by Kit Rocha
He pressed his thumb to her mouth, silencing her words. “When I came to Four, all I could think about was the mission. Stocking up favors, getting ready for battle. No matter what I wanted for myself…” His thumb drifted back and forth, stroking her lower lip. “I can't get back all that wasted time, but I'm not wasting any more. I'm dreaming big, Jeni. I got enough dreams for everyone.”
The vise around her heart twisted tight, then eased a little. So she slid her hands into his back pockets. “Share them with me.”
“Jas wants babies.” Hawk threaded his fingers through her hair. “He's not gonna say it, not while things are this dangerous, but he wants to make a family with Noelle. One with all the love neither of them ever got.” When his fingers reached the end of her hair, he started at the top again, dragging his fingernails teasingly over her scalp. “Six and Bren are gonna make a family, too. With every goddamn orphan in Sector Three.”
“Yes.” It sounded better than good. It sounded right. “Don't forget Flash and Amira. Hana needs a baby brother.”
“If they're not working on one already, I'd be surprised. And Jared can have his club back if he wants, and he and Lili won't even have to spy. Just fleece fools of their money and buy all their poor friends great presents.”
“Lex and Dallas can finally get some sleep.”
Hawk laughed. “Ford and Mia won't. Not until she's turned Sector Eight upside-down and organized it down to the paperclips. And I'm going to get Shipp to drag that car we found for Finn over here and help him fix it up. You and Trix can cheer us on while we race.”
Her pulse stuttered. “We can?”
“Sure, unless you wanna learn how instead.” His fingers traced seductive patterns on her scalp as his voice dropped to a low rumble. “I'll teach you, if you want. I bet you'd look real good driving fast.”
She closed her eyes, but even then she could barely see it. It shimmered in her mind's eye like a mirage, hazy and off balance. Too bright to be real. She wanted it desperately, this future Hawk seemed to visualize so easily, but she just couldn't seem to put herself in it.
Jeni knew it had to be about self-preservation, her mind shielding her from the worst-case scenario. If she never truly grasped the concept of this future, it wouldn't shred her to bits when—if—it never happened. But, staring up into Hawk's eyes, it felt more like a premonition, and she shivered despite the lazy heat of the day.
Hawk tilted her head back, his body so close that she could feel his solid warmth all through her. “You'd look good doing anything you wanted. Dancing. Working the bar. Racing. Settling down in a little place like this, so I could build you whatever the hell furniture struck your fancy that day.”
She gripped his wrists and smiled. “You do dream big.”
“Someone's got to.” All traces of teasing vanished from his voice, and his dark eyes were serious. Earnest. “Maybe that's the worst thing Eden did to us. They taught us not to dream outside of these tiny boxes they shoved us in.”
It was what Eden did to everyone, on both sides of the wall. Because people with hopes and aspirations were unpredictable, and nothing could disrupt their carefully ordered society quite like that. The sector leaders, even Dallas O'Kane himself—they didn't pose the biggest danger to the city.
No, Eden's real enemy was possibility.
It was hers right now, too, just in an entirely different way. And she suddenly knew she couldn't let this moment go. “I need to say this, Hawk,” she whispered. “I need for you to let me say it.”
“All right,” he said softly.
Jeni took a deep breath. Her thoughts were racing, tumbling around in her head, and if she didn't get this just right, he'd misunderstand. “If this is all we get—us, here, like this—” His hands tightened, and he went tense, so she slid her arms around him. “It's enough. More than I ever thought I'd have.”
His throat worked as he swallowed. “You're more than I ever thought I'd have, too. But this is not enough.” He tilted her head back, the fingers tangled in her hair suddenly firm and demanding. “There's no such thing as enough of you. Not unless it's forever.”
Her heart stuttered again, this time resuming in a thudding beat. “Hawk.”
“You don't have to feel the same way.” His lips feathered warm and soft across her forehead. Her cheek. The corner of her mouth. “But don't fool yourself, Jeni. I want all of you. And I'll fight for my big dreams as long as I'm breathing.”
Simple, black and white. Struggling towards the future or resigning yourself to nothing. “I'm not trying to convince you to stop. I'm going to fight, too. As hard as I can, I swear, for us and for everyone else. But if we die—”
His mouth crashed into hers, swallowing her words. His tongue swept over her lips, driving them apart, demanding a response. Jeni gave in, letting the sheer, primal vitality of it spill through her.
And then she realized how selfish she was being. Hawk had always lived in the moment because it was all he ever had. Tomorrow had never been a certainty for him. And now, he was finally at a point where he could let go and allow himself to think of the future, of a time past the war—and she was dragging him right back down.
She broke the kiss with a shudder and leaned her forehead against his jaw. “What will we grow?”
“How about strawberries?” One strong arm slid around her, pulling her tight to his chest. “Alya can teach us how to make jam, and Lex will keep us in business all by herself.”
“I know how to make jam.” Jeni smiled against his shoulder. “In theory, anyway.”
“Yeah?” His fingers smoothed circles between her shoulder blades. “Then we'll get goats, too. Tatiana's already been after me about goat milk. She wants to make soap with it.”
He wove the rest of the O'Kanes into this fantasy future of his so easily, and the solid thread of connection to their present helped ease the anxious knot in her belly. She tipped her head back and looked up at him. “Are you sure you want a city girl?”
His smile warmed her to the tips of her toes. “As long as she's you.”
Chapter Thirteen
Owen Turner's place was a dump.
The building Zan led them to was on the southeast side of Four, in the no man's land of utter hell. If you kept driving toward the edge of the sector, you'd hit the new buildings, nice and clean, constructed by people who could afford to buy themselves a little space. Past that were the places like Hawk's sisters' farm.
But here—right on what used to be the edge of Four—everything was grimy and rundown and desperate as fuck. Hawk couldn't imagine anyone with the money to bribe their way through Gia's front doors living in a shithole like this.
As if the outside wasn't bad enough, Cruz stopped when they reached the claustrophobic little third-floor landing. He tilted his head, frowned, and eased his pistol from its holster. “Someone beat us here.”
Hawk heard it then—soft and muffled by the walls, but unmistakable. The clomp of boots. The crack and crash of wood. Hollow thuds.
Jasper held up one hand, his brow furrowing. Then all but two fingers folded down as he glanced at Cruz and arched one eyebrow in question.
After a moment, Cruz shook his head and held up three fingers.
Four against three. Pretty safe odds for an O'Kane, especially with a guy like Cruz at your back. Not so long ago, Hawk would have wished for something riskier, the promise of a knock-down, drag-out brawl. But it seemed like a million damn years had passed since those nights Hawk had spent stalking the sectors after dark, spoiling for a fight, desperate to take out his frustration with his fists.
No anticipation filled him as he pulled his own gun and checked it. He didn't have tension and frustration anymore. He had Jeni, and he had dreams.
All he wanted was to get the damn job done and go home to her in one piece.
Jasper waited a moment longer, then nodded firmly. Zan kicked in the door, sending splinters of cheap wood and particleboard flying, and Jas swung into the room. Shouts gre
eted him, and Hawk stepped through the door just in time for a wiry, unwashed body to slam right into his chest.
Jasper already had one in a headlock when the second intruder—the one who wasn't trying to flee—rushed him. Hawk shoved the terrified man at Zan and hurried across the room.
Jas took a punch to the jaw and shook it off with a growl. “Don't make me wish I'd shot you.”
Hawk grabbed the guy by the back of the shirt and jerked him back, dragging him up onto his toes to cut off his air. He flailed and damn near landed an elbow in Hawk's face, so Hawk shoved him up against the wall hard enough to knock the wind out of him.
“Where's Turner?” Jas demanded.
“Aw, shit, they're not gonna know. These three? They're about the small-time smash-and-grab. Isn't that right?” Zan shook the guy in his grip. “Weren't just dropping in to visit a pal, were you?”
The man was small, but he was fast. He aimed a punch at Zan along with a knee to the balls. Zan caught the swing, but the knee connected solidly, and the guy howled as Zan squeezed his hand until bone crunched.
“Motherfucker,” Zan gasped.
Jasper growled again. “What did you take?”
“Nothing.” The guy locked under Jas's arm was turning red. “The place had been tossed already.”
Cruz nudged one of the pried-up floorboards with his boot. “Maybe it had, but you were still looking.”
The man in Hawk's grip wasn't struggling anymore. He'd gone the kind of still Hawk recognized all too well—prey, trying not to draw the attention of a predator. Hawk stepped back, keeping the bastard crushed against the wall with one hand, and caught a flash of shiny silver in the man's back pocket.
A second later, Hawk had a brand-fucking-new tablet in one hand. No scratches, no dings, none of the evidence of a piece of tech that had changed hands enough times to end up in a dump like this—or in the hands of thieves desperate enough to rob it. “I think I got something.”
Jasper whistled. “That's nice. I know you boys didn't bring that in here with you.”
Cruz crossed the room and reached out. The thief in Hawk's grip started squirming, no doubt seeing the biggest score of his life slipping through his fingers as Hawk dumped the tablet into Cruz's hand.
He flipped it over and studied the tiny serial numbers etched into the back. “This is two models newer than the run they were on when I left Eden. It might even be the last batch the city got out of Eight before they turned on the wall.”
Jasper's jaw clenched, and Hawk realized that he'd been hoping it was all a bunch of bullshit, that'd they'd come here and find Owen Turner with his thumb up his ass, drinking cheap booze and watching half-scrambled porn. That he wasn't a spy, just a lonely asshole who talked big when it didn't count.
Instead, they had a missing spy and a brand-new piece of Eden tech.
The man Jasper had been holding panted for air as he shoved him away, toward the door. “Get out. If I catch you stealing again—if you so much as look at someone funny—I won't be so cordial.”
The guy nodded, already stumbling past Cruz, clearly ready to make a break for it. But the man who'd been holding the tablet was stupider, or greedier, or just plain desperate. “You can't just take that—”
Hawk dragged him up on his toes again, cutting off his words. After trading a look with Zan, Hawk gave the sorry bastard one good heave. He slammed into the dirty floor hard enough to skid several feet.
He came to a stop just short of Zan, who stepped down on his shoulder with one solid boot. “You heard the man. Now get the fuck out of here before I break your fingers too, you thieving little shit.”
The three of them bolted for the door so fast they got stuck all trying to go through at the same time. One of them jabbed the other with an elbow and tumbled out into the hallway, and Hawk fought back a laugh.
Then his gaze dropped to the tablet in Cruz's hand, and his amusement faded.
As the would-be thieves' stampeding footsteps receded down the stairs, Cruz swiped his thumb over the tablet's face. “It's password protected. Five characters.”
“Five?” Jasper turned to Hawk. “The girl over at Gia's place that Turner's stuck on—what did Jeni say her name was?”
Zan snorted. “No one's that stupid, man. Especially not a fucking spy.”
A guy who ran his mouth about shit the way Turner had was exactly that stupid. “Paige. With an i.”
Jasper tipped his head at the tablet. “Try it, Cruz.”
Cruz tapped it in, and both his eyebrows rose as the screen sprang to life. Hawk had rarely put his hands on a piece of tech this shiny before joining the O'Kanes, so he couldn't follow what Cruz did next. His fingers danced across the screen, pulling up windows and entering text.
After another moment, he smiled. “He has decrypted data on here. Noah can compare it to the encrypted version, maybe get a jump on cracking their code.”
“How long would something like that take?”
“A couple weeks?” Cruz shrugged and tucked the tablet into his pocket. “Maybe less, knowing Noah. I'll have him dump everything on here, too. See if we can get an idea of who Turner's been talking to.”
“All right.” Jasper cracked his neck and stretched his shoulders. “Let's move. I'll report to Dallas. Cruz, you take that thing straight to Noah. Zan, Hawk—hit the streets. Dallas still wants Owen Turner, and he wants him alive. Find him.”
Hawk suspected Owen Turner was halfway to the ocean by now, but it didn't matter. “Yes, sir.”
“Let's get this done. We have a party tomorrow night,” he reminded them. “Mad's been waiting a long time to take marks, so he deserves a good one. So do Dylan, Jyoti, and Scarlet.”
Zan murmured in agreement, and Hawk shoved down the surge of envy.
Marks. Ink. Forever. The collar he'd given Jeni was reckless enough. Even if every day he spent with her made him more and more certain that he'd been right, that they were right…
Jeni couldn't see past the war. She couldn't bring herself to envision a future where the two of them got to spend forever together. And maybe it was cruel to keep trying, to build up her dreams, to bind her to him as tight as he fucking could. If he died, it would hurt her.
But if he stopped trying…
Sometimes, she stared up at him with a wonder she couldn't hide. As if she couldn't quite believe that the fantasies he wove around her extended beyond his bed and all the things she was willing to do there. That she was more than a pleasant interlude, or a diversion.
Whether he lived or died, that was one thing he could do. He could show Jeni how she deserved to be loved.
Completely.
Chapter Fourteen
The O'Kanes loved to party. And since that was part of their image—hard-drinking, hard-fucking hedonists in search of nothing more than a goddamn good time—they usually didn't mind if people showed up to watch. But not when they were celebrating new members or new marks.
Tonight, they had both.
Jeni accepted another beer from Trix and held the cool glass up to her cheek. Even if this hadn't been an occasion for O'Kanes alone, she suspected that no one without cuffs would have been invited. It seemed like everyone was pulling inward, and it was no wonder. They'd been scouring the sector for city spies, for fuck's sake. If there was ever a time to stick close to the other O'Kanes, this was it.
Jyoti pulled one side of her deeply cut gown aside, revealing the fresh ink on the swell of her breast, near her heart. It was shaped like an intricate knot, and Jeni had to lean closer to make out the lines in the dim light.
They weren't just lines. They were words, the names of her lovers wound through the knot in Ace's inimitable style.
She straightened and shook her head. “It's beautiful. Just gorgeous.”
“It is.” Jyoti slid her dress back into place with a gentle smile. “Mad swore he was willing to wait, but I wasn't.”
“Neither was I.” Scarlet's almost identical tattoo peeked above the low neckline o
f her tank top, and she touched it lightly before arching one eyebrow. “And if we'd tried to make Dylan wait…”
It was a familiar refrain, one that had suffused the sector for weeks and throbbed beneath the music tonight. It was impossible to exist in Four right now and not feel the sharp sting of desperation. “I'm happy for you, all of you.”
Jyoti brushed a finger over Jeni's collar. “I'm happy for you, too. Hawk is a good man. One of the best.”
“He is.” Jeni looked across the room, spotting him instantly where he stood with Jas and Finn, all three clustered close with the intent expressions that usually meant engines were being discussed. He glanced her way, and the corner of his mouth tilted up.
A tiny smile, but it blazed in his eyes, transforming his face. Her blood thrummed a little hotter, and she pressed her beer to her flushed cheek again.
Noelle slid up behind Jyoti and wrapped her in a fierce hug. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you, Noelle.”
“I'm so glad we have something to celebrate.” She kissed Scarlet's cheek. “Are you going to sing for us tonight?”
“Oh, I don't think so.” Her cheeks turned pink. “I don't have my band, and it's not really that kind of night, you know?”
Jyoti stroked her fingers through Scarlet's hair, a slow caress full of as much promise as her words. “I'll see if I can talk her around.”
Scarlet's blush deepened, and Noelle laughed.
“Only if you want to. It's your party.” Noelle hooked her arm through Jeni's. “But I'm stealing her away. I'm in the mood to dance.”
Jeni set down her bottle and followed Noelle out onto the floor, but there was clearly more than dancing on her mind. “What's up?”
“I think Noah's getting close.” Noelle swayed with her, her voice a low whisper. “I couldn't even convince him to come up for the party.”
“The decryption?”
“Yeah. That tablet the boys found gave him what he needed. He's thinking he'll have it cracked by lunch tomorrow.”