Shadow (Defenders MC Book 1)

by Amanda Anderson

  “Stop fucking doing that!” Shadow said in the loudest voice she had ever heard him speak.

  “I’m sorry.” She was afraid of this man. It made no sense but she feared him.

  “To answer your question… You can have anyone you like visit you, but no one stays and no man touches you in my house. You want to fuck Rider, you do it somewhere else.”

  “Oh yeah Shad, I’m real attractive right now. I’m sure Rider can’t wait to fuck a whale. Others too! I’m sure there will be a line down the drive!” She snorted. “I’m not like your little girlfriend.”

  She had gone too far and she knew it when he stepped closer.

  “I never touched her, but you let Rider touch you, knowing you carried my baby.”

  “How did you know? Maybe it was his baby.”

  Shadow froze and a look of confusion crossed his face. “No. He can’t.”

  Lacey frowned.

  “He didn’t tell you. Rider can’t have kids Lacey.” Shadow looked amused.

  “Oh.”

  “You are planning to spend your life with a man who can’t be honest with you? That’s a pretty big lie Lacey.” He was quiet for a moment. “Did he declare his love before or after you found out you were pregnant?”

  Lacey ignored him. “He was here. He isn’t so very different from you, except he stayed.”

  “I have never lied to you.”

  “No, you acted like I was the mouse to your tiger. Always watched and toyed with my life, but never shared it. Always acknowledged that I existed, but never offered me friendship when I really could have used that. It was a lonely life Shad. You scared me. I needed comfort and you always scared me.”

  He looked like she had hit him.

  “I still scare you. I don’t know how to be a friend. I’ve never really had any. I just tried to keep you safe and stay far enough away that I didn’t scare you too much, but let you know I was there.”

  “Oh Shadow.” She stepped to him and placed her hand on his warm chest. “Can we try to be friends? I don’t want to be scared of you anymore. If we are going to be together, even for a few months, I need to stop being afraid of you.”

  He closed his eyes. “You don’t have to be. I will never hurt you. The only people I have ever hurt were to keep you safe. The club keeps you safe.” He kissed her palm and pressed it against his cheek. “Don’t be afraid of me.”

  “Stop being so damned scary! Don’t you ever smile? Doesn’t anything make you happy?”

  He looked puzzled. “I’m happy.”

  “Ok Shadow. We will just work on being less scary. You don’t have to do it for everybody, just for me. Maybe just here for now. Ok?”

  She felt him relax. “Ok Lacey.”

  She looked up. “You are safe here too Marcus. Let me keep you safe here in our home. Ok?”

  And that’s when she saw it. Her words broke through something inside of him. His eyes cleared and she saw Marcus for the damaged man he was.

  “You would do that for me? After everything?”

  Lacey choked on a sob. “Oh Marcus.” She wrapped him in her arms and cried for the boy that had hidden his fear behind a solemn mask.

  “I will keep you safe, always.”

  “Lacey. I may not want to spend very many nights away from home anymore.”

  He looked almost ashamed. Lacey knew what he was asking and she knew she couldn’t deny him.

  “Then don’t. You can always come home Marcus. Always come home to me.”

  A shutter ran through him as if he were frozen and he held her close.

  “I’m sorry, am I hurting the baby?”

  “Not at all.”

  “Lacey can I…?”

  Lacey looked down at her belly and smiled. She took his hand and placed it on her rounded tummy.

  “We can find out if we want to. Do you want to know the sex Marcus?”

  “I think I want to wait Lacey, but you can if you want.”

  Lacey thought of the pictures still in her purse.

  “Hang on a sec.” She dug in her purse and pulled out the pictures. “Come over here.”

  She pulled him to the brown leather sofa and sat down. She handed him the pictures.

  “What are these?”

  “The baby. The doctor did an ultrasound yesterday.”

  She pointed out the spine and other body parts. Marcus sat there stunned. He looked up and Lacey saw the bewilderment on his face.

  “We made that Lacey. We made that little person. You and me, we did that.”

  “We did. Are you sorry?”

  He looked almost angry. “Fuck no. Are you?”

  Lacey grinned widely. “No.”

  “I should have been there when you found out. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok. You will be there for the birth. Promise me. Nothing will keep you from it.”

  He took both her hands and looked her in the eye. “I promise.”

  His phone rang after a few minutes and he had to head back to the clubhouse. Lacey didn’t want him to go. He was the man that she had started falling for all those months ago and she was afraid she would lose him again, but she couldn’t keep him prisoner. She had to trust that he would come back to her.

  24

  Days faded into weeks. They began to run together and Lacey thought she would lose her mind. Mike and Trader stayed with her all the time and if they hadn’t been so afraid of Shadow they might have been more fun. As it was, Mike was the only one who she talked to at all. She went to Mrs.’ house once a week and Angel came by with the baby, but Lacey hated knowing she couldn’t leave the compound. A beautiful prison was still just a prison.

  Marcus came home almost every night. He stayed away only when there was something going on with club business. Lacey trusted him and besides they weren’t really lovers anyway so she couldn’t make demands. They were working on building a friendship.

  Rider came by the house twice, but refused to come inside. He said he loved her, but he couldn’t stand what was going on. When things were safe they would talk about a future, but he couldn’t make a fool of himself and he wouldn’t disrespect his brother over a woman. That was enough to tell her that he would never leave the club for her and that she may as well give up that dream and move on. She knew that she had never loved Rider the way her mother had loved her father, but she had thought his friendship would be enough. She was wrong. She wanted more and she was determined to have it. If that meant leaving Combine County after all this was over, then that’s what she would do. He child would see what real love was and grow up in a happy home, the way Lacey had.

  She had lived with Marcus for more than two months and he had only come home with Shadow in his eyes a few times. He was opening up to Lacey and she felt closer to him every day. He even started kissing her good night. Nothing romantic, just a kiss to the cheek or forehead and he always kissed her rounded tummy and told his child goodnight. Even on nights when he wasn’t coming home, he called.

  Tonight she hadn’t heard from him. It was almost midnight and she had received no word. She hesitated to call him, afraid she would endanger him. She sat brooding at the kitchen table when she saw the headlights. She ran to the door and flung it open.

  Mike was on watch while Trader slept and he was standing near the porch steps. Lawless jumped out of the black van and rushed to the other side where Ink was helping Shadow climb out. He was hurt. Lacey’s heart sank. She rushed down the steps.

  “Lacey open the door. We need to get in the kitchen where we can see.” Lawless grunted. “Fuck this asshole’s heavy.”

  Lacey opened the door and ran to get a towel and the first aid kit. She dumped it all on the table as they lowered Shadow into the wooden chair.

  “What happened?”

  “Business Lacey. Don’t ask questions.” Lawless barked and Lacey bristled.

  “Fuck you Law. Tell me what happened right now and I mean it.”

  Lawless shook his head and laughed. “Damned pregnant chi
cks are crazy as hell. I can’t tell you Queenie. You are a fucking prosecutor for the state.”

  “I don’t give a damn about club business. I want to know what happen to Marcus.”

  “He got cut Lacey, calm down.” Ink was calm and it helped Lacey calm down. “I need to see if I can stitch it up. I need you to help me Lacey, can you do it?”

  “I think so. What do you need me to do?”

  “Keep him calm Lacey. I gave him a sedative, but he hates pain. Pisses him off and this is gonna to hurt like a bitch. He wouldn’t go to the clubhouse. He wanted you.”

  Lacey nodded as her heart filled with love for this broken man.

  “I want you on the other side of this table. If he gets crazy you need to get out of the way.”

  Ink looked to Law and Lacey saw the worry in their faces. They didn’t like being here. Lacey reached out and took Marcus by the hand. He gripped it back and moaned.

  “Get it done Ink.” Lawless insisted.

  “Get his shirt off Law.”

  “Let me help.” Lacey stood.

  “No. Lacey you stay the fuck out or reach or your ass is out of here. You got me?” Lawless looked fierce and Lacey just nodded.

  The two men wrestled the black tee shirt off of Marcus to reveal a deep cut along his ribcage. There was so much blood. It had soaked his shirt and the rag someone had tied around it. The wound was about eight inches long, but only deep in places. Lacey ran her eyes over the rest of Marcus to find him blood stained everywhere. Lacey gasped and felt the blood drain from her face, but she sat still when Lawless shot her a look. She had to be strong for Marcus right now. The baby kicked hard and she pressed her hand to her belly to soothe the child still growing in her belly.

  Lawless watched the movement with undisguised interest.

  “You ok?”

  “Baby is kicking. I’m ok.” Lacey was totally shocked when the cynical man grinned and nodded. He had a gentle side after all. Who knew?

  Lacey gasped when Marcus gripped her hand hard enough to crack bone.

  “Marcus. That hurts.” His grip loosened and his bleary eyes found her. His head was still resting on the table and his eyes were glazed, but she saw recognition in his eyes.

  “Lacey.”

  “Hey Marcus. You got hurt honey. Let Ink fix it ok?”

  His face scrunched in pain and he gritted his teeth.

  “Fucking hurts Lace.”

  “I know. Let him finish Marcus, Please.”

  He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, but his grip on her hand stayed loose enough not to hurt. His face was pale and he was drenched with sweat when Ink finally finished, but he hadn’t fought them. The men cleaned up and helped Marcus to bed. Lacey was worried, but Ink assured her that he would be fine and she could call if there was a problem. The club doctor would be by in the morning to check him.

  Lacey saw them to the door and looked up at Lawless when he stopped and looked at the picture that hung between the front windows, the picture of Marcus kissing a sleeping Lacey the night of her welcome home party. Lawless looked almost hopeful.

  “I offered to kill you. Figured I could take you out easy for the good of the club. Shad spoke for you. He’s never spoke up for anybody. Said you were his family. I didn’t think some lawyer could be family to a man like Shad. Figured you’d end up ruinin’ him.” He looked her in the eye. “I was wrong.” He nodded and left her standing there stunned. Ink winked at her and closed the door behind them.

  “Holy fucking shit Lacey. Lawless said he was wrong? That has never happened. I’m pretty sure he would cut my throat if I looked at him wrong.” Trader said as he stepped around the corner. Lacey knew Trader was terrified of Lawless as were most other prospects.

  “I guess I’ve proven myself.” Lace shrugged and went to her room to tend to Marcus.

  25

  Marcus was out of bed the next day. He was grumpy as a bear, but he tried to be gentle with Lacey. It was Mike and Trader who got the brunt of his temper. Lacey loved having him in the house even if his mood was less than cheerful.

  “Marcus! Give me your hand! The baby is kicking.”

  She grabbed his hand and laid it on her belly just as the baby kicked hard. He looked at her in wonder and wore the most beautiful expression she had ever seen. Just the slightest tip to his lips, but it was a smile. She felt her heart melt for this man and in that moment she loved him.

  “Don’t that hurt you?”

  “Sometimes.”

  He growled low in his throat. “Cut that shit out kid, you’re hurtin’ your mama.”

  Lacey laughed. She felt light and happy. She felt like she had a family for the first time in fifteen years. She lay down in Marcus’ lap and looked up at him while he continued to rub her belly. He was so handsome. His hair had gotten a little shaggy, but she liked it on him. His eyes were a dark brown that looked like dark chocolate and he seemed happy, as happy as she had ever seen him. She let her eyes slide shut and she fell asleep, completely comfortable, and completely safe. She knew in her very soul that he would keep her safe.

  Marcus watched as Lacey fell silently to sleep. This was not the first time he had seen her sleep, but it was the first time she had fallen asleep with him without reservation. She trusted him to watch over her and their child as she rested in his lap and to him that was a very big deal.

  Everybody thought he was a little unstable, hell maybe he was. Angel assumed he wouldn’t care to hold her baby and if he just went and picked the little girl up he could feel the tension in the room rise, so he usually didn’t stick around. He felt like everyone was waiting for him to explode. Katie liked him though. When no one was looking he would sit with her and talk about little things and listen to the ramblings of a happy little girl. He had been happy once. He had been like Kati, with no cares or worries.

  He let his mind drift back to his childhood, before the men started visiting his mama. They had played games and read stories and mama hadn’t had the worry in her face that came later. He remembered too the man that he’d always known as his father. Looking back now he knew that Preach had come to his mother from his wife’s bed and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but the man had loved his mother. Shad had never questioned it and neither had his mama.

  She had always been very sad after Preach left them and she had always held him and cried, but they were happy.

  He looked down at the woman in his lap and vowed that he would never hurt her that way. His child would know his father, or her father, Shadow didn’t mind the thoughts of a daughter and secretly hoped the baby would actually be a girl to escape the expectations that might fall to his son.

  He let his eyes fall shut and thought about a life with Lacey and a little girl. He wondered if Lacey would want to leave club life or stay in the house he had built for her here. He knew he didn’t want his daughter to feel forced into this life, it wasn’t easy for a woman. He wanted her to be free the way Preach raised his girls. He found himself drifting into a peaceful sleep for the first time since he could remember and it was all because of the trust one woman had in him. She was making him whole again and it scared him in a way he had never felt in his life, but he wanted it.

  26

  Lacey heard voices, whispers. Terror slammed into her like a truck and she struggled to keep calm. She listened, but couldn’t make out the words. Where was she? She wasn’t in bed and she still wore her clothes. She strained her ears to hear the voices and sighed when she recognized Moose.

  “I’m not fucking touching him. You remember the last time someone woke him? No way I’m getting my fucking nose busted. I say Mike does it.”

  “What the hell Moose? You know he’ll take my head off?”

  “Pussies.”

  That was Lawless.

  Lacey heard heavy footfalls.

  “Hey Queenie. Wake up and wake up that crazy fucker with you, we have a job.”

  Lacey opened her eyes and shot Lawless a grin. He hadn’t exactly woke
Marcus. He was afraid too. She wondered if she should be, but couldn’t find the fear she had once felt. She stretched a little so Marcus could feel her. Then ran her hand up his arm from the hand that still rested on her belly.

  “Marcus? Wake up honey, you have company.”

  She felt him tense, but she kept rubbing his arm and she felt him slowly relax. She watched as his eyes came open and he looked down at her with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

  “Baby’s a girl you know.”

  She smiled at him and narrowed her eyes.

  “How do you know?”

  He leaned down and kissed her nose and whispered.

  “It’s what I want.”

  Lacey felt her heart speed up. She had never felt this kind of warmth from Marcus and it made her feel things she didn’t know she could.

  Lawless cleared his throat loudly and stood wearing an amused smirk.

  “Don’t mind us.”

  Marcus lost the shine in his eyes and the turned flat and black, utterly cold.

  “What the fuck are you doing in my goddamned house?”

  “Business. You didn’t answer your phone.”

  Shadow looked puzzled. He had slept through his phone ringing and men in his house. He was losing his edge.

  “What do you need me for?”

  “No. No. No. Marcus you aren’t healed yet.” Lacey looked to Lawless. “You know he can’t Law. What the hell is your problem?” Lacey felt Shadow tighten his grip on her.

  Lawless tilted his head.

  “You are refreshing.”

  “Law.” Shadow growled menacingly and Lacey saw Moose take a step toward her.

  Lawless just stood like he hadn’t a care in the world and grinned.

  “It’s ok there shadow man. She interests me. I respect her and I’ll protect her.”

  Shadow gave another low growl.

  Lawless held up his hands. “If I was gonna kill her I’d have done it before she knocked your balls up your throat, after that…” He put his hand over his heart. “I fell in love with her a little myself.”