair, got up and moved to give her a hug.
Amanda tensed, but let him do it, hoping beyond hope that it was her Dale, not some weirdo that just looked like him but had the scent of somebody from a different world entirely.
He still smelled wrong.
Dale let her go and looked into her eyes, worry written large across his face. Amanda was as stiff as a board, her arms hanging limp by her sides.
"It's me, honey. It's Dale. Look, sit down please. You will not believe what this... this Caretaker has to say." Dale pulled out a chair and Amanda sat opposite Tellan, with Dale to her left.
"It's The Caretaker," said Tellan. "Capital T, capital C."
"So you really are The Caretaker then?" asked Amanda.
"I am." Tellan sipped his coffee.
"You know what that means?" asked Dale.
"Of course." Amanda sipped her own coffee. "Don't you?" Am I really having this conversation? Shouldn't I be calling the police, or the psych ward anyway?
"No, I don't. And all he," Dale pointed at Tellan, "keeps saying is, 'I'm The Caretaker.'"
"Well, I am," said Tellan.
Dale gave him the daggers.
"Look, this is all very nice and all, but I don't believe for one minute you are him," said Amanda. "And more to the point, what's all this about saving the world, and why do you smell like somebody I should know but don't?" Amanda turned to Dale, waiting for an answer. He opened his mouth to speak but Tellan spoke first.
"I have just been explaining to Dale, once he got over the shock of me being here, and you running off and boinking your head, that all of this is to be expected, especially after Dale did what he did. After all you two have been through I'm surprised you've even ended up with a Dale that looks just like your true Dale." Tellan leaned back in his chair and finished his coffee in a few mouthfuls, then put it back down carefully. "I do apologize, but I must be going. Dale will fill you in on the details, it's best I don't interfere too much. Things are complicated enough as it is, I don't want to make it worse."
"Hey, what are you talking about?" shouted Amanda. She turned to Dale and said, "What is this Dale?"
"Ask hi—"
Tellan was gone.
"Okay, let's take this from the beginning," said Amanda, trying not to freak out completely. "Just what did that man tell you?"
"Let me put the kettle on first, we are both going to need another coffee, if not something stronger."
"I'm off the booze, no way am I ever having another sip."
"Don't be so sure. Tellan told me that we have been time traveling and saving the world and destroying it and I jumped into another me right in this room and left a big mess of pulpy flesh and we went into an inverted world and there was a factory with rows of you from other dimensions all hooked up to machines and—"
"Let's go to the pub," sighed Amanda.
"What? It's only..." Dale checked his watch, "half nine in the morning."
"So? They're open, aren't they?" Dale nodded. "Good, I'll get my bag."
They went to the pub.
Where's Our Pub?
Present Day
"Morning, Dale. Morning, Amanda," said Steve cheerily from behind the spotless bar, before he turned his attention back to the glass he was polishing with what looked suspiciously like a new cloth, not the nasty gray rag he normally wiped at the glasses with ineffectively.
"Morning, Steve," said Dale.
"Um, morning," said Amanda, as she tried to keep it together and not let the fact Steve was happy freak her out more than finding her boyfriend smelled all funny and men were appearing in her house telling her crazy stories before she'd even got dressed or had her coffee.
"Bit early for you two, isn't it? Normally you aren't in until the afternoon."
"Today's a bit of a weird day, Steve. Two pints please," said Dale. "Got any nuts?"
Steve smiled wickedly and began to lower a hand to his crotch, ready to give his favorite joke.
"Seriously? I've heard it a million times, dude."
"The best ones never get old though, do they?" said Steve with a glint in his eye.
"Just pour the pints," sighed Dale.
Amanda kept quiet. Maybe she had gone funny in the head from the bump. Or maybe she'd had the bump first then everything else had happened afterward? That would explain it: she was just getting mixed up, events feeling out of order as she had a concussion. "Eh?"
"I said, you're looking lovely today, Amanda. Got a bonk on your head though, did you? It's a bit of a funny color." Steve finished pouring the drinks and placed them down on two beer mats in front of Dale and Amanda.
"Um, yes. Er, thank you. I'll go and get the seats while you pay, Dale." Amanda grabbed the pint glasses and headed over to their usual spot in the far corner, a booth they always sat in.
"She's acting odd," she heard Steve say, as he punched in the drinks on what looked like a new high-tech touchscreen till.
Amanda focused on not spilling the drinks and walked across... It was, it was floorboards. Shiny, clean, stripped floorboards. Where was the nasty carpet you always stuck to? And come to think of it, how come there were smart looking people in the bar? And was that coffee they were drinking? It was! Steve had always said he'd never serve coffee as this was a pub, not a bloody yuppie coffee bar where people just hung around all day in comfy chairs and moaned about their problems concerning their trendy lofts. Like he even knew what one was.
It was all too strange; the bar was familiar but different. Normally there were two or three old blokes sat on threadbare stools and that was it. The place usually stank, the toilets were a danger zone and Steve was grumpy as hell — if you could find him that is, usually he was off out back in his "Office," smoking a cigarette.
Amanda sat down in a daze. She was getting really worried about herself. Had she lost weeks or months of time? Steve couldn't have done all these changes overnight. And what was with their table? It looked like the old one but it was different, like it was new and made to look old, rather than just being old.
Amanda sipped her pint. It tasted good — cold, with a satisfying hint of hops.
That's it, I've definitely lost it. I haven't had a pint that tasted nice in all the time we've been coming here.
Amanda got up; she had to leave. This wasn't right, not at all, not any of it. She needed to go to a hospital. What if she had a lump in her brain or something? At least it would explain things.
"Hey, where are you going? Take a seat, let's talk." Dale put a hand on her s
houlder and Amanda reluctantly sat back down. "What's going on, honey? I know this morning has been a bit unusual to say the least, but are you okay?"
"No, Dale, I am not okay, and how can you be after what that man said? I think I'm going crazy." Amanda put her head in her hands, resting her elbows on the table. She stayed that way for a moment, then lifted her head and said, "And what's with this place? Why is Steve all happy and when did he get the pub renovated? We were in here the other day."
Dale looked at her in confusion, his hair still unruly as he hadn't had a shower. Neither had she, and that meant she was truly losing the plot — she hadn't even brushed her hair, let alone done the double conditioner she had meant to do.
"What do you mean? He did it months ago, don't you remember?" Amanda shook her head. "He sold out to some big company, jacked up the prices, attracted a different crowd. He even does food now," said Dale in disgust. "But the beer is actually good, even though I'd never tell Steve that."
"Dale, something really is wrong here. I don't think I should be here, this is somewhere else. I think you need to tell me what Tellan said to you. But first, do you remember what we talked about last night? The time travel stuff?"
"I remember. When I got up I thought about it for a second, then you started screaming and I ran into the kitchen, and, well, Tellan said a load of stuff. I'm as confused as you are if I'm honest."
"Okay, what did he say?" Amanda took another sip. The beer was calming her nerves a little but it was far from enough to make her relax. She got the distinct impression that if she truly wanted to feel better then Steve would have to place a new order with the brewery.
~~~
"No. Way. He didn't tell you all that? Really?" Amanda stared at him wide-eyed, but he was sincere, insofar as relaying what Tellan had told him. Whether he believed a word of it was a different matter entirely.
"That's just mental. Seriously?" Dale nodded his head then finished his pint.
"I know, it's nuts, right? But look, something is seriously out of whack here. When I first saw you and him I thought he was going to attack you and I didn't know what to do, so I just grabbed him and chucked him out, locked the door and ran in to check on you. After I put you to bed, and I probably shouldn't have in case you had a serious head injury, I went back into the kitchen and there he was, staring at the kettle, the door open. It's like he can..."
"What?"
"You know, jump. Like he's a time traveler or something."
"Shut up! Don't be a muppet."
"Look, you're right, something is going on. What he told me, what I just told you, he seemed genuine. And he knew, about us discussing burying proof under the apple tree. That's why I didn't chuck him out again. He told me he knew all about it and that was why he was there."
"How could he know? He must have been listening last night, spying." It was the only explanation, wasn't it? Unless... Unless it was true. No, it couldn't be, could it?
"He knew, Amanda, okay? He knew what we'd said. He was there to stop us digging up proof. He said that under no circumstance were we to dig it up, whatever 'it' is. He also said that when I did the you-know-what, that jump from the inside-out world he told me about, jumping into a version of me in a different universe or parallel one, however it works, he said that I solved the problem, eradicated the time travel problem, broke the chain of events, stopped the other me from ever digging up the proof and that set everything back to normal somehow. I just woke up and everything was as if it had never happened."
"Except it didn't, did it?"
"Um, no. According to him at least."
"So, what went wrong?"
"Well, he said not to worry about it, that everything seemed all right everywhere and that basically this is the us that had those adventures. Although it got a bit confusing, as he said that for parts of it there were different versions of you, and me too. Ugh, it's too messed up."
"So you're telling me that we did all those crazy things, or one of us with different versions of each other anyway, and now everything is fine and we have to live with the fact that we aren't exactly the same people who did those things?"
"Something like that, yeah."
"No, this is stupid. You don't smell right, Dale. I'm sorry, but there it is. You look, sound and talk like Dale, but you aren't him, not really."
"I know, but does it matter? Where do you draw the line? What if I smelled right but I still wasn't the exact same Dale? What if I was one from an almost parallel universe where the only difference was that I got up first instead of you and dug up whatever is in the garden and somehow ended up jumping to this you here and I smelled right but I wasn't really the exact Dale you knew?"
"Oh my god, you didn't, did you? Is that what's happened?" Amanda began to panic, really panic.
"No. No, no, no. It was just an example. All I'm saying is that if it seems like me, and it is me, then is there a difference? We love each other, right? And this is me and you are you."
"I love you too, Dale." Amanda couldn't help it, she began to cry. Was Dale right? She did love him, and it was him, just not quite. "There must be more. He must have said something else, as if everything was put right, not that I believe a word of any of this, then why aren't we in exactly the right place? With the right versions of us?"
"Ah, well, yes, that's where the saving the world bit comes in. Although it isn't our fault this time, not really." Dale thought for a moment. "At least according to Tellan, anyway," he added hurriedly.
"Go on." Amanda felt like it was going to be a long morning, a very long one.
"Well, he kind of said that we should leave, get away, go this morning before things get out of hand. Apparently, we have a habit of ending up in rather incredible stories that are a bit bonkers, and he said he'd taken some time to track us down. This us, the ones that set things right."
"But did I? Or was it you and another version of me? Um, not that I believe any of this nonsense."
"It was me and you, a you so close to you that it doesn't matter. Look, this is awful, I know it's you but it's killing me you thinking I'm not Dale."
"I'm sorry, I really am. I'm just freaked out and scared. This is a lot to take in and impossible to believe."
"Yeah, tell me about it. Anyway, he said to leave, to get away and what we have to do will present itself soon enough. He said things are right, all to do with this time travel business, which we apparently cause problems with by having our chat last night and then going digging. But if we go away, then, so he says, everything will be okay and he'll keep an eye on things to ensure that reality is, um, as it's supposed to be."
"Right, that's it, come on." Amanda got up, grabbed her bag and took Dale's hand. She ignored his strange scent, focused instead on the fact that his hand felt warm, comforting and completely familiar, and dragged him out of his chair.
"Wait, let me get my satchel." Dale lunged for his battered leather satchel and Amanda dragged him across the polished wooden floor. Music began to play. "Is that bloody Genesis? I thought Steve hated music in pubs. Didn't he say that this was a pub not a disco when we asked him to get a jukebox?"
"Yeah, a lot has changed in here lately, maybe it's best you don't remember. Where are we going?"
"Where do you think, Dale? We're going home and we will dig up the garden until we sort out this nonsense."
"Um, okay. See ya, Steve," shouted Dale, as Amanda pulled him through the front door out into the sunshine.
"Bye, Dale. Bye, Amanda," said Steve, waving cheerily.
"Steve being happy is enough to make me believe in time travel," grunted Amanda.
"Yeah, me too. He's weird now. I preferred him when he was grumpy and the beer was crap."
They went home.
Unfinished Business
Present Day
"Okay, spill it, mister." This may not have been her Dale, if such a thing was possible, but she could still tell when he was being evasive, and it was hard not to smile as he was practically itching
to tell her anyway — Dale was about as good at keeping secrets as she was at not eating chocolate.
"What?" asked Dale, trying to put on his innocent face, looking more guilty than ever. He started fussing about in one of the drawers, mumbling about it needing a good tidy and why did they have so many keys and what were they all for?
Amanda stood there, hands on hips, giving him her special "look," the one Dale could never stand for long.
"Jeez, all right, no need to bore a hole in the back of my head."
"So, what did he really say?"
"Tellan, you mean? The Caretaker?" Amanda just stared at him. "Okay, he said all the stuff I already told you, about us saving the world, twice, and a load of other things about time travel, universes and parallel worlds and all that. It got a bit jumbled to be honest, I'm not really sure what the difference is between—"
"Dale! You're rambling."
"Oops, sorry. Okay, he said, um, that we have to write a book, and we also have to make a jump. One, mind you. And that in," Dale checked his watch, "about fifteen minutes one of the time travel machines, or devices, whatever they are, will appear on the table and we can use it to ensure that what we did in the past..." Dale thought for a moment, brow creased in confusion. "No, that's not right. Um, in the future, in a different reality, although he also said it wasn't me as I jumped into another version of me and—"
"Dale!" shouted Amanda, totally exasperated.
"Sorry. He said we have to use the Hexad to finish what we started and we have to have a conversation with ourselves. Plus, we have to pretend that we have already experienced it, but with this us being the ones talked to by another us, and he said we have to write a book and jump it into that chamber I told you about, and that we are absolutely not to do anything else."
"Oh, is that all?"
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. That's what he said, and I know it sounds insane. I didn't believe it either, but, well, you know, what if?"
"What if time travel is real and we saved the world? Twice." Amanda wondered if she could sound any more sarcastic if she tried. Probably. A sudden urge overcame her and she moved close to Dale and sniffed. "Still wrong."