by Marci Fawn
“I…”
“There are pictures everywhere online. Eyewitness accounts, all of it.” I can hear the trembling rage in his voice, and I feel guilty for my actions all over again. I really should have thought about all the people I would affect before I did this. I’ve been selfish yet again. “If that fucker decides to press charges, I think you’re done. You’ll get locked up for sure this time. There is no way you’ll get any of the same sort of leniency—especially when you’re so clearly guilty.”
“I’m sorry, Paul,” I reply pathetically. “I should have kept my temper in check.”
“What the fuck was it all about?” he asks, but I keep my lips tightly sealed together. There’s nothing I can say, not yet, not even to Paul. If he can find a way out of this, he’ll use it, no matter what it does to everyone else. I’ll just have to take the wrath of everyone until my innocence (or at least my reasoning) can be revealed. “Okay, Nate,” he continues wearily. “I’ll call you in the morning when I know more about it. Get some sleep.”
I return to bed, fully intending to do what he asks, but my brain still isn’t ready to switch off.
I get news the next morning that Cole has no intention of pursuing the issue, which is obviously his way of trying to keep his own wrongdoings under wraps, but since Lola clearly isn’t ready to speak out, the onslaught of hate comes my way. I hate every single second of it, but at least this time it feels like it’s worth something. It’s me protecting Jem, Tonya, and Lola, and I’m willing to be a shield for them.
I do need to escape, though, which is how I find myself traveling on a crappy, rundown bus all the way across the country to face Jem’s mother. As the metal box rattles along the countryside, my mind goes over all the reasons that I shouldn’t be doing this—the fact that the woman hates me, the breaking of Jem’s trust, the insanity of me doing this without telling another soul…but despite all of that, my gut instinct is that it’s the right thing to do. Jem needs her mom right now, and I know she isn’t going to do anything to make that happen, which means that as the man in her life, it’s up to me.
I’m anxious as hell, almost nauseous with fear over what is about to come, but I also feel that with the thicker skin I’ve had to develop recently, I’ll be able to handle this. It might be the worst experience of my life, but it’s all for Jem, and that’s enough.
Eventually I arrive in the small village where Jem grew up, and I glance at the ratty piece of paper in my hand. It took some real digging to find Jem’s mom’s address, but luckily she’s been very distracted recently, so it wasn’t too difficult to do it undetected.
“Willow Street,” I mutter to myself, looking around. “Where the hell is Willow Street?”
I grew up in the city, so the twisty, winding roads are something I’m not familiar with. I end up wandering around for far too long before giving up and asking an elderly gentleman for directions. He gives me an odd look, as if he might recognize me from somewhere, but luckily he doesn’t ponder it too much. Instead he points me in the right direction.
That’s how I find myself standing outside a quaint-looking cottage, my heart racing, trying to prepare myself to speak to Jem’s mom.
“Come on, Nate,” I say, trying to calm myself down. “Just do it. This is for Jem.”
I walk slowly toward the door, my mind going over and over the speech I’ve spent the last few days rehearsing. I need to get this right, to say exactly what needs to be said, to ensure that this meeting goes smoothly.
I knock lightly on the door, and a small, hunched-over, very sad-looking woman answers. Everything that I’ve planned spins from my mind, and I find myself opening and closing my mouth like a goddamn idiot.
“Can I help you?” she eventually asks, giving me a confused look.
“I’m s…sorry,” I stammer. “I don’t know if you remember me. My name is Nate Romero. I’m with your daughter.”
“Jem?” she asks, a shining look in her eyes. This is the first glimpse of happiness that I’ve seen out of her—even the last time I met her she looked heartbroken—which makes me believe that I’ve definitely done the right thing. “How is she? Is she okay?” If she remembers me from the last time we met, then she’s totally skating over that fact, which is a good thing. It means I don’t have a whole lot of explaining to do.
“Can I come in? I think this is a conversation best had inside.”
She scurries around in the kitchen, making me a cup of coffee, and I allow my eyes to scan over her home. This place is a little like a shrine to the past—to a time when Jem and her father were both here—and I wonder how much of Jem’s mom’s seeming rejection was actually depression. I can’t imagine it was a nice thing, losing her husband like that after such a long illness. The thought of losing Jem kills me already, and they were married for years.
She certainly hasn’t moved on, at any rate.
“So.” She hands me a cup and sits on the sofa opposite me. “You came here to talk about Jem?” There’s a nervous edge to her voice, and I’m suddenly afraid of how she’s going to react to all of this news. Then again, it’s better that she finds out now before it’s all over the media.
“Jem misses you, you know.” I start, wanting to reassure her. “I know that she wishes you two could be close.”
“Oh, my God, I want that too, so badly.” She breaks down, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I miss her so much.” She stares at me for a moment, as if she’s trying to work me out. “I didn’t mean to be a bad mother, I just…I couldn’t cope after I lost John. And Jemima has always been so independent, so capable. She was so invested in her career that I didn’t want to burden her with my problems.” I’ve opened a floodgate, and everything is spilling out. I wonder if this is the first time she’s ever been able to speak about her issues with her daughter. I sit back and listen, allowing her to get it all out, hoping that it’ll unburden her just a little bit. “It seemed easier at the time to take a step back, to deal with my own sadness alone while she built a life for herself. Then after that, it became too difficult to talk to her. She no longer wanted me, and she didn’t seem to have anything to say to me anymore.” I nod, as if I understand even though I don’t. Not really. Having not had a real family myself, parental politics isn’t something I’ll ever really get. “I guess I was selfish. I let her slip away, and now I want her back more than anything in the world.”
“You can have that,” I insist, nodding happily at her. “I’ll help you.”
“So, how is she?” She changes the subject, clearly unconvinced by my words. That doesn’t matter. I’ll show her. She’ll see.
“She’s…she’s having a bit of a difficult time,” I admit. Her mom leans forward, concern plastered all over her face. “I don’t know if you remember her old manager Cole.” She gives me a blank look, but that’s understandable. That was all happening while she was caring for her sick husband. “Well, it turns out that he abused her, and some other girls…”
“What?” She gasps, throwing her hand over her mouth. “My beautiful girl was abused? And I did nothing about it?” I can see the guilt flooding through her, and I feel awful. But she needs to know, and there really isn’t a kind way to get that news across. “I’m the worst mother in the whole world. I should have been there…”
“She wouldn’t have told you anyway,” I attempt to reassure her. “She’s only ready to speak out about it now because it’s happening again to another friend of hers.”
“Oh, God.” She stands up and paces the room in a distressed state. “All that Jem has been through, and I haven’t been there for any of it.” I wonder if I should hug her before deciding that it would be inappropriate. “I need to come with you,” she insists. “I need to be there for her now.”
“Okay.” I hold my hands up to slow her down. “I think that’s a great idea, but we need to hold our fire for the time being. I’m in a lot of trouble because when I found out, I freaked out and beat the guy up.” I hang my head in shame, sure t
hat this will make her hate me. What kind of woman would want her daughter with a thug? But she remains silent, looking at me curiously. “And I can’t go back until the girls decide to go public.”
“Why are they waiting?” she cries, seemingly unable to understand.
“The girl going through it now is scared, but Jem will help her. She’s good like that.”
“Okay.” Her mom nods, seeming to accept that. “What do we do in the meantime?”
“I guess we wait.” I smile. “In fact, I actually need your help with something…”
31
Jem
I feel increasingly awful with every bad word that is said about Nate—especially when I can’t even stand up and defend him—but I need to wait. We all do. We have to all be ready for this, and Lola is only just getting there. Every time I feel even an ounce of frustration with her, I remember myself back then. I was nowhere near ready to speak out. Even if others had stood alongside me, I may have been too terrified, so I do understand.
I’ve spoken to Nate on and off over the last few days, but he won’t tell me where he’s hiding in case our phones have been tapped. He sounds happy, though, which is all I can ask for in this nightmare. I’m just so grateful that he isn’t furious at me for putting him through all of this.
“What do you think she’s going to decide?” Tonya asks me nervously, pacing up and down outside the therapist’s office. Lola has agreed to speak to a professional, to see how it makes her feel, and then we will go from there. Tonya is as worked up about all of this as I am, which is making the tensions in the room very high.
“I really don’t know,” I answer honestly. “But we cannot do this without her. She’s the key to us getting justice. We might not be listened to because it happened so long ago, whereas Lola is now.”
“She’s just so closed off about it all,” Tonya whines. “It’s difficult for her to even open up to us about it.” We still don’t know how far Cole has taken things with Lola, and I’m not sure that we ever will.
“I know, but we just need to wait. Even after all of this, she’s going to need to tell Ben and her family first.” Images of my own mother flick through my mind, but I try to push them aside quickly. I don’t want her to find out about this through the media either, but it also isn’t the sort of thing you attempt to rebuild a relationship over. This has been troubling me for a while now, but I can’t fix everything at once, and this issue needs to take precedence while Nate is having such a crappy time.
The door swings open and I jump up from my seat to stand next to Tonya. We both look at Lola expectantly as she slides quietly through the door, biting on her lip. Her face is red and blotchy, showing me that she’s been crying, but I can also see something else. A new look in her eyes, one that I pray is a sign of hope.
“Okay,” she whispers, smiling weakly. “I’m ready. Let’s go to the police.”
I wrap my arms around her and pull her in for a hug. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask, desperately not wanting to push her into anything, but she nods against me.
“No, it’s time. I’m ready.” She pulls back to look at me, giving me her most confident expression. I see a glimpse of the old Lola, the one I met on that ship all that time ago. “The doctor made me see that I’m only holding back because I’m afraid of how people will react to me, but that none of it is my fault. Not really. That’s all in my mind.”
“It isn’t your fault. Not at all,” Tonya interjects, grinning for the first time in a very long time. “Just like it isn’t ours, either.”
“He can’t get away with it anymore.” Lola nods defiantly. “Not with me or anyone else.”
“We’ll go to the police tomorrow, after you’ve had the chance to speak to your family—”
“No,” she jumps in quickly. “I need to go right now. I need to do this right away. I’ll speak to my family afterwards.”
“Right.” I glance at Tonya, who is nodding vigorously. “Let’s go, then.”
We spend hours and hours in the police station, giving statements, going over evidence, discussing future moves, and by the end of it I’m absolutely exhausted. On the way to the police station, I only had a brief second to fire off a quick text to Nate to ensure that he knows things are changing, and I also let Kim know the story in the best way I could via text so it wouldn’t be a shock to her when it came out.
By the time we exit the questioning room, each of us as physically and mentally drained as the others, Kim is standing in the waiting room, pacing up and down furiously. My heart pounds heavily at the pissed-off expression on her face, and I wonder if we’ve done the right thing, or if we should have spoken to our management teams first…
“There you are!” Her face bursts into a smile and she pulls me in for the first hug I’ve ever had from her. My body relaxes. She’s actually here in a caring capacity, rather than for business.
Or so I thought…
“Okay, girls, I’ve been discussing things with your teams, and we’ve put together a press conference for you. It isn’t until tomorrow morning, to give you all enough time to learn your speeches, but we need to tackle this before it leaks to the media—which it will, the second Cole gets arrested.” She returns to her normal, bossy self, but I’m actually grateful for that. Now that we’ve unburdened ourselves, I feel like a little return to normal life is in order. “We’ll be sending things over to you later tonight, so be sure to have your emails open.”
I turn to Lola and Tonya. “Do you guys want to come and stay at my place? We could do this together. Then we don’t have to be alone when we…speak to our families and stuff.” I’m more thinking about Lola for this one, but maybe I should do the right thing and call my mom too.
“That would be amazing,” they both say happily. I can’t believe I’m about to have a sleepover with Lola and Tonya, after everything we’ve been through and under these circumstances, but then again, what seems a little weird is also very normal now too.
We go over everything that we’ve been sent a million times until we have it right. As we rehearse, also deciding on our own information that we intend to include too, I feel so grateful that the girls are here. If I had to go through this night alone, I would have driven myself insane by now. Especially since I haven’t heard a word from Nate since I texted him with the good news. I don’t even know if he knows yet, or if he’s coming back.
“Okay,” Lola finally announces when we decide that we’re done. “I’m going to go and call Ben and my parents. I have to tell them now.”
“We’re right here.” I grin at her. “Just shout if you need us.” As she leaves the room with her phone gripped tightly between her fingers, I turn to face Tonya. “Are you going to call your family?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “They already know. I told them years ago. When the news breaks, they won’t be shocked.” I stare at her, confused. I didn’t know she’d told anyone. “They didn’t believe me,” she admits. “Because I’ve always been a bit of an attention-seeker, they assumed I was making it up.”
“Oh, my God, that’s awful,” I mutter, completely and utterly stunned. I can’t imagine how brave she was, just to be shot down by the people who were supposed to protect her.
“I only brought it up once, but that’s what made me so scared to mention it to anyone else.” She tries to smile, but the strain is obvious in her face. “Hopefully this will make them see things differently, although, to be honest, from the way my family is, I doubt anyone will ever mention it again.”
“I’m sorry, Tonya.” I hug her tightly. “That’s awful.”
“It did affect me for a very long time, but I feel better now. It’s done, anyway.” She pulls back to look at me. “Why don’t you call your mom?”
I stand in my bedroom alone, holding my phone nervously between my fingers. My breaths are coming out loud and labored at the prospect of the conversation that I now need to have. I keep thinking about the bravery we’ve all shown today
. This should be the easy part, but deep down I know that isn’t true.
“Come on, Jem,” I whisper to myself. “Just do it.”
But by the time I work up the courage to actually follow through with it, the phone rings and rings, and no one picks up.
As we stand outside the room where the press conference is being held, I don’t know who’s more nervous. We’ve all been a damn wreck since we woke up, and now I’m just desperate for this to be over.
“Do people know that he’s been arrested yet?” Lola asks for the hundredth time.
“I don’t know. I assume so.” I try to smile at her reassuringly, but it’s very difficult for me to disguise my own emotions. “I’m sure the world will be aware before we go out there—”
“Come on.” Kim’s sharp voice interrupts me. “It’s time. Let’s go.”
Anxiety courses through my veins as I see all the expectant faces looking up at me. Just as I really start to teeter on the edge of panic, Tonya grips my hand, and I shoot her a thankful smile. I’m not alone in this. Not anymore. The three of us can get through this. Together we have a strength that can tackle anything. This is going to be the easy part.
We burst from the room, all over the moon to have it done. Surprisingly, everyone was really supportive of us, giving us exactly the reaction that we needed. Tonya pulls me and Lola into a massive hug and we all lose ourselves in the moment, grateful to have one another to lean on.
“We did it,” she whispers excitedly. “We really did it.”
“Jem!” A male voice calls above the crowd, and my heart flutters in excitement. I spin around to find Nate standing there, smiling widely at me, running towards me. “Oh, my God, Jem.”
He lifts me up and kisses me intently, making me feel closer to him than I ever have before. This is the reason I haven’t been able to get ahold of him. He raced back to me at the very first opportunity to give me this amazing surprise.