I followed him up the driveway, and as though she was looking on from behind the curtains, just as I had suspected, my mother ran outside. She threw her arms up in the air and embraced Shawn eagerly.
“Hello Shawn! I have missed you so much!”
He laughed somewhat nervously. “Hi…I have missed you too.”
“We are so happy that you decided to come to dinner tonight,” my mother replied, stepping back from him and looking him over. “And it seems like you need a good, home-cooked meal. Honey, you look as though you’ve lost a good amount of weight. What is that woman feeding you?”
Even though Shawn just smiled, I averted my eyes. I hadn’t told my mother what Shawn had told me, because I didn’t believe it was my place. Besides, if I had repeated any of Shawn’s experiences living with his biological mother, my mom would probably have busted down the door and dragged him out of there.
That probably wouldn’t have ended well.
Thankfully, my mother didn’t pry too much. When no one answered her about the food, she shook her head and turned back toward the house. “Well, it’s almost ready. You know how your father likes to have dinner at a specific time.”
My mother was almost back at the front door so she didn’t hear, but I heard Shawn reply in a malice-stricken voice, “Yes…my father,” before rolling his eyes. That was the beginning of the end of the idea that we were going to have a nice evening.
The meal was strained from the start and it wasn’t completely Shawn’s fault. Even though we were certain that Paul had missed Shawn, you would have never known it by the way he was acting.
Every question he asked his son was pointed and borderline, if not blatantly inappropriate, while each answer that Shawn gave was curt and usually sarcastic.
My mother and I just sat across from one another, giving one another eyes of what was going on. Neither one of us could understand what was happening between Shawn and his father. Increasingly, we were growing slightly concerned.
With each word exchanged between father and son, it became even more obvious that this was not going at all the way that my mother and I had planned. Yet, when our efforts to lighten the tension failed, we believed that if we tried anymore, things would turn even uglier.
As it turned out, our input was not needed to make anything worse.
When Paul brought up the new car, we were sure this dinner was over. Unfortunately, it didn’t end there.
“So,” Paul exclaimed, almost as though he was taking pride in the awkwardness that he helped to create, “did Valerie tell you about her new car?”
“Paul!” my mother hissed, glaring at him.
Paul shrugged. “He’s a man. He should be able to take it. He should also be happy for Valerie…if he is as good of a friend as he claims to be.”
“Yes,” Shawn answered boastfully. “In fact, if you noticed when you drove up, she was the one who brought me here.”
“What’s the matter? Your car didn’t hold up?” he replied, almost as though he was truly aiming to taunt Shawn.
“Well, it definitely would have held up better had I had a nice car given to me, but since I had to work for mine and was limited in the selection that I had to choose from, then yes, it does come with its challenges.”
“Well, if you weren’t so lazy and I didn’t have to push you toward every inch you make in your stride, perhaps things could have been different,” Paul shot back.
“Maybe if you would give me some credit around here instead of trying to make everything I do seem horrifically wrong, then I wouldn’t feel the need to give up so quickly.”
“Are you kidding? You give up on everything.”
“Because you treat me unfairly.”
At this, Paul slammed his fist down of the table. “I treat you like a man! I taught you to take care of yourself!”
“Yeah, by the very obvious favoritism. I hope if I ever become a father, I am nothing like you! I want my children to know that they’re worth something,” Shawn hissed back.
“Well, I hope your children are worth something and actually apply themselves. Then they will have my respect.”
Shawn landed a low blow that spiraled everything out of control. “What the hell, Dad? Do you think I’m jealous of that stupid car? Do you think I care? You might think I’m worthless and that’s fine, but what I don’t like is being compared negatively to some asshole who treats his woman like crap.” At that, he shoved himself away from the table and stormed to his feet. “Why don’t you be more like Zachary? Zachary is the wonder child. He can do anything you can do but better…that’s what you’ve always said, right? Well, guess what he can’t do better…be with Valerie.”
“Shawn!” I screamed, getting to my feet as I felt my blood pressure rise. Immediately, I thought I was going to be sick.
Shawn glanced around at all of the confused expressions and went on, now far too angry to quit. “Oh yeah…I don’t know if Valerie told you, but Zachary cheated on her and do you know where she came? She came to me and we fucked. We’re together now.”
At this, I heard my mother gasp as I screamed an outraged, “Shawn, shut up!”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Paul demanded, now getting to his feet, immediately red in the face.
“I know exactly what I’m doing, Pops! I’m fucking your princess and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”
Our parents’ eyes grew wide and I was sure that I was going to be sick. I was about to sucker punch him in the jaw, just like Dalilah had done, just to shut him up; but before anyone could fully react, he stared at me and spat, “I’m sorry. As you can see, this didn’t go well.”
Shawn pushed off of the table and stormed out of the house, ensuring that he slammed the door behind him.
“And don’t come back, you ungrateful little shit!” Paul screamed, running after him until he reached the front door.
However, with Shawn gone, the attention of the parents then fell on me and I had absolutely nowhere to run.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Shawn
I stayed home from school for the next few days, because I was so angry over what had happened at dinner.
I did feel bad about what I had done to Valerie, and I knew I was still angry and far too much of a coward to own up to it to try to make her feel better. But I still wanted to make it work between us.
Still, I wasn’t sure how, seeing as I had completely outed us to our parents and made probably one of the biggest mistakes I could have with my entire family. But I still believed that my father had done that to me on purpose.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I was fairly certain that he didn’t know what it was he wanted to get out of me, but he figured that he would get me rattled and see what I spilled. Unfortunately for both of us, I felt as though he had gotten far more than he had bargained for.
However, on Wednesday, I figured that I should probably go to school, because I did want to graduate and sitting around here doing nothing wasn’t working for me anymore.
From the moment I went though, I regretted it.
There were whispers circulating from the moment that I walked in. Every time I walked down the hall, I heard people talking about me, but no one had the guts to say anything to my face.
Yet, by lunch, nearly everyone had said something and I was getting sick of it. So I asked my friends about it. I knew that they would tell me the truth.
“Have you guys heard anything…weird about me lately?”
“Well, duh…” One friend that I had for years spoke up, “practically the whole school knows that you and Valerie were together.”
“What?” I demanded as I felt the color drain from my face. “Who told them that?”
I felt my stomach begin to churn into knots. I wasn’t so concerned for myself, but I was fairly concerned for Valerie. This whole experience must have been terrible for her.
One of my other, far dumber friends followed up with, “Dude,
that’s awesome! How was it?” He raised his eyebrows expectantly and it was all I could do not to punch him in the face.
“None of your damn business,” I answered, trying to control the seething jealousy coursing through me as I turned around and moved outside to get some air and think about what was just confirmed.
I heard them continue to talk amongst themselves, but I didn’t care. The only person I wanted to talk to now was Valerie.
So as soon as school was over, I made my way to her car. In fact, I had actually cut out early, just so I could find her car before she got in it.
When I saw her approaching, I moved up behind her. “Hey Val…”
She turned around and her face was that of utter disgust. She rolled her eyes and continued toward her car, far quicker than her original stride.
I quickened my pace as well and caught up to her just as she was getting in her car. “Come on, Val. This is important. I’m sorry…but I really need to talk to you.”
“Well, I have absolutely no inclination to talk to you,” Valerie answered stubbornly as she started the car that had inadvertently become the catalyst for this whole terrible situation.
Frustrated, I slammed my hands down on the driver’s door and squeezed hard as I screamed, “Dammit! I’m not trying to invade your privacy or your space, I am just trying to get to the bottom of who told the whole school about us. Did you?”
“Are you kidding? Why would I say anything like that?” she demanded, glowering at me. “This week has been awful!” It now looked as though Valerie was close to tears. “And it’s all your fault!”
I felt my heart begin to ache for her and I felt terrible, since she was right. This was all my fault, but I was not in the mood to be emotional. Instead, I knew that I needed to fix this. “Well, I know I didn’t tell anyone…at school, I mean, and you didn’t say anything, then that means…” As the answer, which was so obvious struck me, I felt as though I had just been sucker punched again, but by a bowling ball. My eyes grew wide and my breath cut short. “Oh God…” I gasped and stared at Valerie, before I answered as the epiphany hit me. “Dalilah!”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Valerie
Today was turning out to be another day during one of the worst weeks ever.
I was downright betrayed by Shawn; and now, his girlfriend, who I had warned him about multiple times, had just made it worse by telling the whole school about us.
I was disgusted. Even though Shawn looked as shocked and as angry as I was, I couldn’t even look at him anymore. Instead of staying to try and figure this out, which I was sure was what he wanted to do with me, I just turned around and put my foot on the gas of the car that had become such a bone of contention for us.
When the engine roared and the tires squealed, Shawn had to jump back so he wouldn’t get hit.
“What the hell?” I heard him yell, but he was already in my rear-view mirror. At this point, both physically and metaphorically, that was where I wanted him to stay. I had no interest in having this guy floating in and out of my life anymore.
He had all but ruined my life by his betrayal at home, and now, it seemed that his stupid girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, whatever she was, was also behind the strange looks that I was getting in school. This was rather aggravating for me, to say the least.
I sighed as I sat at a light, trying my best not to scream out loud and bother everyone around me. I knew that wouldn’t do me any good. I knew that getting angry about the whole thing all over again was pointless.
After all, we had done what we did and Shawn had said what he said and that was enough to be angry about. This new development at school was all a part of the ripple effect from his loose lips; nothing more.
There is no use in getting all worked up over a ripple, I told myself, even though my breathing was heavy and I felt incredibly sick to my stomach.
I hoped that I would be able to make it home.
Home, I thought and rolled my eyes. That concept was nothing to me anymore. Ever since Shawn had thrown the fact that we had slept together in my mother and step-father’s face, neither of them had spoken to me after demanding to know if it was true.
I did think about lying and telling them that he was crazy. After all, what harm could it do? I already hated him. However, even at that moment, when I had the choice to throw him under the bus and run him over as many times as I wanted, saving myself in the process, I couldn’t find it in my heart to do it. I loved him and that sucked.
The boy that I had grown up with had turned into a man whose sense of self and morals I completely despised and yet, I could not do to him what he had done to me. I could not stoop to his level and try to cut him as deeply as the gashing wound he had left in my heart.
I even opened my mouth to try, utilizing the searing pain and anguish that I was feeling to feed negative energy into my words, but unfortunately all I said was a somber, truthful and incriminating, “Yes, it’s true,” before I ran up to my room and locked the door.
Since then, no one had said a word to me.
I pulled into the driveway, thankful that no one was here. I got out of the car and took a few calming breaths before I made my way up the walk toward the house.
I shook my head, trying to think of other things besides the pain I had in my heart, when I saw the door that Shawn had slammed on his way out of the house and the table where the whole terrible mess happened.
However, when I walked in the house, it was kind of hard to miss the black bags that were piled high in the living room.
There was a note taped to one of the bags. Getting a terrible feeling in my gut, I walked over to the note and pulled it close enough to read.
The letter was typed and it immediately brought tears to my eyes, for before I even read it, I got the picture of what was happening and it made me sick.
Valerie,
You have made your decision and now, we have made ours. You have shown that you think you can make ‘big girl’ decisions, so here it is.
I have packed all of your belongings into these bags. You may take them with you, but you need to find another place to live.
We cannot live like this anymore. You and Shawn have ruined our family and for that, right now, it is even hard to look at you.
I will always love you, but you need to leave. I have to think of myself and my marriage and so, I am sorry.
Please be gone by the time Paul and I return home from work, or we will have to take more adult action.
Mom
By the time my eyes had reached the end of the letter, I knew I was going to throw up. As I looked up, the world began to spin and I felt my lunch winding its way back up my throat.
I tried to breathe deeply, but after a few gasps, I knew it was no use. I ran outside and barely made it off the porch before I hurled into the flower garden.
I was too sick to even be embarrassed. I wasn’t sure if anyone could see me, but I didn’t care.
Apparently, I didn’t matter anymore. According to this note, my mother’s marriage was far more important to her than trying to help me, her daughter, through a tough time. I couldn’t believe that mistake could cause such an awful reaction.
I figured that at worst, I would be grounded indefinitely and unable to even date until I was able to move out. But as mad as they were at me, I would have never imagined they would kick me out. That just didn’t make any sense.
However, I had the proof to show that was what they wanted, what my mother wanted. Once I was finished being sick, I went back inside to a home that really was no longer my home and rinsed my mouth, before I started to angrily load the bags into my car.
I didn’t even care what they had to say anymore. I was taking my car.
If I wasn’t so furious, I would have probably been proud of myself at the speed that I was able to pack. I felt as though I was going to be sick again at any moment.
Despite all of that though, besides all of the anger and all of the hurt that I had
bubbling up inside of me, I did not allow myself to think all that much. I couldn’t allow it, or I knew life would not go well for me at all. I was already depressed and this had made me feel worthless. I almost wished that I felt shame as I hauled the bags up to my car, but I didn’t even feel that. I was past feeling that and therefore, I just felt worthless.
I figured there was absolutely nothing that I could possibly do that would make me feel any worse then I felt at this moment. I felt so alone. Literally everything that I had was completely gone and I had nothing at all to show for it.
Shawn and I aren’t even together! I thought as I hauled one of the last bags into the back of my car. There were so many different raging emotions flying around inside of me now, I ended up feeling absolutely nothing. Overloaded with whatever it was that was going on inside of me, I felt numb and sick.
However, it wasn’t the kind of numbness where there was no pain; it was that thick and heavy numbness that made my limbs almost burn with the effort of having to carry their weight.
With every bag I carried out to the car, I felt as though another hundred pounds of weights were chained to my body, dragging it down and making me feel completely useless.
If this didn’t stop, I was sure that I would eventually just sink into the ground and disappear.
However, that is essentially what they want, isn’t it? I thought as I finally finished with the bags. When I heaved the last one into the car, I turned around and looked at the house that I had grown up in one last time and shook my head. There were so many memories in this house, but right now, all I could think of was the negative. Wasn’t that what my mother’s note said? Instead of dealing with the problem and uniting, like a family should do, they just severed the weakest link.
First Shawn…now me, I thought and sighed as I shook my head, tried not to freak out and made my way to the driver’s side of this stupid car.
I had no idea where I was going to go, but by this point, I not only needed, but also wanted to be anywhere but here when my mother and her stupid husband returned.
Dirty Boss_The Maxwell Family Page 63