by V. F. Mason
“I know, I just thought it would be postponed with all the things happening right now.”
“They’re going ahead with the tour. Your album is done and ready. Now the band needs to go out and promote it.” She frowned as she ran her fingers through her hair.
“But we did only ten out of twelve songs.”
“They decided to settle for ten.”
“Okay. So they are going on tour. When?” Those violet eyes held pain, which she tried to cover. Without waiting for my answer, she asked another question. “Who is she?” I raised my brow at her. I wasn’t following the conversation very well because everything she said was confusing as fuck. “Their new lead singer. Who is she?”
“They don’t have a new lead singer.” Now it was her turn to raise her eyebrows, but her facial expression was grim, as though I’d said something stupid.
“What do you mean? How are they going on the tour then?”
Well, fuck, now I understood perfectly well what made her react like that and mentally kicked myself for not explaining it better for her.
“Babe, you are still the lead singer. They didn’t kick you out. That’s the whole reason why we need to talk. They want you for the tour.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You need to go on tour with them. In fact, your first concert is in two weeks. They’re coming here because I have a full studio and you guys can practice. The concert is in Buffalo.” She gave me a horrified look. “Sweetheart, you understand it would have happened at some point, right?” I said gently, but she just kept on shaking her head.
“No, no. Are you crazy?” She stood up and some of her coffee spilled to the floor, but she didn’t seem to notice. “I’m not ready for this. The fans, media, concerts. I’m not ready.” She was breathing hard now.
“For that, or to meet your bandmates?” Hurt flashed in her eyes, and I wanted to strangle myself for making her feel that. But at the same time, I knew there was no other choice.
“All of it,” she finally said and sat back down. “When are they coming?”
“Tonight.” She nodded her head and grabbed the mic, adjusting it to her level.
“Let’s sing something.” I waited for something else, maybe for raging or another panic attack, but nothing came. I didn’t like it. I could handle her being emotional, but her hiding her feelings was what brought this on in the first place.
“Bella—” She raised her hand without turning her head toward me and exhaled a breath.
“Can we just do it? I know I have to handle this situation, and I know I can’t jeopardize our tour. I know how much work was done to make it happen. I will find a way to control myself there.”
“You don’t have to do it by yourself.”
“Yeah? Nate, who the hell will help me then? My band turned their back on me the minute they knew about my drug addiction. I highly doubt they will be babysitting me during the tour, where the temptation is so strong!” she snapped. Her body almost shook with anger, and somehow, I welcomed that. It was better than cold indifference and allowed me to see what really bothered her, the root of the problem.
“I will be there.” She froze and snapped her confused eyes to me. “I’ll go with you, and Drake will, too. You still need therapy, but physically you are good to go. You still need to take vitamins, but you can do it on your own. I’ll be there with you and won’t allow anything to happen to you. Okay?” We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity when she finally closed her eyes for a second and turned to the mic once again, licking her lips.
“Okay,” she whispered. “Can we sing now? I really need it.” If that was what she needed, then I would gladly give it to her.
“What do you want me to play?”
“Do you know the song ‘Echo’ by Jason Walker?”
“Yes.” Piano it was again. Without raising my eyes, I asked, “Ready?”
“Yeah.” I started playing the intro and closed my eyes; that song meant something to me, too.
Her voice was more confident than the last time, but was still raspy, especially when she started to sing higher. She went off key, but still it was beautiful.
The rhythm of the song became a bit faster, and although it seemed like she was out of breath, she continued with her eyes closed. Almost like the words were pushed out from her soul. Like she felt this song deep in her bones; it was a beautiful song, after all.
She paused a little bit and I could see how she grabbed the mic fiercely, and even though her voice was tired, she finally finished her song with a higher note than in original version.
She leaned forward, resting her forehead on the mic, and then turned her head to me.
“I love how you play. It feels like you allow the music to wash through you. You never miss a note,” she whispered. For some reason, her violet eyes were less troubled than they were before the song.
My face heated up, fucking unbelievable. I hadn’t blushed in a long time; in fact, she was the last one who’d made me. “Do you think the saying is true? That music can heal the soul?” She reminded me of a child who asked a grownup if Santa was real.
She needed answers to her questions.
But sadly, I didn’t have them.
“It does. Everything does at some point. And thanks, sweetheart, but my music can’t compare to your voice.” She gave me a sad smile and looked down.
“My voice is not in its best condition right now.”
“Give yourself time. It’s just our second practice. Well, the second proper one, at least.” I didn’t really count all those times with Nick’s guitar.
“Yet my band is coming here tonight, and in three weeks, I’m supposed to perform in front of a crowd.”
“We can still practice when they get here. Just you and me.” She stood up and moving quickly, ended up on my lap, shoving her face into my neck. I wrapped her in my arms.
“Promise?”
“Yes, I promise.” She leaned back and kissed me gently, but soon the kiss became deeper and hotter, making her moan. When we stopped, she didn’t move back as I’d expected, but rested her forehead against mine. She palmed my head and her lips touched mine. I could feel her light breath on them.
“I don’t know how to do it without you.” I swallowed because, suddenly, it was hard to speak.
“You don’t have to. I will be there with you.”
“Good.”
At that moment, I decided everything else could go to hell.
Letting her go once she was fine?
It was out of the fucking question.
She was mine, and she wanted to be mine.
It would suck for some time after she found out the truth, but she would deal with it.
I was done letting the woman I love out my life while I stood there and watched her do it.
This time, I would fucking fight and hope like fuck I won.
Because I had no idea how to live without her now, either.
“This was such a dumb idea,” Ariel said as she straightened her yellow head scarf, which kept slipping back.
“Girl, come on, you are such a chicken.”
“Yeah right, Jane. Like you’re the brave one.” She sent her an annoyed stare. “The only reason you came along was because of the damned photos they threatened to show Jeremy.”
“Whatever. At least I’m committed now that I’m here.”
“We have no time for this. We’re almost there,” I said, trying to see the bar through my sunglasses, which gave me a mysterious look.
“I’ve wanted to come here for ages. You guys better not screw this up.” Sam sent them a meaningful look and they just smirked. When she wanted something, she could be really mean about it, but it was always fun to rile her up.
Not that we did it often; then we would end up on her black list.
Finally, we stopped in front of the black, metal door. It was in a dark alley between buildings in Brooklyn. There were a few strangers who passed by looking a bit suspicio
us, but we acted intimidating mean enough for them not to cross us. We were all wearing jeans, leather jackets, and heels. I had wanted boots, but then we weren’t supposed to be recognizable, so we all had to suffer with the shoes. No matter how much I tried, I really couldn’t find any comfortable high-heeled shoes.
“Okay. So we’re here, guys. Remember the rules, right?” Sam raised her brows and folded her arms, ready to fight if any of us made her mad. Like we would dare.
“Yep. No names. Keep a low profile. Each one gets two songs and only one drink,” Jane said, using her fingers to check off each new point. Ariel and I nodded in agreement. “Finally, once we are all done, we leave quietly.”
“And if there is a hot guy?” Sam asked.
“Then we leave anyway— no making out or sex tonight,” Ariel muttered. She wasn’t pleased. I sometimes wondered why she felt the need to sleep with so many guys. We all loved sex, but she took the meaning to another level. She managed to sleep with a lot of guys, but I had never seen her serious about anyone. Well, except Diego. That fucker broke her heart when he took her virginity and left. So I wouldn’t say he was exactly the best choice.
“Sam, come on, it’s cold and we’re wasting time.” I didn’t want to sound annoyed, but heck, I was. She kept acting like some mother hen to us and, at some point, it got tiring for me.
“Fine. Showtime.” We walked inside and were instantly greeted with the smell of alcohol and smoke, and there were a lot of people inside.
We found an empty table slightly toward the back and sat down. The waitress, who was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, greeted us. She looked tired, but tried to smile and pretend like everything was fine.
“Hey,” she said, taking out her notepad.
“Hey.” I smiled. “Can we please have four beers and some nuts?” Since we weren’t about to have more than one, we could indulge in beer, and we needed some snacks to occupy ourselves.
“Sure. Coming right up.” She disappeared behind the crowd and we shifted our focus on the stage. Finally, the man stopped singing and some other woman came up as Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” started to play.
“Oh shit. Do you guys think she has it in her?” Ariel asked, still struggling with the scarf.
“You never know,” Jane said wistfully, and she was right. We came to the karaoke night, after all. We loved it here; well, not here specifically, but at places like this. When we were in school, we used to come to bars all the time just to have fun singing
We hadn’t indulged since we had become famous two years ago. We kept a low profile. Once we suggested the idea to Jeremy, but he went ballistic, so we decided to keep it quiet. We highly doubted anyone would recognize us, so it wasn’t a problem. After all, none of us even looked like herself right now.
Ariel approached the guy, who was taking notice of those who wanted to sing, and signed us all up in random order. By the look of it, there were two people before us, so we were good. The waitress finally brought us drinks and nuts as we listened to the lady, who sang surprisingly well.
“Nice.” Sam smiled. “She should do something with her voice.”
“Maybe she does. We’ll never know.” I popped another nut in my mouth and opened my phone to look for messages from Nick, but there was nothing. I was worried about him; lately he had seemed tense, and we didn’t exactly have time to meet very often. He made it to the concerts and appeared as though everything was fine, but I had a feeling it wasn’t. I didn’t push it though. Not to mention, I hadn’t heard anything from Megan either, so I knew they had some problems.
“Stop checking your phone, babe.” Jane put her hand on mine, squeezing it. “He’s fine. Probably needs some time alone with Megan. Didn’t he have some important meeting in Houston and just came back?”
“Yeah.”
“He’ll answer you, I’m sure.”
“I’m just worried. You know how I get about him. I know it’s stupid.” Sometimes it was hard for me to explain my attachment to my brother, but not to the girls. We all knew everything about each other; there were no secrets.
At least I hoped.
The next guy came on and sang so badly that the audience booed him. All red, he jumped off the stage.
“Poor guy, seriously! He just came to relax and they act as though it’s an audition or something!” Sam raged, and we just rolled our eyes. One more thing for her to argue about. We drank our beers slowly until our turn finally had come. Jane’s name was called first. The hat she was wearing made her seem edgy, but it was just a cover.
“Ladies, watch and learn.” Smirking, she hopped on stage, took the microphone in her hands, and sat down.
Odd as it may seem, we didn’t have the same taste in music. So we were never afraid of choosing the same song; the audition in school was pure luck as we discovered later on.
The music started to play and we froze.
Sam raised her eyebrows and looked at us while Ariel almost choked on her beer. I just gaped.
“Since when does she sing something like that?” Ariel managed to say through coughing as she took the napkin to clean her mouth.
“I have no idea.” She started to sing, and her gentle voice went well with the song. She closed her eyes and the crowd was completely silent. She had no makeup on, and the majority of her face was covered by a hat. The song was “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt.
“Well, shit,” Ariel muttered, and we all looked at each other. Although she sang it well and people loved it, I still could hear the pain in her voice, especially when she sang the chorus.
“Do you guys know for who?” I finally whispered, because I didn’t know how to help her. I hadn’t even known she was suffering.
“Yeah.” Sam looked slightly guilty, as though she hadn’t meant to keep it to herself. “I just noticed it and, well, the situation is pretty much doomed.” She laid her arms, as well as her head, on the table, watching the magic happening on the stage.
“He is taken? Or doesn’t want her?” Ariel appeared angry as she cracked one of the nuts in her hand and threw it on the table before putting her hands under her chin and studying Jane grimly.
“He doesn’t know she has those kind of feelings.”
“How do you know about it?” I asked, but didn’t take my attention from our girl there crying her pain out in the only way she knew how. She would never share this shit with us, and we knew it.
“I just noticed one day while she was taking care of him when he was drunk. It became pretty obvious. She noticed me there, but didn’t say a word, so I kind of got the hint.” Yeah, well shit.
It meant the guy was there, somewhere with us.
We all sat there quietly, listening to the end of the song, and I wondered what it was like to love so much that you could sing a song like that, which needed emotions to get the audience to believe you.
Was love like that possible?
And why did my girl have to suffer from it?
Life was unfair.
She finished the song and smiled at the crowd, who applauded her loudly and whistled. But it was evident she had tears in her eyes as she came down from the stage and sat down near me.
“Well, bitches, try to do better than me!” she shouted loud enough for only us to hear. Even through her fake smile, we knew she was broken inside, but we laughed and moved on with our night.
She didn’t want us to talk about it.
She needed for us to give her what we always did, the comfort of knowing we would always be there for each other.
Nothing could ever change that.
Annabella
Later that day, I went outside to spend some time in the fresh air. I couldn’t believe what was about to happen.
They were all coming here.
I didn’t know how to handle that, let alone the tour that was about to come. My voice wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t in the best condition to perform in long concerts, either. It meant I would have to practice my ass off i
n those two weeks.
I wasn’t afraid of hard work; no, that was something I had done my whole life. I knew how to fight for what I wanted.
I had no idea how to face my best friends, my girls, who I thought would always have my back. I thought nothing could change or destroy our friendship, but I had gone and done it.
Part of me felt angry with them for not doing anything, for just leaving me here alone and not giving a damn.
The other part understood that I had hurt them deeply and they needed time to process everything as much as I did. There was also shame and humiliation, because I didn’t know how to face them after they had seen me at my lowest, when I was dirty and desperately trying to protect the dose from their hands.
When they saw the house, the partying, the sex, and Logan.
I was lost and confused.
Nate confused me, too. I had no idea what to do with him, either.
Just today, this the morning, I was so happy. I actually enjoyed my bickering with him and Marie, and thought how good it felt to be taken care of.
But then the news of the band and all my old fears came crashing down on me.
The only person I felt safe with was Nick, and he was gone; not that I could comprehend he was dead, but gone nevertheless.
I was afraid I pushed those emotions on Nate, and that made me want to run from him as far away as possible.
The problem was, I didn’t think I could do it. I sought his presence; I needed him, and the knowledge he would be there with me during my tour made my anxiety easier to handle.
I smiled at Dean in the stables; he was cleaning one of the horses..
“Well, hello there, pretty girl.”
“Hey, Dean.” He stopped his work and grabbed the towel near him, wiping his hands clean. “How are you?” He raised his brows, probably surprised with my small talk. I’d avoided the ranch people here since the moment I came.