by Anne Thomas
I grin. That's exactly what I'd been doing. I'm not an expert on blind people but I know when someone is lonely. You don't have to be an expert in anything to work that out. Working in a bar has given me ample opportunity to chat with lonely men and I recognize them almost straight away now. I turn back to him, still smiling; "What reverse psychology bullshit? I'm leaving like you asked."
"You're an ass, you know that?" He sounds frustrated. Like he wants me to stay but wouldn't dream of saying so.
"Okay, if you insist I'll stay for one cup of tea." I say amiably, "That's one thing I like about you Brits, always up for a cuppa." Where did I get all this sass from? Lena would be rolling around in laughter if she were here, Penelope would be checking my temperature.
"I never said that!"
"Make up your mind then. Am I going or staying?" I head back up the path toward my car, but I already know I'm staying.
He sighs, "You're fairly annoying."
"Undeniably so." I say with more cheer than I'm feeling. I slip past him into his home and I feel my heart rate increase. It thuds in my chest like at a school athletics carnival before the hundred-meter sprint - the only race I was ever any good at, stamina in sport was never my special talent.
His house is... spartan to say the least. I guess when you're blind you don't need to make it pretty or funky. We enter into the living room which has a couch and a stereo system that is out of this world. On the boring, simple pine coffee table there's one of those strange blind person computer things, with the braille. I wonder what he writes on it.
His guide dog is now curled up on a doggie bed in the corner, panting at us happily. In another corner is a treadmill with some free weights on the ground beside it. That would explain the body, then. I stop in the middle of the doorway to look around and Levi runs straight into me. I stumble forward with an expletive and he, somehow, reaches out and grabs my arm, keeping me on my feet.
"I can't see you when you stop in the middle of hallways." He says superfluously.
I blush some more. "Sorry," I mumble, his hand is still wrapped around my upper arm. I stare at it shamelessly; it's a sexy hand and I'm twenty-one years old. I'm at my sexual peak according to Lena, although she seems to have been peaking since age fifteen and doesn't appear to be slowing down any.
Suddenly he seems to realise that he's still got a hold of me because he drops my arm like hot coals and stalks off into the kitchen, using his stick to make sure he runs into nothing, though he moves like the way is seared into his brain. There isn't much to run into in any case; a dining room table with two chairs. That's it. His kitchen benches are absolutely clean except for a teapot sitting in the center with a lone cup beside it. This upsets me.
"Do you want me to make the tea?" I ask politely as Levi fumbles with the lid on the tin of tea leaves.
"No," Again with the snapping! "I can do it."
"Okay." I agree and watch as his hands remember where everything is. He goes through the motions on automatic. Water in the kettle. Boil water. Tea leaves in the pot. He scrabbles around in a cupboard for a bit but I don't offer to help, eventually he comes up with another teacup. This one a delicate shade of vomit green. Nice.
"Here," He holds out the vomit teacup in my general directions and I take it off him, putting it down on the table quickly before I burn my fingers. "Milk or sugar?" He questions.
"No thanks." I glance at him, "Don't look so surprised."
"Barely any people have no milk or sugar." He's still wearing his sunglasses and it looks strange inside the house.
"It's much easier." I say. I can't think of a way to make conversation. What do I say? So, have you seen any good movies lately?
"Yes, definitely." Levi agrees and blows on his own hot tea. I still don't know what to say so I just stand there and look at him.
"How old are you?" I eventually ask, desperately.
His mouth twitches and it looks like he might be thinking about grinning, "You know, in some cultures that's considered a rude question."
I laugh nervously, "Only if you're over thirty..."
He looks thoughtful for a moment, "True. How old do you think I am?"
"Well, you're grumpy enough to be seventy but you look about twenty-two or three." I blurt before really thinking it through and then I top it all off with an eloquent, "Er..."
Levi ignores that, "You're right, I'm twenty-three. And I would guess you to be about the same."
"Guess from what?" I ask, instantly curious although the virulent shade of pink curtains was putting me off slightly.
"Your voice," He says and then more quietly, "Your smell."
I don't know how ideal that is - he can smell my age? "You can smell my age?"
"No, it's your perfume. It smells young and fresh. I've gotten good at guessing." He expels his breath in a bitter sort of way, "Talented, huh?"
"Sure. I'm only twenty-one, though." Then his mobile rings. It's sitting on the table and the vibrations send it skittering around. I pick it up and hold it out to him. Levi's hands grasp for it and end up grabbing my whole hand,
"Sorry," he mumbles and then answers the phone.
"Hey mum, I can't really talk right now... No, I'm with someone... A visitor... I'm not making her up!... I don't think so... Oh come on." I can't help but grin, obviously his mother could put him straight back into line when needed. He sighs and turns to face me, "I'm so sorry but could you say hi to my mum - she thinks you're not real."
I grin, "Sure, man." I grab the phone, "Hello?"
"Who are you?"
"My name is Casey, I'm a friend of Levi's."
"How did you meet him?"
"I ran into him at the beach one day."
"What do you want with him?" She demands. This is starting to feel like an inquisition.
"Um, we're friends. I just want to hang out with him, you know, the usual mate-ish stuff." Levi groans quietly. His cheeks seem to be a few shades redder than normal.
"My son is not normal."
"Sure he is, only thing not normal about him is he can't see my ridiculously large ass like other boys can." I snap, getting irritated with her questions. No wonder Levi ran away. I immediately regret the words of course, how is Levi to know they were just a joke? Gah! Must I sabotage myself constantly?
"I don't want you spending time with my son if this is how you treat your elders..."
"Oh please," I interrupt, "You should be happy I'm spending time with your son, it's not like you’re here keeping him company!" Levi blushes a little harder and his mother splutters indignantly down the line. She sounds so distant - I wonder if I was right and she actually is in England.
"Don't you dare -"
"Sorry, you seem to breaking up..." I rub the phone on my jacket and make some crackling noises into the receiver, "Sorry Levi's mum! I can't hear a word you're shrieking! I'm going to hang up now..." So I do. Then I look at Levi.
"You just hung up on my mother."
"Yes. Are you mad?" I ask thinking that probably if our positions had been reversed that I would be.
"No, I've been wanting to do that for ages but she's not the sort of person you hang up on easily."
"Yeah, I noticed she's quite demanding."
"Somewhat." He agrees. God he has a cute accent.
We drink the rest of our tea in silence. It's not awkward but it's not exactly comfortable either. I get the feeling that he's used to the silence and it's not so weird. I'm used to people who talk all the time. We talk in person, we talk on the phone, on the internet, via text and skype and sometimes even snail-mail. I am now mortified about how I spoke to his mother - normally I'm so agreeable! Something about this man brings out the rudest in me! Also the protective part. He looks big and strong but really he's quite vulnerable. I expect I'll regret feeling like this though...
Levi breaks the silence, "I... Can I look at you, Casey?"
I blink and wonder if he's playing an excellent trick on me, "Look at me?"
"Yes
."
"Should... should I call Hollywood Private and see if they can fit in a quick eye transplant?" He cracks a tiny grin at this.
"With my hands. It's okay if you don't want me too." He adds quickly.
"No, it's fine. I don't mind. Fair's fair, right?" I joke, but I'm actually really freaking nervous. I look at him and wait for him to make the first move but it doesn't seem to happen, so I take charge. I step towards him and reach out, taking his hands in mine. They are strong and warm. I lift them to my face and press his palms to my cheeks before letting my hands fall to my sides and closing my eyes.
I hold still as his fingers trace my cheekbones, it feels like they might be shaking a little. Then he seems to get surer and his touch becomes firmer across my jaw, my brow and ever so slightly down my nose. His fingers brush over my eye sockets delicately and then they travel downwards. With one hand he cups the side of my neck and with the other he runs his thumb across my lips, letting it rest on the corner. For some reason I feel delicate and small under his touch. Normally I never feel like this. I pull away breathing slightly heavier than before,
"I umm..." Filling the silence awkwardly, "Did you get a good look?" But then again, maybe joking is not the way to go. My words feel empty and lifeless hanging in the air that is now very thick between us.
"Yes, thank you." His voice is just as stilted as mine. I raise my hand to my face and brush my fingers across my lips. They don't have the same effect as his big, calloused ones did.
Then, of all things to interrupt, my bloody phone beeps from inside my handbag which I'd dumped on the kitchen bench. The stupid message tone which Penelope had programmed in cut through the air like a knife.
Levi looks startled, "Cool, umm, cool ringtone." Great, now he probably thinks I'm like twenty going on twelve.
I laugh nervously as I rummage through all the crap that's bouncing around in my bag,
omigod! handsome hague just txtd me! he wants 2 meet on the wknd! i almost popped a cog in excitement. wat should i wear? wats his fav colour?
I don't care about that at the moment Lena! I just had a gorgeous guy with the freakiest eyeballs I ever saw feeling up my face and you think I give a shit that one of my childhood friends is messaging you? I ignore the message but find the fact that if she yelled loud enough right now I'd be able to hear her mildly amusing…
I feel so uncomfortable and intrusive now, in his personal space, that I leave. I make some vague excuses and I don't dare look at his face when I say them. I think that if I had looked and seen disappointment I would want to stab myself in the temple. He takes it well though, shows me to the door and says goodbye politely. I mumble a quick seeya in return and scurry to my car. My cheeks are on fire and I can't decide if it's because of my embarrassing exit or Levi's rather intimate 'look' at my face. Probably the latter. I can still feel his thumb on my lip.
– – – * * * – – –
I get home and sit on the couch, staring at the television for a while in a sort of stupor. A game of footy is on, a western derby; the Eagles versus the Dockers. I don't really care though, I'm not so into football, although because it's such an institution in Australia I can't help but watch it for a while, muttering insults about the teams and their players. Parroting things I've heard from friends mostly; Hague is obsessed with AFL. If there is a game on, then he sure as hell would be watching it. Once, I changed the channel when I was hanging out at his place, and he kicked me out. Just like that I was out on the street on my ass. I wasn't impressed to say the least and he had a lot of apologizing to do after that... but that's beside the point. I'm just avoiding thinking about him.
::CaseSpace, Random!Hague and ZEKEophile have joined the conversation::
CaseSpace says: Handsome - Did you really ask Lena out?
Random!Hague says: Umm, kind of. I asked her yeah but not on like a date or anything...
ZEKEophile says: Hang on, you asked her out but you didn't ask her on a date?
CaseSpace says: What the hell did you invite her to then?
Random!Hague says: Well I just sort of invited her for a... well...
CaseSpace says: You invited her for a random hook up? Hague! She is not a toy!
Random!Hague says: Oh come on Case, I know she's your friend but she's a loose woman, and she's hot. If she wants it and I want it I don't see what the problem is!
ZEKEophile says: I'm not exactly a gentleman when it comes to things like this, Hague, but you are kidding right? Lena, I mean, Lena is an idiot and I hate her but don't be such an asshole. You give blokes a bad name.
CaseSpace says: If you are my friend Hague you will not treat Lena like that.
::CaseSpace has left the conversation at 9:39pm::
Random!Hague says: I freaking hate it when she does that.
ZEKEophile says: Yeah I know. Annoying. Seriously though, man, don't do it. Take her on a date and whatever but don't treat her like a prostitute.
Random!Hague says: I would never offer money!
ZEKEophile says: I wasn't kidding. If you aren't going to do it for Lena, and I can't blame you because she's an awful girl, do it for Casey, yeah? You guys have been mates for a while right?
Random!Hague says: Yeah. I guess...
::ZEKEophile has left the conversation at 9:41pm::
::Randome!Hague has left the conversation at 9:41pm::
I mope around for the next two days on autopilot; uni, work, home. I don't see any of my friends but I talk to them on the internet and, in Lena's case, through frequent texts. She's obsessed with her date with Hague. I told her he is a heartless user but she insists on going still. I haven't spoken to Handsome yet. And I haven't been back to see Levi. I hate that it's up to me.
I meet Penelope for coffee at uni on Tuesday morning. I can't help but notice that she seems to have done her hair recently. It was now layered and feathered around her face. It was also a virulent shade of deeply unattractive orange.
"Nice hair." I say innocently. It looks terrible.
She rolls her eyes, "I'm getting it dyed back tomorrow." Next she scowls at me for a bit and then gets a crafty look in her eye. I think she knows something's up. "Are you alright?" She probes, "You seem really distracted lately, Casey."
"I'm fine." I say automatically. And I am, technically.
"Right. It's nothing to do with that weird MSN conversation we had the other day? About the boy who you were going to see but who doesn't like you...?" She sees straight through me. How irritating.
"I was hoping to languish in my own stupidity but since you ferreted it out - yes, it does have something to do with that."
"And...?"
"And nothing." I realise I'm being a stubborn idiot but what is there but to lie and avoid the question?
"You're avoiding the question, Casey." She sounds impatient and irritated. It's hard to irritate Penelope, but being stubborn and obtuse tends to do it. Plus, everyone keeps looking at her hair and grimacing. That can't help.
"I know. I don't really want to talk about it though." I pause, what is the best way out of talking about it? What will throw her off? I know! Lying. "It's in its early stages and I don't want to jinx things." Tell her exactly what she wants to hear and she'll drop it. I am brilliant.
Pene grinned and tapped her nose in that stupid way people do when they think they know something. "Ah ha! Casey, I'm hearing you. Is he cute?"
I stare at my lemon tart and nod, "Yeah, he's real cute. I, umm, I really like him, Pene."
"Does he like you now?"
I shrug and am honest. It's been known to happen. "I don't know. Maybe, he's a bit hard to read." I leave it at that and change the subject fast. Truth is, I don't know anything about Levi and I don't know if he wants anything to do with me. Penelope takes the hint and moves on to crack the shits over her hairdresser.
"Chocolate brown I said! Chocolate brown! Not psychedelic-carrot!" She's waving her hands around like an Italian and drawing more eyes to her 'psychedelic carrot' hair. Nice.
"It's not so bad," I feel obliged to say it, even though I think it looks awful. That's what friends are for. "It could be worse... It could be, say, purple? Green?"
Pene glares at me and I shut up. I think she knows I'm lying through my teeth and I don't think she likes it.
– – – * * * – – –
It's been a week now. I feel like I need to go back and see him again. I know it's just his looks and the dark, mysterious, wounded facade that I'm drawn to, but any woman would be, if they gave him the time of day. I want to know more about him and I want to help him. I think this is a normal human reaction. At least I hope... I can still feel his hands all over my face.
"Hi." I say it and I'm unsure about whether he'll be happy I'm standing on his doorstep. I fidget with the cord on my jacket.
"Hello. How are you?"
Okay, so he didn't tell me to leave straight up. That's got to be a positive. "I'm good. I had the afternoon off and I thought I'd come hang out."
"Come in," He moves to the side of the doorway and I walk in past him. Levi smells good. "So, umm, what do you do?" He asks as we walk into the kitchen.
"I'm studying at the moment and I work part time at a bar." We reach the kitchen and it looks exactly the same as it did last time except now I see there are two mugs waiting on the bench with the teapot. My breath hitches in my throat, "Were you expecting someone else?" My voice sounds disconnected from my body.
Levi frowns in confusion, "No. No one else."
Oh my god. He's been waiting for me to come back. The extra mug is for me. "Oh. So what have you been up to lately?" I then mentally berate myself. What a stupid question!
"Not much. Mostly I don't leave the house. Only when I take Midget walking really..." He pauses with the kettle halfway to the teapot, "Well, when Midget takes me for a walk. And when my cousin forces me to take day trips around the place." Levi gives a bark of harsh laughter, shrugs and continues with his routine. I prop myself at his breakfast bar and stare at him shamelessly. It's not like he can tell anyway.
"Where is Midget?"