I close my eyes as his words sink in.
“The chances of you going insane like your father is the same as the chances of me becoming a loser like my parents.”
“I know,” I whisper.
Jaxson places his hand on my desk and leans over it. I’ve never seen him this angry before.
“What the fuck is the problem then? I’m sick and tired of seeing you like this. I love you, Marcus. I’m not going to stand by with my arms crossed and watch you fuck up your life.”
All the reasons I’ve been telling myself why Willow and I could never work, race through my mind. Knowing Jaxson will see through every one of them, I have no choice but to admit the reason out loud.
“What if I lose her?”
I watch Jaxson take a deep breath as he tries to control his anger, but it’s not working.
“You’re already fucking losing her,” he growls.
“Not like that. I mean what if I let Willow in and she dies?”
“Marcus,” Jaxson groans as a look of frustration crosses his face. “I could die tomorrow, but that doesn’t stop you from loving me. What’s the difference between Willow and me?”
I roll my chair back and get up. Only when I’m standing in front of the window and looking down at the busy streets, do I say the words out loud for the first time.
“You were supposed to spend the night,” I whisper. “But your mom wouldn’t let you. If she had said yes, he would’ve killed you as well.” I take a moment to gather my thoughts, wanting the words to come out right. “In a way, you survived my father. I know it doesn’t make sense. Before it all happened, you were there. You were in that house the whole day. When I woke up, you were still there. I lost everyone I loved, except for you.”
Jaxson comes to stand next to me, but I keep my eyes on the view below.
“I can’t even think about losing you. You’ve become my life. You’re my family. The thought of losing you –” I can’t finish the sentence as my throat closes up. I take a few deep breaths before I whisper, “It terrifies me. If I let Willow in, she will only be one more person I will fear losing.”
We stand in silence for a long while.
“The thought of losing me terrifies you because I am all you have,” Jaxson whispers. “You’re scared you’ll wake up one day, and I won’t be there because that means you’ll wake up to an empty room.”
“That pretty much sums it up,” I mumble.
“I was right,” he says. “You’re a fucking idiot.”
I shoot him a dark glare, not in the mood to go through it all again.
“If you had Willow, and I’m using past tense because you most probably already fucked things up beyond recognition, you wouldn’t wake up alone should anything happen to me. If you try with Willow and the worst happens, I’ll still be there. Living like a hermit won’t save you from the pain, it will only amplify the fear of losing the one person you allow into your life.”
“So you’re telling me the more people I allow into my life, the less I’ll fear losing them? How does that make any sense?”
“You don’t fear losing them, Marcus. You fear being alone. The fucked up thing? You’re already alone.” Jaxson turns towards me and takes hold of my shoulder. “Stop shutting people out. Let the other guys in. Let Willow in. I promise you the fear will go away.”
“It’s easier said than done. I’ve been shutting people out for so long, it’s not going to change overnight.”
Hell, I don’t even know where to start.
“It’s going to take time. You can start by getting your ass over to Willow’s place and telling her you’re an idiot. At least get your friendship with her back on track. After that, take it one day at a time. Slowly start spending more time with the guys. You don’t have to rush it.”
I nod so he’ll see I understand. I need to think about it all first.
“I better get back to work.”
I take hold of his arm to hold him back. “Thanks for being the voice of reason when I fuck things up.”
“You would do the same for me.”
I watch Jaxson leave the office before I go back to staring out the window.
Rushing over to Willow’s and kissing the living hell out of her will only scare her off. I need to ease her into the idea of having a relationship with me.
I’m filled with excitement and horror at making a move on her. What Jaxson said makes sense, but I’m still scared shitless.
“Grow a pair!” I snap at myself.
∞∞∞
WILLOW
“I didn’t think it would be this hard.”
I’ve been talking to Evie every day since Sunday. We’ve both had a rough couple of days. She didn’t get the job, and because she was sick and missed her shifts last weekend, she got fired from her waitressing job.
“You’re doing the right thing. Give Marcus time to think. Let him come to you.”
“What if he doesn’t come tonight?”
“Then at least you’ll know where you stand with him. I know it sounds harsh, but if that’s the case, cut your losses. You can’t keep hoping.”
If he doesn’t come for our usual dinner, my heart’s going to break into pieces.
“How’s the job hunting going?” I change the subject because talking about Marcus is only making the anxiety grow.
“I got another waitressing job, but the pay is shitty.”
“At least it’s something,” I try to encourage her.
“Yeah, but it still sucks. Why is it so hard to find a decent job? You need experience to qualify for a position, but no one is willing to give you a chance to get that experience.”
“That’s why I haven’t left the company I’m at. I know you don’t want to hear it, but why don’t you call Rhett? He’ll give you a job in a heartbeat.”
“Would you work for Marcus?” she snaps.
“Okay, so that was a bad idea. I wish I could help you.”
“I’ll find something. Don’t worry about me.” She lets out a hopeless huff. “I better go get ready for my shift.”
“I’ll talk to you soon,” I say before we cut the call.
I hate that Evie is struggling, but I’m in no position to help her. Hell, I’m barely making it myself. But I understand why she won’t turn to Rhett for help. I’d rather move back with my parents before I have to ask Marcus for help.
Thinking about Marcus, I glance at the time. He should be here in an hour… if he’s still coming.
I take a quick shower and decide to wear jeans with a white t-shirt. It’s similar to what I wore the first time we met.
I make tacos for dinner because I know how much he loves them. When the food is ready, I glance at the time. Marcus should be here any minute now.
I glance around the apartment, making sure I didn’t leave anything out of place. I switch on the TV and place the remote on the armrest where Marcus always sits.
When six O’clock comes and goes, my anxiety starts to grow.
I haven’t heard from him all week. I was hoping we would be able to use tonight to get past the awkwardness of what happened.
“So much for hoping,” I whisper as I sink down onto the couch. I rest my face in my hands as I try to breathe the tears away.
I can’t believe our friendship is over because I fell asleep at his place. Did we mean so little to him?
When an hour has passed with no sign of Marcus, I switch the TV off. I resist the urge to toss the tacos in the trash and instead shove them in the fridge.
Feeling like a heartbroken fool, I walk to my room. I strip out of the jeans and t-shirt, then slip into my pajamas. Not having any energy left, I fall sideways across my bed.
Now that I want to cry the tears won’t come.
When there’s a knock at the front door, I almost have a heart attack. I jump up and not wanting to keep Marcus waiting, I run to the door in my pajamas.
I take a few deep breaths to calm my beating heart.
Act normal. Don’t let Marcu
s see how happy you are.
I take one last deep breath then open the door.
My heart skips a beat when I see Marcus standing in front of me.
He came.
He’s late, but at least he’s here.
“Sorry, I’m late.” When he notices that I’m wearing pajamas, he frowns. “Were you sleeping?” He glances at his watch. “It’s not even eight yet.”
“Pajamas are comfortable,” I say, and I want to slap myself for not waiting a little longer before changing out of my clothes.
I stand to the side so Marcus can come inside. He doesn’t walk to the couch like he always does, but instead turns back to me.
“We can skip dinner if you don’t feel up to it.”
He’s looking for an out. Shit.
I shake my head, wanting tonight so I can show him that we’re just friends.
“I haven’t eaten yet. I’ll warm up the tacos while you choose a movie.”
I’ll even stay in my damn pajamas. That way he won’t think that I’m trying to impress him by changing into something else.
“How was your week?” I call from the kitchen as I take the tacos from the fridge and shove them in the oven.
“It was okay. Nothing out of the ordinary. How was yours?”
“It was okay.”
Standing with my back to him, I pull a face. Damn, this is awkward.
“Sorry about last Sunday,” he says, which only makes my eyes grow wide.
No! Shit.
Talking about it will only make it worse.
“It was the first time I had a girl spend the night, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Obviously, I handled it like an asshole.”
I swing around and force a smile on my face.
“You don’t have to apologize. It was nothing. Let’s forget about it.” I turn back to the fridge and yank it open. “What do you want to drink? There’s still some beer left over from the last dinner.”
That’s better. I sound like my usual self.
“A beer would be great.”
I take one from the fridge and then pour myself some coke.
When the tacos are warm enough, I ask, “I made beef and chicken tacos. How many do you want?”
“Two of each,” he calls back.
It almost feels normal again.
Marcus comes into the kitchen as I’m placing tacos on my own plate.
Taking our plates and drinks, we walk back to the living room. I sit down on the single seater, hoping it will give Marcus the message loud and clear that I don’t expect more of him than the friendship we have.
Sure, I want more, but not at the risk of losing him altogether.
I can feel his eyes on me as I take a bite of food.
“Are you okay with what happened last weekend?”
I almost choke as I swallow the food down and quickly take a sip of coke.
“Yeah, sure.” I clear my throat and smile at him. “Was it awkward waking up next to you? Yeah, but it’s not like anything happened. Forget about it. What movie are we watching?”
After rambling all the words off, I shove another bite of food into my mouth.
Marcus starts the movie, and I pretend to watch while I finish my tacos.
When the credits roll across the screen, I get up and take the dishes to the kitchen.
“Are you still coming to the launch?” Marcus asks as he walks into the kitchen.
I quickly wash the dishes and place them on the drying rack.
“Sure, when is it?”
“Friday. It starts at eight pm. It’s being held at the office.”
“I’ll be there.”
A heavy silence fills the kitchen, and it looks like Marcus wants to say something, but instead, he walks back to the living room.
I take a deep breath when I hear him pick up his keys.
“Thanks for coming over,” I say as I walk out of the kitchen.
I meet him at the front door and avoid looking up at him. I don’t want to ruin the progress we’ve made.
“Thanks for dinner.”
I open the door and smile as brightly as I can manage.
“Drive safely.”
When I close the door behind him, I lean back against it.
Chapter 9
MARCUS
I stare at Willow’s closed door, not at all happy with how the night went.
That was a total clusterfuck.
I’ve never seen her so uncomfortable around me before, which makes me wonder whether she even wanted a relationship with me. She never said the words out loud, I just assumed.
Fuck, I almost ruined our friendship with my stupid assumptions.
Why did I think she would want a relationship with me? She hasn’t shown that kind of interest in me. Fuck, she doesn’t even ask about my past.
I’m so relieved that I forgot the flowers in my car when I had to have it towed. That would’ve freaked her out for sure.
When I get outside, I call for a cab. On the way home I try to remember if she gave any indication in the past that she wanted to be more than friends with me.
By the time I get home, I’ve come up with nothing.
Willow only sees me as a friend. That doesn’t mean I’m backing down. I’ll just have to approach her with caution, so I don’t scare her away.
Damn, I need to Google dating. I have no idea what’s the right thing to do when you want to date your friend.
∞∞∞
I haven’t gotten any work done. I’ve spent the whole morning researching going from friends to lovers.
“Act differently around your crush.” I frown at the screen. “Yeah, right. That’s what got me into this mess in the first place.”
I keep scrolling until I find something I can actually use.
“Give her compliments. Fuck, I screwed that one up by asking why she was wearing her pajamas.”
She actually looked hot in her pajamas. There was also the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra.
“Pay attention to what she says. Ask her about work or a special interest she might have.”
I grab my phone when I remember what a shitty week she had before she slept over.
“You’re an asshole, Marcus,” I mumble under my breath as the call goes through.
“Hi,” she gasps, sounding out of breath.
“Is this a bad time?” I should’ve waited until she was home.
“No. I can talk. What’s up?”
“How are things at work? You mentioned you showed your designs to your boss?”
“Ah… that was two weeks ago. I told you she didn’t want to see them.”
I drop my head into my hand, feeling like an idiot.
“You did.” I want to punch some sense into myself. “Is there no way you can change her mind?”
“No. She made it clear that she wasn’t interested.”
“That sucks. What are you going to do now?”
She sighs, and I hear her walking somewhere.
“I’m going to hold out here until I have enough experience to get into a bigger fashion house.”
“That makes sense.”
There’s a moment of silence and then she asks, “Did you need anything?”
“No, why?” Why would she think that?
“Oh, you never call me at work. I thought something was wrong.”
I close my eyes and let my breath out slowly.
“I just wanted to hear how things are at work.”
“Okay,” she stretches the word out as if she finds it hard to believe that it’s the only reason for my call.
“I have to go,” I blurt out before I screw the call up even more.
“Thanks for checking on me.”
“Sure.”
I drop the phone on my desk and scowl at the advice column on my screen.
∞∞∞
WILLOW
I pay the cab fee and climb out. Staring up at the massive building, I hope I didn’t overdress. I decided to go with a charcoal
cocktail dress I made a couple of weeks ago. It has a scoop neck which gives the outfit a feminine look. The material is crisscrossed over my back, showing glimpses of skin.
I was a bit worried after Marcus called me at work. It was super weird.
But I decided to take it as a good sign. Marcus wouldn’t call unless he cared. Maybe it was his way of telling me things are good between us?
I give my name at the door, and when I step inside, I can’t help but smile. The place looks great. I saw it before they decided to give it a makeover. I’m glad they replaced the tiles. The old ones were scratched from years of wear.
The security desk has been converted into a bar for the evening. Waiters walk between the guests, offering them finger foods.
I glance around the room, and I spot Carter where he’s talking to two other men.
A waiter approaches me, offering me a glass of champagne. I’m careful not to bump the other glasses over, as I take one from his tray.
“Thank you.” I walk to the side where I’ll have a better view of the room and out of the way of other guests still arriving.
I’m halfway with my glass of champagne when the elevators directly across from me open. Marcus steps out, and for a moment I forget to breathe. He looks devastatingly handsome in a black suit.
Then I see the brunette behind him. She’s fixing her lipstick in the elevator's mirror.
My eyes dart from Marcus to the brunette as she steps out and stops at his side. An uneasy feeling slithers down my spine as he smiles at her. She says something to him which makes him laugh before they go their separate ways.
Oh no. They were together.
Of course, they were. Marcus is handsome, and the woman is beautiful. Why wouldn’t they be attracted to each other?
I down the rest of the champagne and take advantage of the waiter passing me by to swap the empty glass for a full one.
I’m going to need liquid courage to get through tonight.
My eyes follow Marcus until I lose him in a crowd of people. I decide to search for the brunette, instead. I find her on the other side of the room laughing at something.
When someone takes hold of my arm, I have such a fright, I almost spill champagne on myself.
My eyes dart to my left, and it’s just in time to see Marcus leaning into me. I freeze as he presses a kiss to my cheek.
Ruthless (An Enemies To Lovers Novel Book 4) Page 7