by Lola StVil
“You don’t know that for sure,” I protested.
“Damn it, Marcus, listen to me!”
“No! You don’t know what he will become. He could change his life. He could be good. I’m not going to give up on him. He’s my son. How the hell can I walk away from him?”
“You have made some controversial decisions in the past but I understood them. I knew that they all came from your desire to protect the ones you love from danger. Walking away from this kid is the best way to do that.”
“I can help him. I can teach him right from wrong. I just need some time with him. I will take him home and—”
“And what, Marcus? He has managed to connect to his powers even though he has limited contact with angels. Can you imagine how much power he will collect from you alone? Not to mention the fact that he will be living with your wife, who in case you forgot happens to be Death. He can tap into her powers too.”
“What do you want from me?” I raged.
“We want your permission to bind his powers.”
“What? No! He’ll be defenseless. You know how much danger our children face.”
“Marcus, Malakaro will not face danger; he is the danger.”
“Don’t call him that. He likes to be called Jason. That’s his middle name. He likes that name,” I replied, mostly to myself.
“I know you want to be there for him and that may have been possible if you were just any angel. But you’re not. You’re a Guardian. Many, including that boy in there, covet your powers.”
“He doesn’t even know who I am.”
“No but he daydreams about meeting his all-powerful father. Most kids do. But unlike most kids, his father really is all-powerful. He can’t have access to it. He can’t be around you,” Fate begged.
“He’s a kid. He’s confused and he feels rejected. That’s why he’s lashing out. I’ll take care of him. He’s my responsibility. I will raise him.”
“Marcus—”
“No! I’m done talking about this. I’m going to get my son and bring him home. If you, Time, or anyone else tries to harm him, I’ll rip your fucking souls out,” I vowed.
“I’m working on patience, Guardian, but don’t test me,” Fate replied.
“You’re wrong about Jason. He’s a good kid. I did crazy things when I was a kid, but my dad stood by me. He didn’t turn his back on me, and I’m sure as hell not gonna do that to Jason.”
“Because he’s just a kid, a misguided soul?” Fate asked.
“Yes,” I replied urgently.
He signaled for me to look inside the classroom; I followed his stare and saw Jason standing by his teacher’s desk, looking down on the bird. It wasn’t moving. I rushed inside and asked him what happened.
“He saw the window and he wanted to fly away. So I put him back in the cage. I told him to sing but he wouldn’t sing anymore because he was mad at me,” Jason said.
“But now look, he’s dead, Jason. Why did you do that?”
“I told you, he wouldn’t sing for me. And if he won’t sing for me, he shouldn’t be allowed to sing ever again.”
I stepped outside in the hallway and leaned on the wall for support. It was the certainty and coldness in his voice that caused a chill to run through me.
“I’m sorry, Marcus. Really, I am,” Fate said.
“He’s intelligent, he’s focused and strong. Those are good qualities for angels,” I whispered to myself.
“They are also characteristics essential in evil.”
“No, I can’t do it.”
“Marcus!”
“No, okay? I can’t abandon him. Please don’t ask me to do that.”
“You walked into that room and you saw it for yourself. The kid has a very black and white way of looking at things. That bird displeased him and he killed it. What happens when you take him in and you displease him? What happens when Pryor displeases him?”
Pryor…
“Marcus, do we have your permission to bind his powers or not?” Fate asked.
I looked into the room and saw you were now playing with the pet hamster on the other side of the room. I worried what would happen if the creature should disobey his master. I turned to Fate and spoke in a voice coated with regret.
“Yes, bind his powers, but not forever. We can revisit this issue in a few months.”
“It doesn’t work like that. If we bind his power it will be for five years.”
“That’s way too long,” I declared.
“If he is going to learn right from wrong like you say, he’ll need that time. We can revisit this issue in five years,” Fate said.
“Okay, but I have to be there for him. I have to watch him and make sure he has what he needs.”
“You can’t do that. I told you, if you are anywhere near him he will use you and your power.”
“And I told you, I can’t just abandon him.”
“We will see to his well-being. We will guard him. But the less he knows about you and who you are the better.”
“You think he would seek to destroy his own father?” I asked in disbelief.
“I can almost guarantee it.”
“Fine, what do you have in mind—and if your mixture causes him pain in any way you can forget it,” I said.
“We’re going to give him Dew; it’s painless. All it does is suppresses his powers,” Fate said as he headed towards the classroom. I turned away, unable to watch.
He’s just a kid. He’s my kid…
My chest tightened and the agony of abandoning my own flesh and blood spread through my veins. I saw a flash of his smile in my mind’s eye and I was on the verge of calling the whole thing off but then I saw a flash of my little girl and the dead bird.
Fuck!
When Fate came out of the classroom I planned to bombard him with demands. I wanted to be kept informed of Jason’s progress, his grades, his health, everything. But then I look in Fate’s eyes and find something I have never seen on the face of a council member—fear.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Dew is the most potent power suppressor that there is and yet it didn’t work on him.”
“What does this mean?”
“It means there is no question about it: Malakaro will kill us all.”
Chapter Three:
Angel’s Dilemma
I reread the last line a few times. It isn’t just what was said but the being that said it. According to Fate, Malakaro will be the undoing of angels. If this guy is as powerful as Fate thinks he is, I’m definitely up for joining him. I take a closer look at the journal. There are only two more entries. The old man starts to say something. I tell him to shut up and I continue to read.
Jason,
Over the years, while I couldn’t physically keep an eye on you, I tracked your progress closely. You were given the best possible human and angel education. Anything you needed or wanted I made sure you had. When I gave something to my daughter, Pry, I made sure that I sent you something too. I wrote to you and expressed how proud I was of your progress and how intelligent you were turning out to be. Jason, not a day went by where I didn’t think about you; not one.
The reports I was getting about you spoke in glowing terms of your intellect. They said you were brilliant and resourceful. They said you mastered vocabulary, reasoning, and logic. They were all taken aback by how mature you were for your age.
“Why can’t I take him home now? It’s been five years,” I asked Fate.
“You think he’s gotten better and that he no longer poses a threat but you’d be wrong, Marcus,” Fate insisted.
“I’ve read his letters to me; I think he’s becoming good.”
“Yes, he’s gotten good—at hiding just how bad he can be.”
“This is crazy. He’s a good kid. He was misguided; he killed a bird once. He made a mistake. But that was a long time ago. You’ve read the reports, my kid is remarkable,” I argue
d.
“Yes, Marcus, he is very impressive. But you are failing to look at the bigger picture: he has no empathy.”
“He just needs to be around angels that love him,” I suggested strongly.
“Angels whose powers he can absorb to use for his own.”
“I left him with you for five years. That’s more than enough time,” I protested.
“I would like you to take a look at this,” Fate said.
He took out an orb the size of a grapefruit.
“This a called a Simulation Reply. It’s a game the instructors give the children. They have programmed it so that the being looks like them. The student controls the figures inside the globe. They are given different scenarios and they decide how to handle it.”
“What’s in this scenario?” I asked.
“This is called ‘Angel’s Dilemma.’”
“What happens in this scenario?” I asked.
“There’s a man, a human. He is separated from his family by shark-infested waters. He does not know how to swim, but he longs to get back to his loved ones. That longing has caused him to try and get across many times and many times he has failed. He is wounded and unable to try again. It is a ‘no fly’ zone, so angels cannot take to the air. And in the water along with the sharks are Soul Chasers. As you know they are orbs that tear apart the soul and are thus fatal to angels. The students were tasked to protect the man from danger.”
“The point of the exercise being that sometimes we have no choice but to give our lives up for the greater good,” I replied.
“Exactly. There is no way for the angel to cross the river and serve, but he can get the human safely across before dying.”
“And how did Jason do?” I asked.
“He scored highest in the class.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Some students lost points because they hesitated to jump into the water because of the Soul Chasers, which is typical for young angels. Other students spent too much time trying to figure a way around the Soul Chasers and the man bled to death. But Jason was quick and certain in his actions. He scored highest in the class.”
“Why do you make that sound like a bad thing?” I asked.
“Watch what your son did.”
I watched the simulation take place inside the globe. There was a mini version of a wounded man lying alongside a riverbank. Across from him were his three kids and his wife, who frantically called out for him. The man on the ground dragged himself back towards the water. It was clear he intended to try once again to get to his family. Jason looked down at the wounded man on the ground and without the slightest hesitation, he shot a Powerball at the man’s wife and kids. All three died instantly.
Shocked, I looked over at Fate. He handed me the globe and told me the instructors had yet to ask Jason why he chose to kill the family instead of helping the man.
“We thought maybe you’d like to ask him yourself,” Fate said.
I sighed deeply and opened the door to your classroom. You didn’t quickly turn to look at me like you had the first time we met. Back then you were five, now you’re ten and you weren’t as quick with your emotions. In fact, it was awhile before you turned to face me.
“Hello, Marcus,” you said, devoid of any emotion.
“Hi, Jason.”
“I enjoyed the puzzles you sent me, thank you,” you said.
“You’re welcome. Can you turn to face me?” I asked.
You did as I asked. You had grown even more handsome than before. I hugged you and you returned my embrace—slowly. I chalked it up to your being young and embarrassed by emotion.
“How have you been?” I asked.
“Fine.”
“Your instructors tell me that you are a pretty smart kid.”
“Where are your powers? I can’t feel them,” you said.
“I took a suppressor. When I’m around you, you absorb my powers. It’s not your fault, but you’re too little; it’s too much power for you.”
“Is there really such a thing as too much power?” you wondered.
“Yes, Jason, there is.”
“Okay,” you replied, not fully convinced.
“I’m told you’ve been reading angel history. I know you have questions about certain things.” I started carefully.
“Yes, I do. I suspect you’re my father, is that true?”
“Yes, I am. Your mother and I…we were together for a brief time…it was all very unexpected.”
“From what I gather, she had me to use me as some sort of tool to gain power.”
“Yes, I suspect that was her intention—but that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or that you’re not wanted. You are. I want you in my life. You’re my son and I love you.”
“But you have another child, right?”
“Yes, her name is Pryor. She’s seven.”
“Is she away at school like I am?” you asked.
“No, she lives with me.”
“Can I live with you too?”
“Do you want to?”
“Yes, can I? Please?”
“I want that, Jason, but first can you tell me about the Simulation Reply game,” I asked.
“I scored better than anyone else in the class,” you said proudly.
“Yes you did, because you made the quickest decision. And I’m proud of you, but son, you didn’t meet the goal of the game. The goal was to save the man, not hurt his family,” I pointed out gently.
“The goal was to save the man from danger and that’s what I did,” you said with certainty.
“How did killing the family keep the man safe from the danger? The danger was the sharks in the water,” I reminded you.
“No, the danger was the man’s desire to be with his family. That’s what made him want to cross the shark-infested water, so I eliminated the family. That took away his desire to cross and kept him safe.”
“But, Jason, now his family is gone and he’s unhappy.”
“The goal was not to make the man happy; the goal was to keep him safe.”
I sighed heavily and raked my hand through my hair. You smiled back at me.
“So, am I going home with you?”
* * *
I couldn’t take you home then. It hurt me so bad to walk away from you once more. The next time we met another five years had gone by. And again I kept up on your progress and again you failed to grasp certain basic angel concepts.
I consulted one of my best friends, Rage. He is the only demon I know who turned good. I don’t know what I wanted him to say, but I somehow hoped he’d have a solution to my problem. Instead the only thing he told me was that sometimes beings are born bad.
As hard as it was to do, I had to put the issue of you and me to the back of my mind and focus on my new son, Sam. He’s two years old now and has been ill for weeks now. He’s weak, unable to fly, and constantly needing to Recharge. We took him to a Healer and she told us someone had sent him a virus. I didn’t want to believe you could do something that terrible but when the Healer said it was a virus that could only be made by blood relatives, I knew it was you.
The virus wasn’t enough to kill Sam, but over time it would drain him of his powers completely. That would leave him defenseless and at the mercy of demons everywhere. After the Healer fixed Sam, I went over to the school to see you and ask if you knew anything about this. Even before I asked, I had my answer. You were smug and calm as we spoke.
“Why would you do that to him?” I asked.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“DO NOT LIE TO ME!” I shouted.
“Why not? You lie to me on a regular basis. I dare say it’s the cornerstone of our relationship.”
“Jason, I know you’re mad at me but—”
“Malakaro.”
“What?”
“My name is Malakaro. And really, Marcus, we need to stop meeting like this.”
“
You could have gotten Sam killed,” I replied.
“If I wanted him dead I would have sent a different poison.”
“Why would you want to hurt Sam at all? He’s never done anything to you.”
“He took something away from me.”
“What?”
“You. You were mine. Then he took your attention away. Someone needed to be held accountable.”
“You poisoned my son.”
“I didn’t kill him.”
“That’s not the point. If we didn’t heal him in time he would have lost his powers. Do you know how cruel that is?”
“Yes. I remember when you tried it on me.”
“Is that what this is? Revenge? Jason, we just wanted to make sure your powers didn’t get out of hand. But what you did to Sam was wrong. It was immoral. Do you get that?”
“According to one of your precious humans, Friedrich Nietzsche, ‘It is a prejudice to think that morality is more favorable to the development of reason than immorality.’”
“He was wrong. Being moral is far more favorable,” I corrected you.
“Have you been moral, Marcus?”
“I have failed at times.”
“Yes, you have. You never took me in. I wanted you to welcome me as you had my sister. But you never did because I never fit into what a Noru is supposed to be. I was kept away from you because I wasn’t weak minded; I didn’t pray at the altar of feeble humans. But I knew that I mattered to you for the simple fact that I was your only son. Then you went and had another male child. Taking away the only connection I had.”
“You hate me for having another son?”
“I was the only one with that title—Marcus Jason Cane’s son. I put up with being a family secret because it was the only way I could have a relationship with you; you, the all-powerful First Guardian.”
“Jason, listen to me. Having Sam doesn’t make me love you any less.”
“So despite my cruel actions, you will take me home with you?”
I looked away from you, not sure how to reply.
“I didn’t think so,” you said quietly.
“You weren’t ready to come home; you posed a threat,” I pleaded with you.
You looked over at me and smiled slowly.
“Oh, Father, I haven’t even begun to threaten you…”