by Al K. Line
That had stopped after a few weeks, probably as they dosed her more strongly, and then it was nothing: blank for many months, talking to Hector, Nurse Emily sometimes saying a few words that filtered through, and mostly just eating, staring dumbly at the TV screen — for some reason penguins came to mind — and trying to stay awake.
She knew she was supposed to be seeing the other women as different to herself, to picture them with masks on, giving them their identities, and she knew it worked for many of the women, but not her, and she had foolishly told this to Hector. He always seemed to know anyway, to be able to see past whatever lies she told and know if she was slowly accepting her new life and could put a past he said was nothing but a figment of her imagination behind her. She couldn't.
So, it was back to square one. More meds, no possible way to think clearly, slowly coming out of the daze of weeks only to give herself away somehow and start right back at the beginning again. But it was better than letting him think he'd won.
At least she kept her identity when she had the chance to rise above the drug amnesia, but this was the first time she actually felt like herself, felt capable of anything more than the most rudimentary of thoughts. It was the emotions, that was it. She could feel them stirring, feel the anger, hate, hurt, and the downright injustice of it all.
She would get out, away, find her way home and stop Hector for good.
"Yes, I will do that. I will."
You Sure?
Present Day
"Do you really think this will work?" asked Amanda, staring at Dale dubiously.
Dale nodded, not looking at all convinced. "Yeah, it should. Why not?"
"Because it sounds about as sensible as... Well, it doesn't sound like it will," mumbled Peter, his words trailing off as he tried to think about the plan Dale had outlined.
"Look, we have to try something, and this is the best I can come up with. You got any better ideas?" Dale turned to Amanda and Peter. They both remained silent. "Exactly. Look, we have to get her, we have to get all the women out of there, but first I have to get Amanda, my Amanda, and maybe, just maybe, this will allow us to get her. You're willing to give it a try, aren't you?"
"Of course," said Amanda. "I want to go home, to get to Dale, even if, well, even if it means risking disappearing myself, or her disappearing. And you, Dale, you know it could all go wrong, don't you?"
"I do, but let's just do this bit first, then worry about the rest later. Now, you're sure she was on the top bunk in the corner?" Amanda nodded. "You have to be sure, I don't want to risk getting the wrong one again. Sorry, that sounds mean, you know what I mean."
"The Amanda with the freckle right above her lip, yes, that's her."
"Okay then, wish me luck. Ugh, forget it. I'll be right back here in a second anyway." Dale stared at a Hexad in one hand, the note and the other Hexad in the other. He closed his eyes, focused as hard as he possibly could, then pressed the dome to his chest.
"I hope this goes according to plan," said Peter, staring in amazement at the empty space occupied by Dale a moment ago.
"Me too."
The air felt charged, a strange vibration as if untold power was building behind the veneer of what you normally thought of as reality. Dale was back.
"Okay, that's part one done. Let's hope she is in a fit state to even read the note."
"She will be, it's fate. Although she was one of the most lost of all the women, but now and then she came back to herself. What I still don't get is why didn't you just jump and get her and bring her back?"
"Because it won't work that way. It has to be her. We told you how long it's taken to keep jumping, looking for an opportunity to get you when it was safe, and I really thought it was my Amanda, but now if we're unsure it's her then she has to do it herself, and we all have to be there together."
"Dale, this is so messed up I don't even know where to start," said Peter, scratching at his beard.
"Tell me about it. Anyway, it doesn't matter, let's just go get her. Hopefully." Dale turned to Amanda. "You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be. Are you sure about this?"
"No, but what choice do we have?"
"I can think of about a hundred right now. This is nuts, Dale, why does it have to be so complicated?" asked Peter.
"Because it's time travel," said Dale, holding out his now empty hand, clutching a Hexad in the other.
Amanda took his hand.
They jumped.
~~~
37 Years Future
There was something on top of her, just for a second, then it was gone. Was one of the women messing around again? It wouldn't be the first time. Amanda stayed with her head under the pillow. Maybe they'd go in a second.
A slight weight remained, like they'd left something behind.
But the room was silent now, the women had all filed out for their morning ablutions. She'd have a few minutes of alone time hopefully, time to think with her clear head, time to revel in the ability to focus, and the silence. Such glorious silence. No trying to drown out their noise with the humming she knew made her seem completely crazy but was better than listening to their inane or manic chatter.
Amanda lifted her head from under the pillow and sat up.
It's a Hexad! No way. It's true, it's all true. I knew it.
Amanda stared at the familiar blue light, the flashing 6, feeling like a missing part of her had finally come back to make her whole again. Was this real? Or had she lost the plot again, somehow deluding herself that she was feeling clear-headed when in reality she was dosed up to the eyeballs and sitting in a chair slapping dominoes down in random patterns?
No, hold it together, this is real.
Amanda picked up the Hexad, sure she could feel Dale's warmth on the metal. He's close, so close, now is your chance. Gently, Amanda lifted the note weighted down by the Hexad. She looked around, expecting Nurse Emily to come and tell her off at any moment.
Got to be quick. Just read it.
As fast as she could, Amanda read the note. It was simple, two lines, Dale's scrawled handwriting confirming he really was trying to help.
Set it to two days ago, at 7:45 PM. Jump to outside the window where you saw the other Amanda escape.
I love you. Dale.
That was it, simple but with clear direction. She could do this, couldn't she? But why not just jump home? Why just a few days ago and to when the other Amanda had disappeared?
Because this is time travel and nothing is ever bloody straightforward, that's why.
Amanda stared at the note, reading it again, then again. She couldn't take her eyes off it, the familiarity of Dale's handwriting making her lose herself in a desire for life to return to normal, for everything to be all right again.
I just want to go home.
"Amanda!" shouted Nurse Emily. "What do you think you're doing?" Nurse Emily stormed into the room, ready to chastise her for not joining the others for their morning wash.
Amanda tried to hide the Hexad and the note but it was too late. Nurse Emily stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the device like it had given her a shock.
"Where... where did you get that from? You move your hand away from it right this instant. Hector is going to have some serious words for you, young lady." Nurse Emily gathered her composure and raced toward Amanda.
It was now or never, no time to get dressed or think about it any longer. Amanda adjusted the dials with nervous fingers, her heart beating so fast she could see her chest move underneath her faded, pink-striped pajamas.
Come on, come on. Amanda stared at the dials, willing her bony fingers to make the necessary adjustments. Her fingertips were actually sweating, she didn't even know that was a thing. Nurse Emily was almost on her, two more steps and she'd be there. Amanda grabbed the note and stuffed it into her pajama shirt pocket.
"Now then, Amanda," said Nurse Emily in a soothing voice as she reached the bed, "why don't you hand that over and we'll say no more about
it."
"Don't think so, bitch," spat Amanda. She pressed down on the glorious blue dome. 5 flashed briefly before she disappeared.
~~~
37 Years Future - 2 Days
For a split-second Amanda panicked that she hadn't thought deeply enough about her jump. What if she landed on top of herself or Wozzy? She'd be a messy pulp and that would be the end of everything.
As the cold bit into her bare feet and she shivered uncontrollably she at least knew she wasn't dead.
Time to open my eyes, I guess.
Amanda stared at herself sat in her drug-daze inside the rec room, but she was also outside looking in. She wondered if this was really happening or if she was simply imagining it all and genuinely was out of her mind. No, she wasn't. This was just the doubt Hector had done his best to make her believe was true: that she was ill, hallucinating and in need of care.
She turned to the side, only to see an Amanda clamber out of the window and land on the ground before picking up Wozzy — the poor guy looked terrible.
Then he was there: Dale. It was him, it really was. He grabbed hold of Amanda, only to pause and stare at her, as if she wasn't supposed to be there. His confusion was evident, and he looked from one woman to the other, undecided how to proceed.
It wasn't surprising, the note she had been given was obviously sent by Dale after whatever had initially happened here had happened. So now he was seeing her then Dale's past was being changed. That was right, wasn't it?
Then things got really confusing.
Another Dale appeared just off to the side, looking confused with his hand out like he thought he was already holding onto her, then smiling at her in that way that always made her heart melt and thank whatever deity was listening that she had such a great guy to spend her life with.
So this was the him from his own future, but her past, that had arranged for her to have the Hexad and the note, right? Amanda tried to think through the cold that gnawed at her bones like a starving dog, but her jumbled thoughts were interrupted.
The new Dale, stared at incomprehensibly by the Dale holding on to the other Amanda, said, "Okay everyone, we don't have much time. Here's the deal. Dale, that isn't our Amanda. She is." Dale pointed at her.
Was this it, was she being saved? What would happen now?
"Amanda, please come here. Sorry, love, but we haven't got time for hugs. Don't be scared."
Amanda walked cautiously toward Dale.
"Keep coming, quick, we don't have much time."
She ran. Dale whispered something and then she was beside him. She grasped his hand eagerly. The warmth sent shock waves of pleasure up her arm, touching her heart and reminding her of the love that had been missing for what felt like an eternity.
"I love you," whispered Dale. "Now, run!" Dale ran toward the other Dale and Amanda before she had the chance to think about what he was saying. What now? Did it matter? She held on tight to his hand and ran with him, knowing she loved him, trusted him.
"Dale! Dale, what the hell are you doing?" shouted the other Dale, confusion and fear registering on his face. The other Amanda dropped Wozzy and he ran toward Amanda. She scooped him up as they dashed across the soaking grass. She could see understanding on Dale's face. "I messed up, right?"
"A little, yes, but don't worry, it won't even have happened."
Dale and Amanda were a few paces away from the others when suddenly she felt the world split in two and she lost her vision. Her head screamed at her, her mind went blank, and she felt a pain in her back as she landed hard on the ground.
Home
Present Day
"Ugh." Dale grunted next to her and Amanda clutched at the damp, cold grass.
Except it wasn't grass, it was carpet.
"Hey, guys," said Peter. "Hey, Wozzy. What you doin' down there?"
"Did it work?" asked Dale, before sitting up and rubbing at his head. "God, I feel like my brain's been taken apart atom by atom then put back together with pins. Ugh, did that make any sense?"
"No, none," said Peter, chortling. "Um, guys, is this you? I mean, um, is this the you that just jumped like about three seconds ago?"
Amanda watched from her position on the carpet as Dale's brow creased while he tried to think. God, how great it was to see him again, even Peter.
"Well, that's kind of debatable. Um, this is me, this is the me that just jumped with the other Amanda. Ugh, my head is splitting open."
Other Amanda? What? The one that was there with the other Dale. What does he mean?
"So it's done?" asked Peter, stroking Wozzy who didn't seem bothered in the slightest.
Hang on, wasn't that Wozzy over there by the door to the hall?
Dale and Peter turned as they realized Amanda was focused on something, and then there was silence for a few moments.
"Um, Dale, that isn't a good sign, is it?" said Peter worriedly.
"Bugger, no, it definitely isn't. There can't be two of him, not here, not now."
"Wozzy, no!" It was too late, Wozzy saw the other Wozzy and clawed his way out of Peter's grip and bolted for the intruder like a flash of death.
Wozzy and Wozzy disappeared.
"Um, hi, guys, nice to see you," said Amanda, feeling a little neglected if she was honest, considering she hadn't seen either of them for months.
Dale smiled down at her, grimacing a moment later as he clutched his head. "Hi. Sorry, it's been a rather confusing few minutes." Dale leaned down and sniffed the top of Amanda's head before reaching out a hand for her. "Sorry, just checking."
"Is it her?" asked Peter.
"Yeah, it's her. It's Amanda, my Amanda. Hi, honey, I can't tell you how great it is to have you back."
"And I'm even more pleased to be back. Now, about the cat..."
An Explanation
Present Day
Amanda felt exhausted, utterly drained in the way that only explanations concerning time travel can drain you. Dale and Peter had tried to explain what had been happening in the months she had been away but it all got a little too convoluted even for her — even if she wasn't still rattling full of strange chemicals. Her clarity of the morning was fading. She could feel herself flagging, reverting to the fluffy-feeling state that the constant drug dosing had done, leaving her empty of everything. Not numb, but uncaring, unknowing.
She had to fight it, to stay alert, try to come to some kind of understanding as to why she had been left. She'd felt abandoned for so long in the lucid moments she had clung to like Wozzy clung to her when he insisted that he loved you for a few moments.
Dale seemed to have recovered from the effects of the paradox caused by himself jumping with another Amanda back to where he had earlier helped her to escape, and he'd explained all of this to Amanda, but it was clear that he himself didn't really understand what had happened.
Amanda, the other one, had agreed to trying to create a paradox — she wasn't happy to risk so much but if it had worked, which Dale thought maybe it had, then she would return to her own life, her own universe, and who knew, maybe she was the real, original Amanda and if Dale and Amanda solved the multi-universe creation because of their actions then she might be the one that remained. Or was she getting confused herself?
"So where did she go when you jumped with her?"
"I don't know," said Dale. "Maybe she popped out of existence as there was already one of her where we were jumping to. But, um," Dale scratched at his head, "that would mean I should have disappeared too."
"I don't think so," said Peter, interrupting Dale. "You had to be there as if you weren't then you wouldn't have jumped in the first place, would you? Then that would mean there was no paradox and... Um..."
"Anyway," resumed Dale, "the main thing is that you, the other you, agreed to it, and I suppose that the other me kind of disappeared."
"Or jumped to the other universe, or timezone, whatever it is, that we were both somehow in before, got taken from," offered Amanda, half believing she was act
ually beginning to understand any of what had happened.
"Maybe."
"Dale?"
"Hmm?"
"Well, I don't know how to word this really..."
"It's okay, ask away. God, I missed you so much. I'm so sorry it took so long."
"I missed you too, more than anything, but I—"
"Should I leave? Is this, you know, a 'moment' or something?"
"No, it's fine, Peter, honestly," said Amanda. "But I want to ask, I need to ask so I know. Why did you leave me in that awful place for so long? They were trying to drive me insane, and they nearly succeeded. Most of the time I didn't even know my own name, they dosed me up so high if I misbehaved." Amanda began to cry, not the racking sobs of the lonely and the beaten, but gentle tears of sadness, tears of a woman abandoned by the man she loved and thought would move heaven and earth to be reunited with her. "You left me."
"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry, but we tried, honestly we did. We tried everything, jumped as soon as we realized you'd gone, but we didn't know which one was you. We had to try to jump to when we knew it was safe for us to get away, which wasn't easy, and we, well, we ran out of jumps pretty quickly."
"But not anymore," interrupted Peter.
"Later," said Dale, giving Peter a warning glance.
Peter shrugged.
"We were out of options pretty quickly. With the Hexad spent we didn't know what to do. We used our jumps going to The Ward and trying to figure the place out, find how to get to you, uncover which woman was you. It was obvious it wouldn't be easy, and we had to try to understand what was happening in the future there, think of a way to stop it all from ever happening, but we didn't know how."
"You should have just been able to jump to me, the Hexad should have taken you."
"But it didn't; wouldn't. I think it was because you were all so drugged up, and, well, because you were all so close to being the same person that it simply didn't work like that. Look, sit down, I'll tell you all about it." Dale led Amanda over to the sofa and sat her down.