If Only I Could Tell

by Neketa Y. S. Knowles

  A few minutes passed before Trisha responded.

  Eve wrote, “Trisha, are you there?”

  “I’m here, Eve. I was just taking a few minutes to consider everything you wrote.”

  “I am sorry if it was not what you wanted to hear, Trisha, but I am your friend and I have a responsibility to make sure you make a logical decision.”

  “I know that you have my best interests at heart, Eve.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “I am going to take your advice and wait until I speak with Leo before I do anything.”

  “Okay, love; let me know how it turns out.”

  “I will. Thanks, Eve, I can always count on you.”

  “Good night, Trisha.”

  “Good night, Eve.”

  Trisha decided that she was not going to make any major decisions before she heard what Leo had to say on their date night. She promised herself to weigh all of the pros and cons and not to make any rash decisions. She felt confident that she would make the right decision. Trisha remembered what Mrs. Knowles once told her. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.”

  Trisha smiled to herself, Look at who memorized some Scripture; Mrs. Knowles would be so proud, she thought.

  When Trisha arrived at work the next morning, there were two dozen roses, a bottle of champagne, and a box of chocolates all with her name on them at her station. Everyone wondered if it was her birthday.

  “Trisha,” said Tony, “what is the special occasion?”

  Trisha smiled as she read the card and smelt the roses. “Well, if you must know, Tony, it’s Leo’s and my first anniversary.”

  “First anniversary, you say. I recall that someone did not even want to go out with a certain guy, and I had to persuade that someone to give the guy a chance. I think I deserve that bottle of champagne, because there would be no anniversary to celebrate if it were not for me. What do you think about that, Trisha?”

  Tony reached for the bottle, but Trisha slapped his hand away. “Just a minute, mister,” she said. “This champagne is for Leo and me. I will get you a bottle later.

  “I don’t want the cheap stuff either,” Tony replied.

  Trisha headed to the break room and she gave Leo a call. “Hi honey, the flowers are beautiful. Thank you. Happy anniversary; I cannot wait to see you tonight. Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you later.”

  Trisha beamed from ear to ear all day. She hummed and worked the entire shift. All of her customers got the royal treatment that day.

  Leo came into the restaurant later that day. “Hey, babe,” he said as he kissed her on the lips.

  “Hey, you. What are you doing here? I’m not getting off for another few hours.”

  “Oh, I know. I could not wait until then. I want to see you now.”

  “That’s so sweet of you, I take lunch in ten minutes. Do you want to wait around and I will have lunch with you?”

  “I have a better idea. How about you ditch this joint and come have lunch with me now?”

  “Honey, I am in the middle of my shift, I cannot just pick up and leave. I have customers.”

  “Of course you can,” Leo said.

  Leo called out across the room, “Tony, a word please.”

  Tony came on over, “Yes, Leo, how may I help?”

  “Today is Trisha’s and my first anniversary,” Leo said, “and I want to take my girl to lunch. If it is alright with you, Tony, may I take my girl to lunch, please?”

  Trisha had a puzzled look on her face as Leo awaited a response from Tony.

  “Ahh sure thing, Leo,” Tony said nervously, “anything for our most valuable customer. I can let Sherri cover Trisha’s station.”

  Trisha was stunned by Tony’s response. He hardly ever allowed anyone to leave early for personal reasons.

  “Thanks, Tony,” Leo said. “I knew that I could count on you.” He peeled off a hundred dollar note from his money clip and stuffed it into Tony’s pocket.

  “Grab your things, Trisha. Let’s get out of here.”

  Still stunned by what had just transpired, Trisha stood still a moment longer.

  “Trisha,” Leo shouted, “your things—get them so that we can leave.”

  “Right,” Trisha said still a little dazed, “my things. I will be right back.”

  A few moments later, Trisha returned with her bag; she walked over to the counter to retrieve the roses when Leo interrupted, “Leave them. Tony will bring them to the car for you.”

  “What?” Trisha replied. “That is not necessary, I can bring them.”

  “What did I say, woman?” Leo snapped back. “Tony will be happy to bring them for you.”

  “Isn’t that right, Tony?”

  “Of course,” Tony replied, “I will be happy to bring them for you, Trisha. You go on ahead.”

  Trisha walked to the door as Tony grabbed the roses, champagne, and chocolates off of the counter. Leo followed closely behind her. When they got to the car, Leo opened the door for Trisha and she got in. He closed the door behind her and walked around to the driver’s side. Tony placed the roses on the floor behind Trisha, closed the door, and headed back to the restaurant.

  “What was that about?” Trisha asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean your pulling me away from work like that, your ordering Tony like he is a servant, and your raising your voice at me like I am a child!”

  Leo waved it off. He grabbed her hand and said, “Today is our special day, and I want it to be perfect is all. I am sorry for raising my voice at you. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” Trisha replied. “So where are we going?”

  “It’s a secret, but I guarantee that you will love it. It’s a bit of a drive, so sit back, relax, and have a glass of champagne.”

  “Will do,” Trisha said.

  Sometime later, they pulled up to The Cove Condominiums in West Gate. Trisha could not believe her eyes. It was a stunning property, the landscaping was top notch, there was an Olympic size swimming pool, there were tennis and basketball courts, a spa, a mini-golf course, a recreation area, private security, elevators at the end of each stairway. The building itself was a sight to behold; it went ten stories up and at the very top there was an ocean view, a gathering spot on the roof, a bar and dining facility on the first floor; it was truly amazing. Trisha held onto Leo’s hand as they walked toward the entrance, she said, “Honey, what are we doing here?”

  “You will see in a moment,” Leo answered.

  They walked toward the elevator, got in, and Leo hit eight. The elevator cruised up to the eighth floor and they got out; they continued down a long hallway to room number 807. Leo pulled out a key card and the door unlocked. Leo took Trisha by the arm and guided her into the foyer. “Welcome home, Trisha,” Leo said.

  “Excuse me?” Trisha responded. “Did you say welcome home?”

  “I did,” Leo said. “Well, it’s your home if you agree to live here with me.”

  Trisha was speechless. Leo took her on a tour of the condo. It was a two-thousand square foot, three-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bathroom apartment. It was beautifully furnished from top to bottom, it had an open concept living, dining, and kitchen area, an office, ten-foot ceilings, crown molding, decorative trim on the dining room wall, beautiful art work displayed throughout, stainless steel appliances, wine fridge, dishwasher, laundry area, a master bedroom with an en suite, walk-in closets, a Juliette balcony—everything a person would want. That condo was stunning.

  This is the way that Trisha envisioned her life. She had everything at her fingertips. There was not a thing that she would add or subtract from a design perspective. She wanted to move in immediately, if not sooner.

  “Leo, this
place is amazing.”

  “I am glad that you like it.”

  “Like it! I absolutely love it. It is just my style.”

  “Of course it is; you are a woman of class. Come, I ordered lunch already.”

  They headed out to the balcony where a beautifully laid-out table for two awaited them.

  They ate and drank. Trisha could not believe that Leo had gone through all of that trouble for her. She was in awe that he counted her worthy of all the things he had done for her. She loved him and it appeared that he loved her.

  “Come, Trisha, there is something I want to discuss with you.” They headed to the living room and sat on the sofa. Leo took Trisha’s hand in his and said, “These past twelve months have been the most memorable for me, Trisha, and I want you to know how special and important you are to me; when I said that I wanted to take our relationship to the next level, I was not kidding.” Leo got off the couch and knelt before Trisha, she immediately felt her heart rate increase. Trisha held her breath as Leo began to speak.

  “Trisha Addison James, will you go steady with me?” Leo pulled out a little black box and handed it to Trisha. Trisha’s heart raced knowing that whatever the content of the box was, she was not sure if she were quite ready for it. She opened the box and on the inside was a beautiful princess cut sapphire ring. Trisha held her chest as she looked at the ring; it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

  “Oh, Leo, it’s gorgeous, you did not have to do this.”

  “Yes, I did Trisha. I want you to know how serious I am about you.” He kissed her. “Do you like it?”

  “Yes I love it.”

  “I am still waiting on an answer to my question though; will you go steady with me?”

  Trisha paused for a moment, and then she said, “I want to go steady with you, Leo, but what does that entail? What will you expect from me?”

  “What do you mean what will I expect? I expect for you to be my lady. I want you to move in with me and be mine. I want you.”

  Leo pulled Trisha closer to him and began to kiss her passionately. He stroked her body as he kissed her. Trisha placed her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Leo squeezed her as he held her. In an instant, Leo flipped Trisha onto the couch and he was on top of her kissing and caressing her. Trisha also caressed his body as she kissed him back. She never wanted anything as badly as she wanted him right then. Leo began to undress her and it was at that moment that Trisha caught herself.

  “Leo,” she called. He continued to kiss, touch, and feel. By this time, her blouse was completely open and her chest exposed. Leo placed his hand beneath Trisha’s hip and positioned her pelvis just beneath his.

  “Leo,” she said a little louder, “wait a minute!” By that time, the train had left the station and there was no recalling it.

  “Leo, stop!” Trisha shouted. She tried pushing him off of her but that was not working. He continued to kiss and caress her.

  “Leo, please, wait!” Trisha cried. “Please wait a minute.”

  “What is it, Trisha?” Leo moaned.

  “Wait, please,” she said.

  “I don’t want to wait any longer! I want you so badly.”

  Trisha managed to wiggle out from beneath him. “Please wait, I need to talk to you.”

  “Seriously, Trisha, now? You want to talk right now?” Leo said, seemingly annoyed.

  “Please do not be upset with me. This is important. If we are going to be together, then it is paramount that we communicate properly. We need to be able to be honest with each other at all times.”

  “Alright, Trisha, you have my undivided attention, say what’s on your mind.”

  “Thank you, Leo. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” he said as he leaned in for another kiss, but she stopped him.

  “You are not listening.”

  “Sorry, continue.”

  “Well, there is no easy way to say it, so I will just be frank. I am not ready to have sex or to make love, whatever you want to call it. I am not ready. I thought that I was but I am not. I cannot move in with you either. It is too big a step for me right now. I am only nineteen and I am not ready for that type of responsibility. I am sorry. I hope you understand.”

  Leo sat quietly for a moment. Trisha said, “Please say something to me, Leo.”

  A few more moments passed and he said, “Get dressed, Trisha, it time for you to go home.”

  Stunned by his attitude, Trisha said, “Is that all you have to say? I thought we were going to be open and honest with each other.” Leo still said nothing. He was upset and it was all over his face. He got up and started to fix his clothes. He walked over to the kitchen to get a drink, and Trisha followed him.

  “Answer me, Leo, why are you behaving like a small child?” Leo slammed the glass down on the counter and turned toward Trisha; he shoved her up against the refrigerator, and said, “I am acting like a small child? You are the child here, Trisha. Clearly you are the one who is not ready for a grown-up relationship. For one year I have been with you listening to you, wining and dining you, courting you, being patient with you; and now on this important night, I am ready to move ahead with you. I put a ring on your finger to demonstrate my commitment to you. I leased this damn place to make you happy, and what do I get in return? Nothing! And you want to accuse me of being childish? I want a woman, Trisha, and I thought that you were the woman for me, but you are nothing but a little girl. I have needs too. I hope you understand that.”

  “What is that supposed to mean, Leo?”

  “Look, let’s go. I have to go out of town on business tomorrow and I need to prepare.”

  “No, I am not going anywhere until you explain what you mean by that.”

  “Trisha, I am not doing this with you tonight. If you want to be a baby then be a baby; I need a woman in my life.”

  Trisha started to cry, “Leo, what are you saying. Are you going to find someone else?”

  “Let’s go, Trisha.”

  “No.” Trisha reach out to Leo, but he shoved her hard against the fridge. She hit her head and began to cry even more. He pulled her into him and said, “I am sorry, baby, I’m sorry. I did not mean to shove you so hard. Please don’t cry. I love you and I never want to hurt you. Please stop crying, baby; please stop. I love you, honey, and I’ll never do it again.” He kissed her and she kissed him back.

  “I’ll do whatever you want me to Leo, I promise. Please do not leave me; I love you so much.”

  “Shh, “Leo whispered in her ear, “I’m not going anywhere, I love you; you do know that, right?”

  “Yes, I know that,” Trisha answered.

  “Okay then, come sit with me and let me make sure that you are alright.” They headed back over to the couch and Leo held her for a while. Trisha kissed Leo deeply and passionately, and he responded in kind.

  11

  Trisha left for work early the next morning, because she had come in very late the night before and she wanted to avoid a confrontation with Mom. Their relationship was as bad as it had ever been. Mom hated the fact that Trisha was determined to date Leo, and she never let an opportunity pass without reminding her that nothing good could come out of it.

  Trisha was all set to begin work when Leo walked into the restaurant.

  “Hey, I thought you had a business trip today,” she said.

  “I do,” Leo said, “but I wanted to stop by to see my lovely lady before I head out.”

  “Aww, how sweet.”

  “Anything for you, my love. So listen, when I get back I am taking you out to dinner, because I want to continue the discussion we started last evening, okay.”

  “Okay.”

  He kissed her on the forehead and asked, “Are you feeling okay from last night?”

  “I have never felt better,” Trisha replied.

 
“You are so amazing, I cannot wait to get back to you.” He kissed her again and headed out the door.

  “Bye, have a good trip.”

  For some reason Tony always seemed to be lurking close by whenever Leo came into the restaurant, because just as Trisha turned to head to the kitchen, there he was leaning on the side counter with a foolish grin on his face.

  “Trisha, you have that glow about you.”

  “What glow are you talking about, Tony?”

  “The morning-after glow,” Tony replied.

  “I don’t know what that means, Tony,” Trisha replied.

  “Oh, I think you do,” Tony said.

  “Mind your business, Tony, and stop starting stuff,” Trisha returned.

  “Deny it all you want to Trisha, but I know what I’m talking about.”

  “Whatever. Tony, there is nothing to deny, and in case you have not noticed, I am a grown woman who is capable of making my own decisions; now I have work to do and so do you.”

  “So touchy this morning. I was just teasing.”

  “I am not in the mood for your games this morning, Tony, alright? Truth is I did not get much sleep last night and I am not in the best of moods. I am sorry that I snapped at you.”

  “It’s okay, Trisha, I did not take it personally. I will leave you alone to get settled.”

  Trisha headed toward the kitchen when she heard, “Trisha Addison James!” She turned to see who had called her, and she stopped at booth number two.

  “Eric? Eric Jackson? Well, I’ll be!”