Close the Tab

by Chelsea Camaron

  “Bladen, I don’t need you or anyone else in my business.”

  Her reaction surprises me. I knew she’d be pissed at me, but to shut me out like this, I am shocked. It’s a lot to process, maybe I need to give her some time.

  “Is everything going to be a fight for us now? We have a chance. I fucked up; I get it. I’m here, Tamalyn. I’m here trying to make shit right.”

  “Maybe you can’t make it right, Bladen. Maybe it just is what it is, and we just need to move forward.”

  My world crumbles. “I can’t say it is what it is and walk away again. Really, can you look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing?”

  She looks up at me and fear hits me that she really is going to tell me to fuck off.

  “What I feel is afraid,” the words are a whisper. “Afraid that you’re here and it’s not real. Afraid that the only person I’ve ever loved in my whole life is going to make me feel safe once more only to turn and walk away. So no, Bladen Jones, I don’t feel nothing, I feel everything. And because of that, I choose to hold onto nothing.”

  I don’t know what to do with her. The weight on my chest is heavier now than ever before. She really can’t be this detached from it all, can she?

  Chapter Fourteen

  ~Tamalyn~

  “Bladen, we were young. There were things we didn’t see clearly then,” I whisper, not wanting to miss an opportunity to have him try to understand where I’m coming from. “Been alone for a long time.”

  “Fucked shit up, Tamalyn.”

  “Haven’t we all?” I ask knowing I’ve made my own mistakes.

  He watches me carefully. It’s evident he is at some sort of war with himself. I get it. I’m at war with myself, too.

  “I want you to hold onto me. I don’t know what the future holds, but I don’t want to live in regrets, Tamalyn.”

  “What is this, seize the day?” I mutter back still fighting the pull to him.

  “I don’t know. The only thing I do know I never should have left you. I should have faced my dad, your dad, the whole fuckin’ town if I had to. I didn’t. We lost time. I don’t want to lose more.”

  His words, the sincerity, the look is his eyes, I can’t deny the pull anymore. I don’t know why I do it, but I do. I need to feel him, have him, and know this is real. I move up and brush my lips against his gently. Passion ignites.

  Breathing in, I take his bottom lip between my own and suck. He moves his hands up my sides as he kisses me back.

  Pulling away, I watch as his eyes dance with lust and an emotion I can’t read.

  “Let go and be with me,” I plead. “Been alone, Bladen, for too long. Waited, dreamed of having you with me, just once. If this is all I get, well, I want it.”

  “Baby—”

  I cut him off with another kiss.

  “You saved me. I know you think you didn’t, but you gave me a reason to face another day.” I place a soft kiss to his lips. “You were my reason. You held me how many nights to remind me I wasn’t alone? You were my strength when I didn’t know how to find it myself.”

  His eyes dance with a need I can’t read. I wish I could. I hate guessing.

  Cupping his face in both hands, I kiss him again, deciding to hold nothing back. Our tongues tangle as I run my hands up into his hair.

  Moving over him, I lay my chest to his and feel him hardening under me as he roams over the curves of my ass. I could kiss him for a lifetime and still feel like it is not enough.

  He brings his hand up under my top, running along my spine. When he reaches my sides, his thumbs run under the curves of my plump breasts, and I pause momentarily at the contact.

  He tenses under me, causing me to pull away.

  “Tamalyn, you okay?” he asks. His eyes are glazed over in lust, yet he is concerned for me.

  “Yes. My mind froze for a split second, that’s all.” I take a deep breath. “You should probably know,” I say shyly, “I’ve never done this, Bladen.”

  The shock has him pushing himself back against the headboard, one leg hanging over the side of my full-sized bed.

  “Never?” The word comes out in a whispered rasp.

  “Just him—”

  He covers my mouth, effectively cutting me off. “Never again. No one is ever between us again. Nothing is ever between us again.” He removes his hand and presses his lips to mine in a crazy kiss that seems like we are sealing some pact between us. I get lost in him, in us.

  Leaning away, I catch my breath as I remove my cami pajama top, exposing myself to him.

  With Bladen’s large hands, he easily covers my breasts, causing me to shudder at the contact. It has been so long since I have allowed myself to relax. And I have never allowed myself to receive pleasure from anyone but Bladen. He’s the only person I ever could let go with.

  Dropping my head down, I kiss him again as he squeezes my breasts, causing me to moan as my panties dampen with desire. I need this. I need him.

  Rocking my hips against his erection, I seek friction. He feels so good, so large, so all-consuming.

  Pulling away, I then take a breath, wanting to commit this all to memory. The way I feel him, skin on skin. The way his lips hit mine. Every bit of it.

  If this is all I get, then I need it to last a lifetime.

  His lips get tight. Shifting, I can tell he is uncomfortable. He still has one leg half off the bed, which he uses to slide himself farther upright against the headboard. When he does, it moves me to straddle him.

  As his jean-clad erection hits my sweet spot, I rock my hips as I crash my lips to his, no longer caring to be gentle or what I can remember. Moving down, I kiss his neck, nipping at his earlobe.

  He roams over my exposed skin, snaking his hand down to my shorts. When he cups my ass, I grind into him, wanting more as lust takes over. He kneads my ass as I continue to dry hump him, unable to stop myself for reaching for it, needing it. As he brushes along my pussy, I moan.

  “We don’t have to do this, baby. Anytime you want to stop, we will. No pressure.”

  “Always so good to me, Bladen,” I whisper, reaching between us and undoing his pants. Reaching in, I stroke his cock, feeling it pulse in my hand. “I want this inside me. Be one with me.”

  Bladen crashes his lips onto mine, sending shivers throughout my body.

  I keep stroking, feeling how thick and long he is when I wrap my hand around him and slide down his length.

  He kisses me harder before pulling me harshly off him, making me yelp.

  There is a carnal hunger in his eyes that has my clit throbbing in need.

  He yanks my shorts and panties down my legs before standing and taking off his clothes.

  Not liking the space between us, I reach out and grip his cock. His pre-come moistens the head, and I use it to lubricate my hand as I continue to slowly stroke him, imagining how good he will feel stretching me.

  As he reaches my exposed pussy, he teases my trimmed, narrow line of pubic hair, causing me to buck, wanting more contact from him. He cups my pussy with the palm of his hand and uses his fingers to tease circles on the muscles on the sides of my juncture, causing my wetness to trickle out.

  I can take no more of his teasing as I rock into his hand, whimpering in need as I continue to slowly stroke him.

  He pulls out of my grip and breaks our kiss. Then he drags his nose along my jaw as he breathes on my neck, making me tremble. My body is on fire for this man, all my senses working in overdrive.

  He slips his fingers between my pussy lips, rubbing circles over my clit, as I cry out for more. He then licks my erect nipple and blows on it, sending more sensations through me. Then, with one finger, he slowly and delicately slides into me. For a moment, my body tenses at the invasion.

  “Fuckin’ hell,” Bladen says with strain. “Gonna rip you in two.”

  “And I’ll take it and love it.” I rock on his finger, taking what I need.

  I run my hands through his hair before bringing his head b
ack down to my breast. Taking my cue, he takes my nipple in his mouth, circling his tongue around before he sucks. Then he begins to slide his finger out of me, but I clinch down with my inner muscles, silently begging him not to stop. He slides back in then out, coating my pussy in my own liquid as he continues to slowly tease me.

  “Relax, Tamalyn. We gotta go slow, or I’m gonna blow my load like a teenage boy.”

  He trails kisses down my abdomen then kisses his way down my legs. Making his way back up, he kisses the inside of my thighs before his mouth descends upon my pussy lips. He licks as he inserts two fingers, stretching me, prepping me, and sending me over the edge as my body ignites under his mouth and touch.

  He continues to lick and suck while he moves his hands, now massaging my ass while I ride the few aftershocks of my orgasm.

  “I want you,” I pant.

  He lifts his head, kissing his way back up to my neck before stopping to look at me.

  “Baby …” His breathing is labored, matching my own. “Condom,” he whispers, pulling away to find his wallet.

  Making a rash decision, I grab his cock, feeling his pulse run through it.

  “I want you. This is us—raw.”

  “I’m clean.” He says and I don’t know what to think. How many woman has he been with? I shake off the thoughts wanting to have this moment.

  “Well, unless I’ve had something for years, I haven’t been with anyone to even have this conversation,” I say, suddenly feeling insecure.

  “Pregnancy,” he points out.

  I close my eyes. “Pull out if you don’t want it, but right now, Bladen Jacob Jones, I want you, need you, and whatever fate has in store, so fuckin’ be it.”

  He kisses me, all conversation stopping.

  Tasting myself on his tongue is different and driving me wild. I’m not a girl anymore. I’m not caught up in what was done to me. That’s my past and this is my moment. My moment to have everything I’ve ever wanted with Bladen.

  He rolls until I am on top and in control. “Whatever you want, Tamalyn, it’s yours.”

  Reaching between us, I rub his cock along my pussy, moaning at the contact. After I slide his dick in me, I sit up to allow my body to adjust to his size. It’s an awkward feeling at first. I have never felt so full in my life. My heart wants to burst out of my chest as I connect with the man who has captured my soul. He’s always read me without a word, he just knows what I’m thinking or feeling. Everything with Bladen has been deeper.

  Slowly, I begin to move up and down, steadying myself by sitting straight up and balancing with my hands on his waist.

  “Fuckin’ best moment of my damn life,” Bladen says, allowing me to remain in control.

  He gives me confidence. I feel nerves build up in me, I’m on the edge. Nothing has ever felt so good inside me before.

  Will he leave me again? My mind rushes slowing my body. Will this be enough to hold onto? Can I be strong and pick up my life when he pulls away?

  “Stay with me,” he commands as his eyes meet mine and I see the words we never shared. The love we feel but never have spoken. The reassurance I need is in his chocolate depths. The emotion locks me into him as I move.

  I grind, his eyes locked in a stare with my own as I ride him.

  He rocks up to meet me, and we both pick up our pace as our need for each other becomes too much to deny. Unable to focus on him, I thrash wildly as my orgasm builds.

  “Bladen!” I cry out as my inner walls clamp down around him and my climax overtakes me.

  I am still going through the aftershocks as he continues to pump into me, holding me steady while he finds his own release, hot liquid filling me.

  Bladen Jacob Jones fills me.

  Every fucked-up thing in my life, his life, it’s all worth it for what I feel right this second. I would do it all again if I could have this in the end.

  Dropping my head to his neck, I lie there with him still inside me as we both try to steady our breathing.

  “Worth it,” I whisper. “Worth it all.”

  “Shattered. Fucked it all up,” he says, planting a kiss to the top of my head as I feel him twitch inside me. “I fucked it up so many times, yet we’re still here.”

  “Close the chapters of the past, Bladen, and tell me the future that is to be written.” I lean up enough to see his eyes. “Tell me the future is to be written together.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  ~Bladen~

  The hours pass one into the next as I worship her body. She’s my every dream become a reality. Having her like this, I will never be able to leave her again. No matter the risk, there is no way I can walk away, not ever.

  I hate that she’s struggled. Seeing her so skinny, knowing it’s because of her lifestyle, I promise myself to make sure she never feels this again. Money will never be an issue again.

  Before I can wake her, my phone starts ringing. Looking to the caller ID, I see it’s Deacon.

  “Rise and shine,” he greets as soon as I slide to accept.

  “Deacon, sleep is a good thing, brother. Learn it.”

  Tamalyn stirs, and I see the shock on her face that I’m still here. Well, I’m not going anywhere so she will get used to it. Morning after awkward time commences now.

  “Tempy wants to talk to Tamalyn.”

  I don’t hesitate in handing Tamalyn the phone. I know she’s close with her cousin. Even before we left, she would have secret talks with Tempest almost daily while her father was at work. Then to live so close for so long, this separation must be hard on them both.

  I get up and take a leak behind the curtain, giving them a moment. Then I slide on my jeans before stepping outside.

  The sun is shining, but the heat in Utah is nothing like the Carolinas—no humidity. I enjoy letting my skin soak up some rays while I think about getting Tamalyn back to Tennessee at least for a visit with Tempest. It’s not long before the dry air makes me feel like my skin is tightening and my pores are closing. Maybe the humidity isn’t so bad after all.

  A spark catches my eye, and I look over at the pinwheel in the early morning glow. Damn.

  My mind goes back to the prevention parade day.

  “One day, we’re gonna have a yard and always keep a pinwheel out front, Bladen. One day, we’re gonna be on the other side of all this,” Tamalyn tells me proudly.

  We were in our early teens, sophomores in high school. Tamalyn had a part-time job at a snow cone stand and used her own money to buy a pinwheel. Our first.

  “Baby, I’ll give anything I can to see us there.”

  I take a deep breath. Is this what it feels like to be on the other side of it all? Can we really have a life now?

  Looking out toward the driveway, I see my bike. My freedom. It was the piece of me that kept me sane when I pulled away from Haven’s Harbor, leaving her behind and knowing I wouldn’t turn back. I had to get the distance between us and my bike gave me the opportunity. I held onto having her with me and never got a new bike because this is the one Tamalyn was on.

  I hear the door open. Turning, I see her in a T-shirt and shorts. Her eyes meet mine, a calm within the storm looking back at me.

  This moment is the most beautiful moment of my lifetime. She’s free from the past. No matter what the future holds, I gave her that.

  “Good morning,” I say with a rasp in my voice as I struggle with my own emotions.

  “Tempest wants me to come back to Tennessee.”

  I see the war in her mind. She doesn’t want this.

  “I promise it’s safe, Tamalyn.”

  She blows out a breath. “It’s not that. I don’t know where I belong. If he’s gone, if the past is no more, then what do I do with my life?”

  Taking her by the hand, I lead us back inside her shed. With only a chair in the corner, I sit down and pull her onto my lap.

  “Good question. I’ve spent so many years focused on keeping you out of the line, I don’t know what to do, either.”

 
She pinches me, and I raise my eyebrow.

  “Is this real?”

  I laugh. God, when was the last time I could relax and laugh? I can’t remember a time, not ever. Even when we were together, I couldn’t relax. I didn’t know from one day to the next what she was going home to or what I would find in my own house.

  “No more going it alone,” I say, knowing I need her in my life.

  “Really?”

  I did this. I took away her confidence in me, in us. Leaving like I did and not making contact, even if I felt it was the right thing at the time, it was wrong.

  “Don’t know what the future holds except you’re in it, baby.”

  “I can’t just up and leave from here. Benny is too old to be working behind a bar. Tommy is unreliable.”

  “Love that you found a place and got comfortable, Tamalyn.”

  She doesn’t relax, which has me on edge.

  “It’s all too fast.”

  Well, that isn’t what I wanted to hear, but it’s the truth.

  “Made mistakes. Don’t want to waste any more time. I don’t want to be without you, Tamalyn. Did that. Hit the road, and every second was misery without you. Ride with me, baby. Let me square away Benny’s situation, and then ride with me. Let’s go see Tempest. From there, it’s wherever you want to go. The world is your map, and I’m your driver; pick your destination.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  ~Tamalyn~

  It’s all too much too fast. Before we can even have breakfast, Benny comes to the shed.

  “Have you seen Tommy?” He asks me while I stand at my front door.

  “He was stayin’ with you, I thought.” I answer as Bladen’s heat hits my back where he stands placing his hands on my hips.

  “He came in last night, but now he’s gone.” The despair in his face kills me.

  “Not to be in your shit, sir, but your son, he’s in heavy. You’d be best to cut him loose.” Bladen says and I elbow him.