by Mike Ryan
Lawson was now regretting getting Sanders involved. She called him hoping he’d have some ideas on how to proceed, not having any clue that his orders would be to kill the boy. She stayed silent for a minute as she waited on Cain to complete his mission. Cain started to think about just leaving and telling them he killed the boy, but he knew that wouldn’t work as they’d find out in a matter of days that the boy was still alive, if it even took that long. He thought about maybe just going into hiding, as Raines had done, but he wasn’t prepared to take that route. He wiped the sweat off his forehead as he started to come to grips with the inevitable. He knew the longer he waited the tougher it was going to be.
“Talk to me, Cain,” Lawson said.
Cain ignored her and stood up from the arm of the couch, taking his earpiece out, letting it dangle across his shoulder. He squeezed the handle of his gun as he walked around the sofa, keeping his eyes on Kurylenko. He blinked rapidly several times as he wiped the sweat off his head again. His heartbeat was elevated and he closed his eyes again, praying for forgiveness from whoever would eventually judge him from this life. Cain walked around the rest of the furniture so he could get behind the kid without him seeing what he was doing. He wanted to make sure it was over quickly so the boy couldn’t see it coming.
Cain stood within a few inches from the boy and raised his gun to the back of his head, just barely missing touching his skull. Cain closed his eyes and pulled his finger back on the trigger. The shot rang out and he heard the body hit the floor. He licked his lips before opening his eyes as he tilted his head away from the scene, barely looking at the carnage that laid before him out of the corner of his eye. He backed away from the pair until he hit the wall, slowly dropping to the floor, letting his gun fall from his hand onto the floor. He raised his knees and set his elbows upon them, covering his eyes with his hands as he tried to come to grips with what he’d just done. He sat there motionless for a few minutes, not wanting to move. Lawson and Sanders both heard the shot and were trying to get Cain to respond. He heard their voices but had nothing to say to them. He wasn’t sure how he could go on doing what he was doing and associate with them feeling the way he was. They kept on trying to get his attention which was starting to annoy him. He grabbed his com and put it back in his ear as he listened to their pleas.
“It’s done,” Cain bluntly told them, anger apparent in his voice.
“Good job, son,” Sanders told him. “I know it wasn’t easy.”
“Yeah.”
Lawson’s heart sank, knowing how Cain must’ve been hurting. “Just get out of there. Get back as soon as you can, OK?” she solemnly told him.
“OK.”
He turned his com off, grabbed his gun, and stood up. He turned to leave when he suddenly stopped, hearing a creaking sound upstairs, startled at the thought of someone else being in the house. Cain stood there for a few moments, intently listening, hoping he didn’t hear anything else. The thought of his work not yet being done for the night wasn’t a pleasant one. He was emotionally drained. He didn’t want anymore trouble. All he wanted was to somehow be transported somewhere else. The creaking sound returned though, and this time it didn’t stop, as it sounded like someone was walking across the floor over top of him. He thought of going up the steps to meet the person head on but it didn’t seem like it would be necessary. Whoever it was, the sounds were getting louder, indicating the person was getting closer. There was a large bookcase against the wall that Cain rushed over to, taking cover next to it, as he waited for the person to come down.
The bookcase covered Cain totally as he stood sideways, only the top of his head showing as he periodically peered out from it. The creaking stopped as it sounded like the person approached the top of the stairs. Cain was almost hoping it was an adult with a gun. Actually hoping for someone who had a chance to kill him was a better thought than if it was another kid that he might have to eliminate. The thought of killing another child would probably be too much for him to bear. He heard a different sound, more of a thud, as the man’s heavy steps took to heading down the stairs. Cain clenched the gun with the palm and fingers of his right hand, ready to pounce on the man once he was within his sights. The man stopped when he reached the halfway point of the stairs and called out to Cain. Cain was surprised to hear the stranger calling out to him.
“Cain,” the stranger yelled. “I know you’re down there. Don’t shoot.”
Cain looked bewildered as he tried to figure out who it was and why the man waited until now to show himself. He peeked out from the bookcase and saw the bottom of the man’s legs, standing still in the middle of the stairs. Cain thought maybe it was some type of trap and looked around the room to see if anything was out of the ordinary. Nothing seemed different though.
“C’mon Cain, we have an agreement not to harm each other,” the man shouted. “I don’t even have my gun out.”
It took Cain a few minutes until he recognized the man’s voice but the confused look on his face didn’t disappear. He still wasn’t sure what the man was doing there.
“I’m coming down,” the man said.
Cain’s eyes peeked around the edge of the bookcase as he watched Eric Raines reach the bottom of the steps. He waited until Raines got to the floor and saw that he had no gun in his possession that Cain could see until he showed himself. Cain emerged from behind the bookcase, his hand still clutching the gun.
“Ah, there you are,” Raines said.
“What’re you doing here?” Cain asked.
“Well, Andrei invited me to stay at his house for the week to talk about some business that he had lined up. It appears that it was an unwise decision.”
“How’d you know it was me down here?”
“I heard your voice when you were talking about the kid,” Raines revealed, looking down at Kurylenko.
“Is anyone else here?”
“No. The rest have been…neutralized, I should say,” Raines said with a smile.
“Why’d you wait till now to show yourself?”
“Well, there was no point in doing so until now. Any sooner and I’d have risked ending up face down with splinters piercing through my lips.”
Cain relaxed his arm and put his gun inside his belt, feeling relatively certain that Raines wasn’t trying to play him.
“I must say that I’m impressed by your handy work,” Raines stated. “You do good work. Quick, efficient, and plenty of bodies.”
“It doesn’t seem to shake you up too much,” Cain said.
“What’s that?”
“Looks like you’ll need a new employer.”
“Oh. No need to worry about that. I’ve already got backup plans. You should know that about me by now. Always planning for the future. I’ve known Kurylenko was as good as dead for a year now. Ever since you showed up I knew it was only a matter of time. I just had to make sure I didn’t end up there with him.”
“So what now?” Cain asked.
“Now we go our separate ways. I’ll drop out of sight for a little while and you keep on doing what you do.”
Cain made a face that Raines could tell indicated he wasn’t too keen on continuing with his profession.
“So what’s troubling you?” Raines wondered.
“Nothing. I’m good,” Cain replied.
“I don’t believe that anymore than you do.”
Cain started to say something but stopped, not wanting to vent about his problems to Raines. Raines could tell what was bothering him though; he’d been there before, worrying about the same things.
“I can guess,” Raines said. “You’re starting to question your role and what it is that you do.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe nothing…I’ve been there. I know what you’re feeling and it isn’t good. You get into this thing thinking that you’re doing good work, protecting your country and all that, then one day it all goes out the window. Something happens, something goes wrong, something pulls at your conscience and al
l of a sudden your country isn’t there for you.”
Cain didn’t reply and just sat on the edge of the couch, listening to what Raines had to say.
“I think once you get into this profession you know that eventually you’re gonna be faced with a decision that you know you’ll regret. We’ve all had them. I think all of us are tormented by “that one”.”
“The one what?” Cain asked.
“That one mission that keeps you up at nights. The one decision that you made that you wish you could take back. The one victim that continually haunts you. That boy over there will be yours,” Raines told him.
“So what’s yours?”
“A woman. Four years ago. October 17th,” Raines informed him, remembering every little detail. “Her only mistake was the man she married. She wasn’t involved in his dealings, didn’t know what he was planning, her only involvement was that she loved him for whatever reason. She was completely innocent.”
“So why’d you do it?” Cain wondered.
“She wasn’t supposed to be there. Wrong place, wrong time,” Raines remembered. “But it still needed to be done I was told. Just like you were here tonight. So, I did it. And I immediately regretted it. I remember throwing up right after it and several times thereafter. There were plenty of sleepless nights where I wondered what was wrong with me for killing an innocent person. There were also plenty of nights where I hoped, and wished, for someone to end the pain that I lived with.”
“So how’d you end up coping with it?” Cain wondered.
“The pain stays with you for so long that it ingrains itself in you and becomes part of who you are. You never get over it and it never leaves you.”
Cain put his head down trying to collect his thoughts, hoping Raines wasn’t right that this would haunt him forever.
“Look at us,” Raines said. “Look at the things they’ve made us do. And you…look at what they’ve turned you into.”
Cain raised his head up and looked at Raines, knowing he was speaking the truth.
“Whatever kind of man you were before, whoever you were inside…you’re not that anymore,” Raines told him.
“That’s not true,” Cain replied.
“Oh no? Look around,” Raines gestured. “Look at the carnage that’s been done here. Do you think the man you were before you got caught up in all this was the type of man who’d do this?”
“I don’t know.”
“Make no mistake, you are now a killer,” Raines said, moving closer to Cain for emphasis. “Look at the man they’ve turned you into. You are now a killing machine. Just like they wanted.”
Cain had no words to reply with. He looked up at Raines and worried that he might have been right. This wasn’t the work of a normal person. Only a killing machine could do the things he was now capable of. His eyes started feeling heavy, tired from all of the night’s festivities. All he wanted to do was just lay down and wake up somewhere else. Somewhere secluded where nobody knew him or what he’d done. If only it were that simple, he thought.
“Well, it’s about time we started moving on, I suspect,” Raines told him. “Stay here any longer and we risk getting caught in a shootout with the police.”
“I guess so.”
“You take care of yourself,” Raines said, extending his hand.
“You too,” Cain replied, returning the handshake.
“Always,” Raines smiled.
Cain put his equipment back in his bag and the two of them left, Cain taking one more look at the guard station, making sure the video equipment was destroyed. He noticed Raines take off in an SUV, flying through the gates. He then went down to the river and slowly immersed himself into it, vanishing into the water.
The entire flight home all Cain could think about was pulling the trigger and killing Sergei Kurylenko. He kept thinking about what Sanders told him to try to justify it but he couldn’t make it seem right. There was no excuse in his mind for killing a child, no matter who it was. Raines was right. This was probably going to haunt him forever. He tried to sleep on the way but all he saw was the grisly images of the scene he left behind in Russia.
After Cain’s flight landed back in New York, Heather was waiting for him at the terminal. As soon as she saw him she ran up to him and then hugged and kissed him. They held hands as they picked up his luggage and exited the airport. Cain wasn’t usually the biggest talker to begin with but he was even more silent than usual. Heather sensed something was bothering him but didn’t want to press him on it too much.
“Are you OK?” she asked as they started driving.
“Yeah. Why?”
“Just asking. You seem like something’s wrong.”
“I’m just tired. It was a long flight,” Cain responded. “I wasn’t able to sleep.”
“You should go straight to bed once we get home.”
“Maybe I will.”
The entire drive home, Cain just stared out the window, trying to forget the impossible. Heather turned the radio on, putting the volume low, hoping to relax him a little bit. They didn’t talk the rest of the way as Cain focused on the scenery. His mind was so elsewhere that if Heather had said anything to him he wouldn’t have heard it anyway. Once they got back to the apartment Cain immediately went to the couch and plopped down.
“Can I get you anything?” Heather wondered.
“No, I’m fine, thank you. I just wanna sit here for a few minutes.”
“So how was your trip?” she asked, reaching into the fridge for a bottle of water.
Cain didn’t answer as he started spacing out, staring straight ahead, not really focusing on anything. Heather walked into the living room and noticed his lack of focus, waving her hand in front of his face.
“Matt,” she said, without a reply. “Matt.”
“Huh?” he asked, snapping out of it.
“Are you OK?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I asked you a question and you didn’t answer and you just seemed like you were somewhere else.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. What was your question?”
“I asked how your trip was,” Heather said.
“It was fine. Well, I think I’m gonna lay down for a bit,” he replied, not wanting to talk about it.
Cain went into the bedroom, closing the door halfway. Heather knew that something wasn’t right and it wasn’t just his lack of sleep. There was something eating at him. Even when he wasn’t in a talkative mood, he never seemed distant. She decided to let him have some space. Maybe when he woke up he’d be a little more receptive to talking about whatever was bothering him. She just watched TV for a few hours until she started to feel tired. She turned the TV off about midnight and got ready for bed. She went into the bedroom and was surprised to see that Cain was awake. He was just laying in the middle of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Heather turned a light on and was concerned as his eyes looked a little bloodshot and he wasn’t moving.
“Have you been awake all this time?” Heather wondered.
She sat on the bed, trying to talk to him, but it was a one way conversation. Cain wasn’t hearing a word she was saying. The only thing he was seeing was the boy he had killed. All he heard were voices crying out to him for help. Heather gently grabbed his face to try to snap him out of whatever funk he was in. Her touch didn’t seem to work so she straddled him and looked directly in his eyes.
“Matthew!” she yelled.
Cain seemed startled as he started squirming, his eyes blinking and shifting around. He sighed and licked his lips like he was dying of thirst. He took a gulp and wiped his eyes as they started to tear.
“What’s wrong?” Heather asked with concern.
“Why are you on top of me?”
“Have you just been laying here for the last three hours?” she wondered, moving to his side.
“Guess I was just thinking about things,” Cain replied.
“Like what?”
“You don’t wanna know.”
�
��If I didn’t wanna know I wouldn’t have asked,” she told him.
“If I told you it would change your opinion of me,” he warned.
“Nothing could change my opinion of you.”
“Don’t be so sure.”
“I thought you promised to be more honest with me and talk to me. We made a deal,” she insisted.
“Please don’t.”
“You did something bad?” Heather asked.
Cain looked away, not wanting to tell her what happened. She reached over and gingerly turned his face to look at her again.
“It doesn’t matter right now,” she told him. “Right now you need to sleep. You’re exhausted.”
Heather took him in his arms hoping that would help him fall asleep. She caressed his hair as his head laid across her chest. Her arms and her touch was just what he needed to relax as Cain fell asleep in a matter of minutes, somehow blocking out the torturous memories he had trouble forgetting. Heather couldn’t help but wonder what it was that seemed to be tormenting him. From how he was acting she knew it must’ve been awful. He seemed genuinely traumatized by whatever happened. She slowly drifted to sleep within the hour, still holding Cain tightly.
Around three in the morning Heather was awaken by the sounds of Cain screaming, still nestled in her arms.
“No. Don’t do it!” Cain screamed. “Stop!”
“Matt!” Heather yelled as she put him on his back.
“I’m not a killing machine,” he calmly said.